Son's Fiance Chooses What He Wears - Is It Ok For Me To Be Concerned Slightly ?...

[3sACrowd228]

Son's Fiance Chooses What He Wears - Is It Ok For Me To Be Concerned Slightly ?

So you are mostly aware that my girlfriend has been in a controlling relationship with a boy for a while. BF has tried to phase us out of her lives many times and the changes in our daughter are obvious. Her clothes have changed from typical teen wear to a more classic conservative clothing. We are still in her life fortunately , but its getting harder as she has moved in with him. My Oldest son has been engaged for some time now. Although they have no plans to get married soon as they are saving up for the perfect wedding in the future. Recently however , i have seen numourous changes in my sons fashion. Now i know you might be thinking im a bit to paranoid about this , but seeing what my teenage daughter has become , i cant help but think my oldest son is going down the same path.

My son dressed fine and very smart. He loved jeans , label shirts , boxers , baseball caps and used hair gel. When he met his fiance , he continued to dress like that and she never had a problem with that. However recently , i have noticed weird changes in what he wears whenever his fiance is around.
Firstly , he doesnt wear jeans anymore , but tracksuit bottoms. Mostly grey ones and really dont look good on him. He now wears knitted sweaters and cardigans which made him look quite cheap. He also told me that he has switched to Y Fronts because his fiance wanted to spice up the bedroom and then wanted him to wear them full time as they looked sexy on his behind. He didnt want to , but she kept buying them for her and ended up binning his boxers (By accident). He then gave up and resorted to wear them for her. He wears the baseball caps still , but doesnt wear hair gel anymore and recently got his hair cut.

I cant help thinking that My Son's fiance is subtly trying to change him. I wont say controlling because i dont think she is. She is dead wonderful to my son and treats him like a person rather than a child which is how my daughter's bf treats my daughter. However with how my daughter changed , i cant help seeing the dress sense in my son change and help thinking that somehow his fiance is trying to change him in a way. Let me know if you think i'm exaggerating , but im quite paranoid that this could happen all over again with my oldest son.


My Son has never been in a relationship which he has felt uncomfortable , but after telling me what she did to him with The Briefs & Boxers , its perculiar to see if my son's fiance isnt who she seems. But maybe i am exxagerating. I do welcome comments & advice even if they are saying i'm mad or a bit out there , but i love my children and only want them to be safe. I welcome the comments and i thank everyone who has given me advice over the months that you have heard me and my problems. I have never felt so happier on this fourm.

Thank you.

 

[IADad]

What? There's a woman out there who wants to change a man? How could this be?

Seems like DIL-to-be has odd taste in clothing, and sure, it seems like she's maybe testing, seeing just how far she can manipulate her man. But she's been dreaming of it since she had barbie dolls (or whatever you have over there) and he had to make his choices on what he's going to put up with. I mean there's bound to be some give and take, and maybe what he's getting is worth what she's asking of him....?

I'd say mom needs to stay out of it as long as it's not something that's harming him.

 

[ElliottCarasDad]

So you are mostly aware that my girlfriend has been in a controlling relationship with a boy for a while.

I think I now know what you meant, but after reading that I just couldnt get that out of my head...

What? There's a woman out there who wants to change a man? How could this be?

lol, thats what I was gonna say! He either chooses to put up with it or not, its ultimately his choice.

 

[Xero]

Honestly, it is the very nature of a woman to want to dress things up haha. And I think every woman is just a teeny bit controlling as a general rule. Since being with me, my husband has gone from boxers to boxer briefs (but its mainly because he realized how much more comfortable they are, though I did do a little convincing cause I think they're cute and I knew he would be more comfortable) and gone from all black pants to nice blue jeans (before he wouldn't touch blue jeans). Other than that, I always kind of stuck to what he liked and I tried to please him when I shopped for him. And yes, I shop for him!! I don't know about other guys, but my guy doesn't go clothes shopping EVER not even for himself. If he needs new clothes, I am the only one who can make it happen lol. But I like it! Its my thing, you know? haha

Like those guys said, it sounds like she has some pretty junky taste, but it also sounds pretty normal, and if he didn't like it he should stand up for himself. If he goes along with it then it can't bother him too much!

 

[stjohnjulie]

Ok, I had to laugh a little....I am forever trying to get my husband in fashionable clothes. GUILTY as charged! For xmas, I got him some clothes and shoes. His fashion sense was stunted in the late 80's and he needs help. I bought him a Ed Hardy t-shirt, which means absolutely nothing to him, and a Calvin Klein sweater, something he can somewhat identify with. And a nice pair of Steve Madden dress boots. I had to tell him how much everything cost so he can understand that these are not things that you go and work on the car in. Before now, there wasn't a single thing he owned that he wouldn't wear to do yard work in. I told him we would put everything on a hanger that couldn't be worn in the yard, and the rest of the stuff in the dresser. Then he could say "did I get this off a hanger????" and if the answer was yes, then he had to change his clothes before he went outside to play Maybe that sounds controlling in a way...but I really don't think I'm that bad. Just trying to protect the investment!

Although I totally understand why you have a little red flag, considering the history, I don't think you should be too concerned. Maybe just be on the look out for any other red flags. Sounds like she is a good person who loves your son, and hopefully she is just playing 'dress up' like we like to do

 

[lovemykids]

My son's girlfriend is trying to change his appearance. He's a casual, jeans/tshirt/flannel shirt kind of guy and she's trying to "prep" him up a bit. I think it's OK. Funny thing is that if I would have bought these clothes for him, he'd never wear them. But he wears them for her (begrudgingly, sometimes). My only concern is that she comes from a very affluent family where we are more middle-class. He is struggling in college and my never make the kind of income she is used to (another post coming in the future)

 

[3sACrowd228]

i feel a bit embarrased about this lol. Its just that with what has been happening with my daughter , i feel that my son was falling into the same traps when i noticed his dress sense changing. My Fiance can be a bit of a manipulator, but not in a nasty way. She just wears the pants in the relationship lol and its kind of amusing seeing my son playing the housewife role for once.

 

[Dadu2004]

Quite honestly, my wife dresses me. I can't tell you the last time that I bought clothes for myself. The only thing that I did was give her guidelines...."I'll wear THIS kind of stuff, but not THIS kind of stuff."

 

[Jeremy+3]

I would never let my wife dress me, if she did I would end up in cardigans, clarks boots and too small jeans, basically, I would look a mess!

He either doesn't care about his appearance, in which case it doesn't really matter, or when they are out of the honeymoon period he'll realise he looks like a bit of an idiot and buy some decent clothes.

 

[3sACrowd228]

Quite honestly, my wife dresses me. I can't tell you the last time that I bought clothes for myself. The only thing that I did was give her guidelines...."I'll wear THIS kind of stuff, but not THIS kind of stuff."

I hope you don't mean your wife picks out what you wear. I know wives tend to want some control over their man, but choosing how they dress surely can't be one of them.

He was usually the one to choose what he wore. But it strikes me odd as why he would dress how her fiance wants him to dress.

She is even already picking him out a wedding suite for the wedding. But i aint bothered really, i will only be bothered if he hated it and she made him wear it. :S

 

[Dadu2004]

She doesn't pick what I wear on a day-by-day basis, but she's bought all of my clothing.

 

[3sACrowd228]

she would be tempting though to pick something out that she might like.

I wonder if Men do it to their wives. Its something that would be interesting, if the husband picked out what the wife would wear.

But usually this is the one way the wife can control their men. lol its cute in a way.

 

[Xero]

I would find it unusual for a man to do the same for his wife that I do for my husband. Its kind of unusual to find a guy that likes to shop for clothes lol, if you can find one that likes to shop at all. Most women just naturally enjoy shopping, especially for clothes. Some women might be a little more self centered about it (like Jeremy described his wife might be if she shopped for him) but most of the women I know that shop for their husbands go off of what they know their guy's like and try to get things like that. I go out of my way to please DH when I am shopping for his clothes. I am not trying to please myself, but even if I was I actually agree with the way he dresses himself so there's no argument there anyway haha. The point is I know what he likes and that's what I buy, and I do a good job. When I bring him home stuff he always tells me how much he likes it, or even if he doesn't like it. I am happy to return things! I don't wear stuff that I don't like.

I couldn't imagine DH shopping for clothes for me, at least by himself. He would need my mom or his, or a friend of mine to come. He knows what I like in general, but I don't think he even knows my sizes lol or what style of pants etc I would like. Plus I'm so picky, like most girls. I just can't see him finding any enjoyment in putting that much thought and effort into picking out girl clothes lol. I can't see that quality being very apparant in most guys, actually. If I didn't shop for him, he would wear the same stuff forever until I decided to finally do it again lol.

 

[3sACrowd228]

lol and you cant help it but pick something cute for him that he will dread i do that with my fiance and he does it just to make me smile sometimes.

 

[stjohnjulie]

I was just imagining my husband doing my shopping for me. AHHHHHH!!!!! Nothing would fit, I'd be wearing cargo pants and hippie tops OR hooker clothes or a combination of the two And if he could find anything with shoulder pads in it, I would have that too.

But I will let him pick from a couple of choices I give him As bad as this sounds... just like I do for my son.... give him choices that I'm comfortable with no matter which one is picked.

 

[nickhart]

well it seems he's just not being the man in the relationship. He's scared to say no. Scared to stand up for himself. He just wants to be happy at the cost of his on integrity.

That is personal development thing. If he still listens to sound advice, you'll impart the wisdom of teaching him to stand and behave with strength.

The changes you might want to see in him may actually ruin his relationship. But that's probably a good thing since he'd probably become utterly miserable with a woman who controls his image.

 

[3sACrowd228]

Quick Update:

Nothing much has changed, she still dresses him only he is use to it now. She's not a control freak, as she gets on with the family, but she is just very fussy with the way he dresses.

I can't say whether its am improvement or not but i know he is ok with his new style, but liked the way he dressed before.

P.S. he's got him wearing briefs now. She hated boxers and preferred him in tightie whities

 

[TabascoNatalie]

if he has a fiancee, he's a man. if he does what she says -- it means he likes it.

 

[lovebeingamum]

I don't think it is that big of a deal unless she controls him in everything or it makes him unhappy. At the end of the day it is his choice whether he accepts it or not. He seems happy to accept it right now so he probably doesn't think it is that bad.

 

[Xero]

Well it sounds like he's alright. Don't worry about him too much. You can tell if he's happy.