Visiting relatives with a SO in tow......

[Mom2all]

So if we were married it'd totally be ok.....but since we haven't paid for a piece of paper it's not??

So being married would make it ok?
Or would you expect a married couple to sleep apart as well?

Why does everyone assume that if two young people sleep in the same bed they'll have sex?

No.. thats only part of it. I don't engage in sexy time at Sean's Mom's. I'm sure she wouldn't want to hear the sounds that may come from the room. We don't have sex at his brothers, ( We use his niece's room when we visit and how gross with that be for her?)

For that matter, my Honey likes the TV on at night, they all like the quiet so we leave the TV off. Not because they asked us to, but rather, we wanted to be less of a irritant than what we would be by doing things our way.

I smoke, but never in the house of non-smokers. Even when they provide an ash tray. I think its rude so I step outside.

Its the totality of all you do, while respecting someone else's space and beliefs.

Obviously we see things very different. You believe that you have a right to be whoever you want to be and grow into whatever you like.

I agree but... I believe that considering other people and their feelings, respecting what it is that someone else is even if you don't agree, giving serious thought to how you can overlook instead of demanding someone overlook for you...knowing that what you say and do DO in fact affect other people... all these things make you grow in character. You want to be treated like an adult. I think the first sign of being grown is when the excuses stop, the victim oriented stance on things stop, the stand in our face and defy who you are to prove who I am stops.

You are blind sometimes to the other side of the story and so hell bent and determined to prove your point you miss the rest.

You Grandma is old. The truth is, she'll die soon. Instead of trying to change her, accept her. Don't say things to hurt her that won't fix a thing.

When you say.. I can't afford to throw money away on a t-shirt.. I have to wear tanks.. but follow it up with we offered to pay for our own hotel.. and we're taking them out to a really nice dinner... You can afford a $3 t-shirt. One cop made me mad, so I refuse to live my life long dream because I won't associate with the likes of them.. instead of.. I still want to change things for the better... now more than ever. See the whole picture.. not just the one you want to see or put out there.

I'm really not trying to belittle you here. But age has nothing to do with being grown in my mind. Attitude does. Drive does. Responsibility does. Compassion does. The ability to see that the world simply doesn't revolve around you does.

 

[Cop2be]

No.. thats only part of it. I don't engage in sexy time at Sean's Mom's. I'm sure she wouldn't want to hear the sounds that may come from the room. We don't have sex at his brothers, ( We use his niece's room when we visit and how gross with that be for her?)

For that matter, my Honey likes the TV on at night, they all like the quiet so we leave the TV off. Not because they asked us to, but rather, we wanted to be less of a irritant than what we would be by doing things our way.

I smoke, but never in the house of non-smokers. Even when they provide an ash tray. I think its rude so I step outside.

Its the totality of all you do, while respecting someone else's space and beliefs.

Obviously we see things very different. You believe that you have a right to be whoever you want to be and grow into whatever you like.

I agree but... I believe that considering other people and their feelings, respecting what it is that someone else is even if you don't agree, giving serious thought to how you can overlook instead of demanding someone overlook for you...knowing that what you say and do DO in fact affect other people... all these things make you grow in character. You want to be treated like an adult. I think the first sign of being grown is when the excuses stop, the victim oriented stance on things stop, the stand in our face and defy who you are to prove who I am stops.

You are blind sometimes to the other side of the story and so hell bent and determined to prove your point you miss the rest.

You Grandma is old. The truth is, she'll die soon. Instead of trying to change her, accept her. Don't say things to hurt her that won't fix a thing.

When you say.. I can't afford to throw money away on a t-shirt.. I have to wear tanks.. but follow it up with we offered to pay for our own hotel.. and we're taking them out to a really nice dinner... You can afford a $3 t-shirt. One cop made me mad, so I refuse to live my life long dream because I won't associate with the likes of them.. instead of.. I still want to change things for the better... now more than ever. See the whole picture.. not just the one you want to see or put out there.

I'm really not trying to belittle you here. But age has nothing to do with being grown in my mind. Attitude does. Drive does. Responsibility does. Compassion does. The ability to see that the world simply doesn't revolve around you does.

And like I said, we most likely wouldn't at the house. There are plenty of other places if need be.
But you still stay in the same bed don't you? You don't sleep apart do you? No, from what I gathered you don't. You're able to sleep in the same bed without doing anything, so why wouldn't we?
And why not just keep the tv on low or something?
He and I both smoke. Where we used to live we smoked inside, where we are living now, we go outside. My grandmother(73) knows he smokes ggrandma(92) doesn't, so he'll smoke outside and I will have to try and sneak one in here and there and may not even be able to smoke at all the whole weekend because they don't know I do and my grandmother would be pissed, so I am already making a sacrifice with that.

Never said I couldn't afford a t-shirt, I can't afford to buy clothes I don't like simply to wear them for a weekend. I go to American Eagle or target, I usually get the plain v-necks and tank tops, that's pretty much all I wear. I have two v-necks from AE right now, a grey and neon orange.

I don't have the money to waste buying crew neck shirts that I won't like. I don't have the extra money to go off and buy higher rise jeans that I will want to shred and burn the second I put them on.

When I buy fall clothes, it'll be little bits at a time and I don't have the extra cash to just go off and buy clothes I don't like or don't fit how I like them to.

I currently have no jeans that fit, I have some size 4's that are baggy. I need to get 2's next time I go shopping. None of the stores I shop at have high waisted jeans, I'm short anyways so no thank you to making myself look all legs and no torso.

I'll probably get these next month because they'll be on sale even more and could probably get both for like $25-$30.
http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?productId=1438_7784_916&catId=cat90120[/url]
http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?productId=0435_7673_984&catId=cat90120[/url]
And then wait for the rest to go on sale.

And this is all I buy for shirts pretty much.
http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?productId=2370_9866_465&catId=cat90030[/url]
http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?productId=2370_9916_504&catId=cat90030[/url]

Of course with a tank top underneath.

That is pretty much what I wear year round but switching to tank tops and shorts in the summer.

I wait for that shit to go on sale and then I go buy or I go in and apply for the stores credit card knowing I will get denied and when you apply even if you get denied then you get 40% off your purchase, which is how I get my clothes from my favorite store dirt cheap.

But you see now the stuff I am going to go buy, you see there really is nothing wrong with it. You see that it's not slutty and you see that I am not buying anything higher waisted or crew neck and if it's hot enough there still, which it usually is still pretty hot and humid, I am not walking around with sweaty wet arm pits, I will just wear a tank top. Deo doesn't stop all sweating in the south, just makes mine worse.

I am saving up for this trip, which DB and I are paying for ourselves and going to visit my family. I am saving up to take them out to dinner. I am also saving for my clothes and the dress to wear to dinner.


My whole point is, I am not buying higher waisted jeans or non-v-neck shirts for just a weekend.
Since money is tight, when I buy clothes they will be things that I will wear here everyday and like, not things specifically for a trip that I never plan on wearing again.

 

[Cop2be]

And I never planned on saying things that will hurt her.
I never planned on being like "hey great grandmother quit acting like a bitch and saying shit about me".

It'd be more along the lines of...."It hurts my feelings when you say stuff like that."

 

[NancyM]

And like I said, we most likely wouldn't at the house. There are plenty of other places if need be.
But you still stay in the same bed don't you? You don't sleep apart do you? No, from what I gathered you don't. You're able to sleep in the same bed without doing anything, so why wouldn't we?
And why not just keep the tv on low or something?
He and I both smoke. Where we used to live we smoked inside, where we are living now, we go outside. My grandmother(73) knows he smokes ggrandma(92) doesn't, so he'll smoke outside and I will have to try and sneak one in here and there and may not even be able to smoke at all the whole weekend because they don't know I do and my grandmother would be pissed, so I am already making a sacrifice with that.

Never said I couldn't afford a t-shirt, I can't afford to buy clothes I don't like simply to wear them for a weekend. I go to American Eagle or target, I usually get the plain v-necks and tank tops, that's pretty much all I wear. I have two v-necks from AE right now, a grey and neon orange.

I don't have the money to waste buying crew neck shirts that I won't like. I don't have the extra money to go off and buy higher rise jeans that I will want to shred and burn the second I put them on.

When I buy fall clothes, it'll be little bits at a time and I don't have the extra cash to just go off and buy clothes I don't like or don't fit how I like them to.

I currently have no jeans that fit, I have some size 4's that are baggy. I need to get 2's next time I go shopping. None of the stores I shop at have high waisted jeans, I'm short anyways so no thank you to making myself look all legs and no torso.

I'll probably get these next month because they'll be on sale even more and could probably get both for like $25-$30.
http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?productId=1438_7784_916&catId=cat90120[/URL]
http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?productId=0435_7673_984&catId=cat90120[/URL]
And then wait for the rest to go on sale.

And this is all I buy for shirts pretty much.
http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?productId=2370_9866_465&catId=cat90030[/URL]
http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?productId=2370_9916_504&catId=cat90030[/URL]

Of course with a tank top underneath.

That is pretty much what I wear year round but switching to tank tops and shorts in the summer.

I wait for that shit to go on sale and then I go buy or I go in and apply for the stores credit card knowing I will get denied and when you apply even if you get denied then you get 40% off your purchase, which is how I get my clothes from my favorite store dirt cheap.

But you see now the stuff I am going to go buy, you see there really is nothing wrong with it. You see that it's not slutty and you see that I am not buying anything higher waisted or crew neck and if it's hot enough there still, which it usually is still pretty hot and humid, I am not walking around with sweaty wet arm pits, I will just wear a tank top. Deo doesn't stop all sweating in the south, just makes mine worse.

I am saving up for this trip, which DB and I are paying for ourselves and going to visit my family. I am saving up to take them out to dinner. I am also saving for my clothes and the dress to wear to dinner.


My whole point is, I am not buying higher waisted jeans or non-v-neck shirts for just a weekend.
Since money is tight, when I buy clothes they will be things that I will wear here everyday and like, not things specifically for a trip that I never plan on wearing again.

Well Cop2be it seems like your doing the best you can do, and trying to take a trip that won't cost too much out of pocket.

Many people have been in the same boat as you and figured out how to take less costly vacations just as you have.

Sooo you KNOW what your in for, and I'm sure G grandma hasn't changed much, so what can you do? It would be a shame if you had harsh words with her, because this may be her last year alive and your last year to ever see her again.

I don't think you really want to do that, I think it would be ok if you did tell her that when she says certain things about your looks or choice of style it does hurt your feelings. But that's it, try not to get into a big fight, it really isn't worth it.

When she does say something that really errks you, just smile at her, and nod your head, (that confuses people) and remember some of the advice we told you here, it may help you.

Good luck again hope all works out.

 

[Jeremy+3]

Moneys tight, yet you can waste it on cigarettes, funny that.

 

[cybele]

Look, you're young, you're in love, I can appreciate that, there were times when I thought "SLEEP WITHOUT ASH NEXT TO ME? I WILL NEVER EVER EVER DO THAT!" and then you get older and more secure in the relationship and realise that it's really no big deal, you sleep the same with or without. Hindsight is 20/20, and I can only laugh about things I thought about my relationship when I was younger. Doesn't mean I love my husband any less, it just means that I have grown more secure in the relationship and realise that something, such as sleeping in different beds for a few nights, means nothing and has no negative consequences.

With the clothing, like I said earlier, you seem to have made your decision. No one here called you slutty or anything like that, they just said not to provoke your great grandmother if you want to avoid the reaction. Confront her if you want, but somehow I doubt it is going to end with her grovelling in apology and calling your clothing choices beautiful, I think it is just going to end in an argument and you being ten times more upset then you currently are.

For the record, everyone has an 'image' but the important thing to realise, and what perplexes me most is that there are 2 18yr olds and a 15yr old who live in my house who have seen to grasped this, yet you haven't, is that your 'image' comes more from your attitude and the way you interact with others, when people say, "Do you know Cop2Be?" they won't reply with "Yes, she is the girl who wears v-neck tops" they will more likely reply with "Yes, she is the girl who picked a fight with her 92yr old great grandmother".

Can I also let you in on a very harsh, but very true little secret? Very few people care how much you pay for your clothes, where you buy them from or what size they are. And the people who do care are not worth your time, because that is kid stuff. My 13yr old cares because she is 13, but once you get older, few people do.

Honestly, in your situation I would do what Mom2all suggested, I would go to a second hand store, find a conservative top for $2 or whatever and go "Meh, no I won't wear it often, but it is $2 and will make my weekend easier, and I can save it for next time I see her"

If you could put $2 into a magic well to help prevent arguments with your great grandmother, would you do it? Because whilst there is no magic well, this is very much a solution.

 

[NancyM]

Moneys tight, yet you can waste it on cigarettes, funny that.

That's a bit of a cheap shot Jeremy, It might be a waste of money to you , but to people who enjoy smoking it's worth every penny. It appears that C2B has considered her cigarette expense into her budget which is her right.

 

[Cop2be]

That's a bit of a cheap shot Jeremy, It might be a waste of money to you , but to people who enjoy smoking it's worth every penny. It appears that C2B has considered her cigarette expense into her budget which is her right.

Yeah it is a cheap shot.
And its not like it's twizzlers. I love twizzlers, I love them a lot especially the filled ones but twizzlers I can say, nope don't need them, cigarettes aren't something you can just skip on buying.

 

[Jeremy+3]

That's a bit of a cheap shot Jeremy, It might be a waste of money to you , but to people who enjoy smoking it's worth every penny. It appears that C2B has considered her cigarette expense into her budget which is her right.

No its not, its no different to people claiming they cannot afford clothes while sat there drinking beer, you can't claim hardship and buy cigarettes, its just childish misuse of money.

 

[singledad]

cigarettes aren't something you can just skip on buying.

I believe the correct phrase would be "aren't something you <U>want to</U> just skip", not "aren't something you <U>can</U> just skip".

Trust me, having been a chain-smoker for more than half of my years on earth, I know exactly how much it sucks when you are craving a fag and can't get your hands on one, but it's not like it would kill you. It can be done.

That said, a weekend spent as a quest in the house of someone you don't see very often, is probably not the best time go without. You wouldn't want to feel like crap at that particular time.

 

[NancyM]

Yeah it is a cheap shot.
And its not like it's twizzlers. I love twizzlers, I love them a lot especially the filled ones but twizzlers I can say, nope don't need them, cigarettes aren't something you can just skip on buying.

Cigarettes are an addiction, and some people haven't clue about what that means. Of course when your ready to quit you will, like everyone else who's ever had an addiction. It's also you right to prioritize what you want to spend your money on like everyone else does.

At 22 I was living on a wing and a prayer, and I also smoked. I always managed to find money for my cigs. It was the best time of my life, I did quit smoking but it took many tries, I just didn't like the way I felt anymore, that was my reason for quitting.

Anyway this isn't a smoking thread, and back to your Original issue, I can't help thinking that your really <I>do</I> care what ggrandma thinks of you simply because it bothers you so much.

The only way to truly deal with it, is by first accepting your self for who you are, really liking yourself, than confronting gg or anyone else for that matter who doesn't like your style and actually tells you that.

However, with your G grandma, I wouldn't be disrespectful because she does love you and I think you love her, so with her you really have to be kind when you let her know how you feel about her insults.

I think it will be a slow process and you may have to repeat yourself a few times to her, she may eventually come around to your understanding, but she also may not.

This is what you have to kind of realize might happen. She may never like your different form of expressions, or you sleeping with your boyfriend.

But if you have a good self image and self esteem you should be able to overcome her criticisms. when are you leaving?

 

[Xero]

No, you know what, never mind. I deleted it, because really I don't care.

 

[NancyM]

No, you know what, never mind. I deleted it, because really I don't care.

lol I thought I was the only one who does that, but it does feel good saying it out loud doesn't it?

 

[Xero]

lol I thought I was the only one who does that, but it does feel good saying it out loud doesn't it?

lol No, I do it on occasion. Just stated a couple things and then decided none of it mattered to me at all. lol She will realize all of these things when she gets older. We all went through this stage, albeit some a little later than others (I was somewhat like this, minus the smoking, between ages 16-19).

 

[cybele]

Oh damn, now I want to know what you wrote, HAHA.

 

[Xero]

LOL Well, you know...