I cannot force myself to do it....
- Thread starter Cop2be
- Start date
look. my dad is like this kid's mom. i'm more like my dad than i want to admit. (thus my strong opinions on things in life., my way or the highway and so on.) at this kid's age i felt like she did. i can see both sides of it. but i still will not join a b&g fest against the mom until i've heard her side of the story. the woman aint here to defend herself.
even so, having been in that situation i know the only two solutions are to have an intervention by other close loved ones or move the heck out.
so..
i agree with fallon and fo6.
the mom still deserves respect. she's the mom. it's her home. it's her money that is taking care of Everything.
You can respect yourself as well. but ya gotta do it in an adult manner than sitting there whining about things. this kid doesn't have to sit here and whine about the situation. she can suck it up or move in with someone else or on her own even if she has to put off school and anything else she has planned for awhile. not having a job does Not mean she has to live with her mom. she is an adult. the only hold her mom has on her is the one she allows her mom to have.
as for abused wives ---how in the world do ya think they get out of the mess they find themselves in??? most don't have jobs and are cut off from their loved ones and the world for the most part. they suck it up and get the heck out, most do it without having a job or money. <U>and most of those women have kids!!!!!!!!!</U>
the only thing that isn't really an option is sitting somewhere whining about your mom and feeling sorry for yourself.
i agree with ya iowa dad. well put.
her mom is set in her ways. she's not likely to change. so the kid's attitude has got to change before anything else will.
even so, having been in that situation i know the only two solutions are to have an intervention by other close loved ones or move the heck out.
so..
i agree with fallon and fo6.
the mom still deserves respect. she's the mom. it's her home. it's her money that is taking care of Everything.
You can respect yourself as well. but ya gotta do it in an adult manner than sitting there whining about things. this kid doesn't have to sit here and whine about the situation. she can suck it up or move in with someone else or on her own even if she has to put off school and anything else she has planned for awhile. not having a job does Not mean she has to live with her mom. she is an adult. the only hold her mom has on her is the one she allows her mom to have.
as for abused wives ---how in the world do ya think they get out of the mess they find themselves in??? most don't have jobs and are cut off from their loved ones and the world for the most part. they suck it up and get the heck out, most do it without having a job or money. <U>and most of those women have kids!!!!!!!!!</U>
the only thing that isn't really an option is sitting somewhere whining about your mom and feeling sorry for yourself.
i agree with ya iowa dad. well put.
her mom is set in her ways. she's not likely to change. so the kid's attitude has got to change before anything else will.
I would love for her to come on here and give her controlling side of the story but thats the last thing I want to do as it would cause turmoil between us.
She already found a way to look at the questions I post on Yahoo Answer even though they are private. I like having my outlets that she doesn't know about.
As for the helping myself. I can and am trying to get everything lined up for me. Just in the mean time I do not want to deal with the crap she puts me through. Oh and quitting school for awhile is not an option for me...my grandmother is paying for my college and won't let me. College is important to me anyways.
She already found a way to look at the questions I post on Yahoo Answer even though they are private. I like having my outlets that she doesn't know about.
As for the helping myself. I can and am trying to get everything lined up for me. Just in the mean time I do not want to deal with the crap she puts me through. Oh and quitting school for awhile is not an option for me...my grandmother is paying for my college and won't let me. College is important to me anyways.
My grandmother lives in TN and I am in the explorers program here and moving would mean that I would have to be in it there and who knows if their program is as good or if I will be able to get in in time.
Explorers is my top priority nothing else.
Explorers is my top priority nothing else.
Cop2Be - Why not look at the situation with your Mom as a test of your own adaptability? When you're in the police academy you will have people telling you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. You will have no choice but to follow instructions or go home.
My point?
You could choose to deal with your Mom's rules and quit letting this whole mess bother you. Instead, you choose to focus on being unhappy and look online for justification of your misery. You know living with Mom is a temporary thing, not to mention you've got a sweet set up.
Grow up, toughen up, suck it up and deal. You'll have to be much more tolerant and resilient to succeed as a police officer. Don't hand me the "But it's different with my Mom..." stuff. It's a question of mental toughness plain and simple. You're either tough enough to deal, or your not. The choice is yours.
My point?
You could choose to deal with your Mom's rules and quit letting this whole mess bother you. Instead, you choose to focus on being unhappy and look online for justification of your misery. You know living with Mom is a temporary thing, not to mention you've got a sweet set up.
Grow up, toughen up, suck it up and deal. You'll have to be much more tolerant and resilient to succeed as a police officer. Don't hand me the "But it's different with my Mom..." stuff. It's a question of mental toughness plain and simple. You're either tough enough to deal, or your not. The choice is yours.
----TabascoNatalie "then you can always pretend you're asleep when she's checking"-----
uh, no. she can't. not if she wants to be treated as the adult she is supposed to be. pretending to be asleep would be the same as lying. kids lie. some adults do. but most adults try to avoid lying. lying is not responsible behavior of an adult. if she pretended to be asleep and got caught doing it, her mom would continue to treat her as a kid, the same as she's treated now. the lying would just add to the mess.
Aaaaargg.!!!!!!!
we're trying to help. not Add more trouble to it.
uh, no. she can't. not if she wants to be treated as the adult she is supposed to be. pretending to be asleep would be the same as lying. kids lie. some adults do. but most adults try to avoid lying. lying is not responsible behavior of an adult. if she pretended to be asleep and got caught doing it, her mom would continue to treat her as a kid, the same as she's treated now. the lying would just add to the mess.
Aaaaargg.!!!!!!!
we're trying to help. not Add more trouble to it.
not some adults do. A LOT of adults do. just they lie for slightly different things than kids, much bigger things actually. and if OP is satisfied enough to be treated like a kid (if she refused taking any action), so why not to be a kid sometimes when necessary?
I have to agree actually. I think the OP needs to just suck it up, say "yes mother" to her face and do as she sees fit when mom turns her back. It's sad but true. Mom wants to control her, daughter doesn't seem to have the will to move out, they need to just agree to disagree
I didn't bother to read everything in this thread, but I will say most of my answer to this lies in my last post in your other thread. Nobody here would appreciate being treated the way your mom treats you, as adults. But there is something you must learn to understand. People don't change. And the only way you will ever get your way in life is to MAKE your way, on your own. In your mother's home, it is HER way. In your own home, it is YOUR way. That's where the line is drawn. There are no gray areas. You wont change anything by complaining. Just a fact of life. Get out or get over it.
I did want to say one extra thing though - I know lots of people your age who go on about "Oohh I can't sleep at night, so I can't get up early!". I'm sorry but no my friend, you have it backwards. The real situation here is "I can't get up in the morning, so I can't go to sleep at a decent hour at night." Trust me, if you had a first shift job to which you had to be at 6am, your butt would be in bed on time every night. I promise. But you're too lazy and unmotivated to get up at a human hour so you're up all night making up for the time you didn't spend awake in the morning with the rest of the world. If I slept in till 2pm I wouldn't be able to sleep till 2 or 3am either. Same as everybody else. Fact of life. Has nothing to do with how old you are. I had my son when I had just turned 20. Hardly any older than you. Trust me, you learn to go to bed early when your baby is waking you up at 7 or 8am every morning whether you like it or not.
Some day you'll realize what real life is all about and you'll look back on this like wow that was stupid.
I did want to say one extra thing though - I know lots of people your age who go on about "Oohh I can't sleep at night, so I can't get up early!". I'm sorry but no my friend, you have it backwards. The real situation here is "I can't get up in the morning, so I can't go to sleep at a decent hour at night." Trust me, if you had a first shift job to which you had to be at 6am, your butt would be in bed on time every night. I promise. But you're too lazy and unmotivated to get up at a human hour so you're up all night making up for the time you didn't spend awake in the morning with the rest of the world. If I slept in till 2pm I wouldn't be able to sleep till 2 or 3am either. Same as everybody else. Fact of life. Has nothing to do with how old you are. I had my son when I had just turned 20. Hardly any older than you. Trust me, you learn to go to bed early when your baby is waking you up at 7 or 8am every morning whether you like it or not.
Some day you'll realize what real life is all about and you'll look back on this like wow that was stupid.
i usually agree with most of the suggestions. they usually hit the nail on the head. can't think straight after fighting the state medicaid all morning so i can't really argue too well right now.
but i'm gonna say that the pretending to be asleep thing and anything similar to it would still be lying and is just as disrespectful as yelling and screaming at mom and/or not obeying the rules and other crap that kids think its alright to do that she sets down for all those the household to follow or obey.
all argued out for the day. i will enjoy watching the debates and tips and so on. be a nice change for once.
but i'm gonna say that the pretending to be asleep thing and anything similar to it would still be lying and is just as disrespectful as yelling and screaming at mom and/or not obeying the rules and other crap that kids think its alright to do that she sets down for all those the household to follow or obey.
all argued out for the day. i will enjoy watching the debates and tips and so on. be a nice change for once.
i have come to this thread kind of late. i have some sympathy for the girl, her mom sounds like something of a nazi. But i agree the solution is to move out. It seems finding the will is the hard thing. If you cant afford to live alone what about with a roommate? Dad of 6 makes a point about being on time to school if you dont have a job then there aren't many excuses. It sounds like the tension might be escalating. With this in mind wouldnt you be happier on your own? Is there an older sibling ou can move in with?
Use this summer to really save. Add the rebate you get from college to it so you can work a few less hours when school goes back. Speak to your student housing office & then make your move. Meanwhile ignore your mom and pretend you are asleep & tell her you don't have a myspace page naymoe & then get a new one. In terms of the net being off between 3 and 6 am is it that much of a big deal to suck it up for 3 hours. read a book or something.
Use this summer to really save. Add the rebate you get from college to it so you can work a few less hours when school goes back. Speak to your student housing office & then make your move. Meanwhile ignore your mom and pretend you are asleep & tell her you don't have a myspace page naymoe & then get a new one. In terms of the net being off between 3 and 6 am is it that much of a big deal to suck it up for 3 hours. read a book or something.
This is how we treat our 19 year old.
He doesn't have a job, they are non-existent here, plus he is a student, so he doesn't get home until gone five, so after tea, homework/revision he has maybe a couple of hours until he goes to bed. If he did have a job, we wouldn't take money from him, I don't see children as lodgers to earn you money.
If there is something specific he wants that he doesn't really need, like ben and jerrys ice cream that he is addicted to, then he can use his allowance to buy that.
He doesn't have a bedtime, but once someone is in bed you have to be quiet, he can stay up as long as he wants, if he is a zombie when his alarm goes off, then its his fault and he can't moan.
He does have to be home at a certain time, we don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night, so he has to either be at home by 12:30 otherwise he can sling his hook until morning.
He doesn't have to do any housework, my wife doesn't let anyone do it as its never good enough or done in the exact way that she likes :rollseyes:mhis room is his own responsibility, if he wants to live in a stink pit, then he can happily do it. He does have to tidy after himself though, he can't leave his things all over the house and he is responsible for the mess of any friends he has over.
Internet and things, we have a family computer and he has a laptop, he can use it whenever he wants, unless someone has to do something on the family comp and someone else needs a computer for homework, then he has to surrender his until all homework is finished. He isn't that internety though, if we tried to remove his play station however....
With school, hes an adult, if he wants to miss a lecture, not bother with coursework, fine go ahead, I don't see the point in babying him until everything is done, he needs to use his own head and find a way to motivate himself. Yes he has majorly messed up before, but once he realised oh, I have to actually go to school and listen, he has been okay. We would never say to him, you'll never achieve this or that, I think that is very cruel who ever is saying it, even if you think something is unlikely, I think you should always support your children and help them achieve it.
He is moving out in September (going to uni), now I don't know what it is like where you live, but he is going to live in a one bed flat, there are two of them, if they were both working full time, their joint wages alone would never cover rent, never mind bills, council tax, food etc. For him to be able to live elsewhere we have to help out financially and so does his boyfriends parents, otherwise they wouldn't be able to go to uni.
There are certain rules he has to stick to, no swearing in front of the younger ones/when they are in the house, if he has sex in the house its to be at night and not to be heard, he is only allowed to do that as they've been together four years now and he isn't the kind of person to treat sex as just a bit of fun. He has to sleep at home on a school night and on his own, Jack and no sleep is not fun to be around.
I do think rules should be negotiated between parents and children, I think its really important to come to a balance that suits you all, instead of just being like, this happens and thats it. We are quite lenient with Jackson, at least I think we are, but we know we can trust him and that he respects us and the kids, he knows his rules are based around his trust as well, he if carries on nothing changes, if he takes advantage, he is the one that gets the hard end of the bargain.
I think you do need to sit down with your mum and talk things through, but I don't think you should just moan about how rubbish everything is, all that will do is fuel your anger and get you nowhere. Yeah, our parents get on our nerves sometimes, but kids are annoying as well.
He doesn't have a job, they are non-existent here, plus he is a student, so he doesn't get home until gone five, so after tea, homework/revision he has maybe a couple of hours until he goes to bed. If he did have a job, we wouldn't take money from him, I don't see children as lodgers to earn you money.
If there is something specific he wants that he doesn't really need, like ben and jerrys ice cream that he is addicted to, then he can use his allowance to buy that.
He doesn't have a bedtime, but once someone is in bed you have to be quiet, he can stay up as long as he wants, if he is a zombie when his alarm goes off, then its his fault and he can't moan.
He does have to be home at a certain time, we don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night, so he has to either be at home by 12:30 otherwise he can sling his hook until morning.
He doesn't have to do any housework, my wife doesn't let anyone do it as its never good enough or done in the exact way that she likes :rollseyes:mhis room is his own responsibility, if he wants to live in a stink pit, then he can happily do it. He does have to tidy after himself though, he can't leave his things all over the house and he is responsible for the mess of any friends he has over.
Internet and things, we have a family computer and he has a laptop, he can use it whenever he wants, unless someone has to do something on the family comp and someone else needs a computer for homework, then he has to surrender his until all homework is finished. He isn't that internety though, if we tried to remove his play station however....
With school, hes an adult, if he wants to miss a lecture, not bother with coursework, fine go ahead, I don't see the point in babying him until everything is done, he needs to use his own head and find a way to motivate himself. Yes he has majorly messed up before, but once he realised oh, I have to actually go to school and listen, he has been okay. We would never say to him, you'll never achieve this or that, I think that is very cruel who ever is saying it, even if you think something is unlikely, I think you should always support your children and help them achieve it.
He is moving out in September (going to uni), now I don't know what it is like where you live, but he is going to live in a one bed flat, there are two of them, if they were both working full time, their joint wages alone would never cover rent, never mind bills, council tax, food etc. For him to be able to live elsewhere we have to help out financially and so does his boyfriends parents, otherwise they wouldn't be able to go to uni.
There are certain rules he has to stick to, no swearing in front of the younger ones/when they are in the house, if he has sex in the house its to be at night and not to be heard, he is only allowed to do that as they've been together four years now and he isn't the kind of person to treat sex as just a bit of fun. He has to sleep at home on a school night and on his own, Jack and no sleep is not fun to be around.
I do think rules should be negotiated between parents and children, I think its really important to come to a balance that suits you all, instead of just being like, this happens and thats it. We are quite lenient with Jackson, at least I think we are, but we know we can trust him and that he respects us and the kids, he knows his rules are based around his trust as well, he if carries on nothing changes, if he takes advantage, he is the one that gets the hard end of the bargain.
I think you do need to sit down with your mum and talk things through, but I don't think you should just moan about how rubbish everything is, all that will do is fuel your anger and get you nowhere. Yeah, our parents get on our nerves sometimes, but kids are annoying as well.
I dont know why, but I cant read that without laughingJeremy+3 said:
...maybe because I had to "sling my hook" until morning on occasion.
Jeremy that's pretty much how it was when I was young and I'm sure that's how it will be with our oldest soon. Well said sir.