Well.....you survived!...

[singledad]

I have same feeling as you, singledad, that i dont want that they will ever get hurt, but they are...no matter what i would do...so im trying to keep my good old fashion paranoia for myself, to drink kamomille tea ( for the nerves-as a joke) and take every day as ist comes...im scared to death , though, thinking what a twisted, crazy, lacking real values world i brought them into...but...giving birth to them was the first step to knowingly expose them to something that can harm them, as you said.

I jobs as parents are to prepare them for the world, that includes the bad, no matter how much that scares us.

when I was about 4 or 5, i fell off my dad's lap, hit the table leg with my face, and knocked my tooth out. so life is like that -- your kids can get hurt even when you're holding them in your arms.

OK, I get it .

I guess the truth is that I just don't really know what a healthy home is supposed to be. I know how its NOT supposed to be, which is pretty much what I grew up in. So I want to give my daughter the life I wish I had, and I'm starting to realise that I don't really know what that life is like. I have all these ideals about how she must always be loved and protected and never be left to fend for herself the way I was, but I think I'm being naive here - that isn't possible, or even desirable, is it?

This isn't right - I shouldn't be solely responsible for this little girl's life. I'm just so not qualified to do this on my own! I know I'm going to screw this up, no matter how hard I try, because I just don't know what I'm supposed to do

And then I have to audacity to come on here and give people advice, as if I know the first think about how a child should be brought up...

 

[mrsrunster]

OK, I get it .

I guess the truth is that I just don't really know what a healthy home is supposed to be. I know how its NOT supposed to be, which is pretty much what I grew up in. So I want to give my daughter the life I wish I had, and I'm starting to realise that I don't really know what that life is like. I have all these ideals about how she must always be loved and protected and never be left to fend for herself the way I was, but I think I'm being naive here - that isn't possible, or even desirable, is it?

This isn't right - I shouldn't be solely responsible for this little girl's life. I'm just so not qualified to do this on my own! I know I'm going to screw this up, no matter how hard I try, because I just don't know what I'm supposed to do

And then I have to audacity to come on here and give people advice, as if I know the first think about how a child should be brought up...

Hei! listen to me...you will do just fine and you wont screw it up, because you love her, and you will find eventually balance between your own fears and wishes and reality..im sure of it. The fact that you are part of this forum says that you are interested to learn, arent you? Just like most of us, i presume, that didnt come here only to give advices, but to get as well. You are are perfectly qualified, not any less then any of us. They are millions of single parents in the world and its just depending on them how it will work out. Theres not such thing as a perfect parent-i think that is even a thread about that-everybody makes mistakes, we do our best, but eventually its not only us that decide how our kids life will be-they will make their own mistakes, no matter what we teach them , or show them by our personal example...and nobody says that you wont find somebody to share your life with, that will bring that feeling that you can count on somebody, feeling that we are all searching for

 

[Xero]

OMG - I had to google that, and now I kinda wish I hadn't. I feel a bit sick right now.

Same here...

 

[mom2many]

OK, I get it .

I guess the truth is that I just don't really know what a healthy home is supposed to be. I know how its NOT supposed to be, which is pretty much what I grew up in. So I want to give my daughter the life I wish I had, and I'm starting to realise that I don't really know what that life is like. I have all these ideals about how she must always be loved and protected and never be left to fend for herself the way I was, but I think I'm being naive here - that isn't possible, or even desirable, is it?

This isn't right - I shouldn't be solely responsible for this little girl's life. I'm just so not qualified to do this on my own! I know I'm going to screw this up, no matter how hard I try, because I just don't know what I'm supposed to do

And then I have to audacity to come on here and give people advice, as if I know the first think about how a child should be brought up...

You'll do fine!!!!

I have 8 kids and screw up everyday, there is no such thing as the perfect parent. I am still learning how to parent, lord knows, by now I should have perfected it but the world keeps changing around me so that means I am constantly changing how I parent.

As her daddy all you can do is what feels right to you, and as I tell my kids everyday I just hope that I do it well enough so they will never have a need for therapy. If that is accomplished, I have done well.

 

[singledad]

Aaww, thanks guys. I really appreciate the encouragement.

I guess I just get scared, because this (being a parent) is the most important thing I have ever done, and will ever do, and it is also the one thing for which I am least equipped. Plus I never imagined that I would have to go it alone. I was so sure that I would always have Thea to turn to when I didn't know what to do. She just always seemed to know...

That is why I joined this forum - because I feel so freaking clueless and I am absolutely terrified of doing something wrong... I guess its just me being the perfectionist and expecting the impossible from myself again, isn't it? I always do this to myself

 

[Xero]

singledad - I can tell just by reading the things you post that you are a better dad than most!! (((hugs)))

 

[stjohnjulie]

singledad, something that I've noticed is, that the parents who worry about being good parents are the ones you don't have to worry about. I think most of us know that this is a never ending educational experience. I learn something new every day and am confronted with new issues that I could have never ever dreamed of, let alone planned for.

I have to tell you, when I read your post about your wife not so long ago, I was sobbing by the time I reached the end. This is not a typical reaction for me. I cannot even imagine how it felt to lose your wife and unborn child. I am continually inspired by your strength and determination to be the best father you can be to your adorable little girl. 'squeeze' that's a hug for you. You are doing a great job!

 

[singledad]

Ok, I seem to have succeeded in thoroughly highjacking NinjaBob's thread. Sorry!

But thanks anyway guys, I appreciate it.