In a shoebox. Is this normal?...
- Thread starter Steve
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My mom used to call the cops on me and I never touched her. She was just trying to "teach me a lesson" and the lesson was in my mind that "I hate authority" and wanted to get FTW tattood on my wrist. I even pondered suicide if she hated me that much.
He has nothing to live up to. Sounds like he thinks he is predestined to just be nothing. Granted, he'll move past this but he needs something positive.
He has nothing to live up to. Sounds like he thinks he is predestined to just be nothing. Granted, he'll move past this but he needs something positive.
Yup, looking for something good. Even grades suck. 37% GPA in Spanish, 52% in science, 57% in history. When I look around for something good to say to/about him, I come up empty. When he dances around in a wig, bra, panty hose and makeup and makes reference to his "female part" (I won't tell repeat the real vulgarity he uses) I tend to get a little too focused on his problems.
Wow. I would never curse at my children, no matter what they've called me. Just kind of reinforces name calling.
AskMen.com - Fetish
Discovery Health :: Fetishes
Maybe this will give you more insight IF this is the issue.
Discovery Health :: Fetishes
Maybe this will give you more insight IF this is the issue.
I was a foster parent with my first wife. We learned in training, and then I saw in real life, how kids gained a huge comfort zone when they finally get the argument and angry behavior they worked for. So I avoid that. You don't have to come to every argument that your invited.
He wants attention. I've even addressed this straight-forward, about "good" and "bad" attention. But he's not listening yet.
I don't think he has cognitive problems. He can get an A or B in class when he decides to. It's a motivation thing. He wants (and claims) to have ADD, ADHD and all of that. I think he wants something to blame for his behavior, rather than taking responsibility for himself.
He wants attention. I've even addressed this straight-forward, about "good" and "bad" attention. But he's not listening yet.
I don't think he has cognitive problems. He can get an A or B in class when he decides to. It's a motivation thing. He wants (and claims) to have ADD, ADHD and all of that. I think he wants something to blame for his behavior, rather than taking responsibility for himself.
You say that now Amber, wait till they mouth off. Just hope your's doesn't grow up like that. They learn it from their peers mostly. I didn't swear at my mom until she started it with me and I fired back.
ps. Now I don't because I'm no longer on her level.
ps. Now I don't because I'm no longer on her level.
Thanks. I can be tolerant of this. But this is a boy who needs to strive towards Normal. This behavior (I think) is meant to draw additional attention to himself as much as anything else.musicmom said:
He's not had any adult male figure in his life that he can respect (including teachers) so he has no guidance.
My first suggestion would be to discuss such things with your wife before presenting them to the kids. That way you can try and get on the same page with her so you don't end up arguing in front of them.
Dropping a load in a shoe box is not only odd but it makes me wonder what he wiped with. This type of behavior stems from something much more serious than some mud monkies in a Nike box.
I highly recommend you having a heart to heart with your wife. Let her know that you feel powerless when it comes to discipline. If she is receptive you might want to evalute your current relationship. You took on a lot of baggage to be with her, and if she can't meet you half way on things then you can count on taking the back seat to her kids for the rest of the relationship.
Dropping a load in a shoe box is not only odd but it makes me wonder what he wiped with. This type of behavior stems from something much more serious than some mud monkies in a Nike box.
I highly recommend you having a heart to heart with your wife. Let her know that you feel powerless when it comes to discipline. If she is receptive you might want to evalute your current relationship. You took on a lot of baggage to be with her, and if she can't meet you half way on things then you can count on taking the back seat to her kids for the rest of the relationship.
Oh boy. I'm gonna have to back out of this post because anyone who says they want their kid to be "normal" does not have an open mind and will only push their children into becoming crazy or commiting suicide. Good luck Steve. I hope you get the "results" you are looking for.
I usually/often just share this kind of finding with her and let her decide what to do. That's OK with me - she's the mom, I'm not the dad. And usually she'll act on something that I think needs action.
Today I simply asked questions right in the living room (boy was two rooms away but within eye & earshot so we could "converse" -- won't come near his responsibilities) and mom lit into me. I know she's tired about the lack of communication and friendship between me and the kids, and I know a bunch of the responsibility for this is mine. But as you said, I started with one of her kids who I got along with OK, and now there are three allofasudden, who are all a bit odd (OK, so am I) and Jan's sick of it. So am I but as I said earlier, you don't defend S**t in a Box.
Yeah, I know I should be evaluating but I'm avoiding that with the rationalization that I'm in this for the long run, I think she's a fine person, etc. etc. and I have plenty to keep me busy and happy 'round the house. Including my new barn/workshop!
Today I simply asked questions right in the living room (boy was two rooms away but within eye & earshot so we could "converse" -- won't come near his responsibilities) and mom lit into me. I know she's tired about the lack of communication and friendship between me and the kids, and I know a bunch of the responsibility for this is mine. But as you said, I started with one of her kids who I got along with OK, and now there are three allofasudden, who are all a bit odd (OK, so am I) and Jan's sick of it. So am I but as I said earlier, you don't defend S**t in a Box.
Yeah, I know I should be evaluating but I'm avoiding that with the rationalization that I'm in this for the long run, I think she's a fine person, etc. etc. and I have plenty to keep me busy and happy 'round the house. Including my new barn/workshop!
I actually have that now. Both of Jackie's boys were adopted. They were crackbabies. Zach has severe behavioral problems. He's on Clonodine and Risperdal. Risperdal is for schizos.
Jack's ex-wife does not discipline her children at all. Even the girls mouth off. Or did, rather. I put my foot down and said there is NO way they are going to talk to me like they do their mother, and no way they are going to act in my house how they do in theirs.
These are good kids, even Zach, who is quite difficult to handle most of the time. I call them brats, or little imps when we're all goofing off. But I would never consider calling them assholes or anything else. My cousin (who is just a flat out terrible mother) calls her son a f'ing bastard all the time, and he is the most unbehaved, out of control child I've seen in my life.
I guess my point, really, is that if you call someone something enough, it kind of sticks. I grew up with my father telling me I was a whore and a slut and I hadn't even had sex! However, the minute I was 18, and felt I could do what I wanted without having to face the wrath of my father, guess what I did? Ran right out and acted like a whore.
Jack's ex-wife does not discipline her children at all. Even the girls mouth off. Or did, rather. I put my foot down and said there is NO way they are going to talk to me like they do their mother, and no way they are going to act in my house how they do in theirs.
These are good kids, even Zach, who is quite difficult to handle most of the time. I call them brats, or little imps when we're all goofing off. But I would never consider calling them assholes or anything else. My cousin (who is just a flat out terrible mother) calls her son a f'ing bastard all the time, and he is the most unbehaved, out of control child I've seen in my life.
I guess my point, really, is that if you call someone something enough, it kind of sticks. I grew up with my father telling me I was a whore and a slut and I hadn't even had sex! However, the minute I was 18, and felt I could do what I wanted without having to face the wrath of my father, guess what I did? Ran right out and acted like a whore.
Steve said:
This is your answer right here, Steve. Forgive me, I forget, but didn't you say she's had 2 other men in her life? He probably figures you'll be out of the picture before long like the others, so why bother obeying you? Doesn't make his behavior excusable, but it's perhaps a start into figuring out why he acts as he does.
It definitely sounds like there's something a lot more wrong than your stepson taking a poo in a box. He seems like a pretty troubled kid, and there's not a lot I can say that hasn't already been said. He does need help.
Also, your wife may feel like she's stuck between a rock and a hard place. My son and my husband have a similar relationship. There's the "you're not my dad!" dynamic, but it's also a lack of respect in general. My husband can't get Morgan to listen to him, but it's gotten to the point where my husband won't listen to Morgan either. Your wife probably feels like she has to pick sides between the two of you, and chances are she's going to pick her son's, because he <I>is</I> her son, regardless of his behavior.
Also, your wife may feel like she's stuck between a rock and a hard place. My son and my husband have a similar relationship. There's the "you're not my dad!" dynamic, but it's also a lack of respect in general. My husband can't get Morgan to listen to him, but it's gotten to the point where my husband won't listen to Morgan either. Your wife probably feels like she has to pick sides between the two of you, and chances are she's going to pick her son's, because he <I>is</I> her son, regardless of his behavior.
OK I will admit that I only skimmed the posts, so if someone already said this, sorry. But I see a few issues here.
1) Mom and Stepdad need to be on the same page.
2) If the kid only watches TV and plays the computer - take away the TV and the computer. You are the grownups. It is as simple as that.
1) Mom and Stepdad need to be on the same page.
2) If the kid only watches TV and plays the computer - take away the TV and the computer. You are the grownups. It is as simple as that.