Stepmother problems...

[singledad]

Oh those poor kids! Women like that social worker should be held accountable for the suffering they cause. It should be possibly to sue her, and at least have her prevented from ever working with any form of social services again. Seriously, is she completely stupid? How are you supposed to prove child abuse? Must those children be hospitalised before she would believe it? Or will she then dream up some other explanation like the b***h who was supposed to be our social worker when my foster father put me in hospital?

Please, for those children's sake, don't stop fighting until you have them in your custody! And when you do get them, make sure they get a lot of councilling from someone who has experience working with abused children. What they are going through will leave scars that simply won't heal by themselves...

 

[lovebeingamum]

I have absolutely no faith in child services or the justice system right now.

The social worker is still leaving me out in the cold, but talking to my mother and the children's father. I have no idea why this woman is shutting me out and telling me to go away basically.

She wasn't including me in anything at all until I just turned up at her office, and even then she fobbed me off after telling me she fully supports the stepmother. She seems to think I coached the children to say they were abused because I don't like their stepmother.

How did she figure that without even talking to me? I won't deny it, I despise that woman, but I would not use my children to get at her. No way I would hurt them like that.

I even tried for months to be friendly and civil with her, but I just couldn't do it any more. I don't like her as a person at all, she is just manipulative and controlling.

She would always be nice to someone to their face and then tell me nasty things about them. I can't stand that. I felt that if she was backstabbing so many people to me I could pretty much guarantee she was saying things to them about me.

I put up with her for a long period of time and I just felt sick pretending to like her because people kept telling me I HAD to do it for the sake of the kids.

Eventually her backstabbing caught up to her and she lost all her friends, I was all she had left. I was told by a friend of hers, someone she had been friends with for 13 years to give it time, she would screw me over like she has done all her other friends.

She did, she started telling everyone they were her children, plastering their birth certs online without my permission, giving them twitter accounts to question the kids about me for ammo against me.

Telling me that if she wasn't involved with my wedding (which was on a day they were in his care) then they could not come. Then she told me I wasn't allowed to see them or have them stay with me for the wedding. I hated her, she hijacked my wedding.

This included finding out what wedding dress I was going to wear and then announcing to everyone on her site that she was going to wear that dress to her wedding. I had to pick another one and lie about it.

When she started posting lies about me after the majority of her friends left her site I just lost it. Posting and saying I didn't want to speak to my kids when they were with them. The judge said that since their stepmother was constantly badgering the children and interfering with the phone calls that I shouldn't call.

She criticised the way I do laundry and invited people to post about it. I saw posts from her saying I dressed the children stupid, just anything to make it look like I was a bad mother who cared nothing for her kids.

I am just so angry that this social worker just takes her word for it without even talking to me. I put up with a lot of crap from this woman for the kids sake so why the hell would I suddenly choose to do something that would hurt them?

I don't know what sob story she told the social worker, but she believes it fully.

If she has the support of the social worker, there is nothing I can do says the lawyer.

I waited a while after being told things by the children because I was afraid it would be seen this way, but when they started telling the school they were being abused I felt like I should have done something sooner, because going to the school was them seeking anyone to help them get out of that situation.

Now what do I tell my children? I can't protect you sorry. I can't say anything truthful to them, that will just end up 'proving' what the social worker thinks is going on.

How is it fair that she can make such a judgement without even talking to me at all? Sorry for the long rant, but I'm just so frustrated with everything. It's affecting my health all this stress.

 

[singledad]

You can't give up!

The social worker is clearly not going to do her job, so you'll have to go further. Go over her head, talk to her manager, her manager's manager, talk to who-ever it takes. Make them prove that the children aren't being abused. Get the medical records of when you have to take the children to the docter after she had refused to help them - that is proof! If your lawer isn't prepared to fight on, get a different lawyer. Don't let the social worker decide on their fate. Take it to court. Sue her for defamation. Lay an official charge of child-abuse, so it will have to be investigated by the police. File for full custody - make them proof that they can take care of the children.

I feel so sorry for you, and I'm sorry if you feel like I'm badgering you further... but I feel like I have to. I know you love your children, and I know that you want to protect them. It just sounds like you are ready to give up and that scares me - for your children's sake.

Being abused is bad enough, when you feel like there is still hope that you can get out. Being abused, trying to get help, doing everything you are taught to do - like telling a teacher and/or the non-abusive parent, and not being believed is... a million times worse, because it robs you of all hope. I wish I could tell you, but I don't think I can. Even if I had the guts to post about it on an open forum, I don't think I could put into words what it is like to be a little kid and to know that there is no hope that you will ever have a loving home, with parents who would take care of you. It a loneliness that kills your soul bit by bit with every day that passes. That feeling of having no one at all that you can turn to... I'm sorry if I'm not making sense or if this all sounds terribly melo-dramatic, I am just trying to explain to you how important it is to keep fighting. There are four young lives at stake, and there is still time to save them. In a few years, it may be too late - every day they live like that adds to their scars...

 

[Xero]

Oh geez, I am so sorry to hear all of this. I agree with all of what Singledad said, and I also say that you should go to a supervisor at the children services office and demand to have your case switched to a different social worker. Give them every last detail about why, and every shred of evidence, and every injustice she has done to the case. I have seen them do this, so hopefully you could have a chance at it working. Again, I'm so sorry and I'm thinking of you and your family and hoping for things to change soon!!

 

[Chrissie]

Oh my, I am a stepmother and its women like her that make us look bad. See all of the thing you have said she accuses you of, my stepbabies Mama does, or almost all of it. You sound like a great Mom..Keep fighting for those babies! I hate seeing bio moms abused in such a manner, especially when there are so many bio moms who are that horrible and the horribleness the children go through, If she loved them she would NEVER cause and bring that to the table for those children in making things up. If she is lying to the school, they should be able to assist you in that in court as its a third outside party to what she is doing. Maybe they can give statements or help you in court. Cant hurt to bring it up to your lawyer.As far as hitting them or not seeking medical care, I would call cps each and every time. I know you don't want the kids to go through hat, but intentionally feeding one of them food they are allergic too? Thats just too wrong to think of. (My stepbabies bio mom bring her kids into a house of 3 smokers..and my stepson has asthma..smart, huh?I don't get why they cant smoke outside for the children's health...and I'm an ex smoker so I can talk..LOL!) It may be a necessary step needed to protect them. Some food for thought, good luck hun!

 

[danielle101282]

I completely agree with single dad. I hope everything works out and Im sure it will. He should be ashamed of himself for sticking up for his kids, they should be the most important part of his life. I am a step mom and she is a b***h my step kids are treated just like my others and they do call me mom but not by force, they called me that on their own, they can call me by my first name if they like it is up to them. Their real mom and I talk about all things even personal things that have nothing to do with the kids. We all work together to make it work for the kids. I am so sorry you are going through this.

 

[Pasha]

<r><COLOR color="black"><s></s>So much of your story reminds me of the struggles I had with my older children's father and step-witch. Many of the same things happened...lies about how I didn't love my children, destroying property, not treating my children fairly while playing favorites with her monster children. My youngest child with him is now 18 and graduating from high school next week (thank goodness) and I don't have to deal with them any longer. <e></e></FONT><e>[/COLOR]</e></COLOR><br/>
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<COLOR color="black"><s></s>There is a light at the end of the tunnel, even though it is a long way down the road. My kids as they got older realized the lies for what they were and now two of them resent their dad and his wife for the things that they have done. I admit that I told my children things that I shouldn’t have about their father in defense of myself and I have had to apologize to the children for that. I was wrong. Yet sometimes I wonder if my children would have believed their dad had I not stood up for myself. <e></e></FONT><e>[/COLOR]</e></COLOR><br/>
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<COLOR color="black"><s></s>Today my oldest child, almost 22 years old, has no relationship with his father. My second child tolerates his father but they only see each other on special occasions or holidays. That son got married in December and his father and stepmother only came to the ceremony. Father sat in the back of the room looking grumpy and angry. Stepmother acted like she was the queen of the day, bossy and irritating. I ignored her the best I could. Then they made excuses up and wouldn’t go to the reception. My youngest child with my ex-husband has the best relationship with his father. When he is at their house they don’t speak though. Part of this is because they are both naturally quiet people. The other part of it is that they just don’t care to interact with each other. This child is going into the military this summer. It will be interesting to see how much he has to do with his father as he gets older. It will be sad if my ex-husband loses all three of his sons because of his miserable wife…but the fault is all his own so the only one that I feel sorry for is my boys, not their father. It is a mess of his own making.<e></e></FONT><e>[/COLOR]</e></COLOR></r>

 

[Normal Parent]

Thanks for sharing with us. After my divorce I had my daughter acting out and there was nothing I could do. My mom referred me to this blog. Saved my life! Good bless
http://helpgetcontrolofyourchildren.blogspot.com/