Xero, are you a step parent? Do you have children who spend time with a step parent?? My original questions were aimed at people who are in a similar situation as me so just curious about your status.
I realize that having K a limited amount of time hinders many things. It's hardest on her. However, whether we have her every day or every other weekend, she won't be allowed to lie, get belligerent, disrespectful or disobedient in our home and get away with it simply b/c she's only there for a couple days at a time. That would just seem like a recipe for disaster.
As I've said a few times, K doesn't get spankings for every misstep, not even close, so don't go on about that. When she is with us and the situation warrants a spanking (again, that's not often), she'll get one - that is DH's choice and he usually carries it out. The rare times I've been the only one home to deal with such a situation, he backs me up. It simply doesn't matter how often she's with us. That said, I never raise my voice at her, I do not "stoop to her level" and argue with her, I do not punish her out of anger and she's almost always given a choice to correct herself before discipline in any form is administered. It has nothing to do with "proving her wrong" b/c BM says I can't. That's just childish. I'm not going there.
The 1st time I spanked her it was for somehow managing to get ahold of one of my razors (and trust me, I still don't know how she ever reached it) and shaving off her eyebrows! She could've damaged an eye or cut her face! The 2nd time I spanked her was for lying to my face (not her 1st try at lying by any stretch) and continuing to lie when she knew she was caught.
It's interesting to me that most opinions lean toward "if her BM doesn't want her to be spanked in your home, then you shouldn't". My husband has just as much weight in that decision as BM does. Is his opinion less meaningful? He's not just a "weekend father". He's always been very involved with K so why should he have any less influence on how she is raised?
Busy day and weekend ahead... hope all of you have a good one!
I realize that having K a limited amount of time hinders many things. It's hardest on her. However, whether we have her every day or every other weekend, she won't be allowed to lie, get belligerent, disrespectful or disobedient in our home and get away with it simply b/c she's only there for a couple days at a time. That would just seem like a recipe for disaster.
As I've said a few times, K doesn't get spankings for every misstep, not even close, so don't go on about that. When she is with us and the situation warrants a spanking (again, that's not often), she'll get one - that is DH's choice and he usually carries it out. The rare times I've been the only one home to deal with such a situation, he backs me up. It simply doesn't matter how often she's with us. That said, I never raise my voice at her, I do not "stoop to her level" and argue with her, I do not punish her out of anger and she's almost always given a choice to correct herself before discipline in any form is administered. It has nothing to do with "proving her wrong" b/c BM says I can't. That's just childish. I'm not going there.
The 1st time I spanked her it was for somehow managing to get ahold of one of my razors (and trust me, I still don't know how she ever reached it) and shaving off her eyebrows! She could've damaged an eye or cut her face! The 2nd time I spanked her was for lying to my face (not her 1st try at lying by any stretch) and continuing to lie when she knew she was caught.
It's interesting to me that most opinions lean toward "if her BM doesn't want her to be spanked in your home, then you shouldn't". My husband has just as much weight in that decision as BM does. Is his opinion less meaningful? He's not just a "weekend father". He's always been very involved with K so why should he have any less influence on how she is raised?
Busy day and weekend ahead... hope all of you have a good one!