Unreasonable to ask of other parents?...

[buddylovebabi]

But in my personal opinion you (as a parent) really should keep in mind the veiwpoints/wishes of another parent when their child is over. Unless it is rediculous or a violation of your houserules that are already set in place, such as sacrificing animals before eating dinner, or always sleeping naked. (which I don't actually mind too much, i think it will only come into play when I have 2 different gendered children in my home.)

Originally Posted by LaraTaylor

[/URL]
<I>What I was saying was, I couldn't believe that people acted like she was being unreasonable. You may not agree with how other people raise their kids, which happens all the time, but to be so vocal as to be almost rude to her about it was a little surprising.</I>

Lara, as for this point I did spacifically ask if this was unreasonable, so I appreciate those who told me i was, and those who told me i wasn't, and those who told me i should do this or that instead. I like having people who are parents who don't judge me on my personality to talk to.


I'm sorry for posting so many times, but i keep finishing my post and then something else comes to mind!! I'll shut up now! lol

 

[ElliottCarasDad]

So I really have two questions:
1. Does anyone beleive this is an unreasonable request to make of other parents?
2. Does anyone believe that this may invite more problems (Parents disliking me, parents and children possibly lying) than it would solve?

1. No
2. Yes, it may

IMO you are asking a broad question in general but have very specific issues with just certain individuals.

I'm just a little curious and a little off-topic, what restrictions does Michigan have that prevent you from being a foster parent?

 

[buddylovebabi]

1. No
2. Yes, it may

IMO you are asking a broad question in general but have very specific issues with just certain individuals.

I'm just a little curious and a little off-topic, what restrictions does Michigan have that prevent you from being a foster parent?

I'm not sure if you mean me personally, or in general for foster parents, for me I believe right now the only restriction is that I am not old enough.

 

[mom2many]

But in my personal opinion you (as a parent) really should keep in mind the veiwpoints/wishes of another parent when their child is over. Unless it is rediculous or a violation of your houserules that are already set in place, such as sacrificing animals before eating dinner, or always sleeping naked. (which I don't actually mind too much, i think it will only come into play when I have 2 different gendered children in my home.)


I'm sorry for posting so many times, but i keep finishing my post and then something else comes to mind!! I'll shut up now! lol

How did you find out about our ritual animal sacrifices every night before dinner? :biglaugh:

I think we all agree parents wishes should be followed, that was what most of us agreed with. I think it was the level of rules that were being asked of other parents that some of us chose to point out may be to much.

I hate sponge bob...but not cause of content, but cause that stupid little sponge annoy's the crap outta me. My kids still watch it on occasion and 90% of what is not "appropriate" goes right over their head. In my house though with 4 teenagers, there isn't a whole lot my little ones don't understand, and when they don't and they are curious they ask. Honesty is what i try to give them, within age appropriateness obviously.

That was really the scenario I was trying to throw out there. Even the best intentioned parents may let one of the rules lapse and BLB (the OP) is going to have decide which battle to pick and which ones can slide a little. Parenthood is about compromising all the time, find those few things that are an absolute NO and those things that can be altered as needed.

I remember when I had my older ones and I said they would not do X, Y and Z. I was so sure of myself and my rules, 19 years later, half those rules are out the window and the other half have been changed as time as passed. Funny how sometimes life has other plans.

I am gonna address the step-mom, bio-mom issue. Two of mine are not bio-mine...they are mine though. I do agree with LaraTaylor a bit though on this subject, if bio-mom is involved then what goes on in her house is her buisness, and it is something that dad should be the one addressing. That doesn't mean, as you said, that your's and your husbands house rules shouldn't be followed. They should and bio-mom doesn't get a say either about what rules you choose to have in your house (so long as they aren't way the hell out there). I happen to have a bio-mom who has zero involvement in the lives of my children...she has none in any of her other kids either, so I have been lucky enough to not have to deal with these issue's, regardless though it wouldn't change my views on step parenting....it's incredibly hard and requires a lot of work. But it also requires each side to respect each other enough to not step on each others toes.

 

[ElliottCarasDad]

I'm not sure if you mean me personally, or in general for foster parents, for me I believe right now the only restriction is that I am not old enough.

okay I see, but as far as I know you just have to be an adult (18). The requirements are pretty general, you dont even have to be married.

Michigan Foster Care and Adoption Information | AdoptUsKids

 

[buddylovebabi]

according to my mother (Who was a foster mother) I have to be 25. I will look into the age limit though if you have seen otherwise. thank you ElliottCarasdad

 

[Father_0f_7]

Who can Foster or Adopt?
<LIST>

• 
  <LI>
• You do not have to be married to foster or adopt a child or children. Many children will thrive in a single parent home.</LI>
  <LI>
• You do not need to own your own home. A rented home or apartment is fine, as long as there is adequate bedroom space per child. The home must be free from health and fire hazards, and must have a safe play area for children.</LI>
  <LI>
• You do not need to be rich to adopt or be a foster parent. Even if you receive some type of financial assistance, you are still eligible to provide foster care or adopt as long as you have resources to provide for your family.</LI>

</LIST>

Anyone applying to foster or adopt must meet the following qualifications:
<LIST>

• 
  <LI>
• Be 18 years of age or older.</LI>
  <LI>
• Be of good moral character.</LI>
  <LI>
• Be willing to provide care for children who are in foster care.</LI>
  <LI>
• Understand the care which must be provided to the children, or express a willingness to learn how to provide that care.</LI>
  <LI>
• Have enough time to provide care and supervision for the children.</LI>
  <LI>
• Have a specific source of income, and be capable of managing that income, to meet the needs of the family.</LI>
  <LI>
• Be of such physical, mental, and emotional health to be able to properly care for the children.</LI>
  <LI>
• Be able to assure the proper care and safety of children.</LI>
  <LI>
• Be willing to comply with the licensing rules.</LI>

</LIST>

If you have a spouse or live-in-partner, they will also be required to participate in the homestudy process as well as attend the P.R.I.D.E. (Parent Resources for Information, Development and Education) training series with you.


<I>More detailed information will be provided to you upon request.</I>

I went ahead and copied the requirements that are in the link ECD posted. Just because i'm that bored.

 

[kathywhite]

I only have a step son right now and no biological children of my own, however I plan to become a foster parent when my states restrictions allow.

I am wondering (because I have VERY strong opinions about the subject of video games) if it is innapropriate to tell other parents that if my child/step child is allowed to play <SIZE size="75">(or watch anyone play!!)</SIZE> anything over E/watch anything over PG at their house he/she will no longer be allowed to go over.

We're really lucky - my children attend a Waldorf Steiner school where screen time (both TV and Computer) are really actively discouraged, we've had talks from anthroposphical school doctors saying most ADHD conditions they see come from too much screen time for children. I absolutely support parents who have limited or zero screen time. As parents within the school we have a reciprocal arrangement that if there is a play date, the children are there to play with each other, not to sit in front of a screen. What I say to parents when I'm arranging play dates with other children who are not in our school is that I would very much appreciate it if they weren't allowed to watch any screens while over at their house as they don't have TV at home and they can get quite upset over seemingly very small things they see on TV as they are unused to watching it.

 

[Shirley-ann]

Sorry I havent read the whole thread,

In my opinion your are perfectly right to say that you have age restrictions, and if they dont abide by then then dont let them go... Im very laid back regarding other people parenting. but I do always go by other childrens parents wishes.

the age restrictions are there for a reasion, and a blumming good reasion in my opinion. I wouldnt say I would be compleatly strick on the ages of things. but it all depends on the contents. as my kids are 6 and 10, i feel there is alittle more freedom in there viewing limits. especialy the 10 year old. you do what you feel is right simple as.

my 10 year old watches some 12's and has for a few years. depends on what it is, and if i dont know what it is, ill watch it first whilst there not there... The way i see it, at 10 years old and even 6 year old (as my 2 are) programs with some swearing in is aceptable providing its slight and not to bad. after all they hear it in the school and the streets all the time, my kids know that its not apropriate to use the language themselves (although it doesnt always stop them). However im strick if it contains racial aspects or sexual content. ok my son has already been asking me questions regards to sexual things, but hes still really inocent in that line, and id rather keep him that way for a little longer. he still giggles like a little kid would when the catch some one kissing and respond with the ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww shreak that kids give, when he sees the puppy with his teddy !!!! that i cant sensor really, descrestion is needed in many aspects of parenting.
but i do have a frend with 2 kids same age as mine, and she is really strick on a lot of tv programs/games etc. her 7 year old isnt alowed to watch anything above a U or PG, and only a PG if there is a resposable adult there. I respect this compleatly whilst her kids are here.

 

[Xero]

My mom was a foster parent for years. She wasn't married and she rented her home. However, in PA you do have to be 21 years old to be a foster parent. I'm personally really taken aback by the idea of an 18 year old becoming a foster parent. I am so not okay with that. I don't think you should necessarily have to be 25 though.

 

[buddylovebabi]

I thought it was 25, that's what my mom said. but I have also been told it was only 21, now i am finding out it is only 18. but i still plan on getting married and being married for a little while before I become a foster parent, but that's my personal decision.

EDIT: I am getting married in August, so I want to be married for a while.

 

[Xero]

I think that's a really good idea. Its just like deciding to have kids, you know? Its smart and responsible to decide to be married for some time before having kids or taking kids in via foster care. Making sure everything else in your life is stable is a great thing to do before bringing kids into the picture.

 

[singledad]

I'm personally really taken aback by the idea of an 18 year old becoming a foster parent. I am so not okay with that. I don't think you should necessarily have to be 25 though.

I agree with this. Remember that most foster kids will come to you with emotional/behavioural problems due to the abuse/neglect/miscellaneous horrible circumstances that landed them in the foster system in the first place. They need special care and attention, and often both a lot of discipline and a whole lot of love. I just can't see an 18-year old coping with that...

As for the original question - I have a different take.

I have a policy, that I can't see changing before my DD is a teenager and able to make her own judgement calls. I don't let my daughter stay at any house, even for a short while, unless I know the parent(s) well, and trust their judgement. If I don't know them or don't trust them, I will allow play-dates, but I stay there to help supervise. It helps to organise the play-date in a public place like a park, then it becomes less obvious that you don't trust the other parent. If I had to ask someone not to let my daughter watch inappropriate TV shows, and they agreed, I'd still be wondering what else they let her do instead, and whether or not that is appropriate. Nope - I'd rather let her play at someone's house that I know share my views and my values, and who will look after my daughter the way I would.

Perhaps I am overprotective/paranoid, but I've just seen and heard to many things in my life, and if I ever allowed my daughter to stay at another house and something horrible happened to her there, I'd never forgive myself.

 

[yeojungi]

I agree with you singledad. My daughter gets play dates with a very select group of kids. It's not that I am being particularly picky but somehow we are wired to find people that are like us. In fact, not many people ask us to have a play date in the first place. And those who do ask tend to be pretty much like us. My husband and I both are academic; so is my daughter (only 7 yrs old but you know what I mean). Those people we get along tend to be either academic or value education very much. Their homes tend to be TV free or at least very selective with programming. I never asked anyone to restrict TV on a play date because that's a common sense, at least among the people I interact with.

 

[IADad]

wanted to chime in and comment, Lara - I see your point, it's well taken, and we do try to always be considerate of other's opinions here. I don't know that anyone was telling her she was wrong 9for not liking spongebob, for example.) it was more advice to consider where you're drawing your battle lines. I happen to not like Barney much at all, but it's not a big enough issue to me to ask people mot to let my son watch it, KWIM? So, I think a lot of the discussion was around the whole issue of what things do you/don't you, should you/shouldn't you comment /instruct on when turning your kids over to someone else, and I think we all slip through that minefeild.

Case and point - Last Saturday a friend (actually one of DS1's friend's parents to be more exact) asked us if we would pickup and drop of their son who was attending the same birthday party as our son. We gladly did so. Now, the weather is chilly here, although a bit unseasobly warm for us, and the kid comes out with shorts on, to go to this party (it's in the upper 30's prob mid 30s by end of party time.) I thought about asking if he needed anything warmer, but didn't. I wouldn't let my son go out in shorts in that weather, but i figured his parents probably would and it was only to and from the car, otherwise in warn environment, so I used my judgement, now if they were going to be playing football outside for two hours, I probably would have made a different judgement. So, we have the judgements we make and the those we make trying to consider other's believes/styles etc. and we have to take our best shots. Now, if the mom had found out that her son was wearing shorts and taken issue with why I let him go dressed that way, I would have had a response and it would have included it was a judgement call. And then she'd have to consider that in future dealings with me. So, we treat other kids not only as we would our own, but also as we THINK their parents would...(i think)

 

[buddylovebabi]

Hm, very interesting post IADad.

I would love to have parents like me, but unfortunately I just know too many that just let their kids sit in front of a TV all day like little zombies...

 

[artygard]

This honestly depends on the age of your child. How old is he/she?