Do you think this is weird behaviour from my son?...
- Thread starter josie
- Start date
I don't think it's unusual at all - all my kids have gone through phases where they wanted to sleep in my bed or in my room at one time or another.... I suspect that there may be more than one reason but to me, the symptom doesn't seem very serious all on it's own.
He's getting older and perhaps more aware of his dad's absences, perhaps he heard someone ask you if you were lonly without his dad there or someone commenting and feels that he will help keep you company.
You could try offering him a place to sleep on the floor just to see how he would react to that offer (would that make him as happy or does he crave the body contact). (I tell my daughter now that I have trouble sleeping with her in the bed but she can sleep on the floor - on a makeshift mattress - I get clostophobic sometimes)
If it appears to be the body contact, try upping the hugs and pats and tickles during the day and see if that makes any difference but unless some other symptom comes up, I really wouldn't worry about it all that much - you can always tell him that you enjoy cuddling and hugging but the grabbing is uncomfortable and ask him not to do that.
Lisa
He's getting older and perhaps more aware of his dad's absences, perhaps he heard someone ask you if you were lonly without his dad there or someone commenting and feels that he will help keep you company.
You could try offering him a place to sleep on the floor just to see how he would react to that offer (would that make him as happy or does he crave the body contact). (I tell my daughter now that I have trouble sleeping with her in the bed but she can sleep on the floor - on a makeshift mattress - I get clostophobic sometimes)
If it appears to be the body contact, try upping the hugs and pats and tickles during the day and see if that makes any difference but unless some other symptom comes up, I really wouldn't worry about it all that much - you can always tell him that you enjoy cuddling and hugging but the grabbing is uncomfortable and ask him not to do that.
Lisa
I like Lisa's idea to offer the floor as an option. Nothing wrong with a few minutes of cuddling or hugging before bed. Maybe a long hug with mom in bed (maybe even in his bed) would be enough to help him fall asleep.
While this is not abnormal you also don't want to create a negative pattern for your son. This is a tough balance. What does the child expect and want for affection at night vs. what do Mom and Dad want when Dad returns home after eight weeks?!
I am sure you will find the right balance and help your son get the night-time affection he needs.
While this is not abnormal you also don't want to create a negative pattern for your son. This is a tough balance. What does the child expect and want for affection at night vs. what do Mom and Dad want when Dad returns home after eight weeks?!
I am sure you will find the right balance and help your son get the night-time affection he needs.
I agree great post.3kids4me said:
Sometimes at this age they realize thier fears and are just starting to recongnize the world is scary. he could be having nightmares about daddy being gone or whatever.
maybe there is new sound or a missing sound. It might just not feel right to him. His schedule may have changed.
Does he have any friends? maybe inviting one over to spend the night to give him some good feeling in the room might cure it?
Anyways Yes this completely normal. he may of saw something on the news that makes him scared and when daddy was home he felt his family safe or maybe he just worried about daddy coming home. Who knows but all in all.
Be happy he is still comfortable coming to you and do not try to loose the connection.
I do however feel offering a place beside the bed is ok if it bothers you.
Thanks Lisa and mmynedshlp. He came into my bed last night and I had a chat with him (even though it wasn't exactly the most appropriate time). He doesn't have nightmares and he says that the reason he comes to my bed is that he feels lonely by himself and feels more comfortable (which he meant by 'safer') in my bed.
He then asked me whether or not I get lonely sometimes and I found this a good time to bring up his dad. He then said that if I get lonely he (my son) will come and keep me company.
So, from what I understand of that, he is missing his dad and he doesn't want me to feel lonely either - which I was very touched by.
The fact that he clings to me doesn't bother me that much, and what concerned me more was why he was doing it andthannks to your help, I'm getting somewhere with this now. Some people think it's bad to let your child come into bed with you, I don't know what your opinions are on this.
However, it's a bit much for a 7 year old little boy to take on board and feel responsible for 'looking after' his mother. I feel guilty and a bit concerned because of this.
I very much appreciate your advice.
He then asked me whether or not I get lonely sometimes and I found this a good time to bring up his dad. He then said that if I get lonely he (my son) will come and keep me company.
So, from what I understand of that, he is missing his dad and he doesn't want me to feel lonely either - which I was very touched by.
The fact that he clings to me doesn't bother me that much, and what concerned me more was why he was doing it andthannks to your help, I'm getting somewhere with this now. Some people think it's bad to let your child come into bed with you, I don't know what your opinions are on this.
However, it's a bit much for a 7 year old little boy to take on board and feel responsible for 'looking after' his mother. I feel guilty and a bit concerned because of this.
I very much appreciate your advice.
I'm glad that you have opened up the lines of communication. Maybe it is a bit much for a 7 year old, but it is life and it's what is going on right now. The best thing to do is to talk about it (when he's comfortable doing so) and be as honest as is appropriate for a 7 year old.
That is really difficult because you may just have a really sensitive boy. I do so I kind of know where you are coming from. My son really picks up on my feelings so I have to make sure to keep all the feelings of insecurity, fear, lonliness on a tight reign because I don't want him to feel that as well. Do you notice him picking up on your feelings? It's hard to explain but I think you would notice if you watched him for a bit. I had to make sure that he knew I was there to protect him and make sure he was happy so he could be a little boy and not the "man of the house". Sometimes that consists of something as little as changing your outlook.josie said:
I personally would continue to allow him to sleep in your bed, I see nothing wrong with it. He will grow out of it soon.
Thanks for your input, Kallie Rae.
I think this is getting even more intricate now as I discovered him in my bedroom today putting some of his father's aftershave on himself.
I didn't know how to react - he looked surprised that I found him doing this and he said that he just 'wanted to test it'. I told him that it was alright for him to smell it but he shouldn't use it on himself. He went to play at a friend's house smelling of Giorgio Armani. Is he crying out for something here? I'm really worried about how he's reacting to his father's absence.
I think this is getting even more intricate now as I discovered him in my bedroom today putting some of his father's aftershave on himself.
I didn't know how to react - he looked surprised that I found him doing this and he said that he just 'wanted to test it'. I told him that it was alright for him to smell it but he shouldn't use it on himself. He went to play at a friend's house smelling of Giorgio Armani. Is he crying out for something here? I'm really worried about how he's reacting to his father's absence.
I wish you'd quit saying that Fooser, sometimes kids do not need two parents. That's your belief and that's fine. However some people have reasons that they don't. No child should have two parents if there is abuse or addiction. I don't care who you are. *sorry, felt the need to vent*FooserX said:Oh...sorry, I didn't read that.
Well kids need 2 parents...same thing.
I agree MM. I mean sure everyone would LIKE to be ina stable great married with kids, but lets be honest, thats not always the norm anymore. I would rather my child grow up with one stable, loving, supportive parent, then in a home with abuse of any kind.musicmom said:
I'm afraid the circumstances cannot be helped - it's part of my husband's job to be away for long periods of time and I have no control of this. I have to accept that for periods of 8 weeks at a time, I am a single mum, and it is hard. Especially, when I have behaviour like this to cope with. It seems as though my son is crying out for something, but when I try to get to the bottom of it, he says he's alright.
I think all he's doing is feeling that since your husband is not around and he's the only other male figure, that it is his responsibility to make sure you're not alone and safe. Kinda replacing your husband while he's not there. My son did that for a while while we lived on our own (with my daughter) but I told him he didn't have to do all that, that he was a child and didn't need to carry all that responsibility on his shoulders. Try talking to him and see if he tells you how he feels. Good luck!
I think it's sweet. I would love that if my SO were gone....I don't think it's strange at all, I think he's definately had some good role models when it comes to being nurturing and maybe he's seen him cuddle with you. It's not like some Michael Jackson thing....
My husband came back for a quick couple of days in the middle of his current 8 week period. My son has been acting extremely strange with him as though he's resenting him for being away. My two daughters have been great with him but my son has been distant and almost ignoring him. My husband wanted to take him out for a kick about, but my son refused to go and said that he wanted to stay at home. My husband was gutted and my son just started being a bit clingy with me.
I had a talk with him about why he was behaving like this and that he should be making the most of the fact that his dad is home. I thought that maybe this sulking behaviour would blow over after a bit, but it didn't and my husband will be leaving again this evening with my son still behaving this way. I really don't know what to do! Help!
I had a talk with him about why he was behaving like this and that he should be making the most of the fact that his dad is home. I thought that maybe this sulking behaviour would blow over after a bit, but it didn't and my husband will be leaving again this evening with my son still behaving this way. I really don't know what to do! Help!