Laying down some strict rules......

[AmyBelle]

Theres an idea, imagine you have kids.

What would your reaction be to your 20 yr old doughter coming along and setting rules for you and her younger sibling to abide by?

I sure as hell know that the rules that Lily lives by do not come from Rebekah, and they never will, because she's her sister, not her mother, thats me. And no I would never hand my car keys over to Bek because she discided that im not allowed to drive anymore, and what I drink is none of her buisness quite frankly.

And you know what, the things youre offering to do are really nothing things, grocery shopping isnt a big huge "oh my god big burden" task. I thought you said that your grandmother pays the bills? Plus you have no money to pay the bills with because you have no job, cleaning house, again, has to be done but not huge (plus I think that if youre 20 and still mooching off mummy you should be pulling your weight in the cleaning department in the first place)

The fact that you feel the need to take over such meaningless tasks to make things easier proves that youre in no way understanding what it means to run a household. You want to make things easier for your mother? Quit being a whiney brat, go get a job, get your ass out of her house and leave her be.

 

[Mom2all]

I have a 19 year old daughter.. 20 in July. And since your probally not going to see to it your Mom gets our invite.. I'm going to tell you what I would truthfully say to my daughter if she were acting like you are.

#1. Get off your rear end and get a job or be in school and get a life. Perhaps if you were more interested in your own life.. you wouldn't be so very wrapped up in fixing your Mom's. YOU are a child in all ways but your age. Running around the neighborhood with flashlights and gun empty gun belts will not fix any situation including your own.

#2. For someone so NOT interested in any excuse your Mom may have for not being sane this very minute.. or for not providing you with MORE than you are already getting from her.. you are sure quick to throw an excuse out there for your own lack of ambition or drive. "I'm waiting until I'm 21 to do anything with my life except bitch and moan" is the absolute worse excuse I have ever heard in my life. Get a straw and suck it up.

#3. YOU are a child with no idea whats so ever how to be of any help. Clean the house, run to the store, listen when your Mom needs to vent.. do nice things without thinking you have the right to tell ANYONE what to do. You aparently don't know how to live on your own.. how can you give ANY advice to anyone... and to set rules.. I'd laugh in your face and kick your lazy butt out the door. Call the police on that! They would have you leave the property.. AND thats it!

#4. Last but not least.. If I had you in my house as my child acting the way you do.. I would reconsider my view on Spanking. Cause you my dear would have well passed the point where I'd of took a belt to your bossy, complaining, lazy, excuse making, mooching rear end.


You should count your blessings I'm not your Mom.. and tonight.. I'll say an extra prayer just to thank the good Lord your not my Daughter.

 

[Cop2be]

Theres an idea, imagine you have kids.

What would your reaction be to your 20 yr old doughter coming along and setting rules for you and her younger sibling to abide by?

I sure as hell know that the rules that Lily lives by do not come from Rebekah, and they never will, because she's her sister, not her mother, thats me. And no I would never hand my car keys over to Bek because she discided that im not allowed to drive anymore, and what I drink is none of her buisness quite frankly.

And you know what, the things youre offering to do are really nothing things, grocery shopping isnt a big huge "oh my god big burden" task. I thought you said that your grandmother pays the bills? Plus you have no money to pay the bills with because you have no job, cleaning house, again, has to be done but not huge (plus I think that if youre 20 and still mooching off mummy you should be pulling your weight in the cleaning department in the first place)

The fact that you feel the need to take over such meaningless tasks to make things easier proves that youre in no way understanding what it means to run a household. You want to make things easier for your mother? Quit being a whiney brat, go get a job, get your ass out of her house and leave her be.

And you think its just fine for her to get smashed and then A) try to wrestle me for her car keys so she can go by cigarettes after 21 years of not smoking and sit and scream bloody murder while we are driving around looking for my brother.

I'm sorry I don't care if I am her daughter, her pet puppy whatever....if she is going to try to drive after drinking you can get your self I will be taking her keys.

I don't let people drive drunk.
I won't let anyone drive drunk.
And I sure as hell won't let my mom drive drunk and let her do as she pleases just because I am her child and can't tell her what to do...
I'm sorry but I don't want her getting killed or killing someone else, so I'll do whats necessary to keep people safe.


And like I said I am willing to take on ALL her responsibilities, which includes bills, my grandmother gives her money but my mom has to still pay the bills with it..

 

[Cop2be]

Have I been banned?
What's up with my rep points?

 

[kdryan]

So taking over everything for her and holding her responsible for nothing is going to help her how?

Once again, you cannot force anyone to change. I smoked for 16 years and everyone tried to get me to quit. It wasn't until I decided I was ready before I actually did it and was successful.

You plan is flawed from the start. You cannot force your mother to do anything, so give it up and try to influence her through positive changes in your own life. The best way to get her to change is to lead by example.

 

[Cop2be]

So taking over everything for her and holding her responsible for nothing is going to help her how?

Once again, you cannot force anyone to change. I smoked for 16 years and everyone tried to get me to quit. It wasn't until I decided I was ready before I actually did it and was successful.

You plan is flawed from the start. You cannot force your mother to do anything, so give it up and try to influence her through positive changes in your own life. The best way to get her to change is to lead by example.

She's not going to change unless someone nudges her in the right direction.
She rebelling like a teenager.
My brother told her she is too "straightlaced" and strict so now last night she was drinking and started smoking.
She first wrestled me for the keys, then when I wouldn't drive her myself she told me she was going to walk to get them and finally I drove her because I didn't want her to get arrested for drunk in public.
Then she started screaming about how she wanted some weed!!

She was like this is how I was when I was 18 and this is much better than now..

 

[Antoinette]

obviously your not banned because your still posting aren't ya...

you really do bring un needed drama to the forum with every post

 

[Cop2be]

Aren't ya happy you don't deal with it in real life?

 

[Father_0f_7]

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<LIST>

• 
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And your rep went down because we're tired of hearing you complain.

 

[Cop2be]

Thank you!
I've been getting letters from a company called Vector with a starting pay of $15 an hour...i'm going to check out the legitness of them and see if I can get a job..

 

[Antoinette]

so you should.... you have no reason to be unemployed what so ever

 

[Xero]

I'm sorry I don't care if I am her daughter, her pet puppy whatever....if she is going to try to drive after drinking you can get your self I will be taking her keys.

I don't let people drive drunk.
I won't let anyone drive drunk.
And I sure as hell won't let my mom drive drunk and let her do as she pleases just because I am her child and can't tell her what to do...

What makes me laugh here, is that you are so naive. If only you could look back in time from your mother's perspective your head would probably explode to find out how many times she has probably driven after consuming alcohol. No its not okay to drive drunk, but its not your problem if someone wants to do it, especially your mom.

IF you were the adult you claim to be, and had a job and a car and a place of your own, you would not only have NO idea that your mom was driving drunk in the first place, you would probably not care one way or the other because you'd be busy caring about your OWN LIFE. I think your whole family literally thrives off of drama, you included.

You are wasting your time, and you're just making a fool of yourself in front of your family by trying to control things. Can you imagine what they think of you? Do you even care? Even if you don't get a job or a place, you need to get a life. Get a hobby. Find something to do with yourself. Really.

Have I been banned?

If you were banned, you would not be able to post or sign in, and you would have the word "banned" under your username. So no, you're not banned. You just have bad rep.

 

[Antoinette]

i agree. i don't "think" my mum drives drunk but i don't live at home so i don't really know. and i am busy controlling my own life i don't have time to even think about controlling hers... nor would i want to. i wouldn't ike it if she tried to control my life now i don't live at home so i wouldn't try to do it to her... your case is a little different because you do live at home and as far as I'm concerned; while you live under her roof when she says "jump" you say "how heigh?"

 

[Jordy]

al i can do is laugh for this one..... this entire post is such a joke i don't even think it's worth my time replying..... this is 5 minutes of my life i will never get back LOL... funny stuff

 

[kdryan]

And your rep went down because we're tired of hearing you complain.

What he said...

Look, plain and simple. Stop blaming your family for every little thing that is wrong in your life. Go out into the world, make your own life so when you're 40 your kids can go on parenting bulletin boards even though they don't have kids and complain about you.

Life is not about the destination, it is about the journey...

 

[Father_0f_7]

but its not your problem if someone wants to do it, especially your mom

I actually disagree with this. I obviously agree that it is not okay to drink and drive, and agree that you shouldnt be giving her rules (if she wants to smoke, you're SOL because quite frankly, it's her life). BUT if she's drinking and driving she's not just putting her health at risk, every car she passes could be the one's she takes with her when she rams into them head on at 90 MPH.

Don't take her keys EVERY NIGHT because you THINK she MIGHT drink. That's stupid and makes you sound immature. But if she's drinking and goes for her keys 1. remind her "mom it's illegal and one day you will kill someone" 2. mom i'm scared that you will kill yourself and someone else by doing this 3. Tell her to think about it for just 5 minutes and she will (hopefully) realize it's not a good idea.

If she still goes for the keys then IMHO I say you are more than welcome to take them from her.

You can't make rules for your mother or your brother.

 

[Michele&Angie]

Hugs to you.

 

[singledad]

I actually disagree with this. I obviously agree that it is not okay to drink and drive, and agree that you shouldnt be giving her rules (if she wants to smoke, you're SOL because quite frankly, it's her life). BUT if she's drinking and driving she's not just putting her health at risk, every car she passes could be the one's she takes with her when she rams into them head on at 90 MPH.

Don't take her keys EVERY NIGHT because you THINK she MIGHT drink. That's stupid and makes you sound immature. But if she's drinking and goes for her keys 1. remind her "mom it's illegal and one day you will kill someone" 2. mom i'm scared that you will kill yourself and someone else by doing this 3. Tell her to think about it for just 5 minutes and she will (hopefully) realize it's not a good idea.

If she still goes for the keys then IMHO I say you are more than welcome to take them from her.

You can't make rules for your mother or your brother.

This is the first post in this thread that makes any real sense.

The fact is - you have every right to be worried. I don't doubt that you have you mom and brother's best interests at heart, but you cannot handle it the way you are trying to. You cannot make someone change... they have to do it themselves. By trying to make them change, you will actually be worsening the situation, because you are giving them one more thing to be mad about/freak out about. Yes - try to prevent your mom from putting herself and others in danger, but that's about all you can do for her. Then take care of yourself.

One thing I want to mention - you say that getting your brother commited will jeopardise his future as a cop. The truth is, not getting help won't make the problems go away and if he needs help, then not getting it isn't doing him any favours. If his problems will prevent him from being accepted into police academy, well them maybe he isn't suited to become a cop. If he was my brother, and I had a choice between him getting the help he needs to live a normal happy life, or helping him become a cop, I'd choose the former. There are worse things in life than not being able to follow your first choice for a carreer - like living with mental illness all your life. Trust me, if you think its hard for you to deal with his fits, that is nothing compared to the anguish that drives him to throw those fits... If I were you, next time your mom tries to get him commited, back her up, don't fight her. If he's as bad as you make him out to be, he needs real help, not some light-weight councilling.

 

[kdryan]

Can I suggest we all take a step back here? Despite what we all feel about how Cop is acting, please let us remember there is a living breathing person on the other end of that keyboard. I have been as guilty as anyone else in this thread at bashing, but to be honest, I don't think screaming at her to get her life in order is going to do any good. You all have probably been dealing with this stuff longer than I, so maybe I am just not there yet.

It is very easy to sit there and say go out and get a job and move out. But to be honest, in this day, and this economy, it's not so cut and dry. You cannot live on a KFC or Wal-Mart salary. Cop does have a lot of growing up to do, and yes, she is a bit immature. She is trying to get through life like everyone else here. We need to take into consideration what some of our words will have on a person who is obviously in a bad situation to start with.

Cop, you annoy me with nonsense like this just as much as you do anyone else here, but that's no excuse for bad manners...

Namaste...

 

[Xero]

No, you're right kdryan. Its not easy to get things going for yourself these days, and its not always easy getting along with your family especially if it is dysfunctional. BUT I think there is a cut off point as to how bad you can treat your family due to their "behavior" and I also think there's no good reason to ask for advice and then every time someone tries to help you, you shoot it down like you didn't want any opinions but your own to begin with. That's what bothers me. Complain all you want, but at least appreciate the fact that someone cares enough to listen (read) and don't be disrespectful.