Should we Allow our Children to Fail???...

IADad

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Feb 23, 2009
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amyewhitmore said:
Someone setting a goal would not be setting a goal of scoring 896 goals, however, if they think they can score 5 and they didn't meet that goal then they failed to meet their goal of 5.

If a parent is pressuring a child to score a goal and the child does not and the child thinks they failed, the parent has problems and probably shouldn't be a parent. A parent pressuring their child to score a goal should have nothing to do with what the child wants out of the game, or what the child thinks they are capable of.

the number's not the point, the point was that failure is only relative to goals if the goals are set appropriately. If the goals are out of whack (and I've seen plenty of kids set unrealistic goals, they need guidance) then the feeling of failure can be inappropriate.
 

mjgates

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Jun 29, 2011
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Sports is an interesting topic when it comes to very young kids. My kids are 5 and 6. When my youngest started playing soccer, they didn't even keep score. Everyone is a winner and gets a trophy. I absolutely disagreed with this approach with kids at any age. Learning to win and lose, sportsmanship, and all the values I learned as a young kid in sports is out the window. So I paid more to join a private league that keeps records, has championships, only the winners get the championship trophy's, etc. They have a sportsmanship value of the week which each kid strives to fulfill and a sportsmanship medal is awarded at each game. The lessons they have learned since switching have been great. Everyone loves to win, but to learn to lose with class is lesson they must learn. These kids at 6 years old help other kids up on the other team, hand flags when pulled back to the player, shake hands after games, and show an unbelievable amount of support for their teammates win or lose. Watching kids at this age with such sportsmanship is truly something special. I wish I could say the same for all the parents.
 

nitwitseattle

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Jul 4, 2011
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I think the propensity to believe the sky is falling because of a mistake isn't something we teach; we're just born this way. I believe that what's really important is to admit our own mistakes, and then to model how we managed the mistake, to model what we learned from it, to model how we speak about making mistakes. I think that's all there really is.
 

Wilburn

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Jul 14, 2011
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Now a days the parents might be also the cause of kid failing.Allow your kid what does he want to do.Just direct him to the way where he may get his destination and do not impose your wish on him and let him do to achieve his goals and interests.

Baltimore Fitness
 
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Mathias58

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Jul 24, 2011
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Everyone has to learn to deal with failure. However, you need to support them in their failure and help them understand why they failed and how they can do better next time. This of course varies for every situation.
 

Christopher

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Jul 27, 2011
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Our society seems to be pushing an agenda of 'everyone is a winner' whether or not they ever win. To me that is a lie. When did saying: You lost, become the same thing as saying: You are a loser?
I have the feeling that when we remove the ability for anyone to fail we are also taking away the opportunity and value of success.

What we as parents need to do is protect our child from being diminished by a loss. Self image is too important to be allowed to be determined by winning or losing in any contest. But that does not remove the benefits of striving.

When they fall down we help them up, encourage them to go on, and perhaps point out where they tripped up. I am my child's champion supporter - win or lose. And as long as they give their best they are truly winners.
 

IADad

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Feb 23, 2009
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Christopher said:
Our society seems to be pushing an agenda of 'everyone is a winner' whether or not they ever win. To me that is a lie. When did saying: You lost, become the same thing as saying: You are a loser?
I have the feeling that when we remove the ability for anyone to fail we are also taking away the opportunity and value of success.

What we as parents need to do is protect our child from being diminished by a loss. Self image is too important to be allowed to be determined by winning or losing in any contest. But that does not remove the benefits of striving.

When they fall down we help them up, encourage them to go on, and perhaps point out where they tripped up. I am my child's champion supporter - win or lose. And as long as they give their best they are truly winners.
I think the other part of the story is that not everything is a contest. Sometimes we just do things for fun. So, I don't support diminishing the value of winning and losing, but I do support having some activities that are all about fun, not winning, sometimes.
 

Christopher

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Jul 27, 2011
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Thanks for the return comment. I must say that I agree totally. Too often
young children are pushed into 'playing' a sport in a very competitive way
much too soon.
There should be room for, and situations that allow both. There is no
reason for score keeping in T-Ball and the 'winning is everything' feeling.
And there should be room for the sport that allows some to excel by skill, desire,
and effort. At the same time it falls to us parents & grandparents to help
our children see that not all can be the best at "_____" but that we all can be
the best that we personally can be by giving our all.
Allow the win, allow the loss - and love them every step of the way.
 

RegalSin

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Sep 3, 2011
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<FONT font="Calibri"><SIZE size="125">What you are talking about is when people actually do something, instead of just trying it out. By doing it, they see the results they need, and recaculate. I have exprienced this myself.

By giving trophies and things like that, you create the stimulus to keep on moving foward, in that feild of studies. It is like me, in art. I felt better for getting these awards and was jelous when seeing other people get them, in other areas of study.

When you do try something else, you might be better at it, but you might not be a failure, but it just might be nothing to you. Like figuring out how to open a door, to building the door.
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double your rate of failure
That means try and try again, Practice makes perfect. However IBM became the standard by selling cheap computers that breaks down. Expesive normal computers ( the ones that work ) are known as workstations. All real computers are expensive, and are not meant to be cheap. 4,000 dollar computer is cheap, even in todays world.

Facebook is built on peoples inablity to negotiate outside that school setting. First it was a class reunion website, and then they did the facebook thing.

Also the guy who made this, apparently continue the project from where him and his freinds from college left off. HE GENERALY STOLE THE IDEA, AND TOOK THE WORK FOR HIMSELF. His company is built on human skulls that should be sharing the wealth he is in.

I advise all people to stop using facebook, and go back to the world without cell phones. You have to be that lonely, or stupid to join face. People treat facebook like club. In a business sense to attract pigeons facebook is a good move, however I stand against it, even if I am forced to use it. If the office of facebook some how was struck by lighting and cause it to burn down, I would consider it an act of god.

The guys parents is more or less in command, guiding him ( which is how parents needs to be ). I think one is a lawyer and another is a dentist. So even without facebook he would be set for life. He can fail as many times as he wants to fail. More like a yuppie failing, knowning when they can fall back on their parents, then a person with nothing but a cliff-side of proverty.
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Children who are insulated from failure will be paralyzed by the desire for perfection, never learning how to get up after they are knocked down.
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Perfection is the point of no return, while more can not be done, once you reach your aquired goal, point you can do anything else. When giving this idea of accomplishment, they will keep working harder for that accomplishment treat.

Here is an example. A group of highschool kids was giving an award for college. They would get into a high powerful college. However they stopped working hard as usually. They never got into the great college. This is what your talking about.
However this example is only showing how they never really wanted to go college, or see the usage of it in the world. This is why they became weak. They have to want to do it, and keep at it. This was somewhere during the 70's. Meaning the goal is more about happiness, rather then success. Which is a very popular topic right now.

However what you are trying to accomplish might be other people negatives. The world will fight you as much as it can, until you are defeated in failure rate. Will they happy for quiting their way of life? Like you can the best working in the world, but will be they be happy.
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