james's mom pissed off again..what else is new?...

[superman]

seriously dude. what else is new with her. so shes making this big shit out, sayin that im high and shit when i went to p0ick him up this afternoon. AGAIN she wouldnt "give" him to me for the nights ON my nights every week. tonight was my night man... the thing is is was barely high then...like i was smoking throughout the day....i smoked like a hour 1/2 before goin over. like she got her faggot bf to come out and "tell me to please go away" loll. like seriously? i didnt even do anything this time cus i learned my lesson last time. we were arguinbut then we heard James and he was upset because we were yellin so i just left. she sent me a text threatenin to tell my p.o or some shitl....i did shove dickhead out of my way when he tried to block me from taking james...d

im so sick of this drama with her. i dont get why shes being like this. she knows i wouldnt do anythin to hurt James.... uh sould a relationship with your baby's mom be this much of aa a dang struggle. way to end a friday night

 

[singledad]

Oh superman... I know you love James, but honestly, I wouldn't have given him to you either. You have got to stop with the booze and the weed and the chicks... Its just not the kind of vibe a child should be exposed to.

Obviously she could have handled it better, but I actually understand her point...

Sorry.

 

[superman]

um u serious? lol i was in perfect condition like who the fuck is she to keep MY kid from seeing me? she knows im fine she just wants him all the damn time. and what is her bf doing lol trying to replace me or some shit ?pff

 

[Jeremy+3]

I wouldn't let you anywhere near any child, and I know a court wouldn't either. Throwing around homophobic slurs is completely childish.

Who is she to keep your child from you? Firstly James isn't just your child, in case you haven't noticed in your sons life you have barely seen him compared to the amount of time he has spent with his mother, yet you expect to be treated as the model parent even though your son seems pretty low on your list of priorities.

If your willing to get with any woman you see, go out all the time and try to take your son home when you're high then yes, you are willing to do things to hurt James.

 

[superman]

thats the thing...i wasnt high when i went to pik him up. and he spends 2 days a week with me....i dont ship him off to my moms my mom can barely take care of herself wtf. im only out when i dont have jamess.

 

[singledad]

who the fuck is she to keep MY kid from seeing me?

She is his MOM. It is her duty to protect him from anything and anyone who can hurt him. Even if that person is his own dad. Even if that person has all the best intentions, but is too caught up in his own life to realise that what he is doing is bad for his kid.

 

[Xero]

I'm sorry superman, but I have to agree with these guys... I don't want to make you feel bad, and I want you to know that I KNOW you love and care about your son, but I think that sometimes your priorities involving him are a little out of line. I'm just so worried for you, because you have to stop this stuff or else his mom is going to have all the dirt she needs on you to get full custody. Never seeing his dad would be terrible and hurtful for James, and I hate to think how much it would just kill you too if that happened. I see it happen all the time, PLEASE don't let it happen to you.

Sometimes you have to kiss up to people for the benefit of your son... come on, its not that big of a deal. You don't have to live with his mom or date her and make her happy that amount of time. Just fake a smile and some politeness when you DO have to see her and maybe things wouldn't be so bad? I'm sure you had to do or say something kind of obvious for her to get upset or assume you were under the influence, you know? You don't just pretend like someone is high to strike up a fight...

Also, she may have felt safer by sending out her boyfriend to ask you to leave... I'm not saying it was appropriate, and maybe she stepped over her bounds a little bit, but it sounds a bit like you were flipping out and causing a scene, so I guess its either that or the cops? You know? And NO, he NOT replacing you, you will always be James' dad so don't think like that it will just drive you nuts, BUT if you keep up acting like this, and she gets full custody, then maybe he will replace you. Do you want that to happen?

Think of it this way. Do you know that if she breaks the custody agreement, you can go down to your local authorities and literally have them come over and force her to hold up her end by sending him with you? I have seen it done, its not a court order for no reason. It is upheld by the law. BUT my question to you is, do you feel like you were in the right position to go to the cops? Would you go? Or would you be too worried that she had the right story? Or that they would test you to see if you were high/drunk? That maybe it would be more trouble for YOU then it would for HER if you went to the cops? Well if the answer is yes to any of those questions, then you were in the wrong and she had every right to keep him from going with you because it is her job and instinct to protect her child, as his mother. You wouldn't protect James from a bad situation if you knew you could? I know you would.

You gotta think things through, don't just get angry and flip out. If you know you're getting James on a certain day, don't smoke or drink at all that day, come on. I've been around pot my fair share, and I don't believe you are 100% sober after an hour and a half of not smoking, after smoking "throughout the day". At least, not sober ENOUGH. Know what I mean?

I know you're mad. But you have to think about this stuff.

 

[mom2many]

superman here comes a dose of M2M reality. It is what I would tell my own boys so know that it comes from a good place.

I would not let you take my son either. While pot in and of itself isn't that bad as a mom it is not a risk I would be willing to take. YOU KNEW you were going to be seeing your son that day, YOU had the power to refrain from it until after you had sent your son back to his mom's. YOU really do have the power to either make or break your relationship with his mom.

I want you to reverse the roles for a minute, you have your son full time, and mom only has visitation. Now mom shows up and it is clear that she has been either drinking or been high. Maybe not in that immediate but there is clearly some effect still holding on. Would you feel comfortable handing over the most precious thing in your life? I think in your heart you understand what the issue was, but don't want to admit that maybe you screwed up. It's easier to get butt hurt then to admit you may have made a bad judgment call.

Apologize, no body has died from having to eat a little crow. Make it right for your son, not for her or for you but for your son. The only person who really matters in this story.

 

[ElliottCarasDad]

Brutal Honesty = Dude, you got to grow up a little. Kids are a responsibility, but you have to be responsible for yourself before you can be responsible for someone else.

 

[mumdevoted]

take the hint dad come on....these are reasonable people who heard your side of the story and disagree with you, try to grow a pair and get a grip...whats more important the crap in your life or the child in your life you choose...

you are your own master.... xx

 

[sbattisti]

I don't mean to pile on, but I'm in agreement with the rest of the crowd. I wouldn't have handed your son over.

Also, she doesn't need to "replace you." You're no longer in a relationship with her. It's not a competition. She wants a positive role model for her son, along with a boyfriend for herself. In fact, as his dad, you should HOPE that if she has a boyfriend, that he's a good guy. Would you rather she be with someone who was cruel to your son?

I know you're interested in being a good dad. Your posts here show that. But at the end of the day, I can't help getting the impression that you see yourself as "the guy in your avatar (<SIZE size="75">who is also a parent when he has his son twice a week</SIZE>)." When, really, you need to turn that around into "I'm a parent ALL the time (<SIZE size="75">who occasionally has an appropriate amount of fun</SIZE>)".

Just my two cents. Good luck.

 

[superman]

ugh that was tough

 

[mom2many]

Yeah, tough love can hurt

 

[superman]

i know m2m....now that ive had some time to think and chill out a lttle...i know you guys are all right. and i dont blame her for denying me james. i just flipped out hard when her "boyfriend" came out and told ME to leave. he has nothin to do with me. i feel lik such a idiot for the way i handled it,it could have been allot better..james was all scared and shit and i remember bein in his exact position. i just dnt want him to feel scared around me or something.. change is easier said then done i guess

 

[singledad]

i know m2m....now that ive had some time to think and chill out a lttle...i know you guys are all right. and i dont blame her for denying me james. i just flipped out hard when her "boyfriend" came out and told ME to leave. he has nothin to do with me. i feel lik such a idiot for the way i handled it,it could have been allot better..james was all scared and shit and i remember bein in his exact position. i just dnt want him to feel scared around me or something.. change is easier said then done i guess

I agree that she could have handled it better, but I'm glad that you at least see that she may have had a point.

Yes - change is easier said than done, that's a fact. So use this experience to motivate you to work harder at changing. It will never be easy, but your relationship with your son is worth fighting for.

 

[mom2many]

i know m2m....now that ive had some time to think and chill out a lttle...i know you guys are all right. and i dont blame her for denying me james. i just flipped out hard when her "boyfriend" came out and told ME to leave. he has nothin to do with me. i feel lik such a idiot for the way i handled it,it could have been allot better..james was all scared and shit and i remember bein in his exact position. i just dnt want him to feel scared around me or something.. change is easier said then done i guess

You can change it superman, you have it in you to make it right and never let it happen again. Be smart from here on out and apologize to her, it will go a long way and remember that even though the boyfriend get's under your skin he was looking out for your son. Never fault someone for that, now if he is being a dick to be a dick then ask to have the picks up somewhere were he isn't and just avoid any conflict.

 

[superman]

yeah i know. im doing so good and then i fuck it up again. the cycle repeats itself. but whatever im aiming for better. ehh...at least she didnt call my po...not like it woulda made a difference but :/

 

[stjohnjulie]

i know m2m....now that ive had some time to think and chill out a lttle...i know you guys are all right. and i dont blame her for denying me james. i just flipped out hard when her "boyfriend" came out and told ME to leave. he has nothin to do with me. i feel lik such a idiot for the way i handled it,it could have been allot better..james was all scared and shit and i remember bein in his exact position. i just dnt want him to feel scared around me or something.. change is easier said then done i guess

Phew!!! Holy crow superman! I was holding my breath here waiting for you to come around. Your first post didn't reflect the superman that I've come to know and was really hoping that you would come to soon. So glad that you have.

So, you messed up, people mess up. Hopefully now that you have the image of a frightened James in your mind you will do everything you can to avoid it in the future. I do agree that you owe his mom an apology. If you think you can have a calm conversation with her, I would even tell her that the thing that really set you off was the boyfriend. Maybe she can tell you why she made the choice to have him deal with it. I would bet she was a little frightened....

Just keep on trying and don't give up. I know you have your 'demons', (hell, who doesn't?) but I am confident that you can overcome them if you put your all into it. I know you can do it!!!

 

[superman]

no but u know what julie...she knows how to piss me off. lol she aggrivated me and she knows exactly what buttons to press. a litttle frightened my ass she probably hoped for everythin to turn out the way it did. 3/4 the shit weve been through strarted with her. lol i dont gotta apologize to her. for what? i didnt even end up gettin james.

 

[Jeremy+3]

She isn't the one putting her son last, you seriously believe you have nothing to apologise for? You wanted to take your son home with you when you clearly weren't capable of caring for him, you think it's okay to care for him when you're drunk.

When people talk about deadbeat parents they are talking about people like you who have their children as their last priority, then they blame everyone else when they can't get their own way. Your son is 6, he will know exactly what you're like.