*facepalm*...
- Thread starter Cop2be
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I rarely drink, I don't dress slutty, and I'm not a pot head.Xero said:
I am in a serious committed relationship, I work all the time, I pay for my own crap. So I enjoy a drink here and there and occasionally smoke pot after a long ass day at work and I'm home winding down and getting sleepy.
I'm not 16/18, drinking alcohol out of a water bottle, getting so drunk I throw up all over someone else's house and pass out in cars, I'm also not a minor texting grown ass men about a threesome or dating someone who feels it appropriate to cheat on me.
I'm pretty a 16/18 year old getting shitfaceted, not working is completely different from a 23 year old who enjoy a glass of wine after a long ass day at work.
I'm on a good path neither of them are.
I am not saying you do dress slutty, I simply used that as an example because you are CONSTANTLY on here talking about how you dress and how others have problems with it, just the other day I read a post of yours about how younger girls shouldn't be allowed out wearing an outfit that you would wear regularly (if I remember correctly "only leggings and a shirt that barely covers my bum"). I have never seen you in real life. I only have the things you say to go off of, and you have talked about things like smoking, drinking, smoking pot, and dressing skimpy. I'm sure you're not a pot head and you only smoke here and there, but that is my POINT. 1. Your brother probably has the same type of explanation for all the things he does that you talk about behind his back and 2. Anything you do can be judged and misconstrued by anyone that knows about it in any way they please. You might not think you drink a lot or are a pot head, but other people might think you do/are. But it's not their business if it isn't hurting them any, is it? And you didn't work hard and pay for your own shit when you were 18, you were on here complaining about living with your mom (possibly you were older idk), so that comparison doesn't apply. I guess if that's the case then give him until he turns 21 or whatever age it took you to start growing up.Cop2be said:
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First - that is no way to talk to people you are expecting to HELP YOU... Not OK. If my daughter talked to me like that at any age, 6, 16, 26, or for that matter, 36 - we'd have a serious talk about respect.Cop2be said:
Now.
You come on here, tell us about everything your brother does wrong. You call his girlfriend names and accuse her of being a horrible person. You tell how you boyfriend told him what to do with his life, and claim to be surprised that it wasn't received well. You do all of that in an angry and judgemental tone.
And then you are surprised that we don't give you credit for worrying about your brother?
Have you ever actually talked to him? Do you know what he wants from life? Do you know what he sees in this girl? Do you know anything at all about her, other than the bad behaviour you've described here? Have you bothered to get to know her at all, or are you just judging her on the few times you've seen her do stupid things?
No one is going to give you advice on how to change your brother/mother/whoever, because you can't. If you want to help your brother, then be a good example. Show him how to be an adult. Let your boyfriend be an example of how to be a man. Ask him about this girl, what he sees in her, and why he believes it's ok for her to cheat on him.
You've spend the last few years on here sporadically complaining about how your mother tries to control you and dictate to you what you should do with your life. You've complained about being judged for your clothes and appearance, for have a few drinks, for smoking pot. You didn't get a job until you were 20 or so, and spent many threads on here justifying why you couldn't get a job and complaining that no one understood how difficult it is. And now you are doing exactly that to your brother.
You said it yourself - he's 18, he's an adult. So let him make his own mistakes.
I also don't get how you blame your mother for supporting him and then a few posts later blame your grandmother for not supporting him
I'm sorry, but whoop-de-do. Unless you know for sure that she ended up having the threesome, it is all just talk....Cop2be said:
He's 18, even your mother can't tell him who he can and can't date anymore. And I can tell you one thing for certain, the harder you try to pull him away from it, the quicker your going to push him towards it.
As for this girl, I just want to say one thing. She's either just a sh!t of a kid, or she's a kid that's had a sh!t of a childhood. Find out which one it is before you judge her.
Let me sum this all up:
My brother got expelled from school.
My brother took up smoking.
Started dating the current girl and started drinking.
She frequently gets drunk and hits my brother and throws up all over my moms house.
He won't get a job.
He ran up a $250 bill on my grandmothers shell gas card.
He's going to get in trouble, someone needs to help pull him towards a more positive direction.
My mom is just sitting back and letting it happen, her house is a free for all, kids drink, smoke, and him and his girlfriend have sex and she tells me it doesn't happen.
She just lets whatever go on.
There are 16 years olds allowed to smoke and drink over there and she doesn't supply but allows them to do that shit over there.
My brother got expelled from school.
My brother took up smoking.
Started dating the current girl and started drinking.
She frequently gets drunk and hits my brother and throws up all over my moms house.
He won't get a job.
He ran up a $250 bill on my grandmothers shell gas card.
He's going to get in trouble, someone needs to help pull him towards a more positive direction.
My mom is just sitting back and letting it happen, her house is a free for all, kids drink, smoke, and him and his girlfriend have sex and she tells me it doesn't happen.
She just lets whatever go on.
There are 16 years olds allowed to smoke and drink over there and she doesn't supply but allows them to do that shit over there.
C2b I think most of us probably "don't agree" with the things your brother, his girlfriend, and your mom are doing or allowing etc. Maybe not the way we would do things, or hope to one day see our kids doing. What we are telling you is that he will most likely have to learn on his own and that there really isn't anything you can directly do other than what we've already said.
I sense sibling rivalry here. Brother gets away with stuff you were not allowed. Therefore all the rage.
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I was allowed to drink etc. I just wasn't allowed to have guys spend the night.TabascoNatalie said:
But I also would have been in a lot of trouble if I had ever taken my moms car off roading in a field and crashed it like my brother did a week ago.
I never behaved the way my brother did.
I don't give a crap about him being allowed to do some stuff I couldn't do at home. I do care that he's headed no where fast and let's not talk about the legal trouble he could be in if he got pulled over and his girlfriend is drinking pepperment schnapps out of a water bottle.
He's going to ruin his future.
If a parent came on here saying this same stuff you'd be on their side.
My mom can't keep her house in order and the person living in it under control, she's not going to I anywhere for help.
My mom can't keep her house in order and the person living in it under control, she's not going to I anywhere for help.
Oh just stop it.
My god I suck at butting out of things.
If a parent came on here and said "My adult sibling has a girlfriend I don't like and crashed my mother's car and doesn't have a job and doesn't want to enlist and I don't like the way my mother has chosen to handle issues in her own household" then yes, I would assume they would get the same response.
HOWEVER, if a parent came into the forum and said "My son has a girlfiiend who stays over whom I don't like and do not want there and he damaged my car, what would you do in this situation" then yes, it would be different, because that changes the situation entirely.
You are only reading what you want out of the responses. No one here has said that they think what your brother is doing is fine and dandy, in fact several people CONSTANTLY have said that it's a bad situation, but the point still remains that it is your mother's house, NOT YOURS and if she has no issue with the girlfriend staying over and if she wants to deal with the car stuff the way she has chosen, and if she wants to deal with the unemployment issue the way she has chosen (and really, if it is true that you were in the same position employment wise at that age, then you are in no place to judge him) then you need to butt out.
No where have you suggested that she wants help with this or wants this to change, we can only go off what YOU SAY TO US, and really, all you are saying to us is "I don't like what my adult brother does in the home he lives in and that my mother who he lives with is okay with it" and that is why people are telling you it is none of your business. NOT because of your parental status.
My god I suck at butting out of things.
If a parent came on here and said "My adult sibling has a girlfriend I don't like and crashed my mother's car and doesn't have a job and doesn't want to enlist and I don't like the way my mother has chosen to handle issues in her own household" then yes, I would assume they would get the same response.
HOWEVER, if a parent came into the forum and said "My son has a girlfiiend who stays over whom I don't like and do not want there and he damaged my car, what would you do in this situation" then yes, it would be different, because that changes the situation entirely.
You are only reading what you want out of the responses. No one here has said that they think what your brother is doing is fine and dandy, in fact several people CONSTANTLY have said that it's a bad situation, but the point still remains that it is your mother's house, NOT YOURS and if she has no issue with the girlfriend staying over and if she wants to deal with the car stuff the way she has chosen, and if she wants to deal with the unemployment issue the way she has chosen (and really, if it is true that you were in the same position employment wise at that age, then you are in no place to judge him) then you need to butt out.
No where have you suggested that she wants help with this or wants this to change, we can only go off what YOU SAY TO US, and really, all you are saying to us is "I don't like what my adult brother does in the home he lives in and that my mother who he lives with is okay with it" and that is why people are telling you it is none of your business. NOT because of your parental status.
My brother is a good kid and I think my Mom is spying on him. She needs to trust him.
My mother confided in me that she's worried because my brothers friends are influencing him into sex and drinking and wants him to get other friends. She needs to realize he's smarter than that and let him be friends with the friends he's had since his was young.
My brother wants to kill himself. Mom got him to the doctor and got him help. He has rages and she's worried to death.
Mom lets my brother rage and doesn't do anything.
My Mom allows my brother to choose his own girlfriend at 18 and doesn't like my boyfriend trying to change his life by telling him to join the military.
This is your complaints that I remember about your brother over the last couple of years. I'm sure there is more.
YOU have no idea how to raise a child. I don't think what your Mom is doing is right as you've stated it. However.. next week you'll post on how she's too hard on him. Its obvious to me, she will never do anything right and always always always.. the problems you and your brother have will be directly associated with what she did wrong. She'll never win.
I would suggest you start at the beginning of your posts on here. Really read them. Really try and see what we've been hearing from day one. She's a monster who does too much.. or not enough dependent on how the winds blows.
Its hard to listen to with concern anymore because next week.. she'll be to controlling of him. I'm really not trying to me mean.. but you need to get your own life and stop dwelling on the past.. and on what's happening in your Mom's world. Get on with it.. and stop kicking a dead horse.
My mother confided in me that she's worried because my brothers friends are influencing him into sex and drinking and wants him to get other friends. She needs to realize he's smarter than that and let him be friends with the friends he's had since his was young.
My brother wants to kill himself. Mom got him to the doctor and got him help. He has rages and she's worried to death.
Mom lets my brother rage and doesn't do anything.
My Mom allows my brother to choose his own girlfriend at 18 and doesn't like my boyfriend trying to change his life by telling him to join the military.
This is your complaints that I remember about your brother over the last couple of years. I'm sure there is more.
YOU have no idea how to raise a child. I don't think what your Mom is doing is right as you've stated it. However.. next week you'll post on how she's too hard on him. Its obvious to me, she will never do anything right and always always always.. the problems you and your brother have will be directly associated with what she did wrong. She'll never win.
I would suggest you start at the beginning of your posts on here. Really read them. Really try and see what we've been hearing from day one. She's a monster who does too much.. or not enough dependent on how the winds blows.
Its hard to listen to with concern anymore because next week.. she'll be to controlling of him. I'm really not trying to me mean.. but you need to get your own life and stop dwelling on the past.. and on what's happening in your Mom's world. Get on with it.. and stop kicking a dead horse.
I've thought for a long time that I need to get my brother out of there or he's going to end up just like my mom. A lazy leech and drain on society.
I now more than ever know he needs to get out of that house or hell never get anywhere.
I want to move him with me and straighten his ass out a bit. I could raise my brother right now better than my mom could, crap like that would not fly at our house.
It would not be a party house for his friends.
If he wanted to drink fine but none of his friends.
If anyone was under 18 they wouldn't be allowed to smoke at my house.
He could have a girlfriend spend the night as long as she was a decent, drama free person who treated the house with respect and was at least 18-20 years old. I wouldn't be allowing him to set himself up for statutory rape, age of consent in Colorado is 17.
He wouldn't be crashing cars, his ass would get a job and pay for his own crap and he'd be taking some classes.
My mom is doing nothing to prepare him for the real world and DB doesn't want to see Matt end up like his did when he was that age, he says my brother and him were both the same at that age.
I found him a for sure full time job, with benefits and that would work around his college class, he has no reason to not take it.
I now more than ever know he needs to get out of that house or hell never get anywhere.
I want to move him with me and straighten his ass out a bit. I could raise my brother right now better than my mom could, crap like that would not fly at our house.
It would not be a party house for his friends.
If he wanted to drink fine but none of his friends.
If anyone was under 18 they wouldn't be allowed to smoke at my house.
He could have a girlfriend spend the night as long as she was a decent, drama free person who treated the house with respect and was at least 18-20 years old. I wouldn't be allowing him to set himself up for statutory rape, age of consent in Colorado is 17.
He wouldn't be crashing cars, his ass would get a job and pay for his own crap and he'd be taking some classes.
My mom is doing nothing to prepare him for the real world and DB doesn't want to see Matt end up like his did when he was that age, he says my brother and him were both the same at that age.
I found him a for sure full time job, with benefits and that would work around his college class, he has no reason to not take it.
You do realise that you are talking about an adult here, not a child, right?
Why would he choose to live in a house where he has very little say in anything over a house where he can do what he likes? In the end, if he likes neither, he can go and get his own house, then he can really do whatever he pleases.
We all believe that we can do things better than other people, no one intentionally goes out and does things in a way that they don't think is the best way, that wouldn't make any sense, but here we go again.
You are his sister, not his mother.
He is an adult.
You are acting very idealistic here, he is not a toy, robot or pet, he is an adult human being, he won't just do what you want him to do simply because you think it is right.
You're complaining about your mother not setting him up for the "real world" yet you think you are well adjusted enough to do so? Didn't your mother raise you too? So she did prepare you but not him? She didn't prepare you and you magically stumbled into "the real world" all by yourself? Aren't you the same girl who always complains about people judging the way she dresses, even if it is inappropriate for the situation? Aren't you the same girl who made a whole thread about how she decided to change her career goals because she met a police officer who wasn't nice when YOU were the one doing the wrong thing? Aren't you the same person who told her brother that he didn't have to follow school rules because his phone was expensive? You really think you are nothing but a positive influence on him?
Meanwhile, he is already living in "the real world" just because you would choose to do things differently, doesn't make his world "unreal", he is just living it in a different manner.
Why would he choose to live in a house where he has very little say in anything over a house where he can do what he likes? In the end, if he likes neither, he can go and get his own house, then he can really do whatever he pleases.
We all believe that we can do things better than other people, no one intentionally goes out and does things in a way that they don't think is the best way, that wouldn't make any sense, but here we go again.
You are his sister, not his mother.
He is an adult.
You are acting very idealistic here, he is not a toy, robot or pet, he is an adult human being, he won't just do what you want him to do simply because you think it is right.
You're complaining about your mother not setting him up for the "real world" yet you think you are well adjusted enough to do so? Didn't your mother raise you too? So she did prepare you but not him? She didn't prepare you and you magically stumbled into "the real world" all by yourself? Aren't you the same girl who always complains about people judging the way she dresses, even if it is inappropriate for the situation? Aren't you the same girl who made a whole thread about how she decided to change her career goals because she met a police officer who wasn't nice when YOU were the one doing the wrong thing? Aren't you the same person who told her brother that he didn't have to follow school rules because his phone was expensive? You really think you are nothing but a positive influence on him?
Meanwhile, he is already living in "the real world" just because you would choose to do things differently, doesn't make his world "unreal", he is just living it in a different manner.
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Lol yeah cause he would so love to come stay at your house so you can control his life and make all his decisions, instead of staying at his moms house where he can do whatever. Good luck with that haha. This isn't a custody case he's 18. And sorry but even if he was a child, you are way way too immature to raise one.
And oh my wow, your brother is doing nothing illegal by dating and sleeping with that girl. There is age of consent and then there is age differences that make it fine. They are ONLY TWO YEARS APART it is 100% perfectly legal and fine.
"A close in age exception to Colorado's age of consent law allows those aged 15 and 16 to engage in acts with those less than ten years older and those less than 15 to engage in acts with those less than four years older."
http://www.age-of-consent.info/states/Colorado
And oh my wow, your brother is doing nothing illegal by dating and sleeping with that girl. There is age of consent and then there is age differences that make it fine. They are ONLY TWO YEARS APART it is 100% perfectly legal and fine.
"A close in age exception to Colorado's age of consent law allows those aged 15 and 16 to engage in acts with those less than ten years older and those less than 15 to engage in acts with those less than four years older."
http://www.age-of-consent.info/states/Colorado
Are you serious???? YOU REALLY SHOULD GO FIND YOUR OLD POSTS!!!! Please.
Not that long ago.. and you were older than your brother.. YOU were complaining about your mother wanting you to work.. and it was just oh so terribly hard. You complained she got rid of your cats you left locked in a bathroom daily.. and didn't ever realize were missing for days. YOU were going to be a cop come hell or high water.. (that was before the the pot.. but during the under aged drinking) until your boyfriend got a DUI and all cops are evil now.
You can't raise your brother. He's 18... and you still having growing up to do yourself.
I swear to you.. I for the life of me don't understand why you keep going to your Mom's since you hate her so bad. For that matter.. your brother.. and Grandma to. Is there anyone doing anything right besides you? :arghh:
And really.. talking to you like this makes me no better than you I guess. I came to a parenting forum to talk to other parents about children... and I end up spending my time reading the rantings of one and trying to fix her. Not my place ether. I'm going to try my hardest to leave this conversation. :wacko:
Not that long ago.. and you were older than your brother.. YOU were complaining about your mother wanting you to work.. and it was just oh so terribly hard. You complained she got rid of your cats you left locked in a bathroom daily.. and didn't ever realize were missing for days. YOU were going to be a cop come hell or high water.. (that was before the the pot.. but during the under aged drinking) until your boyfriend got a DUI and all cops are evil now.
You can't raise your brother. He's 18... and you still having growing up to do yourself.
I swear to you.. I for the life of me don't understand why you keep going to your Mom's since you hate her so bad. For that matter.. your brother.. and Grandma to. Is there anyone doing anything right besides you? :arghh:
And really.. talking to you like this makes me no better than you I guess. I came to a parenting forum to talk to other parents about children... and I end up spending my time reading the rantings of one and trying to fix her. Not my place ether. I'm going to try my hardest to leave this conversation. :wacko: