Questions on Abortion...

[unknown]

Hello all,

im 16 years old, and before everyone gets into parenting mode and attempts to make me feel inferior in anyway, please read the whole post before hand.

Im 16, and all my life ive been preparing myself for college, never got a B in my life. Never had a boyfriend in my life. School has been my number 1 priority.

Im pregnant. Except i don't know how to go about getting it aborted. NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS, I'M GETTING THIS ABORTION.

I'm very much against it, but i don't have a choice, and its breaking me emotionally already.

It's only been me and my mom, my dad walked out of our lives right before i was born. My mom has been struggling, so my schooling was my way of repaying her for taking great care of me.

A month and a half ago, a man broke into our duplex and beat my mother, after knocking her out cold, he raped me.

Here i am, throwing up, knowing my virginity was taken from me, by a man i didnt know. He was able to fertilize one of my eggs, and here i am now.

Thing is, i don't want to go through this, and i know im 100% against abortion, except its not fair to me, my studies, to the baby...

im only looking to see how much everything will cost, and where i should go to make it happen, as my mother doesn't have a lot to put out.

 

[HappyMomma]

What an absolutely horrible experience.. I am sorry you are going through that.

Do you have a local Planned Parenthood clinic you could inquire with?

 

[unknown]

I'm scared they will judge me as one of "those girls". It's everything i wanted nothing apart of, thumbs up to the girls that have kids so young, and still are able to be a good mother. It's just not me. I feel so dirty. Showers don't help. Nothing.

I keep having to pretend i'm okay, and it doesnt affect me, so my mom won't feel horrible, but even the look in her eyes when she looks at me now...she feels sorry for me...

If i go to planned parenthood they will look down on me for having an abortion, but i cant tell them the story....i just cant...

 

[HappyMomma]

I would strongly advise you to seek counseling. If you are unable to afford it, please check around as there are places that will work on a sliding scale.

This is not your fault! You were assaulted, you did not choose to be in this situation.

Also, I'm pretty sure Planned Parenthood has seem MUCH worse. In fact, they may even be able to refer you to some help regarding counseling.

 

[Xero]

I am not, I promise, telling you what to do one way or the other. Honestly, my heart goes out to you and it hurts me to know you're in pain. I hope so much that you get through this in the best way you can, and come out in one peice. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. This is so unfair for you in so many ways. You do whatever your heart tells you to, I just wanted to remind you that adoption is always there too. <3 I'm not saying you're wrong no matter what you do.

As far as your questions go, your best bet is to ask your doctor. It's the kind of thing they have to know about, so see what they have to say. I'm pretty sure that's the first place you have to go anyway when you decide to get an abortion. And I beileve my friend went (I believe??) to Ohio, and it cost something like $300. I know it can be a lot worse in most places though, so I guess I'm not sure. Must depend on where you live.

The best of luck to you.

 

[musicmom]

There are many couples who are willing to adopt a baby without knowing anything about about it's past. Could you bring the baby into the world and have it adopted? It would be taken care of and loved
Planned parenthood is not there to judge you. You can mention rape once and tell them about the HIPPA law, they have to keep it quiet.
God Bless you little one.
In your situation I can understand the abortion however myself I would not do it.
There are stories out there of rape victims who do raise the children and are healthy happy and fine.
We are here for you sweetheart.

 

[Xero]

Adoption is also free, doesn't affect your studies, your future, your emotions, or your childhood, and IF you wanted to, a lot of people will even allow you to be involved throughout the child's life nowadays. It would be so easy to find parents that long so much for a child of their own.

I'm not trying to convince you, so don't worry about coming up with anything to reply to the adoption statements, I just wanted to make sure you knew all of that. I do understand that going through an entire pregnancy feeling dirty and your body going through a lot of things that it shouldn't have to yet would be so hard and unfair. So that's why I say to go where your heart leads you. I just want to make sure that it sees both of the paths it can take.

We're definitely all here for you.

 

[Good Wolf]

I'm shocked that you mom is not helping you out given the circumstance. Planned parenthood WILL NOT look down on you because of this. There are many people that are against abortion when used as a method of birth control but condone it in these type of situations.

If you mom is not being supportive then I highly recommend you seek help elsewhere. This might not have occured to you but just in case...DO NOT TRY AND ABORT IT YOURSELF!!!!

 

[HappyMomma]

I would also check into any local rape crisis centers as well. There really is a lot of resources, but you will have to look for them. Not knowing your area, I really can't help with specifics.

 

[unknown]

I've thought of adoption, but after really thinking of it, i wouldn't for these reasons.

The baby would be apart of me, i wouldn't to any part of me up for adoption, but it is also apart of him. If i were to have this baby, looking into it's eyes would bring me back to the exact moment. And its just one of those moments in life, that when looked back at, it will seem as it just happened the other day. It would be too much for me to handle.

adoption, ive read that babies have traits that take after their parents. Its for that reason that a FULL background check is due before you donate eggs or sperm to any facility, (i know of this because my mom needed extra money). If Child Molesting or Rape appeared anywhere on their background im sure they would DEFINATELY get denied. So why should i go through with having a baby that was put on this earth by what is morally and lawfully wrong? It wouldnt be fair to the adopters, whether or not they knew of its past.

A doctor, i don't have health insurance, as i've said before, my mom, its only me and her, and she cant afford it, and being that she dropped out of high school, its hard for her to find a job that will be able to cover me, even then, she said it would still take out of her paycheck...so, i dont have a doctor.

nevertheless, thank you for all of your suggestions, sorry if you disagree with me about this abortion, i just believe that if you were put in this situation (heaven forbid) you guys would understand me just a little bit more.

 

[unknown]

please dont get me wrong, my mom is right there with me, except she doesnt know anything either since she herself has never had or thought of having an abortion. We're both trying to find out info, except shes not technically inclined, especially when it comes to anything that relates to computers.

And i dont want to do the whole walk in to different places to seek help or advice, because i fear they will look at me differently. I'm not ready for that. So while my mom is doing the walk-in, im trying desperately to find and info online as i can...

 

[Good Wolf]

You need to suck up your pride and get this taken care of. Rape related pregnancy is probably more common than you think and if someone looks down on you because you don't want to carry a rapist's baby then that is their problem, not yours.

No one here is going to be able to give you advice beyond seeking help at your health care providers because that is the only thing you can do safely.

 

[unknown]

Honestly, no disrespect, but WHAT DO YOU THINK IM TRYING TO DO?! I dont know what to think, ive never looked up the statistics on rape related pregnancy on account of I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME...let alone while im 16.

You probably wouldnt know how it feels, because it probably never happened to you, but I FEEL DIRTY just knowing that i have a fertalized egg inside of me from a person that i dont even know...i could careless what others think of me having a rapist's baby...but i DO care of how i would feel, and how their actions and opinions would hurt me.

I came here seeking advice for the cost and the methods and where to go, i not asking for anything else. I'm certainly not on here to have people telling me that i need to "suck up my pride"...if only you knew how it felt...you wouldnt be so quick to accuse someone of letting their PRIDE get in the way, trust me, thats the least of my worries.

 

[Good Wolf]

I didn't mean to offend you. I guess I can be a bit gruff at times.

Your best bet is have your mom keep checking locally on where you can go and what the cost might be. We have no idea what is available to you locally so can not offer you that type of logistical advice.

You might also want to consider counciling to help you get through this. I wish I could be of more help.

 

[fallon]

I just want to say I am really sorry you are going through this. I'm sure you will do exactly what's right for you

 

[Ari2]

I came here seeking advice for the cost and the methods and where to go, i not asking for anything else. I'm certainly not on here to have people telling me that i need to "suck up my pride"...if only you knew how it felt...you wouldnt be so quick to accuse someone of letting their PRIDE get in the way, trust me, thats the least of my worries.

In terms of cost and methods, one of the safest and cheapest way to go is Planned Parenthood. They will not look down on you; abortion is one service they offer and a right the organization defends strongly. It is my understanding that PP will work with you to reduce the cost. It won't be free, but most likely it will be cheaper than any other medical source. The cost will also vary by the type of abortion performed. Here's a link to PP's page for teens about abortion: link.

Another low-cost option would be a local free clinic in your area. But this assumes that 1) such a clinic exists and 2) it performs abortion. Most free clinics won't as they only offer basic services.

You might try contacting the local chapter of NARAL Pro-Choice. NARAL is the big, national pro-choice organization. If you call and explain your situation, the local chapter might be able to direct you to free abortion services and counseling. Here's the link to the list of state chapters: link.

Lastly, did you and your mom file a police report? If not, you both should, even after the fact. With a reported case of rape, your local hospital may agree to do some type of abortion (depending on the dates) for free. Many hospitals provide this as long as the woman has filed a report and is working with the police - the hospital just absorbs the cost or works something out with the state.

 

[jtee]

I can only imagine how traumatized you must be after having been raped by a strange man who broke in your home and beat your mother. When in college I met women who were raped it took several years for them to begin to deal with the problem.

This is a serious crime and those who have been raped know what it is like and how difficult it is to deal with life on a day to day basis. Woman/girls who have been raped don't they bounce back in a few days as if somebody stole their purse. Most can't even talk about it with anyone for a very long time.

We have some very smart parents here who either know what is like to be raped or they know someone who has, so we know its no joking matter or interesting thing to argue about.

 

[fallon]

In terms of cost and methods, one of the safest and cheapest way to go is Planned Parenthood. They will not look down on you; abortion is one service they offer and a right the organization defends strongly. It is my understanding that PP will work with you to reduce the cost. It won't be free, but most likely it will be cheaper than any other medical source. The cost will also vary by the type of abortion performed. Here's a link to PP's page for teens about abortion: link.

Another low-cost option would be a local free clinic in your area. But this assumes that 1) such a clinic exists and 2) it performs abortion. Most free clinics won't as they only offer basic services.

You might try contacting the local chapter of NARAL Pro-Choice. NARAL is the big, national pro-choice organization. If you call and explain your situation, the local chapter might be able to direct you to free abortion services and counseling. Here's the link to the list of state chapters: link.

Lastly, did you and your mom file a police report? If not, you both should, even after the fact. With a reported case of rape, your local hospital may agree to do some type of abortion (depending on the dates) for free. Many hospitals provide this as long as the woman has filed a report and is working with the police - the hospital just absorbs the cost or works something out with the state.

very well said as usually Ari2

 

[yulia]

I'm very much against it, but i don't have a choice...

There is always a choice. it's a matter of fact, you are making one now...

 

[yulia]

<r><QUOTE author="unknown;47327"><s>

</s>...except its not fair to me, my studies, to the baby...<e>

</e></QUOTE>
<COLOR color="black"><s></s> <e></e></COLOR><br/>
<COLOR color="black"><s></s>life isn't fair and you will learn it more and more as you get older.<e></e></COLOR><br/>
<COLOR color="black"><s></s> <e></e></COLOR><br/>
<COLOR color="black"><s></s>I was raped too when I was 19 by two armed men. As bad as it it, I still don't think it's an excuse for doing what is normally considered wrong.<e></e></COLOR><br/>
<COLOR color="black"><s></s> <e></e></COLOR><br/>
<COLOR color="black"><s></s>remember, that adoption is always an option. There are so many wonderful couples who would die to have this little life in their hands…<e></e></COLOR></r>