Too much privacy for teens on social media....warning...

[singledad]

I just had a thought...

I think it is quite possible that the reason why cybele and I agree on this, and disagree with you, is because we both managed to get ourselves in trouble quite easily, without the internet. I think that before the internet, the world of drugs and sex and teenage-depression was very much hidden from people who weren't actively part of it, or knew someone who was. It existed in words that were wispered on school grounds, codes carved into the doors in bathrooms, among groups of kids gathered on vacant lots when their parents thought they were at school... Perverts and drug dealers approached kids in malls, game arcades (remeber those?) ice-skating rinks, etc.

When I grew up, there was a tunnel near our house. Some of the things written on the walls in this tunnel would make much of what is posted on social media these days seem positively innocent. Parents didn't read this graffitti when driving through there - you couldn't.

I often used to hang out in a drug-dealer's flat that had walls covered with polaroids of girls in compromising positions and/or various stages of undress. Some of them I recognised from school. Some were really young.

Now, the internet is exposing this world to everyone, and its scary. But it was always there, and it was always scary. It's just less hidden now, and perhaps more permanent.

 

[cybele]

It's a good thing the two of is didn't know each other as teenagers, we would have been a terrible influence on each other. Hah.
I think it's some kind of rule that every area has to have one of those dodgy tunnels.

 

[timmo108]

wow you people are close minded and you have NO IDEA what your talking about and the fact that your soooooo freaked out and paranoid with the thought that you may not be right about something. I f you haven"t noticed thus far .The reason I have posted thlis thread .Was to share some Info from MY EXPERIENCES and things I have personally seen on these sites with my own two eyes.When there were friends I have told about some of these sites ...they thanked me for telling them because they have YOUNG children.and were not aware what these sites were
.your basically continuing to argue about something that was not meant to have a RIGHT OR WRONG answer to it. LADIES OR WHATEVER YOU ARE.this was a tool for people to use and info to use if you happen to need it. I'm not trying to argue any fact of yours or what your realities or experiences are, so why would you argue mine? That's odd to me. if you were a cutter when you were young or NOW for that matter.if you trust your 6 perfect kids and you don't worry about what they are viewing cause you trust them ...why not just dismiss this post....surely you know that every thread is not for every situation.this was meant for people that may not be aware of what COULD be on these sites because it was what I saw when I was on some of them . As far as any other of the BLATANT BLAME YOU ARE DIRECTING AT ME BECAUSE OF THE experiences and things I have lived through with my two younger children have to do with my sons drug addictions and my daughters bullying and the issues she had is VERY IMMATURE AND CLOSE MINDED AND INSENSITIVE . You obviously haven't walked in my shoes for a span over two years. So for you to basically try and make a mockery or that whole situation is completely ridiculous. I have never been on a site of any sort like this and I can see already that some of you seem to be kind of bullies yourselves lol . Its just kind of strange to me .the communication I have had with my daughter obviously started to decline when my daughter started dating the kid the dealt drugs. Since they broke up , it is slowly coming back. That was obviously only eight months of her life starting in early Jan until now. Before that she was the one showing me other kids instagrams and Tumblrs that SHE KNEW .she chose to show me cause it worried her and freaked her out . And was scared for her friends and people SHE KNEW..which is pretty admirable as far as I'm conerned

 

[timmo108]

and now that look at this whole thing in heinsight . The very reason she may have showed me these other kids were posting on their instagrams and tumbles .maybe it was in her own way saying ...MOM..these things are kinda scaring me and how can I help them. Or even ...I worry for my friends. Or even ...I ay need help myself mom. So yeah, she has ALWAYS been very mature for her age. She's also always had high sensitivity to other kids issues. I would have never know about instagram if she wouldn't have showed me herself or tumblr. She made the decision to show me those things . HONESTY and OPENNESS were always something my daughters and I have always shared .and with my youngest .its coming back again . The girl may have lived some pretty crazy things already. But for each ne things that happens .she learns.....which is more then I can say for some other kids her age ....

 

[TabascoNatalie]

If you have your child self-harming, drug using, bullying -- the problem maybe elsewhere than social media. Not much more to say.

 

[timmo108]

and you seem to mostly be speaking of older kids. The kids I was referring to were maybe 12 to 15...thats too young and whoever was talking about NUDES your friends PARTNER posted a while back . Yeahhhh that's kinds what I was talking about. And that is one of those deals that kinda stick with you I guess. We have never had an issue with THAT . Neither of my girls have EVER posted nudes.but my youngest has told me and showed me her friends ...that have. And its sad .and its all disturbing. And as for our 22 year old . She has had a tumblr for a couple years , I wouldn't even want to know the things she's seen ,but she is also 22...!!! Not 12 to 15. This post is for people that have younger kids because this is starting earlier and earlier. And parents NEED to network to help eachother and be aware of things they may not know about

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Actually, posting underage nudes is illegal and should be reported.

 

[timmo108]

and to the person that mentioned about the bullying and how she would have told me....listen lady....you have NO IDEA how that began .or WHAT MY DAUGHTER SHARED WITH ME. MY DAUGHTER ACTUALLY TOLD ME WHEN IT FIRST HAPPENED. I WENT TO THE SCHOOLS THE ADMINISTRATIONS ,THE POLICE,THE KIDS THEMSELVES. I HAD TO FIGURE THE SHIT OUT UNTIL I SAW MY DAUGHTERS SELF ESTEEM GO FROM A 10 TO ZERO IN A MATTER OF A HALF OF YEAR . I SAW HER COME HOME AND GO IN HER ROOM AND CRY EVERY DAY. I SAW HER GRADES WHICH WERE ALL STRAIGHT A'S DECLINE RAPIDLY. SHE WOULD GO TO SCHOOL AND STAY IN THE TEACHERS CLASS OR NURSES OFFICE FOR EVERY SOCIAL ACTIVITY. I ,AFTER 5 MONTHS RECIEVED A PHONE CALL FROM SCHOOL TELLING ME MY LITTLE 13 YEAR OLD WAS BEING TRANFERRED TO THE ER . BECAUSE SHE ATE A BAG OF OVER 45 IBUPROPIN IN TBE BATHROOM AND WAS CONVULSING . AND VOMITING . I HAD TO SIT WITH HER IN THE ER AND WATCH HER GET HER STOMACH PUMPED. AND THIS WAS BEFORE MY DAUGHTER EVER EXPERIMENTED WITH DRINKING OR DRUGS SO FOR ANYONE TO SIT AND MAKE LIGHT OF OTHER PEOPLE EXPERIENCES IN BULL.her and I had communication. She didn't want to leave the school .she WAS given the CHOICE. No one would do anything about. I tried every possible avenue I possibly could. From the beginning.

 

[singledad]

First of all, calm down. Sheesh. We get it - there are sites out there on which bad things happen. I've been on tumblr. I'm not on facebook, but I've seen enough. I've seen the comments on the various social networking sites. I am fully aware of cyber bullying and where and how it happens. NO ONE was arguing that. Speaking for myself, I sympathise with what you have gone, and is still going through. I don't envy you at all, especially since although I haven't have a drug addicted child, I know much too well what drugs can do to people, and to their families.

But when you start a post with the words <I>"attain passwords for their instagram, Tumblr,Ask.fm ,KIK , facebook."</I> you are not just sharing information, you are giving advice. You are advising parents to spy on their children. That is what we disagree with, not the fact that there is a lot of bad stuff out there. We also dispute the idea that if you get their passwords and check what they post, they will be safe. As we have demonstrated from our own experiences, the internet is not a requirement for getting in trouble at all.

I have personally seen on these sites with my own two eyes.

So have I. Only difference is I don't see them as THE problem. I see them as simply a modern manifestation of issues that are as old as the human race, possibly older.

When there were friends I have told about some of these sites ...they thanked me for telling them because they have YOUNG children.and were not aware what these sites were

Well, then that is good. Parents should be aware, and should educate their children about these sites, even if only as part of the general excercise of educating children about making wise choices.

LADIES OR WHATEVER YOU ARE.

Now that is just rude. My username should make it abundantly clear that I a man, and a dedicated father, not a "WHATEVER". I think you're just trying to be disrespectful here.

this was a tool for people to use and info to use if you happen to need it. I'm not trying to argue any fact of yours or what your realities or experiences are, so why would you argue mine?

No one was arguing about your experiences. You, however, questioned Cybele's (a long-standing and respected member of this site) experiences <I>"are you a parent or a teen"</I>. Do you blame her for taking offence upon having that thrown at her?

if you trust your 6 perfect kids and you don't worry about what they are viewing cause you trust them ...why not just dismiss this post....

Because if we did, other worried parents will come on here looking for guidance, and see a one-sided post about getting passwords, spying, making fake accounts to track teens, etc. They won't see the other side of the argument - that of respect and communication rather than spying - thus they won't be able to make informed decisions.

I also don't see where anyone blamed you. Someone mentioned that they found it odd that you allowed your daughter to spend all her time with someone you know for a drug dealer (as did I) but that is hardly balming you for everything that went wrong. We don't know the circumstances, so we can ask the questions, but we can't come to any conclusion or apportion any blame.

the communication I have had with my daughter obviously started to decline when my daughter started dating the kid the dealt drugs. Since they broke up , it is slowly coming back. That was obviously only eight months of her life starting in early Jan until now. Before that she was the one showing me other kids instagrams and Tumblrs that SHE KNEW .she chose to show me cause it worried her and freaked her out . And was scared for her friends and people SHE KNEW..which is pretty admirable as far as I'm conerned

Well, great. But then you can't use the word "ALWAYS", since that creates the impression that there was never a time when it wasn't like that, and you just said it was. Petty symantics? Maybe, but petty symantics is what causes misunderstandings on the internet, as can be seen here. How was I supposed to understand the circumstances when what I saw was a daugher NOT sharing her troubles with her mother, and that same mother claiming to ALWAYS have had open communication with her daughter?

See, this is exactly why we have an introduction section, and other sections. We need to get to know each other before we tackle the heavy topics. If you know me and cybele better, I'm sure you would react differently. If I knew your circumstances better, I'd be able to engage with you without accidentally offending you. That is why I usually ignore big questions that are asked in the introduction section, but yours was on a subject that is close to my heart and of which I know more than the average person, so I thought I should try to help you.

I have never been on a site of any sort like this and I can see already that some of you seem to be kind of bullies yourselves

Actually, this is one of the most respectful sites I've ever been on. Unless you see someone disagreeing with you and making a strong argument for their own point of view as bullying, that is.

Either way, I believe I should rather step back now, before this gets out of hand. There are too many hightened emotions on this thread.

PS: I haven't read your last post. I refuse to be shouted at.

 

[timmo108]

my daughter wanted to stay strong and stick it out after this. She was given the option to leave the school .even switch school districts. But she realized after that suicide attempt that no matter what ,she would always carry that with her and there would always be bullys. And she realized that no one really cares when it comes down to it. She's 15 now ...she has a therapist she's she's when she feels she needs her . Right now after this breakup with the bad kid...she is a behaving and acting more like a regular 15 year old girl then she has in a long time. Her bullying started because the group of boys she was best friends with were bullyiing other girls . She was friends with these boys since kindergarten. They treated her like their sister. I think she felt protected and safe when she was with them and they knew of her older brother. He already had a reputation for his drug use and how he treated his little sister and himself . Those boys did care for her. But one day she came home and said , mom I don't k ow if I want to stay friends with the boys anymore. She said" they bully everyone. Especially these two girls. She said the boys were telling one girl to slit her wrists like her older sister did. And they would call the other girl fat and hold food in front of her face. She said"I'm scared to leave them though because maybe they will bully me. I said ,you know Leah ,you have to do what you know is right
if you don't like how they are treating other kids then maybe its time you found some new friends.the next day .. She came home and said she switched lunch tables. She say by those girls that they were bullying. By the end of that day .those boys had started directing there bullying toward her. Then told her daily she should just kill herself because she was going to become a druggy loser like her brother. Over and over day after day. Four five months
I kept trying to help her . But the more I tried to get her help .the more they would bully. Until she finally gave up. And The pills. She said after she was told that by them for all that time she should just kill herself . She finally believed they were right. That's what she thought

 

[Xero]

Um, my kids are 6 and 2 lol. No phones or internet accounts.

If they were older and I had a reason to take their passwords or what have you, I would. My point is that I highly doubt that social networking is your problem, and I think your priorities are in the wrong place. Controlling everything they do on the internet or phone, but letting them run all over destroying their lives in the real world. Something is not working here.

And your advice from your experiences? The mom of the suicidal drug dealers and addicts? Sorry, not interested.

I'm kind of starting to think troll.

 

[timmo108]

pretty sure you didn't have to read it or take advice and if your boys are that young....when you read the heading why would you even THINK it would pertain to you ? to have gone through these things coming from a parents points of you . So maybe trolling IS a better choices for you. That's what my 22 year daughter does

 

[singledad]

Wow, timmo, Are you always this rude? You are really starting to sound like you'd be more at home on ask.fm....

 

[timmo108]

and I know nudes are illegal . Not to mention how harmful it can become to a girls self esteem . That's why I posted the thread . So people can become aware that some of the young girls are doing this . I would rather be a mom that finds out by viewing my Childs sites.then a mom who doesn't know. Do ya think a young 12 to 15 year old TELLS her parents ,hey mom do you mind if I send or post a couple nudes ? Pretty sure that's something they don't ask their parents permission for or do it in their kitchen with there parents sitting there. What the hell? And the kids that were doing this had very good communication their daughters .I knew them personally and still do. They thought they had open communication with their kids too.

 

[timmo108]

Actually I am rudesome peoples ignorance annoys me .

 

[Xero]

You are really not the brightest crayon in the box huh... o_0 I was calling you a troll - you didn't catch on though. haha

Well every topic on every age pertains to me silly, my kids will be teenagers someday too.

Starting to understand why you've got so many problems in the parenting department. You're still a kid yourself mentally.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

and I know nudes are illegal . Not to mention how harmful it can become to a girls self esteem . That's why I posted the thread . So people can become aware that some of the young girls are doing this . I would rather be a mom that finds out by viewing my Childs sites.then a mom who doesn't know. Do ya think a young 12 to 15 year old TELLS her parents ,hey mom do you mind if I send or post a couple nudes ? Pretty sure that's something they don't ask their parents permission for or do it in their kitchen with there parents sitting there. What the hell? And the kids that were doing this had very good communication their daughters .I knew them personally and still do. They thought they had open communication with their kids too.

If kids post nudes, communication failed long time ago. More likely, young kids have been groomed by pedophiles

 

[timmo108]

If it pertains to you take what you need and use it. If it doesn't ,then why not move on ? I feel like having listened to some of these comments .I might as well JOIN IN on a kids site because so who I feel like I've been talking too. You people don't seem like you are on here for advice OR information ...it seems like you are on here to get in arguements. Which is strange to me . Its no wonder these forums to me seemed like a bunch of bored people sitting around arguing about NOTHING all day. What's the saying " YOU WANT THE TRUTH ? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH ???? " so true ..lol so you probably won't see me on here any more ...I really would rather stick to speaking with adults lol and for the other people haven't commented....after you saw this post ...either a.you quietly stayed out of the convo and went through your kids computers and phones or
b.probably are parents of little kids that have No Clue
c.have been on this sites and participated in the SAME ACTIVITIES AS THE KIDS LOL and probably still are ,and that's why you have such strong opinions about it hahA .

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Are you under influence?

 

[Xero]

This is obviously just some bored teenager.