Stepmother problems...

[lovebeingamum]

Sorry for what is going to be a lengthy post.

I have 3 children with my ex husband and one with my current husband. Their father and I have joint custody, and the children split their time between us as that is what they wanted.

For a while this worked out fine. Their father and I were able to communicate with each other and discuss matters concerning the children.

The children were introduced to her without my knowledge and had been spending a lot of time with them. I only found out about her when my oldest daughter M called me up crying saying she hated that they had to stay at this woman's house all the time, they just wanted to go home or come to me.

I was angry he hadn't even told me. This was someone that was being introduced in to my children's lives. When I met my current husband; I made sure their father had met him before the children did.

He seemed pleased that this had upset me, and told me if I wanted to know what was going on when they were with him I should sign up to her forum.

I signed up, and that was just the start of so many issues.

She listed my children as hers, and made many posts to slander me. Every day there were posts saying I didn't want my children, that I wasn't capable of taking care of them. I couldn't defend myself because she was in complete control of the forum of course, so funnily enough my posts never made it through.

People found out who I was on there, I assume she told them and so they started to be abusive towards me. They believed all the horrible things she was saying about me. At one point, while I was pregnant with my youngest child, I was stopped in the supermarket and abused over the things she had been saying about me.

I started seeing posts on her site saying that the children were taken to a&e, but when I asked why they needed to go she just told me it was none of my business, the children didn't need me any more.

I tried to talk to the children's father about this and he just said she was their mother now as far as he was concerned.

Other things started happening. Whenever it was my turn to have the children he wouldn't be there and would send me a text saying too bad, he was going out. She banned me from talking to them on the phone.

When I was planning my wedding to my fiance, both their father and the step mother said that the children couldn't go. I said that she had no right to tell me my children couldn't go, and he said that they could go but only if I made his partner a part of the bridal party.

Unfortunately, having joint custody we would both have had to agree to them coming, so I had to give in on this one and endure having her as my maid of honour just to have them there. I have to admit, it was incredibly hard for me to do this. I had so much anger towards this woman and it made me sick to see her going around my wedding, taking over everything once again.

I decided it was time to take things legal when she went to the girls' school and said she was their mother, and was turning up to their school events. It was clear to me that both the father and this woman were trying to push me out of the children's lives and I just wasn't having that.

She gave my then ten year old daughter a Facebook account and I was not happy with this. I made it clear that I wanted M to stay off Facebook. I assume she told her friends because once again the abuse started. I was getting messaged on her forum by male friends of hers saying they had befriended M on Facebook, and they didn't care what I thought.

At this point I was still waiting for a court date. Then I got an email from my daughter's email address that she was in control of. It was full of horrible things saying I was a terrible mother and that taking their father to court was taking the food out of their mouths. The way it was written and the spiteful things that were said, it was clear to me this was not really from my daughter.

When I showed my lawyer, he decided to try and push for a mediation. At the mediation it was decided that we both still had joint custody and shared care.

The mediator said she did not believe the email was written by a ten year old, and that it was obvious this woman was trying to create a divide between the children and I, so the father needed to make sure this did not happen by not allowing her to have as much say as she does and not to be involved.

He doesn't stick to this at all. My lawyer said I can't do anything about her legally as she is his partner, all I can do I ask him to play nicely which he won't do. The courts don't seem to care about what goes on, only to establish a legal agreement of custody.

The children have started to doubt my love for them now. When it was my turn to have them and I had to take them back to their father for his turn I said I was going to miss them heaps. My youngest, N, said to me 'you are? daddy said you don't care about us.'

There are other things too; they said that he makes them feel as if they are betraying him by wanting to talk to me. That she forces them to call her mum and says it is disrespectful for them to call her by her name. Whenever my parents or myself buy things for the girls. she takes them off the kids and gives them to her children.

Now I am finding myself going back to a lawyer again. The children have said to me that she is mean and doesn't treat them the same as her children.

Whenever they have been with me, she contacts them on a Twitter account she made for them interrogating them about me. I discovered this when I was checking up on what M was doing on the computer. I asked her what she was doing and she told me.

K said they are not fed properly and she has started hiding food in raisin boxes under her pillow when she stays with them. When their step mother found out she hit K and called her a little b***h.

Their dad bought her some flowers and she became angry, threw them in the bin then threw a vase at him. They said they hid behind the couch because they were frightened.

She has posted their birth certificates online, and when I asked her to remove hem she refused. They were only removed when my lawyer told her to remove them or action would be taken.

When it was their father's birthday the children happened to be in my care, so they asked me if they could buy him a present. I wasn't going to say no, so I paid for a present they chose for him. The next time I had them they said she was furious and screamed at them that it was not my place to be buying presents, it is hers. She forced their father to throw their present away.

It was my turn to have them for Christmas (the one just gone) and she told them that because they were betraying their father and spending it with me they weren't getting any presents.

She feeds egg to my daughter N (who is allergic to egg) and doesn't put any cream on the eczema she gets as a result of eating egg. When they came back to me on Friday her eczema was really bad and was bleeding.

K hurt her arm at school and asked to be taken to the doctor and they said no. A week later it was still hurting so I took her. The doctor said she had sprained something and needed some support for a few days. She went 'home' and their stepmother took it off straight away and told her she didn't need it as she was lying.

Their stepmother blames me for them not doing their homework while in their care. I have taken photos and made copies of her writing in M's homework book that her 'lazy ass' mother is to blame for not doing the homework.

I went to the school two weeks ago as I was a bit concerned about the younger two. It was the week they were with their dad. The school agreed with my concerns and as it was morning tea time the principal suggested I see them for morning tea.

The children had obviously told their father they had seen me at morning tea because the next day the school got an angry letter off the step mother saying they had no right to let some stranger in to see her children and that she had a legal agreement saying I was not allowed near her children without her permission. The school asked for proof of the legal documents which they have yet to provide as they do not exist.

It really frustrates me that I can't do much about it. She is trying to poison the children against me and wants me out of their lives, but the law doesn't seem to care about all these kinds of issues, only setting up a contract.

The children said they miss their dad, they they hardly see him anyway. Their time with him is mostly with her. I cannot understand how much control she has over their dad. As M put it, it's like she mind controls dad. I miss him.

I just don't know what to do about it any more.

 

[singledad]

The children have started to doubt my love for them now. When it was my turn to have them and I had to take them back to their father for his turn I said I was going to miss them heaps. My youngest, N, said to me 'you are? daddy said you don't care about us.'

There are other things too; they said that he makes them feel as if they are betraying him by wanting to talk to me. That she forces them to call her mum and says it is disrespectful for them to call her by her name. Whenever my parents or myself buy things for the girls. she takes them off the kids and gives them to her children.
...
K said they are not fed properly and she has started hiding food in raisin boxes under her pillow when she stays with them. When their step mother found out she hit K and called her a little b***h.
...
When it was their father's birthday the children happened to be in my care, so they asked me if they could buy him a present. I wasn't going to say no, so I paid for a present they chose for him. The next time I had them they said she was furious and screamed at them that it was not my place to be buying presents, it is hers. She forced their father to throw their present away.

It was my turn to have them for Christmas (the one just gone) and she told them that because they were betraying their father and spending it with me they weren't getting any presents.

She feeds egg to my daughter N (who is allergic to egg) and doesn't put any cream on the eczema she gets as a result of eating egg. When they came back to me on Friday her eczema was really bad and was bleeding.

K hurt her arm at school and asked to be taken to the doctor and they said no. A week later it was still hurting so I took her. The doctor said she had sprained something and needed some support for a few days. She went 'home' and their stepmother took it off straight away and told her she didn't need it as she was lying.

So, in a nutshell:
<LIST>

• 
  <LI>
• she intentionally tells them lies that she knows will hurt them and alienate them from you.</LI>
  <LI>
• She screams at them and calls them names.</LI>
  <LI>
• She hits them.</LI>
  <LI>
• She withholds food.</LI>
  <LI>
• She intentionally causes medical problems (allergies)</LI>
  <LI>
• She refuses medical treatment.</LI>

</LIST>

That is called child abuse - emotional, psychological and physical child abuse.

I suggest you file for full custody <U>immediately</U>, on the grounds that your children are being abused and their father is doing nothing to protect them from his partner. As their father it is his job to make sure that his home is a safe and happy place for his children. If he can't or won't do that, then he doesn't deserve to have joint custody with you.

Make notes of everything that happens, with dates and times. Take photos of the eczema, keep doctor's reports and all correspondence with the school. Make screen grabs of what is posted on-line about you and your kids. If you have proof of all these things, and unless there is something you haven't told us, you should not have a problem proving that their home is and extremely harmful environment for you kids.

As for them seeing their dad again - you can consider supervised visitation. I would insist on it being supervised, to ensure that he doesn't allow her near them when they are together. He is obviously either incapable or unwilling to protect them from her.

I know this sounds harsh, perhaps even cruel, but believe me - missing their dad will hurt a lot less them being abused like this.

 

[xox.ilu.xox]

^-----THIS. I agree 100% with SingleDad. This is child abuse!! i hope you are able to get this all worked out!!!

 

[artistinspired]

OH people like this suck! i know what you are going through!

What a horrible woman, she should be ashamed of herself, and your EX should be ashamed of himself for allowing anyone to take over his parenting responsiblities in this way. Primary parents are first and foremost the parents of their children. This is psychologically damaging. My ex husband also has a horrible wife. The kids are older teens now, so the fighting is finally over, but she also tried to turn the kids against me when they were little. She was terrible. She would wash their mouths out with soap, put them down. She forced them to call her mom, would screen any calls i had with them, put me down to them and to me.

I had to fight for sole custody of them, and i won. My son chose to go back to be with his father several years ago to be with his dad, i allowed him for HIM, he needed dad time, i still have sole custody of them both. I had to have it out with his father many times, not nicely. I had to put my foot down about it and it was a horrible battle, for years. Always re-afirm to your children, all the time, that you love them and always will, that no matter what you are always with them, and they are with you. No matter what that woman does, deep down they will know that, and they will always love their parents in a way that is unbreakable.

My son still can't stand her, but wanted bonding time with his dad. He's had to fight for it, i had to coach him to have the guts to do it, but he finally got through to him. He is a strong kid, and he knows what is important and what matters. In the long run the only person these horrible type of people truly hurt, is themselves.

good luck, don't give up.

 

[stjohnjulie]

I'm with singledad too. I cannot believe that a court wouldn't see it the same way. You need to do everything you can to get your kids away from that situation. It's not going to be easy, and it will be a big fight...but start documenting EVERYTHING. If you can get stuff off of her forum that clearly slanders you, you need to do that. Get organized, stay strong, and fight for your kids. What a horrible situation.

 

[lovebeingamum]

I have requested a lawyer for my children and will be seeing my lawyer this week to write an affidavit.

The children have been afraid of losing their father if I go to court, but I don't want that to happen. I just want that horrible woman out of their lives.

They will get to have their say in what they want to happen, and to be able to tell the court all the things they have told me.

As it is they tell their dad and he doesn't believe them, he sides with his fiancee. They tell me but when they are with him I am not there at the time, so sadly it has to go to court again.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[singledad]

I have requested a lawyer for my children and will be seeing my lawyer this week to write an affidavit.

The children have been afraid of losing their father if I go to court, but I don't want that to happen. I just want that horrible woman out of their lives.

They will get to have their say in what they want to happen, and to be able to tell the court all the things they have told me.

I know this is a hard decision for you, because you don't want to separate them from their dad, but I promise you, one day they will be grateful that you believed them and that you stood up and fought for them.

When you say that they will have their say in that they want to happen, I understand that you have their emotional well-being at heart, and that is admirable. You should just be aware that they have been subjected to a lot of manipulation /emotional blackmail, and may be making their decisions based on what their dad wants, not what they really want. Little kids have a hard time being objective under normal circumstances. When they have been subjected to this kind of treatment, it becomes just about impossible. I'm not saying you should discount their view - not at all! But you cannot leave the final decision to them. They will very likely want an arrangement that still allows them to go stay at their dad's house, or something like that, and IMO anything that will bring them into contact with the step mother would be unacceptable.

As it is they tell their dad and he doesn't believe them, he sides with his fiancee. They tell me but when they are with him I am not there at the time, so sadly it has to go to court again.

I have to be perfectly honest with you - when I read this last paragraph, my heart broke for those kids. If my daughter's mom and I were divorced and she did this to her, that would be the last time she ever saw my daughter. There is nothing that makes a child feel more powerless and trapped than asking for a parent's protection, and being accused of lying. IMO their dad forfeited his rights as a father when he chose to believe his fiancee over his own children.

You kids are very, very fortunate to still have a mother who can fight for them. Stay strong, and do what you know is best for them. Even if they don't like the final outcome now, they will be grateful in the end.

Good luck.

 

[lovebeingamum]

I was thinking last night that perhaps they won't choose to live with me. I have a feeling they will ask to live with my parents so that they don't have to choose between living with their father and I.

That's not really an option, so I think they will say they want to stay with their dad.

The reason I believe that is because their dad has made them feel guilty many times in the past for wanting to have anything to do with me, but I don't do that. So the 'easier' option might be for them to say stay with dad so they don't have to go through feelings of guilt or like they did something wrong.

Maybe they would feel like those feelings of guilt would be harder to deal with than what they have to put up with from her.

As it is they see me and their grandparents (my parents) so they get a 'break' from it.

I have tried to be supportive of their relationship with their father, but I have this horrible feeling that it will work against me in the end.

 

[IADad]

for some reason, in my mind, I had this picture of you sitting down with "stepmom" and settling things and it played out like that scene in Indian Jones where Karen allen drink the sherpa guy under the table..

sorry, if I side-tracked things, that probably wasn't helpful, but It's what came to mind.

 

[IowaMom]

Oh my....it appears that my ex is married to her evil twin in the states.

Your story is almost identical to mine. The controlling, the manipulating, the lying, the lack of involvement from the father...everything.

I know exactly what you are going through and have personally felt every frustrating feeling you have. It nearly brought tears to my eyes just knowing that someone else knows what I experience. I just can't imagine another person being like this to someone's family. Not that I'm glad you're going through it, but you know what I mean. (I hope)

I have thought the same thing for 5 yrs. Once you are divorced, unless you are horribly unfit as a parent, the system doesn't care. At least your lawyer would get involved. Mine didn't want to be bothered. Nor does my counselor.

I must have put my similar post in the wrong forum. I didn't see this when I looked earlier but I'm new here and still getting my bearings. But wow...yeah...same thing.

 

[singledad]

The reason I believe that is because their dad has made them feel guilty many times in the past for wanting to have anything to do with me, but I don't do that. So the 'easier' option might be for them to say stay with dad so they don't have to go through feelings of guilt or like they did something wrong.

Maybe they would feel like those feelings of guilt would be harder to deal with than what they have to put up with from her.

That is exactly what I meant with emotional blackmail, and why you cannot leave the final decision to the kids, even though it feels like the right thing to do.

As it is they see me and their grandparents (my parents) so they get a 'break' from it.

I have tried to be supportive of their relationship with their father, but I have this horrible feeling that it will work against me in the end.

Ironic isn't it... that being the better person puts you at a disadvantage.

Please don't give up on this... It will not be easy, but I still believe that you should get your kids away from that woman at all cost. What you described is child abuse - plain and simple, even if the kids don't realise it yet. Child abuse does not have to involve physical scars and bruises - the damage to a child psyche is much more painful and long lasting than a few bruises. They may not realise it yet, but they need you to help them.

Once you are divorced, unless you are horribly unfit as a parent, the system doesn't care.

.
That may be true, but in the OP's case, the step mom IS horribly unfit as a parent!

 

[lovebeingamum]

I know what you mean about being glad that someone else knows your situation.

Originally I thought that my story seemed so ridiculous that it might not seem believable; but it seems I am not alone in this!

When I first went to my previous lawyer to say that the children told me she was hitting them, he put me off the idea of taking it further.

He basically said that because I hadn't witnessed it myself that the kids could just be exaggerating or saying it because they wanted to live with me so I had to be careful.

Whenever I have to take them to their dad's they cling to me and cry and say they don't want to go.

K was running around the house so I wouldn't catch her and make her get in the car. She was crying and saying she did not want to go.

N was also playing up refusing to go. N said she didn't want to go that she would miss me.

M was quite ill with gastroenteritis one time when they were supposed to go back to their father; so I said she shouldn't be traveling. That meant some extra time with me. K said she felt sick the next time and said to me "that means we can stay longer with you right?"

I can't ignore that, it is blatantly obvious they unhappy in his care for whatever reason.

As you say singledad, it will affect their psyche. Their teachers have already expressed concerns to me and their father about it.

In fact, a few months ago I requested that they have counseling via my lawyer. He didn't even reply to that at all.

On a happier note, the school have been more helpful in keeping me informed of events at school when they are in his care. They had been assuming he was telling me.

So I am going to see N swimming tomorrow at school and that will be wonderful

 

[TabascoNatalie]

your lawyer is an a**hole. you need a good, at least a normal, lawyer.

you are the mother, so your rights are a priority, so assert them. she isn't even yet married to your ex (as much i can understand), so she has no rights over your children.

she plays dirty. you can play dirty as well. as around her neighbours -- maybe people can say nasty things about her. stuff like that. find people who can side with you.

 

[artistinspired]

Not to get off the direct subject here, but there are three of us in here with this same evil step mother issue. wth is wrong with these women? is there a world wide outbreak of controling a**holes or what?

Are they just so miserable they feel they have to come in and take over?

Question. Do either of your step witches have their own kids? because mine doesn't, and i swear it is like some sort of compensation or jelousy issue. I would never treat a child this way, or their other parent. It absolutely blows my mind.

I bought a law book when i went through this, of course NZ probably has very different laws :/.

The best intrest of the child is the primary thing that matters, period. The first and foremost thing that is in the best intrest of the child, is a healthy relationship with both of their parents. Unless you are a crack head, neglectful idiot or an abusive person, nothing is more important than that, not even finances.

I would try corning your ex's and having a little word, don't play nice, because these situations? are not nice. These women don't get to tell us what to do, or how to be, or bully our children. They are irrelevant.

I gotta tell ya, after i got sole custody my evil step witch actually had the balls, to email me after my ex got transferred over to Korea for a year, to say i should give up custody and send them to live with her while he was gone because she could do a better job of supporting them. I flipped out. I didn't even respond to her, i sent it to him and screamed at him. He defended her too, what a moron. I could write a book on everything i went through, what a waste of time and energy.

 

[lovebeingamum]

In my case she has two of her own children so you would think she would be busy enough taking care of them to be an interfering witch, but apparently not!

My ex husband's new partner seems to be VERY controlling. Even before she was actually dating him she would be annoyed that he was having anything to do with me.

I was having lunch with him to discuss something about the children and she called him up. She actually asked to speak to me when he said he was having lunch with me.

She told me she was jealous that he was with me because he normally called her up at lunchtime. She was married and still with her hubby at the time too!

Since then she has asked me if I still love him and did I think we would get back together, so I am thinking that she is incredibly insecure and controlling so he acts this way towards me to 'prove' he doesn't have feelings for me.

My kids have said she mind controls him. On one occasion they hid behind the couch scared because she threw a vase at him.

I don't know what it is but she is one of those people that thinks everything is theirs if they want it.

While moving out of the marital home we put our belongings in a storage unit. We both had a key to it, but he took all of our stuff and put it in his new home then said I was not welcome in his home.

It was pretty annoying that he essentially stole all my property, but in there were the photo albums I had made of the children, the ring my grandmother gave me before she died, the chair my grandmother gave me also.

I kept asking for my stuff back and I kept getting a no, so when I went to a lawyer about it I got back my baby book that was completely destroyed, they had taken all the photos out of the albums and just given me back the albums which were now broken for some reason. My clarinet which was also ruined, underwear that wasn't even mine and was all moldy, some metal junk from their car and some children's shoes.

They just gave me a bag of junk; obviously it was to make me mad.

I think that what has happened is they have sold all my stuff to pay for their wedding.

She took my property and is trying to take my children. I told him in an email a few days ago I was not going to put up with her interfering and telling the children lies about me, and if it did not stop I would have to do something about it via legal means.

SHE emailed me a response. I didn't even send it to her address. He hasn't responded at all so I am wondering if she checks his emails out first and decides if he gets to see them. Wouldn't surprise me with how controlling she seems to be.

I emailed her back and asked her not to contact me again, that I would deal direct with the children's father or via my lawyer.

Perhaps they are jealous of us always having some kind of bond with their partner because of the children?

Whatever the reason I just want her horrible influence out of their lives.

 

[IowaMom]

Wow...she really is a vile woman!!!! And he's just as bad for taking things that clearly are yours (the ring for example). Of course we all know that if YOU played by those games it would be TERRIBLE!! My hear really goes out to you. I know what this is like.

In my case....she has no kids. Can't have in fact. I don't think it bothers her. She has a very big sense of entitlement and that's not just my opinion. Others have noticed it too. It has always been about her. She gets fired from about every job. The last one was for running her mouth to her supervisor. She hasn't had a job for over a year...and we live in an area with plenty of employment. She was married, but her ex cheated on her with her cousin. She has a weight problem. So...there's a source of insecurities. She is all about perception. She is always dressed to the nines. Always has a complete set of matching jewelry and not a hair out of place. God forbid she be her natural self once in a while. The kids have to dress up to go to McDonald's. My ex could have cared less about what he wore. His favorite attire was camo. He is now her personal Ken doll...donning all the latest Harley attire head to toe. Living in a small community, I know people who know her. And even her family battles with her and goes in spurts of not talking to her and even some of her friends have mentioned to people I know that she's very pushy. It's just selfishness.

The counselor told me that most likely everything comes from a deep sense of insecurities. It's always been my belief that only people with no control feel the need to exert the most control. They are in a sense, fighting themselves when they fight with us.

I do know the one thing that I can do that drives her NUTS!!!! Don't give it to her. When she emails me and disagreed that I grounded my 14 yr old for saying TERRIBLE VULGAR things to her 11 yr old brother, I told her I didn't care if she agreed. My house, my rules. When she started slinging mud at me personally and told me I'm not a perfect mom. I told her that all parents know they are not perfect. She tried again and and again. I could practically see the veins popping out of her head in the email. She has to get under your skin to get control. When you don't give her the battle...she actually loses control. It's quite fun. LOL

 

[artistinspired]

wow ladies, this is going to sound wrong probably, but when i went through this for the last ten years, i honestly thought no one could possibly be going through something like this. it felt horrible. So i guess what i'm saying, is while we might not be able to solve each others issues, it is sure nice to know that others understand what it is like.

I tried to play nice, for a very long time. It didn't work, i had to get mean. I have not now, at this point, had a phone conversation with my Ex husband or her for going on five years. lol...because i put my foot down about his wifes behavior, and his own. we communicate via email, only.

The stuff thing: They still have my hope chest, that was a gift, from my mother when i graduated highschool. A few years ago i finally got her to send my journals back, dating all the way back to highschool and forward. The skin crawling humiliation of knowing that she had read them, made me sick. She admited to it, and after used a few things against me with it, actually let me say, she TRIED and failed at using things against me with it.

I lost so much also, it really stung, i sucked it up later to it just being stuff, and at least i not only reatained a great relationship with my kids, but they are healthy, happy and thriving.

My circumstance all started when i belived me and my ex had worked out our differences, then he married her with out my knowledge. She screened my phone calls with them, had them calling her mom and me by my first name, and when it was time for them to come stay with me that year (we were doing on and off years). They said no, you can't see the kids. It really goes on and on. THAT was when the legal battle began for me having sole custody.

My son went to stay with him by choice many years after i won custody, and that summer when they were overseas, and he had promised to send him back, he refused. He flew my daughter out there for a visit (guam) and i get an email later, supposedly from my ex. Turned out it was her pretending to be him, and when i called her out on it (this was the last phone call) i got a lot of excuses and bullsh*t, now i can't even trust communication between him and I because i'm almost 100 percent sure it is her. Our own daughter is afraid to type online to her dad with out video, because she doesn't trust that it is his wife pretending to be him.

She is a munipulative, horrible wench. She put my son down for years, he finally at 15 started fighting back. So far so good. I only just this year allowed them to go back overseas. He is happy and really enjoying himself.

I sent my son a christmas card with an itunes gift card, overseas is sketchy but it was just a card. I can't proove, but he never got it, and i can't help but think she checked the mail and threw it out. she is just that evil.

I wish you both the best of luck, i'm very grateful that my nightmare is on the tail end, but i wouldn't wish this type of thing on anyone, ever.

 

[IowaMom]

I totally understand your point about others going through the same. I would have never dreamed in all my years that there was another woman like the one I deal with in the world. Today I know that there are a LOT more insecure women in the world than I ever imagined.

 

[lovebeingamum]

Another weekend of hassle with the stepmother.

I have had to contact Twitter and Facebook to ask them to remove accounts she has made for them.

They are all under the legal age of 13 and she has blocked me from seeing their tweets or from seeing any content on their Facebook accounts.

Recently while at my mother's house my oldest was caught talking to the stepmother on Twitter. She was asking her questions about me.

I really don't like that they have these accounts where I don't have any say or control over who is talking to my kids; or that these accounts are being used to interrogate my children about me.

M told my mother that she was sick of her dad and stepmother blaming me for everything and asking them all these questions. M said that they even ask her how many showers they had while they were here, did I brush their hair etc... Absolutely ridiculous.

One things in particular about those accounts was I was not at all happy about one friend they all had. I will refer to him as J.

J has previously worked with the kids' father and happens to be a friend of the stepmother. In fact, they met each other through him. Nothing wrong there so far.

Well, the site that the stepmother runs is a parenting site which is quite laughable given how she treats my kids.

J is a member of this site and is a single male who has never had a relationship with an adult, male or female and is almost 40.

He shows a lot of interest in children however. In fact, members of her site had asked her to remove him from the site.

This happened because he was downloading photos of their children, and had commented to one woman that her children were so pretty he had put a photo of them on his desktop as his wallpaper.

The mother and others felt this was wrong and sounded a bit dodgy. The stepmother said no, we were all just reading too much in to it.

Years ago, when my oldest was younger and I was still with their father; I had gone to see him at work and J was there.

He instantly went to M and was taking photos of her, and has been using a picture of her drawing as his avatar for a few years now.

This makes me feel quite uneasy about him. It's not like he is taking photos of his own children, but of others.

Maybe I am reading too much in to it, but he makes me feel uneasy and I don't want him talking to my kids.

I tried to talk to their dad about it and he just shut me off saying the same as the stepmother. He was just an odd person.

The next day J messaged me telling me he did not care if I didn't want him talking to the kids, he had the stepmother's permission and that was all he needed. So obviously my ex had told him what I had said.

Am I really being unreasonable about it?

 

[IowaMom]

Well...she's home. Wow. That's all I can say.

Youll have to bear with me because I'm still crying.

She came home...with a HUGE smug look on her face, emptying out the things she bought shopping today. (She was also at a friends house today). AND went out last night.

While she had the smug look on her face, I asked her "what did all the shopping and going out teach her about consequences". After ALL the drama she created about being grounded...only to get to go out.

She was so proud of herself and a complete B. Then I caught her texting step mom "mom's going nuts". So I took her phone.

In looking at her phone....she was texting a boy Tanner...talking in what I think to be a humor context but sexual all the same...about shaving personal parts.

So....rather than say, I proved....and FWD them to her father. Both from the boy and from her. I got no response. But then I got a text from Stepmom that said....

"Hey r u wanting those messages to go to your dad?"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? She's got these text messages and step mom is running INTERFERENCE like a friend?? O M G Then I got another message...

"Dad's just laughing cuz he knows whats going on at your house"

I have no clue if he saw the messages or not. Maybe he didn't and step mom is previewing his phone. I dont' know.

But...whether they think it's funny or not. I don't. And I can't take this anymore. She hates me. I get it. She doesn't want a relationship with me. I get it. They don't care what she does. But I can't raise her like this...always being poisoned by them. So they can be together.

I'm going to ask my ex tomorrow (when step mom not around) and ask if him if he really cares or not about those messages. If he knows, she's all his. Maybe even if he does care. I don't know. I can't raise her. I've tried. It's a battle I can't fight anymore. I'm so spent. Let them let her run wild and deal with the fallout. Because I can't. I can see in her face how much she hates me. It's not even an "in the moment" thing. It's always there. And I can't live with seeing it for another day. And I can't live with making her miserable. So her dad can raise her for a while and see what it is really like when she has rules. Maybe what we need is space.

They have finally broke me.