Whose Date Is It Anyway?...

[Cop2be]

I've been thinking about this like all night and I was just wondering if you know that most kids go through this particular guys/girls/dating/relationships/sex battle with their parents at like 16 years old (a lot of times earlier, I'm just being nice), not 20. Where were you when you were an actual teenager? Rather than an adult acting like one, and being treated like one? I'm confused. Not that I don't applaud you on abstaining and whatnot. I do. Just seems really weird. You're 20 years old and your mom has never had to deal with you seeing a movie with a boy? She's lucky she's not my mom lol I was sexually active at 16 and had a baby at 20. I pretended to go to bed at night and then climbed out my window to stay out all night with my boyfriend and sneak in right before they woke up. And I wasn't a bad kid in the least bit, I just had a life (kinda). Your mom should be relieved she had such a lucky break with a kid that didn't even TRY till she was 20! o__o

Now that I think about this a little harder, I really begin to wonder what kind of strict, sheltering control freak your mom really is. I always thought my mom was pretty controlling, and sheltering. I suppose the saying "it could always be worse" is usually true.

I have been dealing with her and the topic of boys since I was 13.
I remember her telling me I wasn't allowed to date till I was 16 when I was 13. I remember getting smacked across the mouth the middle of walmart because I said that aaron carter was hot and thats why I wanted the poster I had found.
Every single guy I have liked has been a struggle, always a discussion. Where is he going in life? Whats he going to do for a career?
And I wasn't ever even sure if the dates would go past a week or two, much less thinking about a future with the boy.

I haven't nescesarily abstained. I have gone out with guys but its when ever I am truthful with her about who I am hanging out with and the intentions of hanging out with them. Any time I have ever been on a date, my answers ti her were "we are just hanging out" or "I don't like him like that".

So when I am truthful to her, she gets angry..
When I lie, it pacifies her..
:veryconfused:


I'm just going to stop listening to her.
Like her rules (the crazy ones) and her view points (the ones that don't make sense).
If I am remembering correctly someone on here told me pretend I am doing what she wants and then do differently behind her back.
She already says she doesn't trust me so whats there to lose..
Maybe she'll learn to deal with it.

 

[16th ave.]

i've looked around...a few I wanted to post on but I wasn't sure if they topic was too old or not and didn't want to post and it be on a topic that was too old.
I do check often and if something new comes along and I can give some advice then id be happy to.

the main thing, i think, is to try not to post in things older than 30 days old. it is easy enough. for example, there is currently a thread asking for opinion about dealing w/a 17 yr. old's behavior and what was done and so on. if you think you have some sort of helpful insight for that parent then go into that thread and try to discuss it. being a parent is not necessarily a requirement for a parenting forum. discuss things that you know/remember worked for your mom w/you as kid or worked for your friends' parents on them or what is working for your mom with your brother.

 

[Xero]

Wow that is pretty harsh... reminds me a little of my mom. I was also not allowed to date until I was 16, but she let me hang out with boys as "friends" at my own house or SOMETIMES at theirs but I think she kinda knew what was going on. I just wasn't allowed to go like to a movie or actual dating till 16.

I remember one time I was KIND OF dating this one guy, but we never did anything (sexually), but we hung out sometimes. The one time we were watching a movie at my house and we were sitting next to each other on the couch and our ARMS were touching and my mom straight up walked up to me and screamed directly in my face "Why are you sitting like that!? THIS IS NOT A WHORE HOUSE!!" Yeah that's what she said. Seriously. My mom was a little strange like yours. She treated me like that a LOT while I was growing up. She chased most of the guys that liked me by being psychotic. That's why I say it will never change until you leave. :/

 

[TabascoNatalie]

I have been dealing with her and the topic of boys
Every single guy I have liked has been a struggle, always a discussion. Where is he going in life? Whats he going to do for a career?

that's possible to understand. at young age we girls like guys who are cute, who are cool, but we don't pay much attention that they maybe have a lousy life ahead of them. parents been there, so they're worried. but you don't have to report on very guy you go out with at your age. it's not the middle ages.

I'm just going to stop listening to her.
Like her rules (the crazy ones) and her view points (the ones that don't make sense).
If I am remembering correctly someone on here told me pretend I am doing what she wants and then do differently behind her back.
She already says she doesn't trust me so whats there to lose..
Maybe she'll learn to deal with it.

for now, that's probably the right thing to do. but you should work on getting out of that house ASAP. also you should draw your lines of patience. you have human rights, and she should know that.

 

[Cop2be]

I am working on it.
I have an appt at my college today about financial aid. If I get financial aid then my grandmother may let me use my college money for a car.

I only have two more semesters before I go to police academy.
If I get this semester paid for I can always work up and pay for next semester on my own.

But I need a car..with her schedule during the school year she can't take me to a job.

 

[16th ave.]

that's great cop2be. also check into a work/study program w/your school.
are there buses that you can ride to where ya gotta go? not as good as having your own car but a heck of alot cheaper. also, you might feel like a dork for doing it--> check into buying a really good bicycle. the only upkeep is the tires.

natalie--you should draw your lines of patience. you have human rights, and she should know that.
yes, cop2be does have rights but not many as long as her mom is paying for her upkeep. i can understand her situation but its best to try not to lie unless that is her last option. keep everything out in the open if at all possible. mom might bitch but the woman would really have no leg to stand on as long as cop2be was upfront w/everything.

 

[Cop2be]

Wow that is pretty harsh... reminds me a little of my mom. I was also not allowed to date until I was 16, but she let me hang out with boys as "friends" at my own house or SOMETIMES at theirs but I think she kinda knew what was going on. I just wasn't allowed to go like to a movie or actual dating till 16.

I remember one time I was KIND OF dating this one guy, but we never did anything (sexually), but we hung out sometimes. The one time we were watching a movie at my house and we were sitting next to each other on the couch and our ARMS were touching and my mom straight up walked up to me and screamed directly in my face "Why are you sitting like that!? THIS IS NOT A WHORE HOUSE!!" Yeah that's what she said. Seriously. My mom was a little strange like yours. She treated me like that a LOT while I was growing up. She chased most of the guys that liked me by being psychotic. That's why I say it will never change until you leave. :/

My mom once called me a whore because I wear camis under my t-shirts. If you don't know what cami's are its like a spaghetti strap shirt with like that elastic part that goes right under the bra. Its to like wear under other shirts.
I was like how does that make me a whore?
Oh and in the same breath told me that me and all the other girls my age look like men...
How I look like a whore and a man at the same time is beyond me...

You know if I was dressing trampy, sleeping around, staying out all hours of the night, had like purple hair and piercings all over...then I would understand her behavior...but its like im totally the opposite..

 

[Cop2be]

that's great cop2be. also check into a work/study program w/your school.
are there buses that you can ride to where ya gotta go? not as good as having your own car but a heck of alot cheaper. also, you might feel like a dork for doing it--> check into buying a really good bicycle. the only upkeep is the tires.

natalie--you should draw your lines of patience. you have human rights, and she should know that.
yes, cop2be does have rights but not many as long as her mom is paying for her upkeep. i can understand her situation but its best to try not to lie unless that is her last option. keep everything out in the open if at all possible. mom might bitch but the woman would really have no leg to stand on as long as cop2be was upfront w/everything.

I see where you are coming from with the not lying but it really doesn't matter. She doesn't beleive me either way. I could tell her I was going bowling with some friends and in her mind i'd be lying and really going off to have sex with random people and do drugs.

Like my friend, a female friend, texted me and asked if I wanted to go to her pool/hot tub with her at her apt, my mom asked me if I was going to have sex with boys....
Oh and something clogged the toilet, idk what but it was pretty clogged....she asked me if I had flushed a condom down the toilet.
I told her that while she was gone, I found some thugs from downtown and we had a huge gang bang and there were 7 xxl condoms clogging my toilet....
She ended up having to call someone to fix it...no condoms found because there weren't any.


So see, she doesn't trust me to begin with, I lie and don't have to hear her bitching about everything, VS. me being truthful and having to hear her yammer on for hours.

 

[Cop2be]

I respect my mom and her rules when she makes sense.
I can't respect her or her rules when he acts like she has gone off the deep end.

I will point out to her when she is acting crazy and I have smart assed answers I give her.

Like she once asked if I sold the toilet paper for drug money...she still thinks it disappears "mysterisously fast"....my response is to tap that place on my arm where they stick the IV's and say gotta get my fix.

And no I don't think my responses are unwarranted.

 

[Cop2be]

Oh and my brother does the same crap she does.
I recently like cut my way past shoulder length hair, I serisously had like a 10in pony tail...to like just at my shoulders with a wittle bitty 3in pony tail

The other day my brother was like why did you get it cut so short and I was like because thats the way I wanted but he went on to assume there was some reason I wasn't telling.

If I get out with out being seriously messed up with millions of issues and a drinking problem, i'll be lucky.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

sounds like your mother has a troubled past relationships with the opposite sex. that's why she acts this way.

natalie--you should draw your lines of patience. you have human rights, and she should know that.
yes, cop2be does have rights but not many as long as her mom is paying for her upkeep. i can understand her situation but its best to try not to lie unless that is her last option. keep everything out in the open if at all possible. mom might bitch but the woman would really have no leg to stand on as long as cop2be was upfront w/everything.

<i></i>
1. paying the upkeep doesn't mean you can treat another person as your property. whoever that would be -- your child, your unemployed spouse, or your elderly grandmother.
2. moving away/supporting oneself may not solve psychological problems some people have. For example... I have an 80-year-old grandmother. Al the time she was the boss of everything -- command and control. She was very strict mother, and very strict grandmother. If something goes against her way -- wait for serious trouble. What's going on now, all her children and grandchildren are adults. she is in poor health. but she continues her "command and control" thing and everybody lets here believe everythings is the way she wants to be, and... living their lives behind her back. just nobody wants to drive her to a heart-attack or something. it's already too late.

 

[Cop2be]

I agree.

I feel at this age, my mom has all rights to tell me what to do when it comes to cleaning, curfew and contribution.

BUT

I feel she has no place telling me what I can and can't do with my social/sex life, bedtimes, clothes or how much time/what I do online.

Ex: If I want to stay out till 4am for whatever, I should be able to as long I am going to stay the night at a friends house and not coming home late and disturbing them.
Ex: I don't feel like she has the right to tell me who I can hang out with/ where I can go.
Ex: As long as I am home by curfew I don't think it should matter where I go, what I do or who I am with. As long as its not illegal, it fair game in my dictionary. Drinking and drugs is illegal/breaking the law isn't something id do anyways.
Ex: If I want to spend the night at my off again on again bf's house I should be able to.
Ex:As long as I am quiet I feel she has no place telling me when to go to bed at night and get up in the am.
Ex: I don't think I should have any rules on myspace or anything else.

If she wants me to do certain chores, fine.
If she wants me home by a certain time, fine. (Staying out later as long I crash somewhere else should be an option for me.)
If she wants me to contribute something to the household, fine.

Other than that...its paws off.

 

[Cop2be]

I have a very good example.
We went out to iHop to eat this morning and I made a comment about how I have to straighten my hair now with this new hair and she starts rambling on about how I should "let it be natural" and "do whatever it wants" and it didn't stop there she had to make a comment about how she think I look like some evil harsh jail warden.

Seriously, even if I were to move out she'd still treat me like this, isn't there some way to like smack some sense into her?
Oh and I asked her to stop calling me names but she can't even do that.

 

[Xero]

If I get out with out being seriously messed up with millions of issues and a drinking problem, i'll be lucky.

This. :veryconfused:

 

[TabascoNatalie]

I have a very good example.
We went out to iHop to eat this morning and I made a comment about

well, here you asked for it...

 

[Cop2be]

This. :veryconfused:

*tries to stay sane*

As long as I stay adamant about what I think, i'll be fine.
Just no caving to the weird ways of the nutball twins I live with.

 

[Xero]

lol just hang in there until you've got done what you need to get done.

 

[Cop2be]

I think i've made some progress with my mom though.
Its like 11:30pm now and about an hour ago she was like "I'm going to bed, just keep quiet."

Yay! She is finally understanding that an entire household doesn't have to go to bed at the same time. *claps*