Over-protective?...

[Aunt]

Well perhaps a coffee or tea or some dinner? The point is get to know them well. This way you have some idea of who the kids are friends with and you can discus your concerns with their friends parents. On that note remember that values do vary. I think it is healthy to expose kids to a variety of people so while obviously I would not let a kid stay with anyone doing anything illegal or grossly immoral, a family that has adults enjoying a wine with dinner hardly encompasses this. But then I was raised by european Catholics so a few drinks are not seen as so bad.

On a sideline note when I was in my teens and early 20s some of the kids from homes where alcohol was strictly forbidden were pretty hardy drinkers. While I was not a saint, I did not do anything silly like get into the car with drink drivers because I knew my parents would not ground me for life because I had drunk 1 too many. This sort of thing sounds like it is a loong way off for you though

 

[musicmom]

No, I think I'll still pass. hehehe I was raised Irish Catholic Drinking is unacceptable in our home. *alcoholism* I would not accept that in a home that my child was staying at either.
My child got invited to a Halloween Party and when I called for directions she told me how she was making drinks for the adults. I had to call back and cancel the invite. Just my choice.

 

[Kaytee]

On a sideline note when I was in my teens and early 20s some of the kids from homes where alcohol was strictly forbidden were pretty hardy drinkers. While I was not a saint, I did not do anything silly like get into the car with drink drivers because I knew my parents would not ground me for life because I had drunk 1 too many. This sort of thing sounds like it is a loong way off for you though

there have been studies done on this and in many cases children who are raised in strict no drinking homes do end up drinking more

 

[Aunt]

No, I think I'll still pass. hehehe I was raised Irish Catholic Drinking is unacceptable in our home. *alcoholism* I would not accept that in a home that my child was staying at either.
My child got invited to a Halloween Party and when I called for directions she told me how she was making drinks for the adults. I had to call back and cancel the invite. Just my choice.

Well I think with respect there is a huge difference between a family in which alcohol is enjoyed by adults in the way it was intended (moderately with meals) and alcoholism. The reason why I say this is because keeping your child from any house in which alcohol is served or kept in the house at all may cut them off from a really high number of kids who come from very good households with an unproblematic approach to alcohol amongst those of legal age. To me it is a question of socialization vs protection. But i suspect we will have to agree to disagree on this one.

 

[evilbrent]

I agree.

As a parent I'd like to approach issues like alcohol from a parenting perspective; what's the lesson I want my kid to learn??

If I use an authoritarian, zero-tolerance approach then I might just have some success - or I might have a terrible failure. I would consider both outcomes a failure.

In the event that I put my foot down and terrified my kids into not touching a drop I would have lost the bigger battle - that's not the way I want them to learn to become adults.

In the event that I put my foot down and adopted the zero-tolerance yada yada and they DIDN'T get terrrified into not touching a drop - ie, if they ignored me and just went nuts - for a start I would have lost credibility and for a second, once they've Crossed The Line there's really nothing stopping them from going absolutely nuts. Once parental Authority has been broken a little bit I think it's in the kid's interests to break it a lot.

I've read that having the death penalty for rape has actually ended up more dangerous for women - a rapist might as well get hung for a murder/rape as for a rape, and that way there's one fewer witness. By having a structured approach to the punishment the rapist has, once he's raped someone, a further disincentive to keep going and take their life.

I, personally, no longer drink booze. I just stopped liking it sometime during this year. But I will be approaching alcohol with my kids with an attitude of respectful education - I'll be informing them of the dangers and ways to make the experience safe. The lesson I'd like them to learn is that drinking can be fun but it can do real damage to your body and to your life. The only _real_ way for them to learn that, at the end of the day, is by bitter experience.

 

[evilbrent]

No, I think I'll still pass. hehehe I was raised Irish Catholic Drinking is unacceptable in our home. *alcoholism* I would not accept that in a home that my child was staying at either.
My child got invited to a Halloween Party and when I called for directions she told me how she was making drinks for the adults. I had to call back and cancel the invite. Just my choice.

really?

You don't even want to be around people who are drinking??

 

[Aunt]

I agree evil Brent. When I was a kid my father would have a glass of red with dinner every night. 1 glass and no more. Never did I see him drunk. He has since cut back to twice a week on drs orders for his heart. In summer if there was a bbq it would be a beer. By about age 13 we were allowed to join any adult having a drink with dinner unless we had friends over because my parents did not know what their parents position was so did not want to step on any toes. My parents other rule was no drinking alcoholic soft drinks as they were only marketed to to get kids drunk and no spirits while under 18 because of their strength. Also when we were old enough drinking and driving or getting in the car with a drink driver meant being grounded for life. It did not stop the odd night of youthful excess when they were not there but it did teach moderation and also genuine wine appreciation. We also knew we could call for a ride and were safer as a reult.

 

[musicmom]

really?

You don't even want to be around people who are drinking??

No sir, I would not even want to be around people who are drinking. That's a personal preference at this time of my life.
I lived with an alcoholic, my best friend passed away of alcoholism and my male best friend recently passed away from previous years of drinking. I don't like it and would not want it around me and I leave if it's around. I wouldn't preach to anyone and to each their own.

 

[musicmom]

Well I think with respect there is a huge difference between a family in which alcohol is enjoyed by adults in the way it was intended (moderately with meals) and alcoholism. The reason why I say this is because keeping your child from any house in which alcohol is served or kept in the house at all may cut them off from a really high number of kids who come from very good households with an unproblematic approach to alcohol amongst those of legal age. To me it is a question of socialization vs protection. But i suspect we will have to agree to disagree on this one.

All I can do is give my children information. If they drink when they are older then that's their choice. They know about their fathers sickness, they know about my friends. I've even had the talk with my son how he may have his fathers gene's. They've seen me have a glass of wine (was cooking with it and put some in a wine glass) and I've explained how there is a responsible way of drinking and one drink is ok. It's not like I would force them to never drink. As with anything, I want them to be informed.

 

[fallon]

No sir, I would not even want to be around people who are drinking. That's a personal preference at this time of my life.
I lived with an alcoholic, my best friend passed away of alcoholism and my male best friend recently passed away from previous years of drinking. I don't like it and would not want it around me and I leave if it's around. I wouldn't preach to anyone and to each their own.

I think what your are saying makes sence. I strongly believe every mother needs to decide what's best for their family. The only thing that would concern me personally is the idea of alcohol becoming like forbidden fruit

 

[chefrick]

Are you an over protective parent? What are some things that your friends might think you are over the top on but you refuse to budge?
Here are a few of mine.
My children can not play in the front yard. (Poor kids)
They can not ride their bikes in the road. (at 7 and 6, understandable)
I leave the door open when they take baths. (good idea)
I get up when they wake up. (again, @ 7 and 6, normal)
I go to bed only after I know they've fallen asleep. (aight)
They will never stay the night at anyone's house. (7 and 6 is somewhat understandable, but @ 11 or 12? That would be weird)
I've only let two of my close friends watch them and it's usually only when they are asleep. (you have friends??)
I hold their hands when crossing any street or parking lots.
My son is seven and I won't let him go into a public bathroom alone. He has to go into the woman's with me (need to start weening him of this soon)
I make them wash their hands right after school. (aight)
Oh my gosh...I am horrible. I could probably think of alot more!! Give me some credit, I see my faults and I am working hard on letting go a tad. (only a tad):dull:

All in all i'd say...not too bad. Your obsession with alcohol is a bit disturbing, but to each their own

 

[chefrick]

. I've even had the talk with my son how he may have his fathers gene's.

A statetment like this is a true roll of the dice in so many ways....I wouldn't recommend this course of action.

 

[musicmom]

*yawn*

 

[musicmom]

We have a huge lanai in our back yard and a huge fenced in back yard with a trampolin. (yes, "poor kids") where is child protective services?????? LMAOOoooooooo

 

[mommybear]

This is going to be a long post:

My parents were EXTREMELY overprotective growing up. As soon as I got some freedom, I did things that I probably would not have done had my parents been a little more lenient. Among them - drinking. It did become the forbidden fruit for me. I don't go near the stuff now.

Oddly enough, I find that I am very overprotective of my own son. He is two and half years old.
Examples:
In addition to the original post, I
1) make him wash his hands EVERYTIME we come home from outside.
2) do not allow him to drink from public water fountains
[I worked at the Infectious Diseases Clinic as a
student in a small city University. I often would see the clinic's
patients at the mall using the water fountains. Another time, I saw a
woman let her dog use the water fountain. The dog had the entire
sprout in this mouth. I love dogs, but who knows how clean that
woman was or where her dogs mouth had been?]
3) I do not give him tap water because I do not want him ingesting flouride. Although our doctors insisted he have flouride water or supplements, I refused because research shows flouride may be linked to lower IQs. I'll just teach him to brush his teeth really well, and hope for the best.
4) researched the vaccine thing to no end. I travel internationally a lot, so I did opt to give him all his vaccines.But since my brother has autism, I researched it immensely. Personally, I don't feel there is a link. But I wish all parents would take this issue seriously.
5) only buy locally grown produce and buy dairy with no hormones and antibiotics. We have to make a lot of sacrifices to do this, but its a choice that I have made. After all, we are what we eat.


In summary, I don't think you are too overprotective. In the end, I think we should just parent in a way that feels natural to us and hope for the best.

 

[Kaytee]

I agree with mnost of what you say but to "just hope for the best" is crazy to me" I will not hope for the best, I will do the best I can. I will do all in my power to give my daughter a well balanced start. I will let her explore and be indendent when she can and try to protect her when I can

 

[cbachinger]

But i thought that vaccinations were compulsory for your child for building up body defensives for possible future problems; TB, flu, etc. Or is there a chance in policies that i havent heard of yet?

I had the really annoying case once that 1 month before i went to boarding school, went for a full medical checkup and was given all three tetinis injections plus another 1. Then when i got to the school and went for another internal checkup (no problem with that), the nurse told me that i needed these injections. I told her i already had these and she could phone my doctor back at home. But she was too much into protocol and stupidly said that her records did not show it; i told her of course not! and so i had them all again!!

 

[Kaytee]

That is very dangerous!! You are loading your body with toxins it is not meant to have. Also even the drug companies themselves say not to give all 3 injections at the same time. They have to be spaced a certain amount a part. Also I though as an adult you only needed 1, not 3? I'll have to look.

 

[Kaytee]

this is from the FDA website


When given to adults, the first two primary doses of Td are administered at least four weeks apart, and the third dose is administered 6 to 12 months after the second.

 

[cbachinger]

I remember now, yes. I dont think they were TB injections but i had a total of 3 that day; the doctor was (retired now) a very experienced and respected person. Well as i said, i wasnt happy with the extra load of injections at the school but the nurse was just being 'stupid' and illogical.