*facepalm*...

[Cop2be]

The title says it all....

So my younger brother is 18, he got expelled from school due to attendance, my mom some how enrolled him in home schoolingand somehow passed him in all his classes and he now gets a home school diploma or something.

He drinks and smokes now, his 16 year old girl friend is an alcoholic and a whore. My mom lets her spend the night and is positive they don't have sex...wait for it...bwhahahahahahahahHahBahahah riiiiiiight.

All his friends have enlisted except him.

Annnnnd he drove the SUV him and my mom share into a ditch in a field while him and friend were off roading and my mom told my grandmother that she was driving and hit a patch of black ice, no doubt that my grandmother will be paying for the damage, I'm stuck with the moral dilemma of telling her the truth or keeping my mouth shut but that's another story for another time.

He also racked up $250 worth of charges in my grandmothers gas card and she is livid.

He doesn't have a job.


The other night my boyfriend was talking to him and telling him he should enlist and my mom got pissy about it.

It would do him some good. He's 18, an adult, and needs to stop his shenanigans.

My boyfriend cares a lot about my brother because he sees a lot of himself at 18 in my brother.

Any advice is helpful...

 

[TabascoNatalie]

No offense, but I think this is none of your boyfriend's business. He is limited to friendly advice only.

his 16 year old
girl friend is an alcoholic and a whore.

now it is a nasty thing to say about another person. You may dislike her, but you can't slag her.

 

[Cop2be]

No offense, but I think this is none of your boyfriend's business. He is limited to friendly advice only.

now it is a nasty thing to say about another person. You may dislike her, but you can't slag her.

My brother talks about how she cheats on him and how many guys she's cheated on him with.

And I don't think he is he is family.

 

[Xero]

Not a whole lot you can do, honestly. You are not his parent, his girlfriend, or himself. He has to figure out how to grow up and be a functional adult on his own, and he also has to realize that his girlfriend is or is not good enough to stick around on his own, that's not really your business or problem who he's dating. Also not your problem if he drinks or smokes, not sure why you care I was pretty sure you were just talking about how you drink and smoke (though I realize he's underage for drinking but honestly I'd like to know how many people out there REALLY waited until they were 21 to drink). If he gets arrested it's on him. If he crashes a car it's on him, or your mom or your grandma if she chooses to be used like that. I also don't see why he needs to enlist? How is that even relevent? If that's not what he wants to do with his life, why would you want him to? Makes zero sense to me at all. As far as the school thing is concerned, good for him that he got any diploma he got. Good enough IMO.

Here's what you can do. You can worry about yourself, and when you see him you can give him suggestions and talk to him about what you think. Otherwise, you can do basically nothing other than annoy him and your mom with the fact that you think he's a piece of crap.

 

[Mom2all]

Yeah.. I agree. There is nothing you can do. You see... young people really don't listen to advice much. As much as older and wiser people want to tell them things.. they turn a deaf ear.

And of course.. you yourself said not long ago that you and your boyfriend could sleep in the same bed and not have sex while you stayed at Grandma's... you can't now say that your brothers not doing the same. Can you?

And your brother saying she's sleeping around doesn't mean its true. You should appreciate that she's 16 and not call her names.

Other than that.. they'll learn.. on there own.

I am curious though.. since your boyfriend gave him such wonderful advice, is he in the military too?

 

[Cop2be]

Yeah.. I agree. There is nothing you can do. You see... young people really don't listen to advice much. As much as older and wiser people want to tell them things.. they turn a deaf ear.

And of course.. you yourself said not long ago that you and your boyfriend could sleep in the same bed and not have sex while you stayed at Grandma's... you can't now say that your brothers not doing the same. Can you?

And your brother saying she's sleeping around doesn't mean its true. You should appreciate that she's 16 and not call her names.

Other than that.. they'll learn.. on there own.

I am curious though.. since your boyfriend gave him such wonderful advice, is he in the military too?

My only issue is her age and the fact that she has so many issues.

If she were his age or the same and was a better person there would be no issue.

 

[Cop2be]

Oh wait and yes I can say that...
He's 18 with a functioning penis.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Isn't 16 the age of consent?

 

[cybele]

I think you need to cut him some slack.

Firstly, you are not his mother, does anyone really like getting lectured by their older sibling and their partner? Does anyone value advice delivered in that method by someone of that relation?

Also look at the advice and opinions you and your boyfriend are giving him and how he will interpret it. I think we can assume that if all his friends are enlisting and he is not, then he really has no desire to do so, would you like it if he came along and attempted to pressure you into a career you had no interest in? Would you take him seriously? Would you value what he is saying?

If you are calling his girlfriend a whore then that would make him respect you even less, would you respect someone who took to name-calling someone you were romantically involved with? Would you accept someone accusing them of being an addict?

Honestly, this is between your mother, your grandmother and him. I agree with you, he is acting immature, however I disagree that it is your place to be the one to correct this, EVEN LESS it is your boyfriend's place, he should butt right out.

his 16 year old girl friend is an alcoholic and a whore

He's 18 with a functioning penis.

I'm going to bring this up too, because if any of my children dared to speak with such misogynistic language then they would damn well be expected to explain themselves.

Can you see your flaw here? The female is a 'whore' for having sex, yet the male is acting upon natural urges? All he needs is a functioning penis? I am sure she has functioning genitalia too, why is she labelled a "whore"? Why is he not a "whore?"

We still have large issues with equality and female rights in this world, it doesn't help when women are the ones using misogynistic language. Please watch how you speak in the future and think about the standards you have applied to both your brother and his girlfriend here. Your brother has a brain, he is more than a penis, and his girlfriend has a heart, she is more than her sex drive.

 

[Mom2all]

Your brother has a brain, he is more than a penis, and his girlfriend has a heart, she is more than her sex drive.

This whole thing could not be said more perfectly. Bravo.

 

[akmom]

I guess I need more clarification about the original post before forming an opinion on your role.

Are you saying your brother is nothing to be proud of, and your mom is enabling that? Then there's not much you can do as a sister.

Or are you actually suggesting that your brother was drinking at the same time he wrecked your grandmother's SUV? Or that your mother is supplying alcohol and/or tobacco to minors? Because in that case, you have a responsibility to report it. Where I live, you have to be 19 to smoke and 21 to drink. So a parent supplying that to an 18-year-old or 16-year-old would be against the law, as well as supplying alcohol to a minor (under 21) who is not their own child. I don't know what the laws are in Colorado, but I'm pretty sure that every state recognizes drunk driving as a crime - if that is indeed what you believe happened.

 

[Xero]

Completely agree Cybele very well said.

And no idea why you care about her age. 2 years is barely an age difference at all. My BIL and SIL are 3 years apart and were together since high school and are married. 16, 18, same thing to me.

 

[singledad]

My wife was 2 years younger then me. We started dating when I was 17 and she was 15. I don't see why that is a problem. It's quite the norm, actually. Girls tend to mature faster than boys at that stage of their lives, so it only makes sense.

I read your OP again, and here's the thing - you don't come across as the caring older sister, who is concerned out her brother's mistakes and the impact they may have on his life. You come across as being impatient, and just a little judgmental. I don't get it -
So he smokes - what does that have to do with you? It's not your lungs. you don't live at home, so you can't be worried about second hand smoke. So what? As you said - he's an adult. He gets to make his own decisions, wise or stupid.

So you don't like his girlfriend. Who cares - you're not dating her - he is.

So he is costing your mom and grandma money - it they are willing to pay it, well, then that is their decision, isn't it? If your mother is lying to your grandma... well. It's between them.

I would also get pissy if an older child's partner told my younger child what he should do with his life. Surely he gets to make his own career decisions?

If your boyfriend cares so much, I suggest he befriends your brother and tries to set an example of how to be a responsibly man or give him advice as a friend - not dictate to him what to do. Even if you were married, he still wouldn't have the authority to tell your brother what to do.

btw - I don't care what that girl does. If you're going to go around calling her an alcoholic, I hope you are convinced she's actually addicted. Because someone who just drinks too much is not necessarily an alcoholic. And calling her a whore is just bad taste, regardless of what she does. Really, it says more about you than it does about her... What do you really know about her? Do you know where she comes from (what kind of home), what she has experienced in life, and what the background is against which she makes the decisions you object to? Cause if you don't, you have NO right to judge her. I'm sure you know that feeling about walking a mile in someone else's shoes...

I also find it funny that you were ranting on here about everyone assuming you were having sex when you shared a bed with your boyfriend, but now you make the same assumption about your brother...

 

[Cop2be]

She already has a DUI....

 

[Cop2be]

Of course we have sex my argument was that we could refrain if we visited my grandmother...

They do have sex, a lot...
And my mom is oblivious.

 

[cybele]

Are you just going to throw things at the wall and see what sticks?

To address your last two points.

1. DUI's are bad, yes. They show that one has royally screwed up and made a very poor decision and people who do drive drunk should be punished. Absolutely. HOWEVER, one DUI is not proof of alcoholism. Alcoholism is a serious addiction, so serious, in fact that some people class it as an illness. If your only proof that she is an alcoholic is that once she royally screwed up and got a DUI, then you are way out of line.

2. Maybe your mother chooses to be oblivious? Maybe she does know, but pretends not to in order to avoid conversation on the topic. In the end, it doesn't matter because they are both of consenting age and are in a relationship, it doesn't matter how much two people enjoy sex as long as both consent to it. End of story. You have no place and absolutely no right to butt into your brother's sex life. It is absolutely NONE of your business. I can't believe several people on here have to point that out to you. I could not imagine having so little respect for a family member that I thought I had a place to dictate what they do with their consenting and of legal age partner.

I'm going to say it again. This is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Back off. As you and your brother get older he will do many, many things you do not like, and you will do many, many things that he does not like. But if you truly care about him you will let him live his own life and not be so disrespectful. He's an adult now, he does not need your approval. He never did because you were never his parent. You're just being a sticky beak.

 

[Cop2be]

Whatever. Excuse the piss out of me and my boyfriend for worrying about my brother and his clear path to nowhere currently, my mom doesn't care and my grandmother has cut him off financially till he gets his crap together.

 

[Father_0f_7]

Good for your grandmother. And I understand you're worried about him, that's great. Going after his girlfriend because you don't like her...not so great.

 

[Xero]

Worried is one thing. Not to be rude but it sounds a little more like you're bitching than actually caring about him. No offense, just telling you how it looks. Like I said, give caring, concerned advice and/or suggestions, nothing wrong with that. It's not your BF's problem at all, he needs to mind his own business unless your brother asks him for advice. I don't know why you judge him so hard, I don't imagine you're perfect. Your family probably has just as much to say about you as you do them. I'm sure they're sitting around talking about how you drink, smoke, dress slutty and are a pot head and I doubt you'd feel like they were "worried" if you heard any of it from them. It's just them being nosy and judgmental, right?

 

[Cop2be]

I do like her but my brother went through her phone the other night while she was passed out drunk again and she was talking to some 26 year old about a threesome...

He's getting in trouble quickly and needs to be pulled away from it all.