The three year old I babysit...
- Thread starter The Babysitter
- Start date
oh come on, we have all seen ugly children and some place or somewhere, and I am sure they think there child is the cutest baby ever! Heck I may even have an ugly child and would never know it!
I wa cute as sin when I was like 3 but jr. high age! blah! I would have made fun of me, but I am sure I was still the cutest thing to my daddy
I wa cute as sin when I was like 3 but jr. high age! blah! I would have made fun of me, but I am sure I was still the cutest thing to my daddy
oh please! Of course my child is cuter then everyone's! And I would hope that you think your child is cuter then everyone's as well!! That is just how parents are. If you don' think your child is the best, funniest, cutest, child out there then you are nuts!
Wanted to add: Just like men should think their wives are the most beautiful woman they have ever seen and the same for woman
Wanted to add: Just like men should think their wives are the most beautiful woman they have ever seen and the same for woman
Yea I've seen where husbands will talk so highly of their wives and wives of their husbands like they are so nice looking and then you see them and think "who hit you with the ugly stick, my gawd!!"
On rare occasion I've seen an ugly child but I would not tell a parent that. lol They are all precious in their own way. I try to look at adults in the same light. That's a task
On rare occasion I've seen an ugly child but I would not tell a parent that. lol They are all precious in their own way. I try to look at adults in the same light. That's a task
sure is...lolmusicmom said:Yea I've seen where husbands will talk so highly of their wives and wives of their husbands like they are so nice looking and then you see them and think "who hit you with the ugly stick, my gawd!!"
On rare occasion I've seen an ugly child but I would not tell a parent that. lol They are all precious in their own way. I try to look at adults in the same light. That's a task
OMG my thoughts exactly! Don't get me wrong I love hearing that my kids are well behaved but it's sad that there is mild shock from people when they say that because so many kids nowadays are disrespectful brats.FooserX said:
I'm sorry I haven't read the entire thread.
I can see where this weird mum is coming from with "don't say good job". I never tell my kids that I'm proud of them - at least not immediately. If they do something well, or have a good success, I like it to be all about them. I put a big smile on my face and say "Wow!! Alright!! How does THAT make you feel??"
http://www.naturalchild.org/robin_grille/rewards_praise.html[/URL]
This article is one of my favorite articles ever. It explains really well how using praise - in particular the greasy kind - is actually harmful to children's self-esteem, by teaching them to do the minimum required to get the praise, and often no more, it teaches them to not take risks (good risks, like singing in public, or trying out for the basketball team). I like the phrase "every time you tell you child that you're proud of them you rob them of the chance to come to that conclusion themselves."
[note: while I don't use momentary praise I DO make a point of talking to my kids, after the fact, about how much I appreciate them or how I liked the decision they made, or how I love to be around them, or how great I think they are. There's a world of difference.]
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As to not saying "Don't" to a kid....?!?!?!
Kids need boundaries.
They need to know what they have power over - and what they do not have power over. For instance - DO NOT KICK ME is very clear. Or "I need you to listen to me closely ok? You can play with ALL of those toys, but please, don't touch the telephone? That's just for me. I need this."
I can see where this weird mum is coming from with "don't say good job". I never tell my kids that I'm proud of them - at least not immediately. If they do something well, or have a good success, I like it to be all about them. I put a big smile on my face and say "Wow!! Alright!! How does THAT make you feel??"
http://www.naturalchild.org/robin_grille/rewards_praise.html[/URL]
This article is one of my favorite articles ever. It explains really well how using praise - in particular the greasy kind - is actually harmful to children's self-esteem, by teaching them to do the minimum required to get the praise, and often no more, it teaches them to not take risks (good risks, like singing in public, or trying out for the basketball team). I like the phrase "every time you tell you child that you're proud of them you rob them of the chance to come to that conclusion themselves."
[note: while I don't use momentary praise I DO make a point of talking to my kids, after the fact, about how much I appreciate them or how I liked the decision they made, or how I love to be around them, or how great I think they are. There's a world of difference.]
----
As to not saying "Don't" to a kid....?!?!?!
Kids need boundaries.
They need to know what they have power over - and what they do not have power over. For instance - DO NOT KICK ME is very clear. Or "I need you to listen to me closely ok? You can play with ALL of those toys, but please, don't touch the telephone? That's just for me. I need this."
tell the truth... sometimes, when you're at the park with your family or friends of the family... secretly, very secretly... because you love them all very much... secretly you're happy to see your sister-in-law struggling with a tantrumming kid.jenilouise said:
secretly.
it means that she's not so perfect after all.
secretly.
It seems the OP is in complete disagreement with the mother's parenting philosophy and is uncomfortable because of this. Further, she doesn't seem too wild about the child. IMO she needs to quit. If the babysitter can't abide by the decisions of the parent, the situation will not work. It doesn't matter who is "right" or not. Short of abuse or neglect, the mother has the right to raise her child as she sees fit. If a babysitter is in conflict over childrearing decisions, she needs to find another job that is more in accords with her beliefs.
I disagree with the "limit praise" philosophy like that of Alfie Kohn. I understand the point, but it doesn't add up to me. If I had a babysitter who was upset by the fact I do praise my kids, I would not spend a whole lot of time listening to the criticism. That is not why I would hire a babysitter and not what I would want from a babysitter.
I disagree with the "limit praise" philosophy like that of Alfie Kohn. I understand the point, but it doesn't add up to me. If I had a babysitter who was upset by the fact I do praise my kids, I would not spend a whole lot of time listening to the criticism. That is not why I would hire a babysitter and not what I would want from a babysitter.
Honestly I think the point is that, as a parent, you should adopt an attitude of loving support of your child's own self-esteem, rather than seeing yourself as the source of your kid's self-esteem. When it boils right down to it, from the very beginning, it ought to matter more what _I_ think of myself than what _anyone_ else thinks of me. Even my parents.Ari2 said:
...but yeah, it's not 'evil' to use the phrase 'good boy' or 'I'm so proud of you'. Personally I think it's counterproductive to my other efforts to help my kids self-esteem, but it's a darn sight better than "shut up, get out of the way of the telly, make yourself useful and get me a beer."
I think there's a real sad point in all this: this woman wants to raise her child - she's clearly (perhaps misguided by a few hippy books on the importance of free-will) passionate about parenting... she WANTS to raise her child but the sad thing is that she has to hire someone to do it for her.
I honestly think that it's sad that so much of our parenting is being outsourced these days.
I don't think hiring a babysitter is hiring someone to raise your child. Everyone needs a break or has adult-only appointments (sorry, but my toddlers are not invited to my annual exam). Needing to work is a separate issue as the OP calls herself a babysitter and not a nanny, but I don't see most nannies as raising their charges. The parents still do this, even if they cannot be present 100% of the time.evilbrent said:
I do agree that it is sad that many parents (men and women) cannot spend the time they would like with their kids because of financial concerns.