Unique situation, advice needed...

[cybele]

Thanks bssage.

Unfortunately quite a few people out here in the real world are putting in their two cents, and most of it is really quite mean and silly. Its frustrating, because if it were Dita's boyfriend, I dont think anywhere as many people who be having an issue with it.

 

[Aylaissi]

Sadly that is still the world we live in. Many people still get stuck on the gender in a relationship instead of looking at the relationship for what it is. It has become much better, I remember just 14 years ago when I came out as pansexual and how hard that was, hopefully it keeps getting better. Even if it does not though, Dita can take comfort in knowing it does not matter to the people who matter most to her... Which I am sure will always mean the world to her. So ignore those people, keep following your heart and your instincts. I think overall doing that has worked well for you, look at who your children are to prove that! Nobody else really has the place to judge, you know your family best ^^

 

[Testing]

Aylaissi: Sadly that is still the world we live in. Many people still get stuck on the gender in a relationship instead of looking at the relationship for what it is.

It actually does have some relevance.

It has become much better, I remember just 14 years ago when I came out as pan-sexual and how hard that was, hopefully it keeps getting better.

I'm not even sure I want to know what this is...

 

[cybele]

Pansexuality is ability to feel attraction for all sexes, including transsexuals.

 

[cybele]

And Aylaissi, again, thank you. Youre really making me feel better about this.

 

[IADad]

yes, it's sad that people feel the need to judge and interject their own biases. Why not wish people well even if you don't like or understand their view of life. I don't see what being negative ever got anyone.

I always try to just treat people as people, isn't that all anybody wants. Nobody goes out of their way to comment on a person's heterosexuality, why should they about any other preference?

Take heart that for everyone who feels the need to comment, there are as many or more who support you and her.

 

[cybele]

Thanks IADad.

 

[Xero]

I think you are doing the right thing, and out of everything I am just really frustrated at her parents!! I mean, I get that she is the age of an adult, but it's like they are just abandoning their own child?! That's terrible. And to put her in the situation of worrying about graduating highschool and all that, how shameful. It's like they're perfectly content with dropping out of her life completely for FIVE YEARS now that she is the bare minimum age at which they no longer must be responsible for her. Ugh! They really are a self-centered couple of people, aren't they. :/

It actually does have some relevance.

I see none.

I'm not even sure I want to know what this is...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality

Nothing to be scared of, I assure you.

 

[bssage]

I thought it meant really loved cooking.

 

[cybele]

Haha, in particular, frypans.

 

[Xero]

lol! Oh wow.

 

[BabyAngel]

I thought it meant really loved cooking.

Ha ha ha !! good one !

 

[cybele]

Sorry to keep bumping this thread up.

Violet's parents have been home from intertstate since last friday morning, so 4 days now, they have made no attempt to contact her. She popped into her house before work on sunday and no one was home.

Today after school she went to her house again, her mother was there, her father wasnt, her mother was quickly popping in to change clothes and was there for all of 5mins when Violet was, Violet apparently asked her if she could come over for dinner tomorrow night, and her mother replied "Ive got other things to do, were very busy with selling the house and our stuff, just stick some post its on the stuff you want moved to your storage locker. Talk to you later" and left her there.

She came back to our place absolutely distraught, she cant figure out what she has done to make her parents turn like this, theyve never been the supporting, always there kind of parents, but theyre taking it to a new extreme now.

Im feeling pretty useless actually, all I can do is sit there and hug her and be there, but im not her mother, its not my attention and affection she wants, it never will be, nor should it be. The only 'useful' thing I can do right now is attempt to restrain Dita from hunting down Violet's mother and giving her an earful. That girl is way too much like me when I was her age.

 

[bssage]

wow that is just freaky. Do you think its because she is gay??

 

[cybele]

I dont know, were going back a bit here, but there was hesitation back before they 'officially' started dating about her coming out to her parents, but I was always under the impression that it was coming more from a place of general teenage worry, not anything specific.

Dita and Violet have been together for over two years now, her parents have always seemed to accept Dita, so id honestly be surprised if it were a sexuality thing, but you never know I guess.

 

[bssage]

Either way. I just cant get my brain around doing that to your kid.

 

[NPRhead]

This is a mindblowing thread. It has the makings for a movie, I think.

Maybe the gay issue is a part of this, but certainly not the whole deal. I guess these parents are just more used to the traveling lifestyle, so therefore they might overlook basic, basic things that the rest of us take for granted.

They may have gone into parenting with a different mentality, and over time, their habits have just reinforced their different worldview.

I can't add anything to this thread right now, but it's immensely fascinating, and tragic, in a way.

Good on cybele for giving this arrangement a huge amount of thought, and saying "yes" in the end. It seems like the right thing to have committed to, but no less amazing.

Looking forward to the next newsbyte, and cheering for you all.

 

[cybele]

I think youve hit the nail on the head, I just could never really word it. They have their lifestyle and certain things just dont fit in there.

Things have been going pretty good. Violet has caught up with her mother (even if it meant she had to skip school to do so) but her school has been very accommodating with this situation, all her teachers were very concearned about the situation, she's a very intelligent girl, straight A's in very difficult subjects (ive seen her specialist mathematics homework and it scares me, but she insists that its easy) and has the capacity to do amazing things and none of them wanted to see her drop out.

And things are pretty good here too, she's settled in really well, the girls have been so mature about it, at first they struggled with the social jumble, they go to two different schools so they have two different friendship groups and the whole "im going to the movies with my friends" "im going shopping with my friends" type of stuff was a bit of a sticky point at first, but they really have figured themselves out. Im really proud of both of them.

The only thing that worries me, at this point, and I dont think it will ever go away, is that the younger kids have become very attached to her, she really compliments what Sunny and Lux have 'missing' in their siblings, she has that interest in girly stuff and pretty, frilly clothes and soft makeup and hair that Sunny has, and she cant share that with tomboy Lux or lets stick as many rings in my face as humanly possible Dita, so they have become instant shopping and girly-stuff buddies. And she has that real academic interest that Lux has, and all of the other kids (minus Sash, he's too young for this) have more of a creative type intelligence, and Lux helps her 'study' (as in, she reads out questions) and is just in awe of her. So I am a little worried, again the whole "this IS a teenage relationship, and those dont have the best track record" but if that does happen (which I really hope it dosent, I adore her too) then it would just have to be chalked up to an experience.

 

[cybele]

wow that is just freaky. Do you think its because she is gay??

And to some extent, you were right.

Her mother offered her one last chance to go with them, and from what I gather from what Violet has told us, tried to change her mind with the line, "Think of all the cute exotic guys you can meet" and then when Violet asked for an explanation of what that meant, and her mother admitted that she thought this was just a phase, told her its okay either way, but she never took her seriously because she "is too pretty and feminine to go that way"

Im just really sick of her coming back here in tears, its happened too many times, and this time it was just silly nonsense.

I really dont know what to do, part of my "plan of action" for this involved ensuring that Violet stayed in constant contact with her parents, but it is just getting petty, she dosent even get ridiculous remarks like that at school, and here they are coming from a full grown adult who should know better. Violet dosent want to speak to her parents at the moment, and her parents dont make any effort to stay in contact with her.

 

[akmom]

Thanks bssage.

Unfortunately quite a few people out here in the real world are putting in their two cents, and most of it is really quite mean and silly. Its frustrating, because if it were Dita's boyfriend, I dont think anywhere as many people who be having an issue with it.

I really don't know anything about Australian culture, but taking in a high school daughter's boyfriend and allowing them to share a room together seems to me like it would be a <I>bigger</I> issue for people to swallow. I can think of a lot more concerns parents might have in that scenario. Is letting adolescent partners live together under their parents' roof really that common? When I was a senior in high school, my boyfriend got kicked out of his parents' home (essentially an attempt to extort "rent" from him that ultimately amounted to their entire mortgage payment, since they were temporarily unemployed), and my parents thought it was terrible... but inviting him to live with their daughter certainly didn't cross their minds!

Personally I don't think that Violet's entire future depends on whether you put her up. Young adults have navigated living arrangements with or without their parents in many ways and made themselves successful. We could start a whole thread on the creative ways that people have faced this challenge, but I think this ultimately comes down to what makes everyone happy (your family members and Violet collectively) and that seems to be having her move in. It's an unusual arrangement in my mind (some kind of cross between a sibling relationship and underage co-habitation, but not quite either), but at least with the gender factor you don't have to worry about teen pregnancy.