Should I let my thirteen-year-old daughter listen to Lady Gaga?...

[Xero]

I'm sorry, if I had the time to pick apart all the posts to show you what I meant about the "stating beliefs as fact" thing I would, but I just don't. I'll just quote the one statement that stands out to me easily because I can do it quickly, so for instance:

We are sinners, who become saints when we are saved by the grace of God.

Honestly though I feel bad for derailing the thread. Its really not that big of a deal.

 

[Christopher]

In my response I didn't mention religion specifically, since I see this as an issue of personal standards.

When it comes to the raising of our children we all have beliefs & standards. Yes, they probably stem from our faith, or at least from our moral base, but for the purposes of the discussion your standards are your standards and you should not compromise them.

Perhaps the most important thing our children can learn from us is our worldview. It is the actual source of those standards. Teach them that and help them understand your reasons for it and agree or disagree - they will respect your opinions enough to at least weigh them into any decision. Lead them into tomorrow, after about 12 it is rather impossible to push them into it.

 

[Spark]

Have you listened to the album? I've listened to most of them and the only thing I can see a parent having a problem with is possibly the sexual nature of some of the songs. I think you'll be hard-pressed to find much in the top 40 that doesn't include sexual references though.

Having listened to most of her new album, there are a lot of religious references, but she seems to be using them as metaphors. She is not bashing religion (if that's what you're worried about) but rather using familiar religious imagery to convey pretty common place pop sentiments.

I'd say there's probably also some positive things your daughter could get from the songs as well. Born this way is actually about accepting and loving yourself for who you are and that's a great message for a young girl to hear.

Really the best thing I think you could do would be buy the album, listen to it with her, and talk about what upsets or concerns you about it. Talking to a teenager can be hard, but music is a topic that teenagers love to talk about and this could be your doorway for discussing a lot of other topics you might have trouble bringing up otherwise.

 

[Shiroi Tora]

Definitely no to any concert at her age unless with an adult.

Always remember...modeling (psychological term - learning from observation to be like...said not to insult...but to clarify) is a valid, and often used, method of learning.

Who someone choses to model themselves after, or allows to influence their thinking, is one of the most important decisions one will make in life...especially if they are young.

By allowing a child to see something you know to be wrong...is, in effect, saying they are ok to emulate. It is not about the music...it is about the hedonistic, counter culture morals that are constantly preached in actions as well as verbiage (there is no shock value without doing so).

I don't mean it in a religious sense either...I am not religious...however, correct morals (ones based upon deferred gratification...leading a life that gives great happiness in the long run) come from culture because they have been proven to be successful in countless numbers of lives. Great nations are built upon great morals and culture.

It is our duty as parents to lead our children on a correct path so they may live their life with passion and great happiness. The pleasure now...to hell with culture and morals groups of people have always been around. Good parenting helps children on the correct paths in life. It is not because you don't like the message Gaga sends...it is because the message Gaga sends is not one for children...any child.

Is it right to censure information to our children?

It is not only right...it is our sacred duty to do so.

 

[Patrick]

Perhaps the most important thing our children can learn from us is our worldview.

I will certainly teach my daugther about paradigms and weltanschaltnung, so that they can understand why Gaga isn't okay. Then again, simply expressing my possibly acceptable, possibly illogical views and asking her to tolerate them does to me not seem like the ideal solution - "what about the older fans? What about Gaga herself?" Then I will have to explain to her how and why Gaga's worldview differs from my own, and leave to my daughter to judge which one is the best. She is quite familiar with the works of Erich Fromm and I'm sure she will better understand me and my rules, even if she may not agree with them. My only worry about your suggestion is that it can lead to more questions, worries and inqueries - questioning represent progress, but I don't want her to find a new and better solution; I just want to protect her from inappropriate lyrics and visual images.

 

[Patrick]

Is it right to censure information to our children? It is not only right...it is our sacred duty to do so.

I totally agree with you Shiroi Tora: my daughter needs her mother and I to shield her from things that she is not ready for yet :jimlad:

 

[ResponsibleDad]

I think if you feel that Lady Gaga has no place in your house then you should go with your instincts. All the opinions that anyone can give on here does not mean a bean next to what is in your heart and mind of what you believe.

I think having a talk with you daughter, you and your wife together and expressing how you feel to her about this issue would be your best route in my opinion. Your daughter may not be happy, but one strong point in your favor is that you both sat down and seriously looked into this issue. Going over the lyrics, and taking the time to find out who and what Lady Gaga is without just automatically saying no. That may have been very hard for you two to do and your daughter should be made aware of that. I always have more respect even if I don't agree with the decision if someone can sit and look at both sides before issuing their decision or opinion. I hope that your talk will work out and soon your daughter can go onto the next big thing in pop culture , hopefully not as problematic as Lady Gaga.

 

[ResponsibleDad]

While this is a complex issue, several things stand out to me. When each generation comes up, it does so with music that the previous generation thinks is trash. I remember that from my youth, don't you?

When I was around her age my mother took away a Little River Band CD from me. I very much resented her for it at the time, however, I was still able to listen to the artist via radio and my peers. That was also before the music sharing revolution. Reflecting on my own experience, I feel that I'm nothing but a bad role model - why should e.g. my son Hermann listen to what I say, when I clearly did not live by it myself?

 

[Shiroi Tora]

When I was around her age my mother took away a Little River Band CD from me. I very much resented her for it at the time, however, I was still able to listen to the artist via radio and my peers. That was also before the music sharing revolution. Reflecting on my own experience, I feel that I'm nothing but a bad role model - why should e.g. my son Hermann listen to what I say, when I clearly did not live by it myself?

I am sorry...I don't want to seem immediately disagreeable on issues...(that usually only happens once people get to know me ). The little river band gave no negative connotations morally, either expressed or implied. Lady Gaga shows negative morals in dress, mannerisms, speech patterns and verbiage. Look at her videos and ask yourself if it were alright for your young daughter (if you had one...in case you don't) to be like her....minus her riches and fame.

Also...Parenting is not about your personal honor. People can learn from doing wrong. You need not have walked the correct path to ensure your children walk it. The correct result here...is far more important.

 

[Phildye]

I went through this with Pink and before that it was Britney Spears. We just can't stop kids listening to the music they want to hear. If we try and stop it they'll want it even more.

What we can do is explain the lyrics and look at the good things and not-so-good things this person stands for.

Phil Dye - author

 

[alter ego]

Personally I dont censor any of our kids media (within reason)
And the sure fire way to turn them OFF something is to start singing along with it haha

 

[Phildye]

Ha

That's great. They'll all turn off facebook soon!

Phil Dye

 

[Christopher]

Originally posted by Shiroi Tora The little river band gave no negative connotations morally, either expressed or implied. Lady Gaga shows negative morals in dress, mannerisms, speech patterns and verbiage. Look at her videos and ask yourself if it were alright for your young daughter (if you had one...in case you don't) to be like her

There is no doubt about that - music even 15 years ago did not stoop to the levels it does today. But then neither did TV, movies, novels, etc. There is "stuff" on television during kids viewing hours that was not heard or seen in the movies within the memory of most parents and all grandparents. Unfortunately it is part of the day to day culture of today.

When I had teens MTV was the up and coming thing. Rather than just attempt to censor it I tried a different tack. As a family we were all trying to focus on speaking only in a 'positive' way. So I sat them down in front of the tube and had them count the number of positive verses negative representations they saw on MTV in 30 minutes. It's been a while but if memory serves me it ran something like 15-20 to 1 and that was by their own count. It helped change their perspective.

Similar to

Originally posted by Phildye What we can do is explain the lyrics and look at the good things and not-so-good things this person stands for.

Did they still watch it. Yeah. And will yours still listen to Gaga's music? Yeah. But perhaps with a clearer understanding. But the concert - well I don't think so anyway.

 

[ememwoo]

I think this depends on your daughter's maturity level, for that will ultimately take out whatever she hears from the CD or what other things she might be influenced by. It is hard to shutdown her when she is at the pre-teen age, especially alot of the times when you do harsh discipline on her, she would resist. Therefore, I think it is best to let her decide on her own, but at the same time let her know and acknowledge that some of the content of the songs/artists are mediated and not the entire truth. Hope this helps!

 

[RealDad]

Who's Lady Gaga?

 

[MMJR1092]

I think at that age, she should definitely be able to make her own choices, with regards to music. Just keep an eye open and monitor how she acts, if it's impacting her in a bad way, then you should probably worry.

 

[Shaf]

Coming from a media background, media and celebrities do play an influential role in their audience's life. As much as we can't avoid lady gaga or any influential celebrities, we ought to be aware of the messages they send. For example exposing them to other kinds of music. For example the beatles...you can't go wrong with the beatles.

No doubt, theres other avenues of influences. Do look up Marilyn Manson speech on violence on youtube. cheers

 

[GavinH]

Let her listen. She will find a way if she really wants to anyway. There are also bigger and much more important issues to assert you parenting rights over.

 

[santa]

I dont really see any harm in it

 

[mccubbin]

she will like the music for the beat, rather than the actual words, and even if she is singing the words (which can be crude) then she wont be analysing the word for what they really mean.

And songs really dont influence how people act, i listened to rap music alot and i havent turned into a gangster or used offensive words towards my parents.
My mother was restricted from listening to rock and roll when she was young by her parents, but she still sneaked round her friends to listen to it. This was supposedly for her own good as it promoted alot of sex and drugs.
She's a strong enough person not to be influenced by it, and she would has missed out on some great music if she had not sneaked out, such as the beatles.