Single dad problem-please help!...

[SuperMario]

Ok so she has two mommies and two daddies because mommy and daddy couldn't get along! As far as I am concerned he gave her up when they decided to split. I will stand by my opinion. They should not ship her around like she is some shared possession. Either he makes the effort to see her (I don't care how far away they are why should she have to travel between states while the parents sit at home?) Or leave her be unless she voices she wants to go.

 

[musicmom]

The OP is totally gone. Didn't she say forget it and left? So why are we still on this? I'm sure the little girl will have to be shipped and the step mom will have daddy all to herself just like she wants. Karma will happen. Believe that.

 

[SuperMario]

I just hope you people understand where I am coming from. This kind of not listening to kids is part of the formula for unreported abuse. Not saying anything against this particular dad but usually kids have reasons for not wanting to see people.

 

[Amber]

As far as I am concerned he gave her up when they decided to split.

I really feel offended by this. Just because my ex-husband decided to be a arrogant, selfish, immature cheater and I decided I deserved better does NOT mean I'm a bad parent, by ANY means. It means to me, rather, that I care more for my childrens' and my physical, mental, and psychological welfare. I would never consider divorce to equal "giving up my kids."

 

[SuperMario]

I never said that made you a bad parent. But one cannot have everything. Divorce has its consequences. If your husband was like that then he wouldn't get the kids. If you divorce someone gives up the kids OR GOES AND SEES THE KIDS THEMSELVES.

 

[BethInAK]

Have you even read the entire thread??

The Biological dad and stepmom of the daughter are in State A.

The Biological mom and stepdad of the daughter are in State B.

If the parents from State A MOVE to be with the daughter...then the other kids lose their biological dad as well.

It's a messed up situation for sure...but you're putting the daughter of this scenario over the other kids welfare too.

it is a screwed up situation.
but i'll tell you what would be different if it was me in this situation:
I'd live where my kid was. i'd move to be near my kid or fight like hell to get custody. if you asked me to choose between my DH (and he is D) and my child, there is no question who I'd choose. this man chooses his girlfriend.

 

[Mindy]

Should we forced adopted kids to go see their biological parents?

I know this is OT for this thread, but please please, do not make statements like this until you have researched adoption thoroughly. Closed adoption is a thing of the past more and more. Open adoption is what is strongly encouraged, do you know why? Because it's important. You need to know where you came from. You need to know who brought you into this world. Just like the divorced child, the adopted child also, will ALWAYS have two moms and two dads. None is more important than the other.

 

[SuperMario]

GREAT! But the girl DOESN'T want to. So if she obviously doesn't don't ship HER across states. The dad can ship himself across states or MOVE CLOSER. If this really was his little princess he would travel to the ends of the earth for her.

Yes I understand he has other kids but the girl didn't make this situation the adults did and they should mold the situation to help HER. I agree with Beth he should move closer.

 

[dadofsix]

If I had a little 4 year old girl who lived so far away, I'd move closer. I could not imagine seeing my little girl only every other month. There is no way to a foster a relationship with a toddler with such infrequent visits. It's a sad and unfortunate situation and the only way I can see it being "fixed" is with the Dad seeing his little girl more. Honestly, my gut reaction is your boyfriend needs to decide on how important his relationship is with his little girl is. I think he may need to make a very painful sacrifice. As in, leaving one relationship for the other. In the end, he needs to decide which is more important and follow his heart. Would your relationship survive if it was a long distance one? What if he moved closer to his daughter and you stayed where you are? I know it is very easy to offer solutions when you are not in the situation, but if it was me, I'd be moving (even if it meant the end of my relationship with you). How long have you two been together? How involved is he with your children? The bottom line is he is not going to be able to have the relationship he wants with his daughter until he spends more time with her. She is young still, so there is time, but at some point, it will grow even harder. Good luck to you all. I'm sure it is painful, but I think it will get even harder before it gets better. Someone is going to have to make a sacrifice for this to work.

 

[gr8mom]

I think you should help the two of them get closer by having events planned ahead of time for her weeks visit. If he wants to have his daughters love he'll have to earn it by spending quality time with her. Also, it would be good if you didn't expect her to call him Daddy right away. The man who's living with her mom is the "Daddy" she knows. Find out what she likes and dislikes I wouldn't advise you to spoil her but be sure that your kids are treating her right when she comes to visit too. Kids don't usually understand things like this and it might be hard for them as well. Since he fought for visitation rights it sounds like he really wants to be in this childs life so maybe he can make arrangements with his boss to let him have extra time off when she comes to visit. Don't let what she said about liking her "other daddy" better get to you. She's just a kid and doesn't understand all of this. Hope it works out for all of you.

 

[kristakmj]

wow well i feel for you as my husband whom may i say is a wonderful loving father to our 3 children together, has another child from a short lived realtionship .

he had a relationship with his son , up until the mom decided to move to tenn , we lived in Mi at the time , after we had our daughter ( the oldest ) her words were well i still have his only son , after my oldest son was born it went down hill from there . she brain washed him against us , when we would have jeff he would call her crying and she would come and pick him up early EVERYTIME . he tried to go to court but MI is a mother stAte and they wouldnt enforce vistation .

anyways it has been 6 years since he has seen his son because she moves doesnt let us know where she is changes her number etc , the courts are a joke and dont enforce fathers right as much as they make sure child support is paid .

all i can say is that its gonna be an uphill battle for you until his daughter is old enough to come to her own conclusion , her mother and step father have impact on here everyday of her life , and you only can influence her while she is with you . jeff hated it at our house because we had rules and he was/is allowed to do whatever he wants whenever he wants, so unless you are gonna give her whatever she wants to make her find it always fun , just continue to show her love and teach her the way things are ran at your house and hope when shes a little older she understands things better .

 

[dfelix]

Pretty soon she will be in school and won't be able to visit her dad every other month.

I know it doesn't sound fair, but, throwing her in another world every two months for a week is probably the main reason she doesn't like to visit. It has nothing to do with her dad. It has everything to do with being uprooted, away from her friends, her toys, everything she knows and loves.

What I would do is change the number and amount of times that she visits. I would set it up so that he could have his daughter every summer for one month. This means that she would not be moved around continuously which is really not good as she resents her dad for it, and spending one month at a stretch would give the dad a better chance at connecting with his child. In addition, this is when he should take his vacation time, during that summer month when his daughter visits so that he has ample time to connect with her on a 24 hour basis for at least two weeks or better yet, 4 weeks.

It is always such a disappointment to me when the parents don't make the effort to make the child's life easier with simple explanations. For example "I know you don't want to see your daddy because he lives so far away, but, he is your daddy and he loves you and wants to get to know you". When I got a divorce, I could not imagine what it would have been like if all the parental responsibilities were on my shoulders. I insist that my ex be involved with my kids and the more the better.