Taking on too much...
- Thread starter cybele
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Or have permission from us to let us play the heavy.
Socially, it can be almost impossible to give up an activity like that without the excuse of, "My parents won't let me anymore because of my grades," or something like it. At that age you don't just quit the team, whether it is debate or yearbook an organized sport or just the group that gets together Wednesdays to play Ultimate when you should be doing homework.
I completely forgot I posted this. Oops.
He ended up giving up debating, which has really freed up some time for him.
And, okay, I want to preface this by saying that this was completely unrelated to anything we said, but he also broke up with his girlfriend, which has freed up a LOT of his err... energy? Apparently they ended up having a fight about one of his best friends (you know, the good old "I don't want you to have a friend who is a girl and if you loved me you wouldn't be friends with her anymore" chestnut). But since she has been out of the picture he seems a lot less stressed. Hey, there's a chance that it's unrelated but I am pretty sure that it is.
He ended up giving up debating, which has really freed up some time for him.
And, okay, I want to preface this by saying that this was completely unrelated to anything we said, but he also broke up with his girlfriend, which has freed up a LOT of his err... energy? Apparently they ended up having a fight about one of his best friends (you know, the good old "I don't want you to have a friend who is a girl and if you loved me you wouldn't be friends with her anymore" chestnut). But since she has been out of the picture he seems a lot less stressed. Hey, there's a chance that it's unrelated but I am pretty sure that it is.
I'm glad to hear that he's doing better and has a little bit of stuff off his shoulders now. 
Sorry to hear about his girlfriend, but it does sound like maybe it was for the best. He should enjoy being young and unattached anyway, really. Nothing wrong with that.
Sorry to hear about his girlfriend, but it does sound like maybe it was for the best. He should enjoy being young and unattached anyway, really. Nothing wrong with that.Oh no, he gave up debate? That's one of the most useful activities in life! I can't believe I missed this thread the first time.
I don't know, I did the same thing in high school, and I just <I>made</I> time for it all. A lot of my friends were quitting things for that same reason, and there was a lot of parental thrust behind it too. When it involves a team, it puts a lot of pressure on the other members when someone quits. I don't know... it's not my philosophy, for sure. I think a person needs to make time to follow through on their commitments. I did debate, a sport year-round, a competitive book club, a competitive problem-solving team (tackled the newest social issues), tutored young kids in reading, led a peer mediation group for teens on probation, and did 30 hours community service/semester for the honors program. There were a lot of things I wanted to quit, but couldn't do so without sabotaging the team or the program. You just learn to make it work. Sleep can suffer. Hobbies suffer. I quit playing piano, which was kind of a bummer. But I don't know... I don't regret it. And if I did have to quit something, it sure wouldn't have been debate. That gives you research skills, public speaking skills, writing, planning and perspective... it was one of the most useful things I ever did. Big time commitment though. Everything worthwhile is, I suppose.
ETA: Actually my parents did make me quit one thing. They made me quit a foreign language class because they thought it would be confusing to learn two languages at once. I still regret not learning Spanish. That would have been more useful than Yearbook, which is what I had to switch to in order to quit Spanish...
I don't know, I did the same thing in high school, and I just <I>made</I> time for it all. A lot of my friends were quitting things for that same reason, and there was a lot of parental thrust behind it too. When it involves a team, it puts a lot of pressure on the other members when someone quits. I don't know... it's not my philosophy, for sure. I think a person needs to make time to follow through on their commitments. I did debate, a sport year-round, a competitive book club, a competitive problem-solving team (tackled the newest social issues), tutored young kids in reading, led a peer mediation group for teens on probation, and did 30 hours community service/semester for the honors program. There were a lot of things I wanted to quit, but couldn't do so without sabotaging the team or the program. You just learn to make it work. Sleep can suffer. Hobbies suffer. I quit playing piano, which was kind of a bummer. But I don't know... I don't regret it. And if I did have to quit something, it sure wouldn't have been debate. That gives you research skills, public speaking skills, writing, planning and perspective... it was one of the most useful things I ever did. Big time commitment though. Everything worthwhile is, I suppose.
ETA: Actually my parents did make me quit one thing. They made me quit a foreign language class because they thought it would be confusing to learn two languages at once. I still regret not learning Spanish. That would have been more useful than Yearbook, which is what I had to switch to in order to quit Spanish...
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Given that he wants to work in musical theatre it was one of the most logical things to give up our of his list.
In my world, grades come before extra-curriculars and debate was just a hobby for him, nothing he cared much about.
Sleep should never suffer in my opinion. Especially not for a developing child/teenager.
In my world, grades come before extra-curriculars and debate was just a hobby for him, nothing he cared much about.
Sleep should never suffer in my opinion. Especially not for a developing child/teenager.
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That seems to be a popular philosophy among parents. I just kind of found it overrated. I guess the need for sleep differs by person, and I never found pulling all-nighters to be a big problem. And my parents never infringed on my commitments. I always kind of felt like the parents who did were holding their kids back. But I guess all students are different and I have yet to raise one from start to finish. He sounds like a determined kid with lots of potential, either way.
Well, you know, there is that whole undebatable fact that sleep is required for brain development, and teenagers brains are still developing.
I think of it like this: No one gives two hoots how many extra curriculars you did in high school once you are an adult, how many fun activities you did, how many 'commitments' you had and how varied they were. What does matter is your education. Here, grades are the be all and end all for tertiary education admission, it's anonymous and you apply with your ranking in the country, and universities take the highest rated kids that apply. That matters when you are an adult, because tertiary education opens doors. High school debate team does not.
If 'holding him back' means that I am giving him more time to sleep, which improves his concentration in class, which improves his grades, giving him a higher chance of getting into the university course of his choice, then I will happily wear that label.
I think of it like this: No one gives two hoots how many extra curriculars you did in high school once you are an adult, how many fun activities you did, how many 'commitments' you had and how varied they were. What does matter is your education. Here, grades are the be all and end all for tertiary education admission, it's anonymous and you apply with your ranking in the country, and universities take the highest rated kids that apply. That matters when you are an adult, because tertiary education opens doors. High school debate team does not.
If 'holding him back' means that I am giving him more time to sleep, which improves his concentration in class, which improves his grades, giving him a higher chance of getting into the university course of his choice, then I will happily wear that label.
This might sound silly because you probably already have done this but have you discussed your concerns with your son? It would be interesting to hear his viewpoint on this issue. It is hard to advise you on this issue without knowing his motivation for his behavior. Without knowing his motivation, any intervention might fall by the wayside.
Hi Cybele. Unless I missed a post, I think that you are referring to:cybele said:
"Well Ash and Azriel had a chat last night and he has agreed that he has bitten off more than he can chew. He also admitted that he thinks that his school work is being affected negatively, but he isn't sure what he wants to drop just yet. Ash told him that as school work is becoming an issue he has to the end of the week to choose something, or we will choose for him, Azriel agreed that was fair.
So we will see I guess."
This thread is so long that this issue may already be resolved. But I guess my question to Azriel would be, why did he feel the need to bite off more than he could chew. Was it an issue of popularity, low self esteem, etc...? My guess is that if this question isn't answered, he might end up overloaded again in spite your attempt to reduce his activities. On the other hand, he could have simply signed up for too many things and didn't know how it would effect him.
Regardless, I am very impressed with Azriel's successes as described in your posts. I wish that every child was this motivated to succeed. You obviously are doing an excellent job raising him and I commend you for that. I worry more about the kid who is unmotivated and doesn't want all the responsibilities that your son signed up for.
Extra-curricular involvement and community service are huge factors in college admission and scholarship applications here. I don't know how I would have gotten any scholarships on grades alone, considering there is a limited amount of funding, and thousands of other 4.0s. And heaven help some student who got a B sometime during those four years... they'd be out of the running for sure, even if they held three class offices and earned their school a sports championship. Not arguing that's the case in Australia, but I just can't imagine it's a good system to look at grades alone.
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That is true, but extra-curricular activities are a lot more important than grades in determining college admissions, especially at the most competitive private schools. Here, the state schools take practically anybody, or at least one school in a state will. There may be a certain grade point minimum, but it doesn't much matter if you got all A's or all C's.cybele said:
And, of course, once you have graduated college, no one gives two hoots about what grades you got in high school, either.
Yes, that's wonderful but I can't suddenly stand up and say "Hey, I'm going to do things the American way instead of the Australian way and the Australian universities need to deal with it".
Here
Extra curriculars = nothing
Grades = country ranking = the only thing you can apply to university with (bar performance courses where you have to audition) = getting into your course of choice or not = career
It may be good, it may be bad, but it's the way it is and I need to make my decisions as his mother based upon the way it is here, not the way it is elsewhere. Otherwise I am screwing him over.
Here
Extra curriculars = nothing
Grades = country ranking = the only thing you can apply to university with (bar performance courses where you have to audition) = getting into your course of choice or not = career
It may be good, it may be bad, but it's the way it is and I need to make my decisions as his mother based upon the way it is here, not the way it is elsewhere. Otherwise I am screwing him over.