Teen's Pravacy vs Protection: Keylogger...

[TabascoNatalie]

Xero, you've got the same carpet as ours

and of keyloggers, I must admit I don't know how exactly they work. Just like my 50+ parents don't know what Facebook is.

so I don't believe in spying on kids via PC. better check their pockets

 

[Jeremy+3]

Natalie Keyloggers keep a permanent record of your internet browsing history, you can set them to block certain sites, but most people leave them open just to see where the users of their computers are going on the internet. But it also means that anyone can use your IP address to look into your keylogger, which means they can get straight into things like your email, send you a lovely virus, stuff like that.
Having a keylogger, is kind of like leaving your debit card and pin number in the hands of a thief and expecting them not to spend any of your money.

 

[Xero]

Xero, you've got the same carpet as ours

Lol that's just a picture off of photobucket.com that I pulled up.

I have hardwood floors.

 

[16th ave.]

i've probably given my answer somehow already in another thread. but we all learn and can change for the better--that's what being here has helped to do. so my answer may be a little different this time.

i've learned and am learning that it never hurts to be a little extra careful. kids need room to learn and grow into decent folks. smothering them can end up in a big mess. but they can't be allowed to run wild and free either, atleast not until they turn 18. but the worry and watching doesn't end when the child has reached adulthood even when the parent is 70 and the child is 50. being a parent never ends.
some kids learn to be pretty responsible at a very early age. others take long into adult hood to become responsible and some never seem to pick up being responsible when they become adults--even at the age of 40.
even when a parent has done a wonderful job of teaching a child to be very careful and responsible and the kiddo does that, terrible things can happen. kids have an unbreakable belief or hope that nothing bad will happen to them. so what starts out as a harmless relationship online with someone the same age as the teen can turn into a tragedy as seen by the tween who committed suicide after being cyber bullied and the cases of predators hooking up with minors online and then meeting the kids somewhere. what starts out a kid just trying to be a kid can turn into an adult who is a drug addict and much much much worse.
keeping a close watch on a teen's internet use is as good of an idea as setting curfews. kids mess up all the time. somewhere in this world right now a teen is giving out too much information to a predator and someone is committing a horrible crime against a child. that's the way the world works.
if a key logger would help me to prevent a crime against my child and help me to prevent my child from doing something that that has the potential result of death, then Yes! i would use one and I will when my kids have reached the age that they are communicating online. I Hope my use will be done in a way that my kids know i am just being a parent. I can only hope that my girls know that i'm not only using the keylogger b/c its my house and my rules but because they know I love them and want them to stay safe and end up living long happy lives and Not because i am a control freak.

an ounce of prevention can save you a ton of trouble.

 

[Brokenhearted]

<I>Not only do I believe in Keyloggers I use them regularly!</SIZE>[/FONT]</I>
<I></SIZE>[/FONT]</I>
<I>Here is the background... My daughter was a Freshman in highschool (14 1/2 at the time) and she had always been allowed the freedom to chat on the phone whenever she wanted on weekends with her girlfriends. She knew dating was reserved for when she was 16. Anyway I found out that she was chatting on the phone all hours to this boy who was a SENIOR at her highschool (17 1/2 at the time). Well looking back I wish I had used better judgement. </SIZE>[/FONT]</I>
<I></SIZE>[/FONT]</I>
<I>Anyway his Senior Prom was coming and he would not be attending but for my daughter going with him. So I agreed that they could go to the Prom that was it, no before party no after party no limo. I would drive them. The Prom went fine. Little by little we began worrying that they were spending too much time on the phone and together at school. I imposed a rule that if they were to be together it was to be in a group. She must have her FRESHMAN friends at least 2 of them with her while spending time at the mall with him etc. They did not want to abide by that rule. I began discovering that my daughter was lying to us. I also discovered that this boys Mother was lying to me for them as well. I also discovered that he was keeping tabs on her whereabouts. Hundreds of texts "where are you" "are you home yet" from him. This was a RED FLAG. I told my daughter of my concerns and insisted that they MUST abide by our rules and she was punished several times by losing her phone etc.</SIZE>[/FONT]</I>
<I></SIZE>[/FONT]</I>
<I>He graduated and the lies just kept coming she was not where she was supposed to be. I told her to say goodbye to him. She finally complied, then he began showing up at her school when he NO LONGER WAS A STUDENT. He was now in college (age 18). I contacted the police who were little help since she is "age of consent". My daughter claims she was staying away from him after I went to the Police. Now 2 years later when she is going on 17 and trying to concentrate on getting ready for SAT exams and preparing for college I find out she is sneaking around with him.</SIZE>[/FONT]</I>
<I></SIZE>[/FONT]</I>
<I>I am forced to remove her job from her, her phone and told her in no uncertain terms that IF she continues to lie to me and see him on the sneak there will be NO MONEY FOR COLLEGE....NO MONEY FOR A CAR....NO MONEY. She says it's blackmale I say SHE HAS A CHOICE if she chooses unwisely then she and her LOVE will need to worry about paying for her education and car.</SIZE>[/FONT]</I>

 

[TabascoNatalie]

sounds like a troll...

 

[Father_0f_7]

I agree, or a very over-protective parent.

 

[Brokenhearted]

I am neither a troll nor an overprotective parent........any boy who is in college that calls a highschool girl upwards of 800 texts per day and must know her whereabouts consistently is a LOSER

you are obviously either a non involved parent or a stalker yourself

 

[Father_0f_7]

They like eachother. Has your daughter ever complained about this boy?

Remember, she is 17, almost in college herself (two years I guess) That's not that much of an age difference even at her age.

And I am a very involved parent, I dont overly monitor my childrens phone or anything because I have no reason to. I trust them to make good decision because, for the most part, they have never given me a reason not to trust them.

And I disagree that she has a choice..you dont Choose to like or love someone. It just happens.

 

[Dadu2004]

sounds like a troll...

I didn't get that feeling at all with this post. It seems to me that she was faced with a tough situation and acted on it.

I agree, or a very over-protective parent.

Maybe, but quite honestly, I probably would've reacted in a similar way.

you are obviously either a non involved parent or a stalker yourself

Stay respectful please, that's not necessary.

And I am a very involved parent, I dont overly monitor my childrens phone or anything because I have no reason to. I trust them to make good decision because, for the most part, they have never given me a reason not to trust them.

And I disagree that she has a choice..you dont Choose to like or love someone. It just happens.

That's one stance to take, and not a bad one. The other is "I don't trust you until you give me a reason to trust you." Yours is "I trust you until you give me a reason not to". Neither one is wrong, just different.

 

[16th ave.]

for brokenhearted: here's some links having to do with abuse. the things listed are what i'd watch for. if it was apparent then i'd start to worry.

abusive romantic relationships
Abusive Romantic Relationships for Teens

dating violence cycle
Dating Violence Cycle: Information for Teens

unhealthy relationships
Unhealthy Relationships for Teens

if those things are not showing up, then i'd be more likely to chalk it all up to kids being kids and teenage rebellion. also check into maybe this thing w/your daughter and her bf. it might just be the "first love" sort of thing for them both that has grown into something more over the years even though she was only 14 and he almost an adult when it all started. with all the stress everyone is under, it is easy to miscontrue what might be only an innocent relationship for something that is worse. but then its also really easy to miss signs of what is an abusive relationship.
it is hard to make sure your daughter has the chance to "live life to the fullest" and yet make sure your daughter is taking care of business to lead a decent life that is not full of constant hardship. its hard to give kids enough room to grow and protect them at the same time.
one thing i suggest, w/out meaning to say that you are just being a snot or anything, is to Don't forget what it was like to be a teenager.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

ok, let's say you're serious...

1) forbidden relationship is even more thrilling. does Romeo&amp;Juliet ring a bell?

2) are you going NOT to send her to college just because she was running around with some boy? do you believe that yourself?

3) "are you at home" is a very logical question when mother is listening to every word.

4) what you mean by "hundreds" texts? how many in fact?

 

[IADad]

Natalie, she said upwards of 800 a day...

You know one thing, I see the frustration in your posts, you seem to be trying to help this girl make a terrible mistake, a mistake you see coming that she doesn't. I wonder (and I'm not pre-supposing or passing judgement) have to stepped back, gotten your daughter alone, where the two of you can talk, free from the daily pressures, free from the roles, where you can maybe just start asking her how she really feels, what does she see and does she understand why you are scared for her? Maybe, just maybe, she needs more asking than telling right now. Maybe you've done, that or are doing that, if so great, I'm just throwing it out there for what it's worth. I know sometimes it's hard to have perspective when you're in the middle of something.

Good luck.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

well, I saw the number just been wondering if it's real or a result of an angry person's imagination.

what I see here is a lose-lose situation.

1) if she's a strong-willed person, "blackmail" will backfire -- she can even run away from home, won't go to college, etc.

2) what's more likely, she'll "give in", but continue lying and sneaking, and will learn to do it better, so mother will end up clueless of daughter's life.

3) if mother eventually manages to destroy the relationship with this particular boy, there WILL be another one.

if the situation is real, the author should change her attitude about all of this. teens in love are no joke. some are ready to kill or to die for it.

 

[IADad]

I gottcha TN, I questioned the math, but I've seen a lot of crazy stuff about text message volumes, so I can buy it.

Sure there will be another guy, hopefully when she's a little older, and hopefully she doesn't have to learn those lessons too hard of a way.

I remember my MIL calling me out when I first started dating DW...and I was a college grad at the time and she was only 1 1/2 younger than me. i do understand parents trying to keep their kids from making mistakes.....

 

[Brokenhearted]

Not sure why we are "saying" I am serious. I am a Mother who is watching out for her daughter. I have already seen signs in this boy that he is abusive. He is trying to seclude my daughter from her friends and her family. I obviously risk her running away true, but if I do nothing I still risk her running away. The only way I will accept this scumbag is if I am forced to. I sure hope she is smarter than I was at her age. She is lucky to have a Mother who is involved and is watching out for her. I do not lock her in her room. In fact, the VERY REASON she is able to lie and sneak is because I %%% up and trusted her because she is my baby and I wanted to do that. Even though I knew deep down that she was lying. Most teens when their mouth is moving THEY ARE LYING.

 

[Brokenhearted]

Ummm I have to wonder if you people even read my posts. I specifically stated that this boy was INSISTING on knowing my daughters whereabouts (had to know exactly when she was done work, done school, done any family event etc). He was EXTREMELY STALKERISH. Yes my daughter complained about him LAST YEAR when he showed up to her school several times after they had broken up and he had graduated and had no business being at the school. I don't need anyone to tell me the signs of abuse. I already know and I know this one is headed there if I don't step in. Yes I have talked to my daughter many times calmly about this. Her side is she really likes him. Why? He's cute. His constant calling and texting her and needing to know where she is does not bother her. I asked her well do you do that to him? No of course not was her reply. She said she didn't know why, just didn't think she would ever do that. We went down the list of all the behaviors he has displayed that make me worry. She even dismissed the time last year when he called and left disgusting vulgar voicemails on her phone of what he wanted to do with her sexually. She said it was not him. At the time, she was upset.......she came to me for help. So all I am saying and still saying is not for the keylogger I would not have known for sure that my daughter was seeing him behind my back. And no I am not funding her to secure her life with a loser and his loser family.

 

[Xero]

BrokenHearted, I completely agree with you. I think you made all the right choices. TabascoNatalie unfortunately has an issue with disagreeing with people too forcefully. Natalie, this mom is clearly protecting and loving her daughter in the way she knows best. You are NOT there to see the actual situation, and you are downright criticizing this person for "caring" about their own child. You have put your two cents in, enough with the harrassment. She was describing her situation, not asking for negative opinions on it.

I completely agree with what Dadu said. I don't think this person looks like a troll, and I don't think she said anything crazy. I completely agree with everything she said. Her daughter is lucky she has a parent involved enough to watch out for her. Some kids don't get that. She see's what kind of mistakes can be made between a boy who is an adult and a girl who is only an impressionable child and she doesn't want that to happen to her daughter. You can blame her?? I can see how some people may disagree with her methods, BUT there is nothing bad about what she's doing or the way she is thinking. Everyone parents differently, period. That needs to be accepted here, considering it is a PARENTING forum.

Its good to give your kids the freedom that they can work with, but if they can't handle it, then they can't have it. Yes, there will be other boys, but hopefully she'll be older and more responsible by then, and I think every mother hopes for that. The moms that don't give a crap and that think their teenagers will "do as they please" because "teenage rebellion is natural" and "they're PRACTICALLY adults" are the ones that tend to end up with pregnant 14 yr olds with chlamydia. Not for SURE, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I'm sure she can get a boy her own age. No matter who you fall in love with, because of the infinate amounts of other people out there, chances are there is SOMEONE out there that is more meant for you than the person you're with. Teens think they know about love. THINK.

 

[Father_0f_7]

And no I am not funding her to secure her life with a loser and his loser family.

I'm not criticizing you or anything, and I know this is kind of off topic but, have you met his familiy...I'm just curious to know why they are losers.
I mean, from what you are saying, I guess he qualifies as a "loser" but you havent actually said anything about his family.

 

[Xero]

I don't pretend to know whether or not his family are losers, but I can at least sympathize with the fact that I would be very negative towards any supposedly responsible, respectful adults that go behind my back as a parent to help two teens sneak around, clearly showing my daughter that it doesn't matter what I say and she can do what she wants. They help them sneak around, and lie, and be deceitful. That's wrong and immature. At least a little bit loser-ish. IMO