For the point of full disclosure, around 10-ish years ago, a little more actually, more like 11-12 years ago because I remember us having a huge fight on Lux's first birthday, Ash and I had some issues, basically I wasn't working and was at home with a baby and a toddler, plus two in school, trying to be supermum helping out at the school, of course, and Ash was at work and wanting to move up in his career because he had been in the same position since he started working so he was doing a lot of overtime and going to conferences and he was doing a management course on top of that. Azriel had his food sensory issues and Sunny wasn't too happy with Lux's overall existence and those were two big things that we did not agree on. I thought I was right because I was with them all day and I probably knew the situation better, but at the same time, Ash would come in with fresh eyes and see thing things I wasn't, but missing the whole picture of what happened throughout the day and we argued nearly every night for about a year about the kids. We ended up seeing a marriage councillor which was probably one of the best things we have ever done for us.
With us, what it ended up coming down to was having to admit that neither of us had all the answers (much easier for Ash to accept than me, I struggled with that one) therefore there was no point arguing either side. Does anyone know the Simpsons episode where Homer and Marge go to some marriage course and have the discussion in the kitchen about the cake "I'm feeling a lot of shame right now" "I am hearing that you feeling a lot of shame, I am feeling disappointment". Well, we had to discuss things like that for a while until we got into the habit of calmly laying out each of our cases and coming up with a combined decision. We must have sounded absolutely ridiculous, and even now, every now and again one of us will get angry at the other and go "At the moment I am feeling anger and like I am not being heard" and anyone who overhears it looks at us like were nuts, but it does get the point across calmly.
Another thing, and sorry, here's the sappy lovely dovey bit, was having to learn to separate our relationship as parents from our relationship as 'lovers' (such an awkward word to throw out there when you're referring to someone you have been married to for nearly 22 years, but hey) and not let the parents relationship get too mixed up in the lovers relationship, because parents relationship is pretty dominating and has a habit of taking over because it doesn't take a break. For us, we found that when we improved on that we were more open to each other's opinions in the parenting relationship.
It's just what worked for us and we are much better off now then we were 10 years ago. Honestly I don't think we would still be married if we didn't get help.