I was never spanked, not once in my life, believe me I never told my father to F off, or my mother a B*^%$, I would have been dead!! And not by physical punishment. Not all kids are going to act that way. Show children respect by giving it to them and by showing them how adults respect each other, they children will naturally be respected as well.
Spanking......
- Thread starter Dadu2004
- Start date
Kaytee said:
I agree that not all teens are going to challenge their parents, but a LOT of them do. Two generations ago parents used spanking as the standard form of punishment, they weren't an agressive or violent society, quite the opposite, now take a serious look at todays youth, and tell me that there aren't some serious issues going on there. I am NOT saying we go back to a time where spanking is the norm, I don't think that will solve the issues either.
We as a society have been showing more respect to our children then the generation before and yet our children have less respect today. Maybe this is a topic for another thread, but any parent who thinks that there aren't some serious issues with our youth, need to wake up.
I dont see a need for it. Usually given that it is a penalty for bad behavior it is supposed to teach a lesson about morality. I dont see how a kid can learn anything about doing the right thing when someone twice their size hits them secure in the knowledge they can't hit back.
actually mom your perception is common but largely factually incorrect. Take a close look at the statistics over the last 20 years. You will see that overall youth crime and pregnancy rates have fallen dramatically. Today's teens also face stronger legal penalties for minor transgressions than ever before thanks to zero tolerance. Take a really close look at some of these sites as a starting point.mom2many said:
Ethical Treatment for All Youth
ZeroIntelligence.net
Guttmacher Institute: Home Page
I am not a fan of spanking...probably because my parents made me spank my sister so much. And I had to spank her hard. :'( My mom is Filipina and they believe that brothers and sisters should take care of the children...so it was my job to punish and take care of my sister. I never want to do that again. It was never fun, and I am upset that my parents let me do it. I was just a child myself.
Aside from that, I will admit that I have spanked Alenya a few times. Never too hard but enough to get her attention.
I don't remember if I was spanked. I was always pretty well behaved, like I said, it was my little sister that was always having to be spanked.
Do I believe in spanking? Eh, I'm torn. I want to say no, but there are times whenever I think it could be used.
Aside from that, I will admit that I have spanked Alenya a few times. Never too hard but enough to get her attention.
I don't remember if I was spanked. I was always pretty well behaved, like I said, it was my little sister that was always having to be spanked.
Do I believe in spanking? Eh, I'm torn. I want to say no, but there are times whenever I think it could be used.
Aunt said:
Okay, I am a little confused by what the links where supposed to prove, BUT I liked the one Zerointelligence, I have been saying schools have no common sence for years, especially when I had to go up to our superintendent level to fight a suspension my DD got because she tied a bow on a bathroom stall that some other girls had wrapped in toilet paper, the school said it was distruction of property and suspended the kids, in school-suspension which for me only has one purpose and that is humiliation, I couldn't budge them but I got out of school suspension, her grades could handle it. We figured they would have to clean a few days in the lunch room (she told me about it the day it happened) same as the kids who wrote with permanent marker in the bathroom. The difference was that my DD and her friends are the honor roll kids, good kids, no problems, well liked by their teachers, so the administration decided to use them to make a point, that's pretty much what I was told, although not in those words.
And I am not saying all teens have issues, but all I need to do is look around at my friends kids, the kids my kids go to school with and know that there are some serious issues out there. Even in our very samll community. So although I have spanked, usually out of fear, and twice out of anger it isn't what I do as normal punishment, but I won't be condoned for the few times I have done it, I only owe my children an appology, which they all recieved. spanking as the ONLY form of punishment I don't condone, but I won't pass judjement on those who do on rare occasions.
For us as kids, Dad would give us the "belt" across our butts, and for Mom, it was the wooden sppon on the palm of the hand...mind you we always got many, many warnings beforehand.
Which was worse?
Hands down the wooden spoon....and it wasn't the hit either, it was the anticipation that was the killer. "hold out your hand" gawd!
The belt was a breeze, and because it was always at bedtime, we also had the covers over us, so it never hurt. (but we acted like it did - haha)
But alas, times have changed, and K has yet to do anything that would warrant a spanking of any kind.
I will never spank her, so far the threat of being sent to bed, works wonders with her...btw, she has never been sent to bed yet, after the threat, she does exactly as she's told.
Which was worse?
Hands down the wooden spoon....and it wasn't the hit either, it was the anticipation that was the killer. "hold out your hand" gawd!
The belt was a breeze, and because it was always at bedtime, we also had the covers over us, so it never hurt. (but we acted like it did - haha)
But alas, times have changed, and K has yet to do anything that would warrant a spanking of any kind.
I will never spank her, so far the threat of being sent to bed, works wonders with her...btw, she has never been sent to bed yet, after the threat, she does exactly as she's told.
Whoa... I was spanked as a child, but never a teen? Isn't that a bit old to use spanking as a discipline?mom2many said:
I guess what they are looking at is that kids are not getting worse, society is getting harder on them and actually treating them with less humanity and respect not more. I could also show you a bunch of falling crime rate stats.mom2many said:
Don't get me wrong, I am all for discipline and pulling kids up when they are rude or disrespectful but harsh punishment like hitting, or in the case of teens zero tolerance is not to me the answer. To me the fastest way to turn a good kid into a rebellious one is to "make an example" of them over minor incidents. So I agree with you that your daughter was treated with unnecesary harshness. It is true that all kids test boundaries but this is not new and to be honest the boundaries appear to be getting stricter.
I appreciate that parents who spank are not child abusing monsters but i don't think it is a practice that the community should encourage.
One thing I do to discipline my niece is have her agree to what penalties for misbehavior are in advance. We also agree to what the rules are. Obviously the parent has to be in charge of this negotiation and has the power to veto some things at the discussion stage. This way when a transgression occurs the consequences are clear.
HappyMomma said:
Yes, my teens would probably look at me like I was crazy and laugh in my face, but I am using the term spanking loosley, not just as a an infant/toddler/little one. I am speaking more out of the issues with teens that can arise, where anger may lead to the reason a person MIGHT hit/"spank", i hope that makes sence.
I was spanked as a child also, not very often, but my mom would make us get a switch and ussed the anticipation of a spanking against us, she never spanked or hit us with it, but we thought she would.
I agree, BUT there is still some serious issues facing our teens, ccrime rate stats, are good but a lot of those stats work of a specific area. I could find stats that showed the opposite if I wanted to look.
Kids are testing different boundries, then say I tested, and the same of my parents. I think some schools/adults/law enforcement etc,.. have just lost some common sence. So I completly agree with your sttement.
But most people don't see it that way, they see it very black and white, whee there are grey issues. Like I said I don't spank or hit as the rule in my house. But I would be lying if I said I have never done it, and that it is usually in extreem cases, not what I would consider everyday life lessons.
That is how it is in my house, my kids have clear ideas of what consequences will happen if they break the rules. My kids are kids, they make mistakes, and they deal with the consequences, which is usally the removal of t.v or MP3 players, or radio, or all of the above. But Yes in the end I make all final decisions and if this comes across as alpha in the house then that is what I am, 18 years is a very small period in our childrens lives, so wehave to do it right the first time, there are no do overs.
Ah ok, that makes sense. Although, discipline should never be done in anger. I know that is easier said than done, but it is very important.mom2many said:
When our first daughter was born we decided that we would NEVER spank our children. The reason is because I was abused by my brother and step father when I was about 11-14 and when I went to therapy they told me that It could get "passed on" to me. It probably wouldnt but I sure not willing to take that chance.
I think that if I wasnt abused then it would be a different story, but it would probably only be for special sircumstances.
-Christian
I think that if I wasnt abused then it would be a different story, but it would probably only be for special sircumstances.
-Christian
The other day my daughter was at a friends house and there was a pretty ugly argument between mother and the older daughter. The daughter called her mother a 'B*&^%' and kept on going on how 'stupid' etc she was. Mom, turned around and walked off saying 'she couldn't talk to her when she was being rude. The daughter got what she wanted and left the house.mom2many said:
I'm sorry but this whole thing about talking, discussing and explaining isn't working very well lately in my opinion. More and more teens are rude and disrespectful to their parents and elders, and yet we want to 'discuss' this with them. Excuse me, but my children are warned to be respectful to others and believe me they are also warned that the day they talk to me that way they are not to be surprised if my hand comes across their face. I love them more than life but I won't allow this kind of thing.
With that being said I don't believe beating a child is healthy or necessary. However, I'm a very strict parent when it comes to behavior, I'm also very strict on being fair. My kids can count with one hand the times I have lay a hand on them. They both know that when they are right I swallow my pride and say it. If I did something wrong, I apologize. But do not think for one moment that if you talk to me a certain way I'm going to allow it. I don't think so.
I'm not for beating on a child, but I will be a hypocrite if I say that I don't believe in one of my countries old sayings of: a smack on time, will save them from jail time.
I've read a million parents online say THAT they think smacking is an effective/appropriate/defendable way of communicating that the height of escalation of exercise of authority has been reached... but never WHY.
Brent, that is because there is no why...
I want to preface this post by saying, I absolutely do not want to offend anyone who spanks, but I am very passionate about this subject.
This is the way I see it. If I put my hands on any single one of you, that would be physical assault, and that is illegal. But it's not illegal to hit children, why? Are they not people? Just because they are little? Do we have the right to hit them just because we are bigger and our bodily integrity is more important than their own? How can you possibly teach a child that it's not ok for a man to hit his wife and the man who does that is bad, but it's ok when mommy or daddy hit me? How on earth can a child reconcile that? Only one way. The child thinks they are bad. The more a child thinks they are bad, the more they will believe it.
To me, if a child is doing something bad, endangering themselves or others, how is hitting them going to teach them not to do it again? If a child runs into the road and is spanked, all that will teach the child is not to get caught the next time. If you hit a child because they are hurting another child, how can your child possibly understand the logic behind that when there is none? We don't hit! SMACK!
The bottom line is that whatever the child is doing, what we really want is to teach them empathy. To show them that it hurts people when they hit them. To ask them how they would feel if they were hit?
Hitting a child only teaches them that adults are allowed to hit because they are adults, and kids aren't allowed to hit, because they have to "obey" adults. It does not reinforce the idea that HANDS ARE NOT FOR HITTING. Ever. No matter what. <I>Point Finale!</I>
I want to preface this post by saying, I absolutely do not want to offend anyone who spanks, but I am very passionate about this subject.
This is the way I see it. If I put my hands on any single one of you, that would be physical assault, and that is illegal. But it's not illegal to hit children, why? Are they not people? Just because they are little? Do we have the right to hit them just because we are bigger and our bodily integrity is more important than their own? How can you possibly teach a child that it's not ok for a man to hit his wife and the man who does that is bad, but it's ok when mommy or daddy hit me? How on earth can a child reconcile that? Only one way. The child thinks they are bad. The more a child thinks they are bad, the more they will believe it.
To me, if a child is doing something bad, endangering themselves or others, how is hitting them going to teach them not to do it again? If a child runs into the road and is spanked, all that will teach the child is not to get caught the next time. If you hit a child because they are hurting another child, how can your child possibly understand the logic behind that when there is none? We don't hit! SMACK!
The bottom line is that whatever the child is doing, what we really want is to teach them empathy. To show them that it hurts people when they hit them. To ask them how they would feel if they were hit?
Hitting a child only teaches them that adults are allowed to hit because they are adults, and kids aren't allowed to hit, because they have to "obey" adults. It does not reinforce the idea that HANDS ARE NOT FOR HITTING. Ever. No matter what. <I>Point Finale!</I>
And please please, don't anyone tell me that I don't have any kids yet, and when I do "I will spank them, you'll see" I've heard that enough times in my life...
Please please, for the sake of your relationship with your children, don't ever do this. They will never forgive you. And they will never trust you again. Unless you can tell me what that would teach them?Pinkbook said:
I agree with you a million times.Mindy said:
"People are not for hitting, and kids are people"
How hard is that?