Yelling at someone else's kid...
- Thread starter melynie
- Start date
Something puzzles me. If the reason the kids left was because there is just something about you makes people feel intimidated, then why didn't they feel intimidated the first time you spoke to them? Or the second? If it's your appearance that intimidated them then they wouldn't have dared tell you to F yourself. Just curious on this one.
whenever I see something like "If you yell at my kids then you'll have ME to answer to" I read "My kid can be annoying brats and be rude to people and totally get away with it so just put up with it and quietly wait for them to stop infuriating you."
I'm sorry people, but if I'm at the cinema and the punk 14 yr old behind me is talking and laughing through all the wrong parts of the movie, while their parents are ignoring them, I'm going to turn around and direct my comments to the children, and I'm not going to be timid about it. If you don't want your kids being told off for being *****heads in public then A: don't have kids who are ****heads, or B: watch them yourself.
The rest of us aren't interested in dealing with it for you.
I'm sorry people, but if I'm at the cinema and the punk 14 yr old behind me is talking and laughing through all the wrong parts of the movie, while their parents are ignoring them, I'm going to turn around and direct my comments to the children, and I'm not going to be timid about it. If you don't want your kids being told off for being *****heads in public then A: don't have kids who are ****heads, or B: watch them yourself.
The rest of us aren't interested in dealing with it for you.
I think everyone is being just a little harsh on the shut up lady. She did not beat the kid, she simply had a weak moment of frustration. A naughty child being told to shut up is hardly going to be scarred for life!
Having said that I think lecturing strangers on how to raise their kids is unreasonably judgmental and asking for trouble. If my kid had been the noisemaker I would have told them in front of the offended adult that the lady was cross becasue their behavior was crude and then had them apologise. I would then send them out of ear shot and say something in a humorous fashion to let her know i dont like the kid being told to shut up. Something like this;
"I am sorry that my kid decided to be obnoxious. His father swears and farts like a sailor so monkey see monkey do. Were trying to work on this so that when he leaves for college I may have an outside chance of leaving the house with him and not being mortified. it would make my job really easy if the next time he does this you could tell him without swearing that he is disturbing you.
Having said that I think lecturing strangers on how to raise their kids is unreasonably judgmental and asking for trouble. If my kid had been the noisemaker I would have told them in front of the offended adult that the lady was cross becasue their behavior was crude and then had them apologise. I would then send them out of ear shot and say something in a humorous fashion to let her know i dont like the kid being told to shut up. Something like this;
"I am sorry that my kid decided to be obnoxious. His father swears and farts like a sailor so monkey see monkey do. Were trying to work on this so that when he leaves for college I may have an outside chance of leaving the house with him and not being mortified. it would make my job really easy if the next time he does this you could tell him without swearing that he is disturbing you.
I guess you would have to see me in person to know the diff between my smiling happy side and when Ive had enough. As well if you follow the posts you will see that I mention its not just looks, its how I hold and carry myself.gr8mom said:
(picturing Quasi and laughing)
Okay, I sort of see your point. But, none of MY children would have been alone at McDonald's at the age of ten, or twelve, or even fourteen. I'm just old-fashioned and overprotective like that. THAT'S why I was getting so upset over your behavior. In the situation you were in, I would have reported it to the manager...and if that didn't work, then I would have called the police to report a public disturbance, then let the parents deal with the call to come pick up their juvenile deliquents.hwnorth said:
Then what give YOU the right to force YOUR values and respect on others? It's a two way street, isn't it?
Newsflash....when my kids need a tune up, I'M the one giving it, not some stranger who doesn't know jack about our family or our lives.
I've been thinking about this thread a lot. One reason is an essay I read a few months ago in the New York Times Sunday Magazine about this very subject. The author wondered if we as a society are missing out on something when we don't allow others in the community to correct our kids. But she concluded that she still wouldn't want a stranger admonishing her kids. 
I could see situations in which I would be fine with a stranger correcting my kids. But for me to not object the stranger would have to address my kids in a way that wasn't harsh or intimidating. This takes out anything with the phrase "shut up" or any degree of physicality. I don't talk to or treat my or other people's kids this way and disagree strongly when a stranger does this to a child. It is also ineffective: the kid is going to learn more about the scariness of strangers than a lesson in manners. (Did you and your young friends ever get corrected by an unknown adult in public and just think "what an old crank!"? I know I did.)
I don't think my kids are perfect, and I doubt any parent here believes their children are flawless either. I also know that I'm not a perfect parent, so a person surely could find room for improvement in any given moment. But there is a difference between gently admonishing a kid ("Please stop talking - I'm trying to watch this movie") and criticizing a person's parenting, which is way too personal and emotional for most people to tolerate from anyone, much less a stranger in public.
Everyone has seen kids acting horribly with their parents. I try to remind myself that all parents and kids have their really hard moments and that I don't know what challenges this family faces on a daily basis. Maybe the kid usually is great in public but is not feeling well or is having a bad day. Maybe the family is on the edge and just barely getting by. It's easy to throw criticism at people when you have no idea what their lives are like. I have a nephew with ADHD and Asperger's. He is a very sweet, well-meaning kid, but his behavior in public isn't always so great. But hard words or intimidation from a stranger won't do anything but make him less outgoing with people than he already is and it certainly won't improve his behavior.
I've gotten completely frustrated and pissed at other people's kids, alone or with their parents. That's life as an adult. And I am the adult, not the bratty-acting kids behaving like rabid monkeys, and I need to remember that.
As for the McD's situation, I would talk to the manager. She could have had plenty of authority, regardless of her stature. This is part of her job, unfortunately, and she should be trained on how to address such behavior.
I could see situations in which I would be fine with a stranger correcting my kids. But for me to not object the stranger would have to address my kids in a way that wasn't harsh or intimidating. This takes out anything with the phrase "shut up" or any degree of physicality. I don't talk to or treat my or other people's kids this way and disagree strongly when a stranger does this to a child. It is also ineffective: the kid is going to learn more about the scariness of strangers than a lesson in manners. (Did you and your young friends ever get corrected by an unknown adult in public and just think "what an old crank!"? I know I did.)
I don't think my kids are perfect, and I doubt any parent here believes their children are flawless either. I also know that I'm not a perfect parent, so a person surely could find room for improvement in any given moment. But there is a difference between gently admonishing a kid ("Please stop talking - I'm trying to watch this movie") and criticizing a person's parenting, which is way too personal and emotional for most people to tolerate from anyone, much less a stranger in public.
Everyone has seen kids acting horribly with their parents. I try to remind myself that all parents and kids have their really hard moments and that I don't know what challenges this family faces on a daily basis. Maybe the kid usually is great in public but is not feeling well or is having a bad day. Maybe the family is on the edge and just barely getting by. It's easy to throw criticism at people when you have no idea what their lives are like. I have a nephew with ADHD and Asperger's. He is a very sweet, well-meaning kid, but his behavior in public isn't always so great. But hard words or intimidation from a stranger won't do anything but make him less outgoing with people than he already is and it certainly won't improve his behavior.
I've gotten completely frustrated and pissed at other people's kids, alone or with their parents. That's life as an adult. And I am the adult, not the bratty-acting kids behaving like rabid monkeys, and I need to remember that.
As for the McD's situation, I would talk to the manager. She could have had plenty of authority, regardless of her stature. This is part of her job, unfortunately, and she should be trained on how to address such behavior.
I make this comment having lived in Australia for a year as a student. Brent please correct me if this perception is wrong.
MM the people in those parts are fairly robust and have a dry and saucy sort of wit. Thus Dickhead is a sort of profanity but nobody would blink if you said it to a kid as old as 14.
I can remember being on a plane in OZ and overhearing a man tell the waitress his cup of coffee was cold. Her reply was "sit on it for a minute. that 'l warm it up" I thought he would be mad but he just laughed. The sense of humor really I think is the reason why people seem more relaxed over there.
MM the people in those parts are fairly robust and have a dry and saucy sort of wit. Thus Dickhead is a sort of profanity but nobody would blink if you said it to a kid as old as 14.
I can remember being on a plane in OZ and overhearing a man tell the waitress his cup of coffee was cold. Her reply was "sit on it for a minute. that 'l warm it up" I thought he would be mad but he just laughed. The sense of humor really I think is the reason why people seem more relaxed over there.
I do believe that it is necessary to make yourself heard when witnessing bad behaviors. Some children are wild and their parents let them do whatever they want. Other children are timid and need a parental presence to ensure their rights are respected.
As a child my daughter was timid. Everytime we went to the playground and she stood in line to go down the slide, kids would just get in front of her. She was definitely partly at fault for allowing too much room in line. This type of thing drove me nuts. I would go out of my way to not let kids cut in front of her.
On other occasions I have seen kids, sisters and brothers abuse each other while the mother does nothing. I will take it upon myself to bring in some type of order, by saying things like "don't hit your sister" in a mean voice so they know I'm serious.
Once I took on a mother. A friend and I took our baby boys to the beach. The beach was practically empty. Down a ways from us two mothers were sitting. One had an infant, the other a 2 year old child. The mother of the 2 year old was as mean as can be. He had to sit on the blanket and not move. When he did move she yanked him back down. At one point, she did let him get off the blanket and play on the sand, but, he picked up a rock or something from the sand and threw it which is when all hell broke loose. I watched her mentally abuse he son for about 20 minutes at which point I got up, walked over to her and gave her a piece of my mind.
I told her that she was mean to her son, that he was going to grow up hating women and that it would be her fault. She tried to argue that her son shouldn't throw rocks at which time I told her that although it is true that kids should not throw rocks, that the beach was practically empty and that it was perfectly ok to throw rocks on this occation. It was just killing me to see this beautiful little boys young spirit being destroyed by his mother who was unfortunately probably treated just as bad when she was a kid.
Anyway, when I see things that are not acceptable, I will say something otherwise it would be difficult living with myself knowing I had done nothing.
As a child my daughter was timid. Everytime we went to the playground and she stood in line to go down the slide, kids would just get in front of her. She was definitely partly at fault for allowing too much room in line. This type of thing drove me nuts. I would go out of my way to not let kids cut in front of her.
On other occasions I have seen kids, sisters and brothers abuse each other while the mother does nothing. I will take it upon myself to bring in some type of order, by saying things like "don't hit your sister" in a mean voice so they know I'm serious.
Once I took on a mother. A friend and I took our baby boys to the beach. The beach was practically empty. Down a ways from us two mothers were sitting. One had an infant, the other a 2 year old child. The mother of the 2 year old was as mean as can be. He had to sit on the blanket and not move. When he did move she yanked him back down. At one point, she did let him get off the blanket and play on the sand, but, he picked up a rock or something from the sand and threw it which is when all hell broke loose. I watched her mentally abuse he son for about 20 minutes at which point I got up, walked over to her and gave her a piece of my mind.
I told her that she was mean to her son, that he was going to grow up hating women and that it would be her fault. She tried to argue that her son shouldn't throw rocks at which time I told her that although it is true that kids should not throw rocks, that the beach was practically empty and that it was perfectly ok to throw rocks on this occation. It was just killing me to see this beautiful little boys young spirit being destroyed by his mother who was unfortunately probably treated just as bad when she was a kid.
Anyway, when I see things that are not acceptable, I will say something otherwise it would be difficult living with myself knowing I had done nothing.
A parent abusing a child is very different from a kid misbehaving, both legally and morally. The OP started by talking about a 4-5 yo who was squealing and making farting noises in a library. This raises separate issues than a mother abusing her child for 20 minutes.dfelix said:
But it's an interesting topic - maybe it deserves a separate thread?
not wrong.Aunt said:
and I'm from the cultured south. You should hear them talk up in Brisbane.
oh, it means the same thing. it's just not a swear word really.musicmom said:
I suppose it translates roughly to 'silly blighter'