What age do you stop spanking?...

[Swimdad]

17 is way too old too spank.

There are many other ways to approach discipline at this age.

The teenager will feel as though the parent still considers them a child ... a wee bit disturbing I feel.

How hard must one spank a 17 year old for it to feel like a spanking ... again a bit disturbing.

 

[babymaggie1]

I myself do not spank my children and I do not condone violence in any way.

I have a friend, he is male and has a son from his first relationship, he told me something very interesting.

1.) All children need to follow orders or they will have no order in their lives as adults.
2.) Spare the rod spoil the child
3.) He wants his son to grow up to be a well rounded and professional adult

I agree with some of the things he says, however, he is Russian/Italian and comes from a strict background. I suppose its just in his nature. He claims in Russia when he is there on vacation everyone slaps their children? I cant understand their way of thinking over there.

Anyways, our children frequently play together and his son is now in acting school since the father is a model/actor himself and I COMPLETELY notice the differences between his son and my son. Phenomenal how some parents decisions can leave lasting scars.

My advice is

1.) Dont go to Russia
2.) Do not use ANY form of physical abuse on your children
3.) Show them love and understanding. You never know how long you have with them. They grow up so fast!!! omg

 

[mlperryman]

Spanking should be stopped when it's not an effective form of punishment anymore. I was spanked as a teenager and it worked for me. I was a very well-behaved child because I feared spankings. I wasn't abused in anyway, just disciplined with a method that worked. However, spanking does not work for my 8 year old, so we don't do it anymore. Time-outs in his room work better. So I think it really just depends on if it's working or not.

 

[raven33]

Context would help to understand why spanking still happens with a 17 year old. It seems some people develop discipline mechanisms that stick even after it's not really necessary.
My daughter used to throw horrid tantrums periodically and would get violent with me - hitting, scratching, kicking etc and in those situations I would spank as a way to stop her and defend myself.
If this 17 year old is being violent and the spanking is for defense, then that's a different context than spanking as form or punishment.
It seems that spanking at 17 could be used as a form of humiliation but without the context and knowing the full story, I don't want to presume.

 

[mentalmum]

All children are different, too. For example, my 10yo reacts in a very positive manner to being smacked. She understands that she did something wrong and if smacked generally does not do that thing again. However, our 15yo cries abuse (I understand that in some people's eyes any form of physical discipline is abuse, but I would like to say two things: 1) in Australia, a parent may smack a child with an open hand below the shoulders and that is not legally abuse and 2) I believe the intent is crucial) any time anyone looks at her angrily. She is a particularly difficult child (not just my opinion but that of those who teach her, counsel her etc) and I admit I have slapped her on the arm in the course of arguments where I have lost my temper. I do NOT think this is ideal or appropriate, but I also do not think it is abuse. I have worked very hard on stopping those actions I did because I don't think it's in her best interests. I do think that our 10yo is at the upper limit of when smacking is appropriate, simply because I believe there are better and more effective forms of discipline once a child has a good understanding of right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate behaviour.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

he is Russian/Italian and comes from a strict background. I suppose its just in his nature. He claims in Russia when he is there on vacation everyone slaps their children? I cant understand their way of thinking over there.

Russians and Italians have this hot-headed national temperament, and are also very emotional. So yelling/hitting/fighting is more common than with "northern" people.

 

[uncle dad]

spanking creates fear and anger, i should know. But if your gonna do it, do it properly

 

[uncle dad]

finally

 

[Moira]

I don't support it at ALL but if one does choose to discipline their children that way, I think it should stop before they reach adolescence.

It's one thing when they're young, but believe me, once they become teenagers, hitting them does NOT go over well. They're young adults now, and you need to come up with better methods of conflict resolution. They're going to need to know how to solve their own problems in adulthood.

 

[MrZiff]

My general guideline would be at the age of being able to understand your native language clearly (usually 3-5) until a year or so before the puberty age (9-10).

Also a note - if you are still spanking your children when they are teenagers, and one day they turn around and sock you... well, you kind of had it coming. Teenagers have every right to protect their dignity and sexual decency - though some teenagers are not bothered by it, many are, and many have lashed out at overly-physical parents.

 

[susie99]

I don't support it at ALL but if one does choose to discipline their children that way, I think it should stop before they reach adolescence.

It's one thing when they're young, but believe me, once they become teenagers, hitting them does NOT go over well. They're young adults now, and you need to come up with better methods of conflict resolution. They're going to need to know how to solve their own problems in adulthood.

agreed.

 

[Incogneato]

spanking creates fear and anger, i should know. But if your gonna do it, do it properly

I'm not sure what you mean by "properly".

 

[parentastic]

My brother-in-law still spanks his 17 year old daughter.
At what age does the spanking stop?

From the developmental psychology perspective, the answer is simple: NEVER, ever, ever spank your child, even a single time. Ever.

This being said, and since the thread was specifically not about a debate on spanking per say, I can only offer you the "legal" frame that was decided by Canada's supreme court :

Spanking will not be considered a crime of assault in Canada:
- Above 2 years old
- Below 12 years old
- As long as it leaves no marks
- As long as it is NEVER on the face or head
- As long as it only with your hands (no paddle, spoon or whatever)

ANYTHING outside of these parameters is considered a physical assault and is punished as a crime; every health care of child care professional is bound to report it to the authorities.
In Canada, your brother in law could spend many, many year in prison, if anyone around him reports it to the police or child services, including of course his daughter.

I hope this helps,
Nicolas
Family Life Educator
parentastic.org

 

[Xerc]

Please don't let this turn into a debate about whether or not you should spank. Regardless I don't believe that we will convert each other.

Just for the record we don't spank even though I have been spanked and beaten and everywhere in between. That is not the issue though.

My brother-in-law still spanks his 17 year old daughter.

This question is mostly for those who have or are willing to spank their children. But feel free to participate even if you don't.

At what age does the spanking stop? Do you base it on the individual child or is there an age where they are just too old?

I don't mean to start trouble as I know that this can be a hot topic I am just curious. I wonder if for those that do believe in spanking would you still be spanking at age 17?

Hmm.. Hard topic to get into. Personally I was spanked until I learned how to not let my parents find out about the things I did. HA. This lasted for me until I was about 15 or so..

For my girls, I try not to spank them unless they do something really bad.. I don't see things going crazy but I could be wrong. I would more than likely stop my girls get into their teens unless it is something that is just totally wrong. Man.. What a hard decision to make.

 

[killban]

I spank my children for outright defiance only. They are 15 and 12 now, and even though I would still spank them at this age if I thought it was needed, I haven't had to for about 5 years now.

 

[johndoesix]

I'm up at almost 1am listening (ok, maybe half listening) to my girlfriend tell me about her thirteen year old who just pushed her into her room and she's scared of him. All this because she didn't call the carrier and activate his internet access on a new phone? Had I been there, I would have probably roasted his butt, unfortunately society doesn't allow me to do that anymore. I'm not the biological dad. Sadly, I tiptoe around subjects like this because I'll be the one sitting behind bars if there are any marks on him. If I had my way, he wouldn't have a cell phone until he could pay for it himself in three years when he could work legally at 16.

 

[lifesfinest11]

well I know some people who hit their 19 year olds. I'm not shocked that your BIL was whipping his 17 y/o. Yea I think it's all wrong I'd never do it myself. But it matters some people see whippings as their form of discipline and a 14 y/o still needs to have disciplinary action therefore it goes to 18. My cousins were still getting whipped last time I saw them. One was 11. But I think by now it's probably done. Since my aunt was fizzling out. I don't really see a difference at any age. So I'm not going to talk about it personally.

 

[parentastic]

The very use of the verb "whipping" in the context of a child makes me sick to my stomach. Sorry.

 

[mom2many]

The very use of the verb "whipping" in the context of a child makes me sick to my stomach. Sorry.

I agree, in just that context. The thing is that the word "whopping" and "whipping" are very cultural and just refer to a spanking. I wished people would stop using it.

 

[NancyM]

The very use of the verb "whipping" in the context of a child makes me sick to my stomach. Sorry.

It also makes me ill, I just don't approve of 'whipping' children Lifesfinest11, people, especially children, really don't need to be whipped or beat to learn to behave themselves. it must be a very sad life for your cousins.

I'm sorry to say but I'm glad your aunt finally fizzled out!