DH and I have been happily married almost 20 yrs., and we have gone away without the kids for 2-3 days only twice. We would do so more often if we had trustworthy childcare, but my point is that you can still get little breaks and refreshers without going away and leaving the wee ones behind. When the kids are sleeping it's golden couple time. If we're wiped out we go to bed right after the kids, or at least cuddle and enjoy the down time together. We chat and connect as a couple. Very important for the health of the marriage! When the kids are up we take turns giving each other Mommy/Daddy breaks. An afternoon wandering around the mall by myself or with a friend without the kids is very relaxing and recharging for me. Work together with your husband to find something that works.
Two burned out parents....
- Thread starter Lissa
- Start date
He doesn't want to go anywhere with me. We had a date night a couple weekends ago. I went singing. I practically had to beg him to come hear me sing. And the entire time he sat there uninterested.FooserX said:
I agree with sarushjr that his relaxation is on the couch. He's an indoor man. I'm an outdoor person. The problem I have with him sitting on the couch doing nothing while I take care of Oliver is that I become resentful. Maybe that's my problem.
You need to compromise with him....You need to pick a night or two a week where you can go out with a girlfriend and go for a walk or whatever and leave Oliver home with him. In exchange, he can have a night or two a week to come home and veg out for the evening. The other nights, you both do something together with Oliver. You both win. If he won't compromise, get into couples counseling, because you're heading down a dangerous road.
Sorry FooserX, I don't agree with you. Part of being in a relationship is doing things for the other person even if you don't want too. He should want to hear her sing, simply because it's what she's into.
I'm feeling you... I'm a musician myself, and it's very important for me to have my g/f in the audience when I perform. It's a confidence boost. 
Lissa said:
Right...what does that have to do with what he wants to do? You want him to go hear you sing for you? lol...Are you for real? That's like him giving you a comic book for your birthday because he likes it when you guys read one together.
I agree, but when he's bored, and they're burned out...I'm thinking a compromise is in order to get him re-energized.sarushjr said:
It seems easier to get stubborn bored male to do something fun when it's fun for him...not when it's only fun for the wife.
Where did you guys go after the karaoke? A tupperware party?
I think you're missing the point here Foos. The problem lies in that people need to compromise for eachother. I don't particularly like going to Country Line Dancing clubs, but my girlfriend does...so I go. She doesn't get any real enjoyment out of watching me play GTA4, but does so because it makes me happy.
A relationship happens when both people sacrifice for eachother to make eachother happy.
A relationship happens when both people sacrifice for eachother to make eachother happy.
sarushjr said:
Who is disagreeing with you here???
All I'm saying is that maybe Lissa could be the one making compromises first to start the ball rolling. At least she's willing to do stuff, whereas it sounds like he's sorta in a funk. He's more likely to do couple stuff when it's fun for him.
Does he LIKE singing?
We met online through a local music website. He was looking for a singer. He plays guitar. We've been wanting to go out and listen to this band. It's next weekend. Maybe we can find a babysitter. I have a feeling that my mom is getting tired of babysitting for us though. I wish we could find someone else.FooserX said:
if both people are not willing to compromise then its not going to work at all. ESPECIALLY if they are in a funk. He has to be willign to do things she enjoys just as much as she is willing to do things he enjoys.FooserX said:
To me it sounds like there is a lot of resentment (as Lissa has admitted to) and in that case I really think you should be talking to a couselor to get your marriage back on track. If all he wants is sex... then thats no good. The old saying that men need sex to be emotional and girls need emotion to be sexual is a big thing