Thanks Choppy, I will look into those books. luckily, a new library just opened right up the street
Having a crappy life....
- Thread starter Demona_Mommy91
- Start date
First of all hon, realize you are not alone here. You are not anywhere we haven't all been to some degree. NONE of us were ready for our first child. I would venture to bet that most if not all of us can tell you about some pretty lean, tough times. I know we started out in some roach infested hell holes, while I was working 2 minimum wage jobs, and just barely managing to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. We honestly often did not know where the next meal was coming from. A TON of soup beans and applesauce for meals. I am sure most of us can recount similar stories.
It is tough, it is tough for all of us, and struggling to be a parent and get your life started is hard for all of us. Every single one. You are not alone, and you are not doing anything wrong, or going through anything any normal, single mother doesn't struggle with.
And I do not mean this to sound trite, but take a good look at where you are, you are really in great shape Demona. I know it is tough (and I mean that sincerely), but as unpleasant as it might be, you do have parents that love you and are willing to help. You do have a roof over your head, and your baby is fed. Imagine if you were on your own. Imagine if you were living on the street with no help, and living in shelters, finding food for your child where you could. Imagine laying your head on a cardboard box at night, your stomache screaming at you from hunger, your baby crying herself to sleep, not knowing how you were going to feed her tomorrow.
I absolutely do not mean to trivialize your position here hon, I KNOW it is tough. But take a deep breath . . . look around you a little bit . . . you are ok. Things are ok. You and your child will be fine.
Make yourself a list of things you want to accomplish. School, job, transportation, a place to live on your own, resolving your school debts. Write everything down, and then take a little time to think about what you need to do first, and what is the most important to you. Then make yourself a plan to get each one done.
I know you want to get that HS diploma, but a GED works just as well nowdays (I have 2 sons that did this). Which is more important to you? Having that diploma in hand, or getting something done so you can move on to a good job? You may have to make a compramize or two along the way there. How long are you willing to or can you live at home? Do you NEED a place of your own soon (do mom and dad have a deadline), or is it just something you would like to have?
Those are questions you need to work out yourself and have clear picture of. What are your goals, specifically, and how do you plan on reaching them? As I said, take some time to think through them all and write them down. Get a clear picture in your head of what you want to do first, what is critical and what can wait, and then set about accomplishing them.
It is easy to get overwhelmed with everything that is getting thrown at you, especially so young. Take a breath, realize you are ok, and take the time to think about and plan out what you want to do. Then do it.
You are gonna be fine hon. It sounds like your head is straight and your priorities are in good shape. That puts you well ahead of a lot of young parents.
It is tough, it is tough for all of us, and struggling to be a parent and get your life started is hard for all of us. Every single one. You are not alone, and you are not doing anything wrong, or going through anything any normal, single mother doesn't struggle with.
And I do not mean this to sound trite, but take a good look at where you are, you are really in great shape Demona. I know it is tough (and I mean that sincerely), but as unpleasant as it might be, you do have parents that love you and are willing to help. You do have a roof over your head, and your baby is fed. Imagine if you were on your own. Imagine if you were living on the street with no help, and living in shelters, finding food for your child where you could. Imagine laying your head on a cardboard box at night, your stomache screaming at you from hunger, your baby crying herself to sleep, not knowing how you were going to feed her tomorrow.
I absolutely do not mean to trivialize your position here hon, I KNOW it is tough. But take a deep breath . . . look around you a little bit . . . you are ok. Things are ok. You and your child will be fine.
Make yourself a list of things you want to accomplish. School, job, transportation, a place to live on your own, resolving your school debts. Write everything down, and then take a little time to think about what you need to do first, and what is the most important to you. Then make yourself a plan to get each one done.
I know you want to get that HS diploma, but a GED works just as well nowdays (I have 2 sons that did this). Which is more important to you? Having that diploma in hand, or getting something done so you can move on to a good job? You may have to make a compramize or two along the way there. How long are you willing to or can you live at home? Do you NEED a place of your own soon (do mom and dad have a deadline), or is it just something you would like to have?
Those are questions you need to work out yourself and have clear picture of. What are your goals, specifically, and how do you plan on reaching them? As I said, take some time to think through them all and write them down. Get a clear picture in your head of what you want to do first, what is critical and what can wait, and then set about accomplishing them.
It is easy to get overwhelmed with everything that is getting thrown at you, especially so young. Take a breath, realize you are ok, and take the time to think about and plan out what you want to do. Then do it.
You are gonna be fine hon. It sounds like your head is straight and your priorities are in good shape. That puts you well ahead of a lot of young parents.
Good advice Martin, I agree. 
Wow, you know what, I didn't realize that. Maybe DH does have his hs diploma, in that way, because he always tells me he does because of the tests he took and I never understood because I thought you could only get it by actually going to school and graduating, I didn't know you could do it test wise. No clue! I always thought he just had his GED. I'll have to go apologize to him for doubting it.mom2many said:
thanks Martin. You have a ton of good advice. I made a list once but I lost it in my mess of a room. I will have to write a new one.
<r><FONT font="Calibri"><s></s>Hi, Demona… I’m new here, but I just wanted to let you know that things will get better and that “mommies always find a way”.<e></SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e></FONT><br/>
<FONT font="Calibri"><s></s>I dropped out of high school at age 17, got kicked out of my parents home as a result, and just sort of bounced around aimlessly for the next couple years (staying with friends, boyfriends, etc.). I became pregnant at age 19, and had no parental support – my dad’s exact words were “if you decide to keep this baby, don’t EVER come knocking on my door for help!” The first couple of years were pretty grim…I lived in somebody’s garage. And I felt very fortunate to have that garage.<e></SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e></FONT><br/>
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<FONT font="Calibri"><s></s>I dropped out of high school at age 17, got kicked out of my parents home as a result, and just sort of bounced around aimlessly for the next couple years (staying with friends, boyfriends, etc.). I became pregnant at age 19, and had no parental support – my dad’s exact words were “if you decide to keep this baby, don’t EVER come knocking on my door for help!” The first couple of years were pretty grim…I lived in somebody’s garage. And I felt very fortunate to have that garage.<e></SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e></FONT><br/>
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Yeah...it is. And you know what? If I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing. Those experiences have helped shape me into the strong person I am today. They are priceless as far as I'm concerned.
Best of luck to you and your sweet little baby
Best of luck to you and your sweet little baby
yeah for a while there i thought things would be bad for me it all looked so grim being a single mother of 2 kids with no steady income but when i calmed down, took a step back, and thought rationally i had to do what was best for my babies.. and it is all working out great now
Yeah, Sometimes I have my mental break downs and scream and cry cause I feel like I'm at a total loss and I can't seem to get everything back into order so I can get it all done. but i'm trying my best right now to get things to work in a positive direction.
The only thing I wish now is that everything would just get done faster. Lol Like I could just snap my fingers like mary poppins and have it all done.
probably. it just sucks cause It happens every couple of days which probably isn't helped by the bipolar. lol oh well. Just gotta take things one step at a time. its funny cause i realize now that I wish I had done the things that I have to do now while i was still a kid and didn't have to worry about another life. that way I would have been slightly more prepared for her.
yep.. i have the same thoughts but i am not going to say i have regrets because i love my baby's i just wish i had thought to save some money, get a better car and a more permanent job etc before the pregnancies but oh well it will all work out great eventually..
Demona, just wanted to add my two-cents - if you keep the goal in mind and then try to focus on your list and know you can't fix everything right now, but what's one thing you can fix, or finish, or make better...that way you have things you can check off your list, you'll see the progress you are making.
I applaud you trying to get "any job you can" work is so important both for the monetary aspect as well as the self-esteem (as long as you can get child care.) I would recommend that you consider not going with pink hair, and conisder more what's going to make you marketable as an employee, rather than what you feel like. There's plenty of other ways to express yourself. It may be lame and unsfair, but when you are looking for work and building a work history, YOU are a product and you have to sell yourself to employers. Since you may have to try to get seen by lots of different employers, I'd suggest you don't want to limit yourself. KWIM/ just food for thought.
Keep plugging!
I applaud you trying to get "any job you can" work is so important both for the monetary aspect as well as the self-esteem (as long as you can get child care.) I would recommend that you consider not going with pink hair, and conisder more what's going to make you marketable as an employee, rather than what you feel like. There's plenty of other ways to express yourself. It may be lame and unsfair, but when you are looking for work and building a work history, YOU are a product and you have to sell yourself to employers. Since you may have to try to get seen by lots of different employers, I'd suggest you don't want to limit yourself. KWIM/ just food for thought.
Keep plugging!