letter to my dad...
- Thread starter Lissa
- Start date
If that is the case, he may be open to hear what you have to say and it will most likely be painful for him. You must prepare yourself for any response though. There is no way to tell what a person's reaction may be. The only way, I finally got closure what to confront my dad. Luckily in my case it worked out for the best and we have a pretty good relationship now.Lissa said:
Lissa, just so you know, I am only trying to help, and have been through a very similar situation, and it worked out wonderfully for everyone involved.Lissa said:
I still stick by what I said in my first post.
There are a few good ways to handle this situation, and a million wrong ones.
Tell me then how do I tactfully bring up the past? How do I tactfully address situations that occurred in which there was no tact? I'm not going to put a bullet in his head through my pen. I'm going to tell him what I remember. Tell him how it made me feel. Ask him why he said and did the things he did. I think I deserve that. He needs to know that I still hurt because of him. He needs to know that my issues stem from him. How do you do that without blaming? Or maybe he needs to take the blame. He screwed up. I'm not sure if he's even aware of that.Music-dad said:
I personally didn't use much tact in my situation, I just told it as it was. I felt that I deserved that much.
IMHO, I'm not sure you have forgiven him, and I'm not sure you can until you can release your feelings.
As much as I hope for a positive outcome for you, there really is no way to tell until it's done. I had a therapist at the time advise me against confronting my dad, she didn't think I was ready if the outcome went bad. I went against her advice. It really is a delicate situation.
IMHO, I'm not sure you have forgiven him, and I'm not sure you can until you can release your feelings.
As much as I hope for a positive outcome for you, there really is no way to tell until it's done. I had a therapist at the time advise me against confronting my dad, she didn't think I was ready if the outcome went bad. I went against her advice. It really is a delicate situation.
This is why:Lissa said:
Forgiveness is the mental and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.
Put the letter away. Move on. Don't waste anymore time on the man that apparently didn't want to be a positive influence in your life. I have no idea what happened but he's holding you back. He still has control over you.
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? You can be a better person from your experience and move on or you can dwell. Sometimes being the victim can be tiring.
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? You can be a better person from your experience and move on or you can dwell. Sometimes being the victim can be tiring.
You may deserve a thorough explanation, apology, and acknowledgment of how his actions have had long-term consequences. But it sounds like you are placing a lot of expectations on a person who has repeatedly failed you in the past. Has he changed so much that he will not disappoint you again?Lissa said:
I think showing the letter to your therapist is a great idea. Even if you don't send it, perhaps just writing it and talking about it will help. I've been in a similar situation and finally had to just let it go. But it took a long time and a lot of hurt to get there. I hope you find peace sooner.
Thanks Ari. I have given the letter to my therapist and she is going to read it over and call me back today.Ari2 said:You may deserve a thorough explanation, apology, and acknowledgment of how his actions have had long-term consequences. But it sounds like you are placing a lot of expectations on a person who has repeatedly failed you in the past. Has he changed so much that he will not disappoint you again?
I think showing the letter to your therapist is a great idea. Even if you don't send it, perhaps just writing it and talking about it will help. I've been in a similar situation and finally had to just let it go. But it took a long time and a lot of hurt to get there. I hope you find peace sooner.
Lissa, after six years of not speaking to my father for no real reason but he had his own life I called out of the blue. I got his email address to show him picks of his biological grandchildren and in a note I wrote "I was very upset about a comment that you made to me and you may not remember but I wanted to know I forgive you. So the day of judgement you are free" He was very cordial on a phone conversation with me and it was not brought up but I freed my heart without any real explanation. It was something I had to do. Only you can make that choice love.