Intimacylessness...

[evilbrent]

My post was never meant to be upsetting, BUT I have been cheated on and left with 2 small children, so to hear ANY man even have that thought in their head makes me want to explode.

I'm sorry to hear that M2M, but I'm not any man. I'm this one.

And I am not that sort of Dad.

I also wasn't suggesting that you think with the wrong head, well lets face it, most men do . And that is ok up until a point, If your wifes problem had been a physical issue that prevented sex or intamacy, would you still be saying the same thing? Mental issues are the same as physical, they aren't as easy to see though.

Honestly? Maybe.

But she's not a paraplegic or anything - her problems are ones that she's created herself by eating. At some level she's CHOOSING to be like this.

And by backing off from your wife, when she was trying, you sent a bad message, you reinforced some of the reason she has pulled back. I am not saying you are wrong for trying to protect yourself, but she was trying and that is always a good sign, and I bet even though she hasn't or wont say it that your actions hurt her to.

Actually, maybe I painted that wrong. I was protecting her. She had a thankful tone - I would rather have her stay at arm's distance than put her in the position of me getting the 'wrong idea'.

I had to basically hold her down to give her a back-rub last night (not literally) - she was so tense you could just see it from looking at her but she didn't want me to rub her shoulders in case I got the 'wrong idea'. I told her to stop being silly - she'd prefer to have sore tense muscles than have to be in the position of refusing an advance from me. I think it was the right thing.

I do hope you guys can work it out, cause there is love from both sides, you can hear it in your post. BUT it isn't just her problem, it your and hers, and couple therapy should be included.

probably.

after her cognitive therapy.

 

[evilbrent]

I don't want to sound negative, but it seems to me like it would be amazing if therapy could help this.

apparently it can. The shrink already gave her a good education on anxiety and anxiety attacks - the biology and science of it - and gave her some breathing exercises etc.

But, yes it would be TOTALLY amazing if it helped - I'd be THRILLED

It sounds so extreme the way you describe it. How did you guys have babies and stuff?

Yeah. Well. Most of that was 30kg and 2 kids ago. Back when her breasts were breast shaped and her stomach skin didn't actually flop down like it does.

Historically (she doesn't want to admit it) she's been hot when she's hot and cold when she's cold. It wasn't always like this.

I'd be so mad I wouldn't even be talking to her.

Well. It's strained. I'll grant you that.

Is she on any kind of birth control? Has anything changed that could have destroyed her libido?

Yeah, there's a few culprits. She was on Effexor a couple of years ago, and also there was some birth control implant that she had... but as far as I'm concerned it's the amount of Aspartame and caffeine that she drinks - she's only a little girl but she drinks at least one can of Pepsi Max EVERY day. That's gotta add up.

As for letting you have sex with her... you needing a hole.. what's with that?

You know... "ok but don't wake me" sex.

And her not feeling wanted for so long?

Nah, I said she feels "unwantable". Difference.

You said you tell her she's beautiful and you don't think she's overweight, so why would she feel that way?

She's the one who can't stand the way she looks. Personally I can see what she's upset about - she didn't always used to look so tired, and she didn't used to have a 'fat-person's neck'... but, you tell me - this is a beautiful woman right?

You can be honest if you think you've said anything that would make her feel like she does. Has her weight been bothering you and she knows it?

Once. About a year and a half ago she was talking about how different we are - I'm outdoorsy, bike riding and rock climbing, and I said some comment like "blah blah blah blah, but I didn't know that... THIS... would happen to you."

But for some reason about a week after I said that she started going to a gym really regularly and lost about 5-10kg. (all back on now)

But do I ride her or make snippy comments about her weight in front of her family (like my Dad does about my Mum)? Absolutely not. The most I do is remind her about exercising AFTER she's begged me to remind her.

I don't know.. I guess it's a good idea not to pressure her with the whole "sort yourself out or I'll leave you" thing, but at the same time you might want to consider it so she knows it's on your mind.

nah - there's no subtle way to say that. It's best, I think, to leave it unsaid. It ought to be obvious.

But she doesn't have a job at all? How long since she's had one?

Ok, yeah, so this needs clearing up too.

I'm actually completely ok with her not working, and I won't refuse to let her have a lower stress job (teaching gets a higher salary, but I agree that it's not necessarily worth it.) Both of us want to have a stay at home parent - we think that's the best parenting model, and it's the life we both want for our kids.

What I was hoping for was that she would at least have started doing some replacement-teaching - or that she would bother to take less than six months to get her license.

She hasn't had a full time job for almost 5 years now - since she got pregnant the first time we've had one main income. She's had crap jobs in the past when we've needed it, but every time I got a raise to meet our needs I encouraged her to drop them.

My income is <I>almost </I>enough for us to get by on, and what I'd prefer is for her to move into a 'proper' job when the kids hit school - 1st kid hits primary school next year. We don't have any family help or anything so the cost of child care really makes her working almost not worth it. Next year will be different.

She'll lose everybody and everything. Have you told her that it's not normal? People aren't "just like that".

Yeah - and, big surprise, it didn't go down well.

Not until I realized I didn't want to be like that did I even begin to change.

Exactly. However - how did you like it when people told you "But Xero... all you have to do is DECIDE to be well again and you will be." I know what you mean. She has to take ownership.





Thanks for your taking the time. It helps.

 

[Dadu2004]

I think there's some serious self-esteem issues with her personally, outside of other issues as well. The way you've been telling your story, I've been picturing a 600 pound woman in my head, and clearly she's not that heavy. I don't even know that I would consider her "fat", but more "chubby".

Seems to me some counseling and support would do her alot of good...

 

[mom2many]

I'm sorry to hear that M2M, but I'm not any man. I'm this one.

And I am not that sort of Dad.

See the thing is you are any man, you are a man, so even you entertaining that thought put me on edge. I can tell you aren't that sort of man when it comes to your kids, my husband in wasn't either, and is actually one of the best dad's, but he had a lot of repairing to do with our older 2, and let me say my oldest DD didn't make it easy!

Honestly? Maybe.

But she's not a paraplegic or anything - her problems are ones that she's created herself by eating. At some level she's CHOOSING to be like this.

Whether she created them or not, they are real, she uses food as her pill of choice, no different then a paraplegic who takes a pill for pain. No "bigger" person, chooses to stick that next cookie in thier mouth, it's an addiction just like drugs, and it is <I>really</I> hard to not eat it.

Actually, maybe I painted that wrong. I was protecting her. She had a thankful tone - I would rather have her stay at arm's distance than put her in the position of me getting the 'wrong idea'.

I had to basically hold her down to give her a back-rub last night (not literally) - she was so tense you could just see it from looking at her but she didn't want me to rub her shoulders in case I got the 'wrong idea'. I told her to stop being silly - she'd prefer to have sore tense muscles than have to be in the position of refusing an advance from me. I think it was the right thing.

So she is afraid of hurting you, I see what you are saying know.

Yeah. Well. Most of that was 30kg and 2 kids ago. Back when her breasts were breast shaped and her stomach skin didn't actually flop down like it does.

Historically (she doesn't want to admit it) she's been hot when she's hot and cold when she's cold. It wasn't always like this.

I think this can be said for most woman, the hot the cold thing. As to the boob placement, lets face it after a few kids even the best body starts to see "effects" of childbirth. But I have to say your wife is VERY pretty, she has beautiful eyes and a great smile!!! I am heavy to, but I am ok with it, I have always been heavy, but I also always had a falt stomach, that's until I had kids, I used to be so self conscience of it, but my husband just doesn't seem to care, it alwasy amazes me that he still see's me as beautiful. I am sure that is the same place your wife is at, except she hasn't learned to love herself yet.

I am also very active we hike, camp, fish, I mean I have 7 kids and inactivity really isn't a part of my life, and yet I am still big, something are our fault and sometimes biology has a different game plan for us.

 

[mom2many]

I think there's some serious self-esteem issues with her personally, outside of other issues as well. The way you've been telling your story, I've been picturing a 600 pound woman in my head, and clearly she's not that heavy. I don't even know that I would consider her "fat", but more "chubby".

Seems to me some counseling and support would do her alot of good...

I was thinking the same thing.........

 

[Xero]

Yeah I don't see a problem with marriage counceling, or some kind of couple therapy. Sounds like it would be a good idea for you guys too along with her own therapy.

Mom2Many - I see where you're coming from. I don't think it's right to even THINK about cheating. I was cheated on too, and I'm back with him. It hurt more than anything else. I was young and pregnant and scared and seriously had my heart smashed to peices. He realized the grass isn't greener too. She really screwed him over and hurt him (which he deserved, and I personally think he asked for it so I have no sympathy for him). She was younger than me by a lot though. It was sick if you ask me. He was young too and definitely thinking with the wrong head.

Anyway I was thinking more like he leave her and THEN look. That's the right way to do it if you're really not happy. An affair will only make a person more unhappy in the longrun.

 

[Xero]

She is very beautiful, and I would agree with everyone that she's not exactly "fat". But to her, if she was always one of those skinny little people BEFORE gaining weight after a life of having a nice body, you can feel a ton fatter than you really are. I'm skinnier than some of my friends, but sometimes I feel so fat because I used to be real little before having Eli. Some people I know that have always been heavier have never cared about it, and appreciate themselves. It's just always been that way for them.

I get that tired look too, the gray around my eyes. It's a combination of allergies and the new exaustions (sp?) that come with having kids. I don't know how to get rid of it. I just put coverup on it and it seems ok after that. lol

Isn't funny how losing weight is COMPLETELY possible in so many ways and yet it's hard because of your mind only? But if you would just do it, you would feel so much better about your insecurities? It's odd. I'm always saying I want to lose weight, and I could just like that. It just doesn't happen.

I got a birth control implant too. I think it messed with my libido some, and made me gain some weight. Not a lot, but some. My cousin gained 30lbs on the same thing. You know she could even take certain regular vitimins that can help libido?

I'm glad her therapy is helping.

 

[jrrsmom]

Okay...I've tried not to reply but here goes.

Your wife sounds like me. I hate to admit it but some of the issues you've stated sound like me. Mr Wonderful and I haven't had sex in over a year. It might even be closer to 2.

I pull away when he hugs me. We don't "touch" either. I can't say that EVERYTHING sounds like me but most of them do.

I have a very poor self image after the kid. I lost about 35 lbs before I had her and I thought I looked great. I'm still packing on about 30 extra pounds. It's hard for me to look at myself and think that I'm attractive. It's hard to think that Mr Wonderful would think I'm attractive.

Don't hate me.

 

[evilbrent]

Hate you? Why would I hate you?

Do you mind if I ask you about it?

What happened? Was there an event or something that changed?

After two years - do you still consider yourself to be married? I'm reaching the point where I only feel myself to be technically married - in the sense that we own a house together and our parents and friends all think we're Married... and in the sense that I have a Patriotic Duty to Stand By My Woman.

But we're not in a relationship anymore. If we didn't occupy the same house and parent the same children there'd be no reason for me to contact her at this point in my life. Is it like that for you? Are you friends with your husband? Do you do stuff together, talk nicely, share goals and hopes etc?

This is what's weird for me - because in every other single aspect of our lives we're so well mated. Like, if you fight all the time, or simply don't trust each other, or work shifts, or there's violence or... something... I can see how 1-2 years would go past without a loving sex-life. But me and my wife still do all the things we're supposed to: I go to work, mow the lawns, bathe the kids and do my share of housework on the weekends.... of which there isn't much because my wife is really good about getting her work done during the week - so our evenings and weekends mostly involve free time for us both. We listen to each other's stories, laugh at each other's jokes, talk about our problems and share all our secrets. We don't go into bitter, 2-week-long feuds over who's turn it is to clean the BBQ, and we don't ever snipe at each other "See. I TOLD you we should have taken the other route. We're going to be 10 minutes late now, and it's YOUR fault."

Is it the same for you? Has your intimacylessness led to an acidic relationship? How far away from the plate-throwing stage are you?

But you're married now, right? Can you understand that Mr W chose to choose you INCLUDING all your flaws - that he has already accepted that you're not a supermodel, that supermodel is not what he wants, that the fact that you've changed (maybe away from supermodel) doesn't change his choice?

 

[jrrsmom]

Hate you? Why would I hate you?

Not really hate me...but the way others have replied I didn't want the same thing.

Do you mind if I ask you about it?

Sure...that's one of the reasons I replied.

What happened? Was there an event or something that changed?

We split up 2 1/2 years ago due to his drinking. I left for 3 months and that was it. I was done. I had borrowed money from him and came home to pay him back and there was another woman in my house. They weren't having sex or anything like that. She was just here and that pissed me off. I couldn't believe he was already moving on I guess. We hadn't filed papers or anything like that. So, I wanted to come back and he didn't really like that idea. We "dated" for about another month and I finally said either me or her. He was still talking to her. I don't know if they were still seeing each other but I would imagine so. He swears they were not intimate and that was the first date.

After two years - do you still consider yourself to be married? I'm reaching the point where I only feel myself to be technically married - in the sense that we own a house together and our parents and friends all think we're Married... and in the sense that I have a Patriotic Duty to Stand By My Woman.

But we're not in a relationship anymore. If we didn't occupy the same house and parent the same children there'd be no reason for me to contact her at this point in my life. Is it like that for you? Are you friends with your husband? Do you do stuff together, talk nicely, share goals and hopes etc?

I still consider us married. Neither one of us wear our wedding rings though. We sleep in the same bed. We live in the same house but we do not always go out together. He goes out with his friends, mainly work people because of his schedule, and I stay home with the kid. We do some things together. Mostly "family" things. There are days we talk nicely and share goals but hopes don't get brought up.

This is what's weird for me - because in every other single aspect of our lives we're so well mated. Like, if you fight all the time, or simply don't trust each other, or work shifts, or there's violence or... something... I can see how 1-2 years would go past without a loving sex-life. But me and my wife still do all the things we're supposed to: I go to work, mow the lawns, bathe the kids and do my share of housework on the weekends.... of which there isn't much because my wife is really good about getting her work done during the week - so our evenings and weekends mostly involve free time for us both. We listen to each other's stories, laugh at each other's jokes, talk about our problems and share all our secrets. We don't go into bitter, 2-week-long feuds over who's turn it is to clean the BBQ, and we don't ever snipe at each other "See. I TOLD you we should have taken the other route. We're going to be 10 minutes late now, and it's YOUR fault."

We fight. We fight a lot. I hate to admit it. We have feuds over who didn't do the dishes. I work full time. He works full time. Housework is not just for me. My beliefs on how a home should be ran are totally different than his but financially we are in no place in our lives for me to be the stay at home mom/housekeeper/peacemaker. I believe things should be 50/50. I can mow the lawn he can do the dishes. Those types of things are not just cut and dry this is for just women and this is for just men.

Is it the same for you? Has your intimacylessness led to an acidic relationship? How far away from the plate-throwing stage are you?

Been there done that. I did however get a new set of dishes. :biggrin:

But you're married now, right? Can you understand that Mr W chose to choose you INCLUDING all your flaws - that he has already accepted that you're not a supermodel, that supermodel is not what he wants, that the fact that you've changed (maybe away from supermodel) doesn't change his choice?

Yes we're still married. He tells me constantly that I'm beautiful and he loves me the way that I am. I see myself as fat, ugly and not what I used to be. I've never really had high self esteem. I've never been the girl all the guys wanted to date. I looked for attention in all the wrong ways and it got me in trouble. Granted that was high school but looking back now...man...I was stupid.

I at one point in time told him I wasn't "in" love with him anymore. I love him because he is the father of my child. I love him because he is my husband. There are days that I try to sit down and think about why I'm like this. Why I'm not happy. What will make it better. If I leave will it be better or will I regret it? If I stay will it get better or will I regret that too? If I leave will it be worse on our child or better? Will she hate me for leaving or will she hate me for staying?

I stay because I need help. I stay because he needs help. We have never cheated on each other (that I'm aware of). There is still love. I know he loves me. I know he would do anything for me but this type of thing is something that i need to work on and take care of myself. There is nothing he could say or do to make it stop.

I lost my father at 16 and I just lost my mother last year and without them now I feel alone which I do to myself.

I hope that I've helped and I hope your wife gets the help she needs. I also hope you are by her side to let her know she has someone. Oh and I hope I didn't ramble too much.

 

[evilbrent]

Current status is that I made a tactical error last night - went in to the bedroom (she goes to bed before me) and started a big conversation with her. Ended up me begging her and her getting a bit angry at me - when I said "I haven't thought about anything else for months" she said "Maybe you should try." which is fair - it's the same old thing that's making me sad each night again again.

We're trying to find some comfortable holding pattern where I don't pressure her too much while she does her therapy. Unfortunately, it's seeming like the therapy is coming on too late for me. I need just that leetle bit more patience.

Seeing as none of you know me, and seeing as I'm being Mr Details here... I went to a sex-shop last night. It was an Adult Megastore. Dvds, toys, novelty junk. Wandered around for about an hour having a look at this and that - but ultimately walked straight back out again empty handed. There was nothing in there that interested me - and certainly nothing in there that would take the place of my wife.

I guess that's what was partly behind why I felt the urge to tell her more about my problems.

There's a difference between sad and depressed right? I think I'm just sad.

I was reading today about depo ralovera, the birth control injection she was on a few years ago. Apparently one of the "rare" side effects is loss of sex-drive, one person on one of the forums said that it had been 5 years for her and she'd had nothing return. I'm a bit concerned by that.

 

[Xero]

Yeah, I've heard of birth control destroying sex drive even after a woman has been off of it for a long time. That's why I'm thinking you should go ahead and ask her doctor while you guys are at it. It could be more than a mental problem, even kind of a physical one.

Jrrsmom - I guess it's different when you hear it from another side. And every situation is different too. I didn't mean to be so crazy about it in my replies, because I guess it probably hurts for her too and I don't know what she's thinking or how she feels. Its just hard for me to understand, but I'm young yet and I've never even been married or anything, so I can't say much. I do know what it feels like to have gained weight and not feel the same about myself though, and I sometimes think I must be so unattractive to my guy. I haven't gained THAT much weight, just a little extra not sure exactly how much, but I do have stretch marks that I despise and I don't feel like my breasts are the same. So I can see where a woman might get that. The way I look at it, I'd rather be intimate and be happy about it as long as he doesn't seem to have a problem with it. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't. Not just by what he says, but I can tell by the way he looks at me and by how close we are. We've been together 3 years... I used to be in better shape, trust me lol. But I mean, I do still feel pretty a lot of the time too. When I'm without him at the mall or something, guys will still try to talk to me or whatever. So I guess that has to mean something, or so I tell myself. I dunno, I guess I'd just rather not worry about it if it means I can be happy and comfortable in my relationship. I hate the idea of anything good I have going bad because of something in my head. Something not all that important... It's hard to explain.

I didn't mean to be cruel with my reply though. I was lost in thought. I'm sorry.

 

[mom2many]

Seeing as none of you know me, and seeing as I'm being Mr Details here... I went to a sex-shop last night. It was an Adult Megastore. Dvds, toys, novelty junk. Wandered around for about an hour having a look at this and that - but ultimately walked straight back out again empty handed. There was nothing in there that interested me - and certainly nothing in there that would take the place of my wife.

It's because you want intamcy, not just sex, if it was all about release then your hand would suffice.

There's a difference between sad and depressed right? I think I'm just sad.

Yes there is a difference and you are grieveing, you have lost something important to you.

I was reading today about depo ralovera, the birth control injection she was on a few years ago. Apparently one of the "rare" side effects is loss of sex-drive, one person on one of the forums said that it had been 5 years for her and she'd had nothing return. I'm a bit concerned by that.

I have heard of this, has she been to an OB recently? Have they ruled out medical?

 

[fallon]

Brent, I have to say that over the last yr I have really started to respect and admire you. You clearly love your wife very much and your children. If all you wanted was sex you would have bought something from the shop or found a hooker, or maybe a girlfriend by now. It's clear as glass to me that all you really want is your wife and know she loves you as you love her. I truly, truly hope everything works out for the 2 of you because the kind of love you seem to have for her doesn't come around often

 

[evilbrent]

Thanks Fallon, you're sweet. I'm sorry that I keep going on and on about myself like this, it's just this is about the only place I can really just talk. Long post again sorry.

I guess what I'm trying to do now is slow down the rampant progress of my own symptoms. I'm being affected by my own sadness much quicker than I had - well, quicker than I had planned. I was hoping to hold out at least until she had been able to make use of her therapy.

I want to give you some more background too - it's not like she just suddenly woke up one day and realised that she wanted to stop being with me.

When she was pregnant with our first kid she had a broken leg. And then she had an emergency c-section. And then we had a kid who didn't sleep through the night for 8 months. She was so uncomfortable with the 2nd pregnancy she slept on the couch just because it was the only place she could rest. 2nd kid was an emergency c-section too. And I had a vascectomy shortly after.

She hasn't had the best luck with the merry-go-round of treatment for her depression - she ended up in hospital after overdosing on one drug, and the sleeping pills (tranquilizers) turned her into a 24 hour zombie.

Just this year she's had 2 ear infections (including burst ear drums), a funeral for a 23 cancer victim, a huuge chest infection from when we went camping in our summer weight tent and it went below freezing that night...

All these things take time to recover from - they have been huge interruptions to our sex life. She's been beaten from pillar to post - it's not the hardest life there is, but there's been enough screwy stuff happen for her and between us that I don't blame her for feeling this way. It's been just one thing after another - that's life right? - and she's just stopped coping with it. Which is where the therapy comes in.

So now I'm back to dealing with my own problem - that I'm being affected by this much more than I want to be. What happened last night was that we went over to her mum's house for a family dinner. It was nice. Her mum has been sick, so my wife made all the food, and there was an interstate visitor (amazing 85 year lady who uses 'google' as a verb and who used Bach to recover from her broken hands) and some cousins, uncles and great uncles. You know, a proper family gathering. It was really nice.

I guess that it was the first time in so long that I've seen my wife dressed nicely and with her face all madeup and her smiling and chatting with people. With me she's all stone-faced and in her pyjamas. I was so happy just to look at her and sit next to her to eat my dinner. It was just nice.

And then we went home and the kids went to bed and I had a shower and got into bed and put a pillow over my face so I wouldn't wake the kids with my crying. I had such a strong reaction - it had just made it all the more really real for me: I love being at her parent's house and my wife looked really pretty. I had those great wracking sobs and then went to sleep without saying goodnight. She came in at about 2am, and I came out this morning to find her stuff out in the loungeroom. She'd tried to sleep out here but obviously couldn't.

Anyway.

There's got to be SOMETHING I can do to stop feeling like this right? How can I just decide to be less sad about it? I just want to cope with this, I want to be able to live like this. We made it through the last year just sitting next to each other on the couch - it didn't seem to bother me then, but suddenly all of a sudden I can't deal with it.

I think I'm going to try to get back into bike riding now that my hand is mostly healed - maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just extra sad about my marriage now because after I broke my wrist I stopped being able to ride my bike, play guitar and rock-climb.

<SIZE size="75">(My mini-history (have I told you all this?) is that I'd recently taken up bike riding - I lost 15kg and became a healthy person again by riding to work and then take up long-distance riding on the weekend. I survived the 210km Around the Bay In A Day ride last year, and had found it hugely satisfying. I had intended to do it this year.)

(Also, I had gotten fit enough from bike riding to get back into rock-climbing, and had been going to the climbing-gym regularly, and even managed a couple of weekend trips to Mt Arapiles. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the three best memories of my 20's were when I met each of my kids and that moment in March when I was leading my way, confidently, up a difficult but manageable climb - with my friends (and the rope) below me and nothing but delicious freedom - the freedom of choice, the freedom of action - above me. I had my heart set on more trips in the spring.)

(Also, my friend had invited me to play in his improvised comedy show - he's doing a show where they do impro songs from audience suggestions, and wanted me to play guitar for him. I had so much stuff to look forwards to in the second half of this year - challenges.)

(And then in May I broke my wrist and that was it. It's September now and I've only just this week gotten strong enough to hold a mug of coffee, let alone ride a push bike for 4 hours, dangle from a cliff-face by my fingers or play guitar up on a stage. It was such a little bone in my wrist, but it changed so much. It was a fairly traumatic accident, I had hit a 75 yr old man while zooming down a big hill - hit him at about 40km/hr (25 mph), totally his fault - blood, police, ambulance. Old man was fine but I ended up a bit shookup by it. I coped with it by becoming overly cheerful, but it affected me pretty deeply.)</SIZE>

The trouble is now that we've both got problems, and both of us need to be getting emotional support from the other. I guess that I've been the one who's been there for her for so long that she might have forgotten how to be there for me. Or, more likely, when I needed her to be there for me she had so much that was still going on for her she just didn't have enough left over for me.

Now that my wrist is a bit better I'm going to try to get healthy again, get active and get some goals. Hopefully that will help.

Anyway, like I said, thanks again. I realise this has become more a case of me just blogging about my problems more than an actual discussion forum. Sorry about that. If you don't mind I don't mind. I think this is really my only venting place.

 

[fallon]

I don't mind Brent and anyone who does is free to ignore your posts ((HUGS))

 

[evilbrent]

 

[Skyburning]

Just wanted to let you know I've got my fingers crossed for you too.

 

[Xero]

Try having a kid that didn't even THINK about sleeping through the night until ELEVEN months! He still doesn't always sleep through the night. It goes like, two days sleeping through the night, one where he wakes up (usually just once). And then repeats itself. Lol it was like Eli's purpose in life was to see how long I could go without sleep.

Anyway, yeah getting back into all that stuff sounds like a great idea you know. The only way I could think of to help you stop thinking about the things that bother you, is to distract yourself. It will still be there, but you will have less time to think about it. If you distract yourself with something you enjoy, you'll feel better if just by a small fraction all around just because you're occupying yourself with doing that and not dwelling on other stuff. It's a good idea. Give it a go. If you can't get rid of the feeling, distract yourself from it.

 

[1dayatatime]

Exercise = Happy. I think your personal outlook will improve getting physical again. I wanna see youtube video when you start doing the guitar thing. Progress.