Punishment for a 15 year old...

[teentroubles]

Parents, do you think it to be rational to ground your teenager for sneaking out from every single activity they are involved in?
I understand grounding from seeing friends and using the phone and such but I know a parent who has grounded their 15 year old child from Marching band activities and I find it to be irrational. These activities include football games, competitions, and the school bonfire which I know that she gets a grade for. Regardless of it being an excused abensence and her being able to do makeup work for the missed activity. I find that grounding your teenager from an activity that they get a grade for is just irrational no matter what the offense is. I think it is ridiculous and I was wanting to know your thoughts on the subject. Do you find this to be fair or do you think that she got what she deserved?

 

[AmyBelle]

How on earth do you get a grade for going to a bonfire?

 

[Monami]

It is hard to answer without more information. Of course the punishment seems to be bit harsh for just sneaking out but it depends on how often she did, whom she hung around and what did she do while she sneaked out.

 

[Trina]

We don't know the entire story. How long has this sneaking out been going on? Have all other discipline attempts failed? Perhaps this is the only way the teen will get the message. If the teen has broken his/her parent's trust, he/she must earn it back.

I also have never heard of these types of activities being graded.

(I have a hunch "teentroubles" is the teen being referred to.)

 

[teentroubles]

The grade is for being there.
And yes she has snuck out before.
Other punishments obviously did not work.
And it was a friend of hers.

And of course when I say her, I mean me.

 

[Cop2be]

I find it irrational.
School, extracurricular activities or things like that are no no's when it comes to grounding. That's the teens responsibility and with team things or group activities where other people are counting on that person. That's wrong.
You mention being grounded from playing at the football games, competition and a bonfire, so grounded from Marching Band completely I take it. That IS excessive.

Grounded from privileges, grounded from going places. Maybe take away the computer or cell phone. That I get.

When I have kids, if they get into trouble. They will still go to school. They will still go to their sports or activities. That's stuff they have to do and have made prior commitments to.

Why don't you have your marching band teacher talk to her and tell her this isn't something you can just take away and that you get a grade for this.

 

[AmyBelle]

I wish I got a grade for going to a bonfire. Seriously. Back when I was at school we actually had to do work to get a grade...

 

[Father_0f_7]

You are only 15. What kind of friend is this? Is it a friend your parents know, like, was it a boy? Did you have a "good reason" for sneaking out (was he/she in some sort of trouble)? If you snuck out before and all other attempts failed, your parents can do whatever they want to keep you safe.

I do however think grounding from school activities is a no-no because...well, it's SCHOOL. But as long as you can make it up, I see no problem with it. and I see where you're parents are coming from.

From what you said, they have grounded you from fun school activities...marching band, football games, bonfire, all of which you can make up and is probably not nearly as fun as actually going to said activity.

Simple answer, Dont sneak out and you wont have this problem.

 

[teentroubles]

My band teachers knows what is going on and he says that he cannot do anything about it because my grandma is the one groudning me and what she wants me to do is none of his business.

 

[16th ave.]

you're getting off easy compared to what alot of kids grow up with.
you are old enough to know better and understand that there are consequences to your actions.

 

[Trina]

Simple answer, Dont sneak out and you wont have this problem.

DITTO!
Sounds like Grandma has to play hard ball because nothing else has worked.

 

[meow_173]

Parents, do you think it to be rational to ground your teenager for sneaking out from every single activity they are involved in?
I understand grounding from seeing friends and using the phone and such but I know a parent who has grounded their 15 year old child from Marching band activities and I find it to be irrational. These activities include football games, competitions, and the school bonfire which I know that she gets a grade for. Regardless of it being an excused abensence and her being able to do makeup work for the missed activity. I find that grounding your teenager from an activity that they get a grade for is just irrational no matter what the offense is. I think it is ridiculous and I was wanting to know your thoughts on the subject. Do you find this to be fair or do you think that she got what she deserved?

Wanna know the beautiful thing about being a parent? It doesn't have to make sense. If you are grounded.....you're grounded! :biglaugh: You should have thought about your actions and the consequences following said action before doing it.

 

[Father_0f_7]

your band teacher shouldnt do anything about it, he's not your parent, and outside of school, you're not his responsibility.

Why dont you think it's fair she grounded you? Do you think nothing should happen?

I dont know if you're disapointed because you were grounded, or because you were grounded so "strictly".

And to fully understand the situation, I would like to know WHY you snuck out. Not really an important question to me, i'm just curious why seeing your friend couldnt wait until the next day.

 

[Xero]

Lets stay civil guys, no need for so much down talking.

Everyone knows why kids sneak out. You never snuck out as a kid? There's no good reason. Its cause they're kids. They don't validate things the way an adult would.

She just asked if we thought it was fair or not.

The problem is, we really don't know the whole story or how long this has been going on, or if other punishments were given before this etc...

In GENERAL, I highly disapprove of grounding a child from school-related activities UNLESS they are grounded due to bad grades. Getting bad grades, means that they are not spending enough time studying, and therefore they can't handle all of the extra activities consuming their time that they could be using for studies. School work should always come first, and THEN extra activities. Getting bad grades is the main valid reason for being grounded from extra curricular activities. And that makes complete sense to me.

However, sneaking out once or twice in a not-so-bad situation wouldn't be grounds (for me, as a parent, where everyone is different remember) for my kids to lose school-related activities. A lot of freedom however would be lost. BUT!! And there is a but. IF my child was continually disobedient, continuing to sneak out even after losing freedom and priveleges, they would be warned, and any action after that would cause them to lose other fun things like extra curricular activities. I'm sorry, but if you can't behave, then you don't get to do the things you like. Act halfway decent, and you can have the things you deserve. Simple as that.

Like everyone else said, hun... don't sneak out. Its not only very disrespectful, and will get you nothing but punishment, but its also a very mean way to worry the crap out of your grandma. Be considerate of your actions and the people you care about. It will pay off in the long run.

 

[meow_173]

i don't think there is any down talking at all Xero.

 

[16th ave.]

Lets stay civil guys, no need for so much down talking.[/quote]


i agree w/ya there. i think alot of parents are tired of hearing kids bellyaching all the time aobut one thing or other trying to make parents look like the bad guy when the parents are only doing the best they can to raise some decent folks. but i still agree w/ya, we do gotta keep it civil.

You never snuck out as a kid?

i gotta point this out only b/c i did Not sneak out. never.. my daddy would have beat me and my brothers and sister senseless. he'd already tried to raise 5 other kids that ended up as alcoholic drug addicts. he was determined not to have his other 5 kids turn out that way.:yikes:

back to topic, i do think it is fair that this kiddo got grounded as much as they did and has gotten off pretty easy compared to what some kids end up with as punishments. there's something the kid aint telling and that is how often they snuck out and how much trouble they've been giving their parents. aside from how many people are growing up---that aint the norm but seems like it, alot of parents have given and still do hand out punishments other than just groundings and loss of this or that privilege. many parents do put their kids to work doing some physical labor such as heavy yard work and other work a parent can dream up.

 

[Xero]

i don't think there is any down talking at all Xero.

I wasn't trying to offend anyone Meow. I felt there was a little down-talking being done because this person is a kid who is asking if a parent is wrong, and that usually gets shot down pretty hard around here.

Again, not trying to offend or pick on anyone, just to defend myself since you felt the need to tell me I was wrong:

you are old enough to know better and understand that there are consequences to your actions.

Wanna know the beautiful thing about being a parent? It doesn't have to make sense. If you are grounded.....you're grounded! :biglaugh:

Why dont you think it's fair she grounded you? Do you think nothing should happen?

i'm just curious why seeing your friend couldnt wait until the next day.

Those were the statements I was referring to. But everyone was kind of chipping in. Its just the tone I got, that's probably embarassing this kid and making them feel bad for asking in the first place. Just so you know what I was thinking when I suggested that. I don't think its a big deal, and you don't have to agree with me.

 

[Xero]

i agree w/ya there. i think alot of parents are tired of hearing kids bellyaching all the time aobut one thing or other trying to make parents look like the bad guy when the parents are only doing the best they can to raise some decent folks. but i still agree w/ya, we do gotta keep it civil.

No, you're totally right about that. That's why we all usually get defensive and maybe a little mean when we get these questions. I didn't say there wasn't good reason for it lol. I just think we could be a little friendlier since the kid didn't really say anything out of line, or anything. Just kid stuff. I never thought the way my mom punished me was fair at that age, either.

 

[Father_0f_7]

Everyone knows why kids sneak out. You never snuck out as a kid?

Of course I snuck out as a kid, and I think we all know what I was doing. Not saying that's what all kids do when they sneak out. But from my experiance (from when I was a teen and as an adult) teens dont usually sneak out just to go see their friends.

Xero: I wasnt trying to embarass the original poster but I see what you're getting at, I'm just a little sensitive to this subject. Usually if I'm this sensitive to a subject and it's posted as a thread, I try to stay out of it but I really couldnt help this one...recent occurance in the house.

And original poster: if that's how it made you feel, I sincerely apologize...but I really am wondering that. I dont know if it's because I want to know what you were thinking or what my kids may be thinking when they sneak out.

Either way, if you dont want to answer, that's fine but again...I apologize.

 

[Xero]

Yeah, its a sensitive topic, I agree. To any parent, I think. Because all we try to do is our best, and we try to do the right thing for our kids because we love them. And they think that we're unfair, uncaring, cruel, harsh, jerks that don't have any idea what we're doing. lol

I generally snuck out for the usual reason (though I only snuck out a few times ever), but I did occasionally sneak out to see my best friend. We were really close to each other (still are) and she lived right down the street from me. I would climb out my window and into hers haha. We're like soul mates, but in a friend way rather than the love way. lol But I know that's not the norm. Perhaps this was a friend that the OP was not allowed to see, or maybe they are not allowed out after a certain time and the friend wanted to do something that sounded fun and appealing after hours, or maybe the OP was grounded and snuck out to socialize anyway. OR she was sneaking out to have sex, like a lot of kids that age (which is sad, because that's rather young, but not unusual) and just didn't want to tell us because it would embarass her and clearly affect our answers. That's the problem, she didn't tell us the whole story.