My wife won't stop hitting my son :-(...
- Thread starter FooserX
- Start date
Thank you guys. Here, a picture of my kids from today...5 minutes ago actually, lol. 
I love to show off my kids.
I love to show off my kids.
Fooser- I did lose control with my oldest daughter once about a year ago nd I slapped her. I felt like the worlds most awful pathetic human being about one second later. She was being her preteen hormonal brat of a self and I snapped and I've made sure I never do that again. I apologized for letting myself get out of control to that point but even thinking of it now makes me feel sick. I could make excuses about my hard day and her bad attitude but it was my fault because i have been a parent long enough to know when I am getting stressed to step away and not act out of anger. Consistency is the key though- you were totally right there.
veronica - wow. i'm really glad to hear it.
fooser - she has a point, how is your wife's health going? my wife was having real trouble with our kids (my son is the original Energizer Bunny) but she started _actually_ going to the gym towards the end of this year and suddenly she's started losing weight, feeling good the whole day through, and having enough energy towards the end of the day to not just be able to drag herself off the couch but even to be still active (and reasonable). Sometimes I come home from work now and, wait for it, she smiles at me.
Sometimes.
fooser - she has a point, how is your wife's health going? my wife was having real trouble with our kids (my son is the original Energizer Bunny) but she started _actually_ going to the gym towards the end of this year and suddenly she's started losing weight, feeling good the whole day through, and having enough energy towards the end of the day to not just be able to drag herself off the couch but even to be still active (and reasonable). Sometimes I come home from work now and, wait for it, she smiles at me.
Sometimes.
hey it has been a week or 2 so i have come to this thread link kind of late. One thing i would be careful of is couching this in terms of your wife needing psychological help. This may make her feel really defensive. I once saw the Supernanny tell a dad that everytime he physically disciplined his kid it would make it harder to get the kid to behave without the spanking the next time. it is food for thought really.
What i would perhaps do is wait until you 2 can have a private conversation and talk about a disiplinary mathod that you can both agree on. How do you feel the kid should be disciplined? What would your wife want to do in an ideal situation? I would then have a surf of the net to see if there are any practical anger management strategies that your wife can implement when things get rough. See if these are effective before discussing professional help.
Jeni Louise your post struck a chord. In the first month or so of my niece moving in we had a similar standoff that ended with me slapping her face. it had been a hellish day at work and I was exhausted. She was tired, hormonal and grieving. Afterward we both cried and for a day or so I was so shaken i considered the idea that a foster home would be better because I felt unfit to parent.
What i would perhaps do is wait until you 2 can have a private conversation and talk about a disiplinary mathod that you can both agree on. How do you feel the kid should be disciplined? What would your wife want to do in an ideal situation? I would then have a surf of the net to see if there are any practical anger management strategies that your wife can implement when things get rough. See if these are effective before discussing professional help.
Jeni Louise your post struck a chord. In the first month or so of my niece moving in we had a similar standoff that ended with me slapping her face. it had been a hellish day at work and I was exhausted. She was tired, hormonal and grieving. Afterward we both cried and for a day or so I was so shaken i considered the idea that a foster home would be better because I felt unfit to parent.
if the 1st rule of parenting is "there's no hitting there's no hitting there's no hitting" then the second rule ought to be "Today is a new day."
Your child is never to young for you to apologise to them, and mean it. They want to know that they can trust you today, and tomorrow, more than they want healing for whatever angry thing happened yesterday. That's done. Move on.
You're not automatically a bad person if you go off the deep end in extreme situations - only if you don't recognise it as such and take steps to keep the relationships with the people you love happy and healthy.
...this is not a Get Out Of Jail Free card - what it is is permission to move on with the incremental job of making each day count, without the guilt of whatever mistakes the Old You might have made.
Your child is never to young for you to apologise to them, and mean it. They want to know that they can trust you today, and tomorrow, more than they want healing for whatever angry thing happened yesterday. That's done. Move on.
You're not automatically a bad person if you go off the deep end in extreme situations - only if you don't recognise it as such and take steps to keep the relationships with the people you love happy and healthy.
...this is not a Get Out Of Jail Free card - what it is is permission to move on with the incremental job of making each day count, without the guilt of whatever mistakes the Old You might have made.
I sat her down and I said, "Bella mommie was really wrong to do that. I am a grwn up and I should have handled that better. It is never okay for anyone to hit you in the face."Aunt said:
She forgave me but deep down I don't think I will ever forgive myself.
I feel like I failed at this. I hadn't hit my kids for any reason in days, I thought things were getting better....but I sit here at 3:12am because I'm very unhappy right now about what my 3 year old did and I don't know if spanking him was wrong or right, I didn't know how to react. Let me explain. My husband had to work late tonight, so he's at work still, his phone died and so I couldn't ask him what I should do I was asleep, everyone should have been, but at 2:45 I heard something, so I got up, expecting to find my boys awake in their rooms with the lights on, playing. Thats not what I found. My 3 year old was running around naked, my 1 year old was covered in SOMETHING. I sent my 3 year old to his room and cleaned up the 1 year old. I sleep naked and imagine how awkward it was when I had to shut the garage door :/ I looked around the house...my son emptied everything from the freezer and fridge out onto the kitchen floor and the cupboards too. Baby formula, spaghetti sauce, butter, noodles, pepper, broken eggs....my kitchen looks like shit. I calmly brought my 1 year old to bed, slapped the 3 year old on his ass 3 times and gave him a pair of pants and left the room. I didn't do it out of anger because I was calm, no, I did it because I really don't think a time out was going to cut it. We had a little bit of food to last us until the 15th, luckily we have a little bit of money still, I had plans for it, but now I have to tell the woman on craigslist that I can't buy her dog because my son ruined all our food....it sounds ridiculous. He also ate all his sisters chocolate and I can't find my pocket knife that was in my desk. I'm really glad they didn't get hurt and I feel awful that I felt he needed to be spanked.....can anyone else think of a solution that would have been better?
I was asleep, everyone should have been, but at 2:45 I heard something, so I got up, expecting to find my boys awake in their rooms with the lights on, playing. Thats not what I found. My 3 year old was running around naked, my 1 year old was covered in SOMETHING. I sent my 3 year old to his room and cleaned up the 1 year old. I sleep naked and imagine how awkward it was when I had to shut the garage door :/ I looked around the house...my son emptied everything from the freezer and fridge out onto the kitchen floor and the cupboards too. Baby formula, spaghetti sauce, butter, noodles, pepper, broken eggs....my kitchen looks like shit. I calmly brought my 1 year old to bed, slapped the 3 year old on his ass 3 times and gave him a pair of pants and left the room. I didn't do it out of anger because I was calm, no, I did it because I really don't think a time out was going to cut it. We had a little bit of food to last us until the 15th, luckily we have a little bit of money still, I had plans for it, but now I have to tell the woman on craigslist that I can't buy her dog because my son ruined all our food....it sounds ridiculous. He also ate all his sisters chocolate and I can't find my pocket knife that was in my desk. I'm really glad they didn't get hurt and I feel awful that I felt he needed to be spanked.....can anyone else think of a solution that would have been better?
I don't know how I would have reacted but it probably would have involved heart failure. (((HUGS)))
Is the hug for me??? I could use one. I wanted to cry. I was so upset that I couldn't go back to sleep. I was mad, not only at him, but at myself. I had been doing SO good. Luckily I breastfeed...the formula was a once a day supplement and I have rice cereal I can give the baby too,, so its not as bad as it could have been (could you imagine if I only bottle fed!! All out of formula with a hungry baby and the hubby isn't even home to go get any more!!). Now with no food, my husband who will be coming home from working 18 hours will have no dinner and will have to go to the store before he can even go to bed or we won't have any food tomorrow...unless of course we want ramen noodles, which are still in tact. He could have had a little 5 hour nap before he had to get ready for work again....if he goes to the store he'll be lucky to get a 3 hour nap. My poor hubby Well, ramen noodles for breakfast/lunch and dinner it is! I think we have some canned tomatoe soup too.
Well, ramen noodles for breakfast/lunch and dinner it is! I think we have some canned tomatoe soup too.
Yes the hugs are for you. That's a total nightmare. I am so glad you are still able to breastfeed her because that is one last mouth. Any other canned food? In a pinch I have thrown tuna and peas into ramen noodles and made a kind of tuna casserole and I have alos added veggies and made it veggie noodle soup. At least then your hubby can get a nap in.
Ahhhhh!!!!
That sounds horrible!!
...uh, all I can say is "what doesn't kill us makes stronger."
Don't be too proud to ask for help. If you're _literally_ out of food, there are bound to be charities to help you.
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A solution that would have been better?
Well.
Not smacking would have been better.
I'm aware of how incredibly easy that is for me to say from all the way on the other side of the world.
But think about it - punishment doesn't teach anything. If it's true about little things it's true about big things. If you're angry then be angry. If you need to give a strong message, then use strong words.
uh... but there's no way out of a mess like that with your sanity intact...
That sounds horrible!!
...uh, all I can say is "what doesn't kill us makes stronger."
Don't be too proud to ask for help. If you're _literally_ out of food, there are bound to be charities to help you.
----
A solution that would have been better?
Well.
Not smacking would have been better.
I'm aware of how incredibly easy that is for me to say from all the way on the other side of the world.
But think about it - punishment doesn't teach anything. If it's true about little things it's true about big things. If you're angry then be angry. If you need to give a strong message, then use strong words.
uh... but there's no way out of a mess like that with your sanity intact...
Oh wow...that's a tough one to have to deal with, especially in the middle of the night. But what I would have done would have been to put the little guy to work. He made the mess, so he gets to clean it up, with supervision and assistance from Mom of course. He would be working until the mess was fully cleaned up, no matter how long it took, so that he could understand that cleaning up messes is nowhere near as fun as making them.
when my husband came home he spanked BOTH the boys...they're in the kitchen cleaning the mess...AND they have to miss breakfast...AND no toys for them today. I think its a bit extreme, but he wants them to get the message. We HAD a full thing of eggs, that they completely emptied...cracked. My knife was found in the mess, open and broken. The milk jug was in the garage. I'm still just glad they didn't cut themselves or run out and get hit by a car.
Veronica your feeling bad at 3:12 am not because what your kids did, but because what you didn't do. This is okay. The answer would have been to make the 3 year old clean up the mess, yes time out works also - cause and effect works wonders. The more you use these techniques the more effective they are, it takes some time. I'm glad you were calm, and that's an improvement, but you need to get some help, or read up on how to effectively punish your children. I'm saying this not to save your kids butt, but to save you from the pain I can tell your feeling. Your frustrated because you don't know what to do. You spank them because that's the best weapon you have. You need to go get other more effective tools.veronicadavis said:I feel like I failed at this. I hadn't hit my kids for any reason in days, I thought things were getting better....but I sit here at 3:12am because I'm very unhappy right now about what my 3 year old did and I don't know if spanking him was wrong or right, I didn't know how to react. Let me explain. My husband had to work late tonight, so he's at work still, his phone died and so I couldn't ask him what I should do
There is something else very important I want to mention as well. You are struggling with learning effective discipline techniques with your children. You are struggling with money. The last thing you should be doing is adding a dog to the situation. The dog needs discipline also, the dog cost money, the dog makes messes, the dog needs fed. You are adding more stress, and complications to your life too soon. When your sitting around your living room thinking your bored, and there is nothing to do, and you have too much free time, and too much money then you should add another heart beat to the mix.
Instead of taking the time to look on craigs list for a dog, spend that money on a book, or go to a counselor so you can master what you got first. I think you will be amazed at what your really doing when you spank the kids. It's not the damage of hitting that I'm worried about it's the fact that it's taking up the place of another effective action that is not happening. As far as your husband coming home and spanking them later? I really encourage you to read up on the subject. I know money is tight, but if you promise to read it share what you learn here, I will pay for it.
Eric