I'm visiting this forum because I have some questions about this three-year old girl I babysit regularly. She is my neighbor's child and while I love them and their family, I have always had strong feelings against the way they raise their child (well, the way they do everything). This makes me reticent to enact any sort of discipline for this child, because I'm constantly surprised by the seemingly normal things that the mother disagrees with me for having done. These things aren't obvious, like spanking the child. I would never spank another person's child. It's way more subtle, like not saying "good job" or "good girl" to her and not giving her orders with the words "don't" or "never." The special rules this mother has confuse me to the point where I'm afraid to say anything at all to the child, and it wouldn't matter if I did, because it seems that this little girl hates me, so I don't say too much to her at all. For example, she is allowed to say "no" to whomever she wants, which is something I can't stand.
Anyway, the specific problem I'm coming here for advice about is the child's attitude. I know that three year olds are little demons that test adults. That's their job. What I don't know is how to respond, or if I should even bother trying to teach her how to be nice to people. The main thing that sets her off with me is when I call an object by a name her mother doesn't use. If I say "get your lunch box" she screams (yes, she is allowed to scream and she says this with the utmost sass) "It's not a lunch box! It's a lunch sack!" If I call her skirt a dress, or tell her to jump down from the potty, or jump into the car it's the same thing. She's very particular about what word I use and if I don't use the right one, her whole world falls apart. I'm not going to lie, this gets on my last nerve and makes my blood boil. I hate that she is so sassy and I think it's something that her mother should strongly punish her for, but I can't because my natural response would go against everything this mother believes. So instead, I stay calm and try to appease her by using the right word and explaining that sometimes things can have two names. It doesn't phase her and she stays angry that I used th wrong name. I stay angry that she's allowed to speak to me this way and that there's nothing I can do to punish her or teach her the correct way to respond. Occasionally, her mother yells at her for treating me disrespectfully, but on the whole this child says whatever she wants, however she wants. And I can't blame the mother too much, because I know kids are like this.
What I'm really wondering is if this is a common phase in three year olds. I know they're learning language quickly right now. Is this is just something I need to calm down about and get use to? What should my response be to her attitude? The other thing is, this kid is exhibiting traits I always hated in other girls when I was this age: general meanness. She'll start to tell you a story and if you ask her about something she told you (which kids normally like) she'll say something like "I'm not going to tell you." It's as if she enjoys cutting people down and hurting their feelings through exclusion. Should I try to teach her empathy, or should I just let her grow up being a mean girl since it's obviously innate. Her parents are the nicest people and I know she didn't learn this from them, so either she's naturally mean, or someone at preschool is teaching her to be mean and exclusive.
Sorry I went on and on...there's just so much for me to say and so much I have to learn. I will be having kids of my own in a year or two, so learning how to properly parent this child is important to me.
Anyway, the specific problem I'm coming here for advice about is the child's attitude. I know that three year olds are little demons that test adults. That's their job. What I don't know is how to respond, or if I should even bother trying to teach her how to be nice to people. The main thing that sets her off with me is when I call an object by a name her mother doesn't use. If I say "get your lunch box" she screams (yes, she is allowed to scream and she says this with the utmost sass) "It's not a lunch box! It's a lunch sack!" If I call her skirt a dress, or tell her to jump down from the potty, or jump into the car it's the same thing. She's very particular about what word I use and if I don't use the right one, her whole world falls apart. I'm not going to lie, this gets on my last nerve and makes my blood boil. I hate that she is so sassy and I think it's something that her mother should strongly punish her for, but I can't because my natural response would go against everything this mother believes. So instead, I stay calm and try to appease her by using the right word and explaining that sometimes things can have two names. It doesn't phase her and she stays angry that I used th wrong name. I stay angry that she's allowed to speak to me this way and that there's nothing I can do to punish her or teach her the correct way to respond. Occasionally, her mother yells at her for treating me disrespectfully, but on the whole this child says whatever she wants, however she wants. And I can't blame the mother too much, because I know kids are like this.
What I'm really wondering is if this is a common phase in three year olds. I know they're learning language quickly right now. Is this is just something I need to calm down about and get use to? What should my response be to her attitude? The other thing is, this kid is exhibiting traits I always hated in other girls when I was this age: general meanness. She'll start to tell you a story and if you ask her about something she told you (which kids normally like) she'll say something like "I'm not going to tell you." It's as if she enjoys cutting people down and hurting their feelings through exclusion. Should I try to teach her empathy, or should I just let her grow up being a mean girl since it's obviously innate. Her parents are the nicest people and I know she didn't learn this from them, so either she's naturally mean, or someone at preschool is teaching her to be mean and exclusive.
Sorry I went on and on...there's just so much for me to say and so much I have to learn. I will be having kids of my own in a year or two, so learning how to properly parent this child is important to me.
