Mad dad.....

[MomoJA]

In the tradition of "if I post an article about parenting, I have proven my point beyond question" I did a quick search and found an abstract to an article about research about parenting. It seems to state the opposite of what I've seen in this forum and a lot of other forums on this site.

I don't necessarily stand behind this. I just wanted to make the point that research is not the end all of parenting, and proof positive is when there is contradictory research, we believe what we want to believe anyway, so we are back where we started.

ABSTRACT:
In contrast to the common practice of pitting love and limits against each other, several research programs have shown that optimal parenting combines the two. This paper outlines a conditional sequence model of optimal disciplinary responses and shows its consistency with a wide range of research. The model suggests that optimal disciplinary responses begin with less severe tactics, such as reasoning, but proceed to firmer disciplinary tactics when the initial tactic achieves neither compliance nor an acceptable compromise. The firmer tactics can be nonphysical punishment initially with nonabusive physical punishment reserved as a back-up for the nonphysical punishment. This is consistent with many studies showing that a combination of reasoning and punishment is more effective than either one alone and with new evidence that this sequence enhances the effectiveness of milder disciplinary tactics with preschoolers.

 

[ElliottCarasDad]

Article: Why you shouldn't shoot your daughter's laptop.

Come on Nic, you cant even post an original thought anymore? Its come down to just posting links to your programmed diatribe? How about your personal experience in the subject?

 

[parentastic]

Eliott, I found this article posted by a friend's friend over my fb this morning and thought i'd take 30 sec to share it with the group.
I do have plenty of thoughts to say or experience to share, but I also have full time work & full time Masters study going on.

Don't you have anything better to do than to pick on me?

 

[ElliottCarasDad]

Eliott, I found this article posted by a friend's friend over my fb this morning and thought i'd take 30 sec to share it with the group.
I do have plenty of thoughts to say or experience to share, but I also have full time work & full time Masters study going on.

Don't you have anything better to do than to pick on me?

Not really.

And while you have valuable thoughts to share you have zero experience.

 

[parentastic]

Not really.

[/quote]

Debate Gudelines:

Respect eachother's right to disagree and practice tolerance. Personal attacks are not welcome. As personal attacks can be subjective it's necessary for moderators to use their own judgement

Need I to say more?

And while you have valuable thoughts to share you have zero experience.

That's quite an assumption.

 

[ElliottCarasDad]

That's quite an assumption.

Agreed. But that assumption is based on "0" posts of your experiences with raising your children. Yours always seem work/agenda related. If that assumption is unwarranted and you can direct me to one of your 390+ posts where you you offer up some personal advice from raising your child, or even ask advice from other parents (<I>gasp!</I>), then I apologize.

 

[singledad]

So... This poor guy is <U>labelled</U> "authoritarian". (Harsh) <U>Judgement is passed</U> on his maturity, his parenting skills, his relationship with his daughter, his daughter's emotional well-being, and his daughter's future. All based on one single event - an 8 minute video - that represents a low point in 15 YEARS of parenting that we know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about.

That is what I call jumping to conclusions in the worst possible way. If I was him and I came across that article, I'd be livid!

And besides that, I also get the distinct impression that the author is highly distressed to find that parents disagree with him, as if he has been ordained to be the sole authority on parenting. Or perhaps he's just afraid of the effect this will have on his book sales...

 

[bssage]

I was just thinking it was a waste of money. I would rather the lesson be. I can teach you something without pssing my own money away in the process.

Not wasting much time on the act. Sometimes a cigar, is just a cigar, you know.

 

[ElliottCarasDad]

I was just thinking it was a waste of money. I would rather the lesson be. I can teach you something without pssing my own money away in the process.

Not wasting much time on the act. Sometimes a cigar, is just a cigar, you know.

I pretty much agree with that. But she didnt just disrespect her parents, she disrespected them to the public. He responded in kind (however inappropriate) which is human nature. The fact a gun was used freaks people out who dont know and respect guns, but it was just a statement.

I just dont see the big deal, especially after reading his and daughters follow up remarks. It sounds like their family is more grounded than most.

 

[MomoJA]

I was just thinking it was a waste of money. .

I completely agree. It was almost painful to watch a perfectly good, recently updated laptop bite the dust, but I guess people waste money in all sorts of crazy ways.

 

[NancyM]

Article: Why you shouldn't shoot your daughter's laptop.

I thought this article was good.

(Of course it agrees with my views lol,)

 

[Mom2all]

I think the issue with destroying it comes from the fact it was a lap top. Not a cheap thing. But consider this, his job is fixing computers. He's made the statement he has 13 of them laying in his shop. That lap top to him was probably not more important that that extra cooking pot you have in your pantry. I wonder if she had abused her phone, a cheap $20.00 prepaid one, and he'd of threw it in the trash can with force if we'd be debating this? Perhaps if she was receiving dirty texts from some boy, and he sent one scolding the boy and breaking her phone, would we all feel the same or would it have been more justified?

 

[bssage]

At the start he mentions that he just paid 130$ to get it fixed right before he shot it.

 

[Mom2all]

At the start he mentions that he just paid 130$ to get it fixed right before he shot it.

He said he paid $130 and worked on it half the day to give it the upgrades she had asked for. a lot of programs, (like microsoft office), cost at least that much.

But again, if it were a cheap thing that he'd destroyed, for her obnoxious behavior, and done it without a gun, would it cause a different reaction?

 

[bssage]

Not really. Just a waste of money. No hidden meaning. could be a buck or a hundred. I have to work to earn money.

 

[parentastic]

I think there are two distinct issues with this and his reaction, and for a fruitful debate, IMO, we need to distinguish between these two things.

There is:

1) How he handled the situation

2) How he chose to make it public onto Facebook

Now, as far as how he handled the situation, I am of the belief that using brute force to destroy his daughter's property as a punishment sends the wrong message, discourages communication, position the dad as the very example of what not to do, and displays a behavior that is, <I>at least</I> as immature as the behavior he blames his daughter for.
But, It's debatable, and I have read excellent argument for and against this position, both on this thread and on the internet outside these forums.

But as far as choosing to VIDEO RECORD himself destroying her property, and choosing to post it on Facebook - how <I>that</I> I think is really, pardon me for saying, but really <I>stupid.
</I>How is he going to gain his daughter's respect if he does exactly what he is punishing her for doing? After all, the whole point here is that she chose to bad-mouth her parents <I>on a public forum</I> (even though it was supposed to be restricted to her friends only). Now he does it too? If her little rebellious message on fb was not very smart, it was after all still restricted. Her dad's video, on the other hand, has gone viral, with thousands of views. I don't know how he feels about it, but if it was me, I wouldn't be too proud of myself on that one.

 

[bssage]

IMO,

I am of the belief

But, It's debatable, and I have read excellent argument for and against this position, both on this thread and on the internet outside these forums.

I think we are all guilty of doing goofy crap in the name of parenting. I had Cole drown poor innocent cheerio's with pee. I used to sing a poop song to Chloe (me singing is not a pretty site). I know he is not backing down. But I get the feeling if the truth was told he did not expect the proportion it has risen to.

 

[parentastic]

I had Cole drown poor innocent cheerio's with pee.

Oh, but this provides such an effective aiming tool! I love this!

I get the feeling if the truth was told he did not expect the proportion it has risen to.

I was thinking just that too...