dad swears at toddler...

[Ari2]

No advice here. But I'm very glad he is getting counseling and sorry that things are so tough between the two of you. I hope he realizes he needs help and starts working on being a better partner and father.

You are awesome, Lissa.

 

[hwnorth]

I had a few comments to make... and share a few things ... but religion was again brought into this, so therefore this is where I decline comments other than ...

Music-dad ... I agree with your points, but for me to comment, I dont think I would refrain with the passion I have against this kind of thing.

Disgusting and enabled

 

[evilbrent]

Whenever Oliver is acting out or throws a tantrum his dad swears at him and says terrible things. I know that he's only 1 1/2 but it still gets to me and I told him many times that it is inappropriate but he hasn't listened. I told him that he needs to ignore Oliver's tantrums but they always seem to get to him. He gets frustrated and angry and it just makes things worse. I don't know what to do. I want a peaceful household and when my husband isn't there, sadly, it is very peaceful.

never swear at children. they understand the essence of hateful language well before they understand how to use it.

plain and simple.

swearing's not ok.

 

[evilbrent]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lissa

[/URL]
<I>I told him that sometimes he doesn't act like he loves me or Oliver and he said the feeling was mutual. That I just don't get because I do EVERYTHING for this man. I make his appointments. I cover him up when he's cold. I treat him like a BABY. Maybe that is my fault. So now I have two babies. He doesn't do anything for me. He doesn't treat me like a lady. He has very little respect and no sort of romance inside him and ZERO patience for anything or anybody. I hate trashing my husband, but he's a very selfish person. And I hate saying that but it's true. He always shifts the blame to me. He's very good at making me feel like I'm the guilty party. That's not fair. And it hurts. There is only so much I can give. I give and give and give. And he takes and takes and takes. And what do I get in return? An impatient, lazy, selfish, jealous, cold, insulting and controlling husband. So now I'm rambling. I'm sorry.</I>

Lissa I'm only going to respond to this part because Kutter and I have the exact same problem. I do everything in the house, I make any appointment, I take Nolan to the doctor, I do all the laundry...etc etc. And to me that equates to love and nurturing but he doesn't care if his laundry is clean or if the dishes are washed. He cares if when he comes home from work I get up and hug and kiss him. I was getting lost in all the chores and "business" of my day and forgetting about him.

Now the dishes might go unwashed overnight or the laundry might pile up but we're spending more time together and everyone is happier for it. (even though I cringe when it's laundry day)

you need to give that man some ground rules.

if he thinks you don't do anything for him - give him a big list of the things that you WILL do for him - a list that you think is fair considering what he does for you (I assume he works right? it doesn't give him the right to walk all over you, but it means he's doing _something_). Give him a list of what you WILL do, then make it clear that anything above and beyond that you do because you WANT to, not because you HAVE to.

And then don't 'want' to for a little bit to see how he likes it.

 

[Teresa]

We don't allow swearing in our home, period. We charge a quarter per swear word, and we DO collect, no matter who the person is.

He said to Oliver this morning that he (Oliver) was trying to make daddy kill himself. That just makes me so sad and so angry. How could he say things like that to a child? He's only a little boy.

Oh man...no child needs to be told something like that. I would suggest some parenting classes or counseling. Maybe some anger management classes.

Do you think it would be wrong of me to make a list of rules and put them on the refrigerator?

We've always had them in our house....the rules AND the consequences for breaking them.

He has a counseling appointment on June 12th.

That's good news, at least.

 

[Geoff L]

This is child abuse plain and simple. The day is not far when we as a culture will plainly recognise it as such.

I grew up in a household and community where it was common practise. I am still working out all of the baggage that came with it, a life long work in progress! This means trying to be aware of myself, my emotions, the triggers and training myself to reason it out and intervene before I lose control. Rather than to look at my childhood to lay blame and ignorantly perpetuate it I am doing all I can to break the cycle.

I am reminded me of someone's sign off on another board "if evolution works, why so many idiots". Please don't take it personally, I actually apply it to myself all the time!

In my opinion this issue is much bigger than the cursing which is just a symptom of the problem. Your husband needs to become aware of who he is and what he wants from life and then what it is to be a parent. Not only through books but constant communication and support from you about what he wants to give to his kids, what he wants his family, children, home and ultimately his life to be.

Parenthood, what a wonderful journey!

 

[musicmom]

This orginal poster is no longer here to read this post. Just wanted to save you your time. Geoff L