Tactfully encouraging healthier behavior...?...

[budnkota]

I have a friend with a child who just turned 2. He wears 5T clothes. Not because he's tall, but because he's so heavy. His mom is heavy too and has mentioned concern over his weight. Talked about how they try to eat healthy, etc.
Since that time, we've been around for their dinner a few times - and there is a reason for the weight issue. Dinner has included Doritos crushed on top of their tacos and sloppy joes with huge platefuls of cheetos on the side. Not that there's anything wrong with these chips as a snack, but this seems to be standard fair. No fruit, no vegetables. I watched the kids while the newest addition was being born, and when I tried to feed them, did not see a single fruit or vegetable (canned, fresh or frozen) in the entire house. Which is even sadder, since she gets WIC, and get vouchers for free stuff from Farmer's Market. The closest thing they get is juice, which they drink endlessly. They also drink a LOT of Powerade, which is pure sugar.
I really don't think she has a clue. She's not dumb, but I think that's how she grew up and it's just force of habit.
I am not looking to lecture or anything like that. I don't even expect to make a huge impact. I am just looking for a tactful way to get her to look at what they eat. I've tried a little positive reinforcement, by commenting on all the water in their fridge (a strong point) and how much better it is than juice or milk all the time. I stick to the "I" language, so it doesn't come across negatively (something like "Wow! YOu guys have a lot of water in the fridge. That's great...I try to get Ry to drink more water - he doesn't need all that sugar."), but I am interested in any other ways to encourage better habits. I'm also thinking that since Farmer's Market it out my front door, that I'll offer to take her checks and pick the stuff up for her and drop it off on my way to work That way she won't have any excuse for not using their checks.
Any other ideas?

 

[HappyMomma]

Wow, I see a whole lot of other health issues (besides weight) in the future for that kiddo.

That is a tough one - how to encourage and educate about healthy eating without coming across as condescending.

All I can think of is maybe recipe sharing? "Wow, here is a great healthy recipe that costs less than most meals!"

Good question!

 

[Sirk]

Your friend isn't stupid, right? She already knows what she's doing is unhealthy. She already knows vegetables are good for you and Doritos are bad. And she doesn't care enough to make the effort to make the change. What can you do?

 

[Kaytee]

I liek the recipe thing. Give her some good alternatives. Liek make her a "tahnks for being my friend" gift kinda thing.

 

[FooserX]

Your friend isn't stupid, right? She already knows what she's doing is unhealthy. She already knows vegetables are good for you and Doritos are bad. And she doesn't care enough to make the effort to make the change. What can you do?

I agree with Sirky.

 

[musicmom]

I eat healthy and my friends and their children don't. I have found it better to keep your mouth shut on this subject.
As with any addiction your friend will only come up with excuses and you will have wasted your time and effort. Take care of you and yours.

 

[FooserX]

I think that's just crappy parenting too.

Growing up, overweight kids have a brutal time with being teased. It's so awful...and that's going to change their personality when they get older.

Basically, they are responsible for doing that to their kids.

 

[Cthru]

Thats sad. I think with any of my friends I would just speak up when she shows concern or says anything. Taking the 'I'm no angel either..' approach, 'but you really have to focus on cutting back calories. Lots of chicken and veggies.. I bet you could find a lot of healthy kid friendly recipes online. You have to cut out all the junk - just don't even bring it home." Maybe suggest that she get the child into some gymboree class or something so he/she has more activity.

 

[HappyMomma]

she gets WIC

I guess she has ignored the advice and information that the WIC program provides.

 

[budnkota]

it's funny thing though.. of course she consciously realizes which foods are better. As with most people's bad habits, I just don't think she realizes how often it is part of their regular diet. I wish there were a way to make her step back and look at it w/o being offensive.

 

[Trina]

A tough situation. I was in a similiar spot with a friend of mine. She would come visit with her kids and they would ask for chips, soda, etc. I would reply, "Sorry, we don't have any of those, but we do have fresh fruit and cheese and crackers or..." I would hear them ask their mom, "Why doesn't Trina have soda/chips?" She would say, "Because her kids aren't allowed to have it." Then she would tease me for not having white bread in the house or for eating so many fruits and veggies. One of her kids asked me if she could have a glass of milk. I said, "Sure!" and was getting it for her when my friend said, "No, no more milk for you. Have juice instead." Of course I didn't say anything but was thinking, "What?? Milk is healthier than juice." Both her kids were over weight. It was her pediatrician who advised she see a dietician. Then I noticed they were eating healthier and drinking milk instead of lots of juice. She even commented, "Now I know why you eat wheat bread instead of white. The dietician told me it's more nutritionally sound." That was a couple years ago, and now her kids have slimmed down to a healthy weight.

 

[LovingFather]

Rent the movie "Super Size Me" and give it to her. Morgan Spurlock ingeniously demonstrates (to the detriment of his own emotional, physical and sexual health) the explosive impact of fast food. Doritos and soda are no different than fast food-it's all loaded with salt, sugar, carbs and zero to little nutritional value.

 

[HappyMomma]

Doritos and soda are no different than fast food-it's all loaded with salt, sugar, carbs and zero to little nutritional value.

...and addictive. Good movie, IMO.

 

[Sirk]

Rent the movie "Super Size Me" and give it to her. Morgan Spurlock ingeniously demonstrates (to the detriment of his own emotional, physical and sexual health) the explosive impact of fast food. Doritos and soda are no different than fast food-it's all loaded with salt, sugar, carbs and zero to little nutritional value.

I watched it while I was pregnant and had to pause it so I could run out and buy ice cream and fries because they looked so good.Then I came home and the next part was when he picks the hair out of the yoghurt.

 

[1dayatatime]

Your friend isn't stupid, right? She already knows what she's doing is unhealthy. She already knows vegetables are good for you and Doritos are bad. And she doesn't care enough to make the effort to make the change. What can you do?

This is pretty much what I was thinking in my head. Maybe you could have them over for dinner a couple times and show them what a balanced diet can look like. In AZ it's illegal to use someone elses assistance. I believe it's considered fraud. I would not offer to pick up for her with her coupons.

 

[Teresa]

If she's getting WIC, she's getting nutrition information from classes through that program....and apparently is choosing to ignore it. So, my guess is that she would ignore the recipes as well. I don't believe there's anything you can do to change the situation unless/until she expresses a desire to change it herself.

 

[budnkota]

This is pretty much what I was thinking in my head. Maybe you could have them over for dinner a couple times and show them what a balanced diet can look like. In AZ it's illegal to use someone elses assistance. I believe it's considered fraud. I would not offer to pick up for her with her coupons.

It would be fraud if I were using her checks for me. But you can authorize others to pick things up for you. All they have to do is put your name on their envelope as an authorized person. An here in Indiana, the Farmer's Market checks are done differently than the regular vouchers. You don't need authorization or signatures; anybody can pick it up for you.

Thinking back, I realized that they DID have lettuce and tomatoes with their tacos, so there were veggies at least that day. We chatted about grocery shopping, and she was complaining that it's so expensive to eat healty and that everything goes bad so fast because it's picked too early (? I assume that's due to the ethyl gas "baths" to speed ripening?). I had to admit a little piece of me dies everytime I pay $2 for a lettuce and $3.50 for a loaf of 100% whole wheat bread. I was depressed walking out of the produce section... even more so when I had to throw away some veggies in the fridge that had gone bad...
It probably would be cheaper to buy junk food with preservatives made to last forever!!!

 

[.:Kalli Rae:.]

It probably would be cheaper to buy junk food with preservatives made to last forever!!!

It is cheaper and that is so sad. It is really hard to buy healthy stuff for the kiddos when its so expensive. I used to be the "Live and Let Live" kind of mom and never really tried to eat healthy but then I wanted to be healthy and didn't want my kids to deal with obesity (like I did/do) so the last 6 yrs or so I have been trying to eat and feed them better foods. We don't have junk very often and if we do have it, it's a special deal. They don't just get to eat crap all the time. We have meats, veggies, fruits, ect alot.

Getting a friend to change the eating habits of her and her family is going to be near impossible. I would do what was said here already and bring her to your house for supper, trade recipes, maybe make grocery shopping a team-work experience (just you 2). Short of cooking every meal for her that is about all I think you are going to be able to do.

 

[Skyburning]

If she's getting WIC, she's getting nutrition information from classes through that program...

I don't think that's true for all WIC programs. I receive WIC and they haven't done anything at all to stress the importance of proper diet to me.

 

[.:Kalli Rae:.]

I don't think that's true for all WIC programs. I receive WIC and they haven't done anything at all to stress the importance of proper diet to me.

Really? In South Dakota they just about crammed it down my throat. At one point they told me Aaron was overwieght and I should limit the amt of milk he drank...He was about 1 1/2 yrs old! He was in the 90th percentile and was a stocky, not overweight kid. I was so mad... Needless to say Kyla is not on WIC because I don't need someone telling me I'm a bad mom because I give them what I think they need. I don't think there is a kid out there who goes by the book when it comes to eating habits.