Stepmother problems...
- Thread starter lovebeingamum
- Start date
Today I have received a call from the girls' school to say that the girls are being abused and they are concerned.
M has been starving and her friends have been giving her food at school.
Their stepmother has been locking N in her room as soon as she gets home from school and not feeding her.
M & K were allowed cereal for dinner.
K says that she was dragged out of bed, kicked in the back and called a bitch.
Today I will be filing a police report, and my lawyer says that I can guarantee the children will be taken from that home and given to me full-time instead of shared custody right now.
I can't believe how this woman has been treating my babies; or that their father hasn't been protecting them.
M has been starving and her friends have been giving her food at school.
Their stepmother has been locking N in her room as soon as she gets home from school and not feeding her.
M & K were allowed cereal for dinner.
K says that she was dragged out of bed, kicked in the back and called a bitch.
Today I will be filing a police report, and my lawyer says that I can guarantee the children will be taken from that home and given to me full-time instead of shared custody right now.
I can't believe how this woman has been treating my babies; or that their father hasn't been protecting them.
oh my goodness!!!! Im glad you aregetting your children out of that environment as soon as possible! Charges should be laid on that woman, that is horrific! your poor babies 
So, so sorry for what is going on. I don't want to sound like an alarmist, but if you can, go into hiding for a few weeks. This woman sounds insane and no telling what she might be capable of. Sorry if I'm setting you in a panic, but this sounds really concerning.
I haven't read all of the posts on this forum, only the first page so if this was addressed I'm sorry.
as the opposite side of this story (the step mom) i have ALL of these things said about me. none of them are true, however the child has realized that his mother yell at him and punishes him when he says good things about me, and praises him and rewards him when he says bad things about me.
So I have been accused of "Forcing him" to call me mom, bad talking his mother, and in general just being a horrible person who the child dislikes and can't stand being around.
Now, in my and the father's presence the child says he loves me and likes to call me mom sometimes. (Which he is allowed to if he wants) he also tells us terrible things about his own mother, including the fact that he never sees her.
(Which we believe, he lives with his grandparents and they have been claiming that the mother lives with them and the child, but most recently the grandmother posted to her facebook that the mother was going to be homeless and the grandfather won't let the mother stay with them... i thought she ALREADY WAS staying with them??? i guess not.)
I understand that if your child has eczema and they aren't treating it properly, that is very worrisome and should be addressed.
As the "evil stepmother" i also think that her goign to the school and claiming to be there biological mother is wrong, and trying to prevent you from going to the school is wrong, but he going to events for him (like concerts, sports events, boy scouts/girl scouts is not you should prevent. She may be a bad influence on the children but that doesn't mean she is any less their step mother.
I don't know you and i don't know your entire situation, but the mother of my step son posts stuff like this constantly and what she says about me is just not true. your children should probably go to real counseling and talk to someone who isn't a parent. often times kids say bad things about the other parent to get more attention from the parent they are with, i'm sorry but it is just a cold hard fact of life.
please have the kids go to a professional where they can voice their opinions and feeling without worrying about whether anyone will take it personally or get mad at them for what they say.
as the opposite side of this story (the step mom) i have ALL of these things said about me. none of them are true, however the child has realized that his mother yell at him and punishes him when he says good things about me, and praises him and rewards him when he says bad things about me.
So I have been accused of "Forcing him" to call me mom, bad talking his mother, and in general just being a horrible person who the child dislikes and can't stand being around.
Now, in my and the father's presence the child says he loves me and likes to call me mom sometimes. (Which he is allowed to if he wants) he also tells us terrible things about his own mother, including the fact that he never sees her.
(Which we believe, he lives with his grandparents and they have been claiming that the mother lives with them and the child, but most recently the grandmother posted to her facebook that the mother was going to be homeless and the grandfather won't let the mother stay with them... i thought she ALREADY WAS staying with them??? i guess not.)
I understand that if your child has eczema and they aren't treating it properly, that is very worrisome and should be addressed.
As the "evil stepmother" i also think that her goign to the school and claiming to be there biological mother is wrong, and trying to prevent you from going to the school is wrong, but he going to events for him (like concerts, sports events, boy scouts/girl scouts is not you should prevent. She may be a bad influence on the children but that doesn't mean she is any less their step mother.
I don't know you and i don't know your entire situation, but the mother of my step son posts stuff like this constantly and what she says about me is just not true. your children should probably go to real counseling and talk to someone who isn't a parent. often times kids say bad things about the other parent to get more attention from the parent they are with, i'm sorry but it is just a cold hard fact of life.
please have the kids go to a professional where they can voice their opinions and feeling without worrying about whether anyone will take it personally or get mad at them for what they say.
I don't really like the suggestion that I am making this stuff up to be honest. I came here for support because what I am saying is true.
i am not suggesting you are making stuff up, i am suggesting that your children see a therapist so that they can talk with a neutral party who they don't have to "please." which trust me, regardless of what you say to your children they will try to please you any way they can, unless they are rebellious, at which time they will try to disappoint you any way they can. right now your children may be in the first stage. i know my step son spacifically says that bad things happen whil he is with myself and his father just to make his mother happy, or to make her feel like he is more "on her side"
regardless of all that, it was only an honest reply, and if you don't want conflicting opinions or ideas, please state that in your original post next time.
regardless of all that, it was only an honest reply, and if you don't want conflicting opinions or ideas, please state that in your original post next time.
I think it is polite to read all of the replies before you jump to conclusions. The OP has stated that not only do the children tell her these things but their teachers have also told her, not because the children told them but because the teachers have reason to believe there is abuse going on.
fair enough, regardless the children should see a professional especially if the ARE being abused, it's very emotionally traumatizing for a child, and my advice still stands.
Child welfare is talking to the children today. Apparently they have had some counseling but have asked the counselor not to tell their father what was said, so I don't know what is going on.
I did mention before that I had requested they have counseling via my lawyer but their father was refusing. Unfortunately since it is joint custody I am required to get his permission.
I did mention before that I had requested they have counseling via my lawyer but their father was refusing. Unfortunately since it is joint custody I am required to get his permission.
Not sure how the law works in NZ. Does that mean that you get the kids for now? And there is going to be a trial correct? Everything that needs to be done seems to be working out. I am sure everything will end up in the kids favor.
This is all such a mess and isn't working out the way I had hoped at all.
I called child welfare on the weekend, after the kids had told me she had grabbed K out of bed and kicked her in the back calling her a bitch.
That was the last straw for me, I had to do something, so I reported her.
They were staying with my mother on the weekend, just visiting like they normally do.
I told my mum that I had called and she said she was keeping them with her then. This caused a big fight between her and their father. He was threatening her with kidnapping charges and she said I don't care I want to protect the children.
Eventually Child Welfare persuaded him to let them stay with my mother for the weekend and on Monday they would talk to the children and all those involved.
Well, Monday came and nobody spoke to me at all. They spoke to the children, their father and my mother.
So I called them up to find out what was going on and they have apparently taken the girls out of his care and placed them with my mother.
I was furious. I have joint custody, and there is no cause for care concerns yet they completely ignored me and didn't even have the decency to tell me about it.
Now I have to go to my lawyer and try and sort this whole sorry mess out. I don't understand how they didn't even talk to me at all. I told them I have joint custody and was their mother, but I wasn't involved in any of this at all.
They wouldn't even tell me why I was completely excluded and just said I could turn up at their office tomorrow at 8am to make a complaint if I wished.
I hope my lawyer can do something fast, because it is not right that they can just take my children and give them to someone else without me even knowing.
I know it is my mother, but the thing is I am not speaking to my mother. I got annoyed at her telling me I wasn't allowed to see my children. She kept fobbing me off telling me she was perfectly capable of dealing with it.
She doesn't get that she shouldn't be the one dealing with it, they are MY children. They want to be with me.
I asked her what reasons did she have for keeping them from me and she had none. It feels like she just wants the children for herself and has gone behind my back to get them.
I just don't know what to do any more, everything is a constant fight and all I want and all the children have ever wanted is to be with me.
I called child welfare on the weekend, after the kids had told me she had grabbed K out of bed and kicked her in the back calling her a bitch.
That was the last straw for me, I had to do something, so I reported her.
They were staying with my mother on the weekend, just visiting like they normally do.
I told my mum that I had called and she said she was keeping them with her then. This caused a big fight between her and their father. He was threatening her with kidnapping charges and she said I don't care I want to protect the children.
Eventually Child Welfare persuaded him to let them stay with my mother for the weekend and on Monday they would talk to the children and all those involved.
Well, Monday came and nobody spoke to me at all. They spoke to the children, their father and my mother.
So I called them up to find out what was going on and they have apparently taken the girls out of his care and placed them with my mother.
I was furious. I have joint custody, and there is no cause for care concerns yet they completely ignored me and didn't even have the decency to tell me about it.
Now I have to go to my lawyer and try and sort this whole sorry mess out. I don't understand how they didn't even talk to me at all. I told them I have joint custody and was their mother, but I wasn't involved in any of this at all.
They wouldn't even tell me why I was completely excluded and just said I could turn up at their office tomorrow at 8am to make a complaint if I wished.
I hope my lawyer can do something fast, because it is not right that they can just take my children and give them to someone else without me even knowing.
I know it is my mother, but the thing is I am not speaking to my mother. I got annoyed at her telling me I wasn't allowed to see my children. She kept fobbing me off telling me she was perfectly capable of dealing with it.
She doesn't get that she shouldn't be the one dealing with it, they are MY children. They want to be with me.
I asked her what reasons did she have for keeping them from me and she had none. It feels like she just wants the children for herself and has gone behind my back to get them.
I just don't know what to do any more, everything is a constant fight and all I want and all the children have ever wanted is to be with me.
oh gosh!!!!!! I wouldnt even begin to know what to do!!!! I hope your lawyer can do something! you are their mother, they should be with you. and the fact that they didnt even consult you!? I would be infuriated as well. I hope it all works out! Please PLEASE keep us posted! I am thinking about you!
xox
xox
I am so sorry to hear all of this!!! That seems completely uncalled for and just totally wrong. I would definitely be all over my lawyer right now. I would be so upset. I am sorry you have to go through this. I wish there was some kind of advice I could think to give. I wish you all the best and I really hope those kids end up back in your care as soon as possible. The system really is flawed!
That seems completely uncalled for and just totally wrong. I would definitely be all over my lawyer right now. I would be so upset. I am sorry you have to go through this. I wish there was some kind of advice I could think to give. I wish you all the best and I really hope those kids end up back in your care as soon as possible. The system really is flawed!
Thank you all so much for the support, I really appreciate it.
I have spoken to child welfare today and I just don't know who to trust or what to think any more.
She said the reason they never spoke to me yesterday was because she got to the school to talk to the kids quite late and so she hadn't finished her investigation.
They gave the kids to my mother last night as they had already been with her on the weekend and it was just easier for them apparently.
The social worker said that M says she hasn't seen the other two being hit and so the social worker seems to think that perhaps the children are embellishing events to manipulate the adults, because they know there is discord between the adults.
I don't know if I agree with that. It's not just me that the children have said things to. K went to her teacher to say things, and she doesn't need to manipulate her teacher does she.
They are forcing the children's father and gf in to counseling as well as the children.
She said that the problems were too big to deal with with them and it would have to go to court to be sorted out.
The social worker said that not one of the people she had spoken to yesterday were about the children, she said they were more interested in the adult problems.
She agreed with me that my mother needed to be a grandmother and not a parent; but she seemed to be hinting that my mother was going to try and get full custody of the children.
I told the social worker I was sick of all the fighting over the children, I just wanted the stepmother to stop trying to take over and push me out of their lives, that she needs to start respecting boundaries. She agreed.
I am glad that finally the children will get counseling like I requested via my lawyer months ago.
Another issue that was brought up was that K had told her teacher that her stepmother had dragged her out of bed and kicked her in the back on the 25th February.
Now child welfare is investigating the school because the school never reported it. It was only reported once the girls told me on Friday.
The girls will be allowed to stay at their father's house still but he has to do counseling etc...
I kind of feel like I haven't really got to the bottom of things. I still don't know the truth of what happens when they are staying with him.
The social worker didn't outright say it, but she hinted that she felt my mother essentially made mountains out of molehills and the children had picked up on that.
So now I have to wait and see what happens in court.
I have spoken to child welfare today and I just don't know who to trust or what to think any more.
She said the reason they never spoke to me yesterday was because she got to the school to talk to the kids quite late and so she hadn't finished her investigation.
They gave the kids to my mother last night as they had already been with her on the weekend and it was just easier for them apparently.
The social worker said that M says she hasn't seen the other two being hit and so the social worker seems to think that perhaps the children are embellishing events to manipulate the adults, because they know there is discord between the adults.
I don't know if I agree with that. It's not just me that the children have said things to. K went to her teacher to say things, and she doesn't need to manipulate her teacher does she.
They are forcing the children's father and gf in to counseling as well as the children.
She said that the problems were too big to deal with with them and it would have to go to court to be sorted out.
The social worker said that not one of the people she had spoken to yesterday were about the children, she said they were more interested in the adult problems.
She agreed with me that my mother needed to be a grandmother and not a parent; but she seemed to be hinting that my mother was going to try and get full custody of the children.
I told the social worker I was sick of all the fighting over the children, I just wanted the stepmother to stop trying to take over and push me out of their lives, that she needs to start respecting boundaries. She agreed.
I am glad that finally the children will get counseling like I requested via my lawyer months ago.
Another issue that was brought up was that K had told her teacher that her stepmother had dragged her out of bed and kicked her in the back on the 25th February.
Now child welfare is investigating the school because the school never reported it. It was only reported once the girls told me on Friday.
The girls will be allowed to stay at their father's house still but he has to do counseling etc...
I kind of feel like I haven't really got to the bottom of things. I still don't know the truth of what happens when they are staying with him.
The social worker didn't outright say it, but she hinted that she felt my mother essentially made mountains out of molehills and the children had picked up on that.
So now I have to wait and see what happens in court.
Wow! You just have so much on your plate right now. I would say that it will probably take time to really sort things out, unfortunately, but that in the mean time you should definitely keep record of and report every little thing that happens at their house that you are notified of!! Each and every report and detail will help you in the long run, so its not just a case or two of reported negativity, its time after time. Even if it is small, its still stuff you don't want your kids going through and still one more reason they should be taken away from that poor situation. Just keep fighting and hopefully your pleas will be heard soon. I wish you and your family all of the best.
I wish you and your family all of the best.
Oh goodness, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this mess.
So the social worker doesn't believe them, and now they are back with that woman? (Who will probably "punish" them for speaking out). WOW. It makes me SO mad when people don't believe children who say they are being abused. And the school not reporting that incident... WTF do these people think children should do to get out of this situation? Don't they realise how powerless children are in a situation like that?
I know you are tired and that this is taking a huge toll on you, but don't stop fighting! At least they are in councilling now, so that is an improvement.
I'll be thinking of you... please keep up updated!
So the social worker doesn't believe them, and now they are back with that woman? (Who will probably "punish" them for speaking out). WOW. It makes me SO mad when people don't believe children who say they are being abused.
And the school not reporting that incident... WTF do these people think children should do to get out of this situation? Don't they realise how powerless children are in a situation like that? I know you are tired and that this is taking a huge toll on you, but don't stop fighting! At least they are in councilling now, so that is an improvement.
I'll be thinking of you... please keep up updated!
My lawyer has spoken to the social worker and told her she is not doing her job, there was more she could have done.
The social worker seems to be protecting the stepmother so my lawyer told her that her job was to protect the children, not the stepmother.
This social worker seems very naive. The stepmother said she didn't do it and she just accepted it at face value.
Now my oldest is upset blaming herself for 'letting' her sisters get hurt by this woman.
The social worker only has to look at those children and see the pain they are in; but she seems to think that the children are just lying and manipulating the adults.
I am not satisfied with this result. I cannot believe that the social worker would believe that the children are lying and manipulative rather than believe that they are being abused.
Her stance is that because we can't prove she did it, only the children say she did it that it can't have happened.
I am going to file a motion to remove them completely from his care and for me to have full custody.
K was hysterical when she found out she couldn't come to me full time, she is not happy there she does not want to live there.
The social worker seems to be protecting the stepmother so my lawyer told her that her job was to protect the children, not the stepmother.
This social worker seems very naive. The stepmother said she didn't do it and she just accepted it at face value.
Now my oldest is upset blaming herself for 'letting' her sisters get hurt by this woman.
The social worker only has to look at those children and see the pain they are in; but she seems to think that the children are just lying and manipulating the adults.
I am not satisfied with this result. I cannot believe that the social worker would believe that the children are lying and manipulative rather than believe that they are being abused.
Her stance is that because we can't prove she did it, only the children say she did it that it can't have happened.
I am going to file a motion to remove them completely from his care and for me to have full custody.
K was hysterical when she found out she couldn't come to me full time, she is not happy there she does not want to live there.
Poor kids! I really hope you can get full custody, this is way too much stress for any kid to have to go through. And that really irritates me that a social worker would just believe the accused child abuser over the abused children, I mean what the heck?!?!? Obviously if you ask someone if they did something wrong, if they think they can get away with it, they will lie and tell you they didn't do it!! Your lawyer is right, it is their job to protect the children and not the stepmother, or any parent for that matter. That just doesn't make any sense to me. I've seen social services pull kids from homes JUST because of things that kids have said, no proof at all and parents denying it through and through. So to me ignoring a child's cry for help is just craziness.