Daughter 22 depressed overweight...

IADad

Super Moderator
Feb 23, 2009
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Fair enough, but money is only one thing and in comparison to other issues here, it's my opinion that it should be a lesser consideration. You are to be commended for the effort and forethought you've put forward, however, I'd suggest that priorities must sometimes shift. Let's say your roof sustains damage, and you can spend 10,000 to fix it now or risk your entire house failing and collapsing. Now, you're saving for retirement, so you don't really have the money to commit to the repair. What do you do?

I'm just suggesting you be a little more flexible with your financial plans, devote you energy to getting your daughter well, then re-focus.

If you fear that your daughter isn't emmotionally invested in advancing her own life and lifestyle, then it's probably a problem that's been growing for some time. It's not something the death of the dog created. So, it's not likely that counselling can fix it in a few short weeks. or you taking a stern "You gotta pitch in" stance is going to suddenly fix it. It's going to have to be part of a larger comprehensive plan. Just because you can see the problem, doesn't mean it's necessarily correct or that anyone else wants to play along with your solution, correct? You have some work collectively on finding what the real problems are and how you're going to approach fixing them.
 

Klissop

New member
Jun 30, 2020
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I know that being overweight doesn't add to your happiness, it usually ruins your social life a lot. I don’t know a way to cheer up your daughter, but if you convert her weight from pounds to kg, then perhaps a number less on scales motivates her more? I'm sure that if she sets a goal for herself, she will very quickly achieve the result.
 

Moonstone

Member
Nov 9, 2020
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Personally, I'm not a fan of sugar coating things, especially for adults. I didn't read this full thread because it's over 6 years old but I don't think it would change my mind all that much.

There are healthy ways to lose weight without even exercising. Of course, talk to your doctor if you feel so inclined before attempting a major dietary change, but I am and personally know a lot of people who do low carb and intermittent fasting; one of who I know is diabetic and another who has monthly dialysis for a reason unknown to me.

There's not much in life a person can control but food or a lack of IS controllable, and I believe that taking control of that aspect of life can bring positive change to other aspects of life.

I say all this also having lived in a major city for several years - a "food desert" as you will. Certain junk food is fine if you eat it with care. During my time in the city I prided myself on eating for less than $2/meal. Avoid completely unfilling crap like chips and pick something with SOME substance like a Snickers bar or hot pockets.

I've never been overweight so maybe I'm not seeing the whole picture but I also think I could have easily been overweight; both my mom and sister, along with a majority of the women in my family, struggle with weight, so it's "in my genes" which I think is a BS excuse.

Maybe it's a *itch thing to say but I definitely think everyone can choose to lose weight. It's not easy. It takes discipline, research (to pick the "healthiest" of what's available to you), and the ability to be uncomfortable due to the warm creep of hunger in your stomach (which CAN be staved off with water and other 0/low calorie drinks), but anyone can do it if they really want to.
 

Waboon

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Mar 24, 2021
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It seems to me that you should first of all express as much support and encourage her hobbies as possible so that she feels constant support and confidence in her abilities. You need to decide the money issue at a general family council, she is an adult, and if you treat her as an adult and independent person, she will reciprocate you. 2020 was a very difficult year and it is quite challenging for everyone to lead a social life now, give her time. Studying is also bad for the psyche because the number of tasks has increased due to distance learning. I think that you can arrange a joint vacation and just spend time with each other not far from home.
 

Moonstone

Member
Nov 9, 2020
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USA
@Waboon I don't think you need to apologize. Even if the thread is old you still have wisdom and advice to share that could be helpful to someone in a similar situation.