Gay parents...

[Antoinette]

Yeah, there's no point in burting the bubble for benign old people....This also reminds me of my grandmother's story about her uncle Albert, who was a "bachelor for life" (I think that's what they called it back then ). She'd say, "He had the most peculiar way of walking" (and she'd pantomime this lilting "one foot in front of the other" walk with her hands....) "I think he got that from the Indians." "He'd disappear, sometimes for a month and go live with the indians..."

I'd so much like to have heard that story from Uncle Albert's perspective....

hahahahaha, i think that story could have had a whole new life if told from Uncle Albert's perspective LOL Im sure the indians were great and he made some real close friends LOL

 

[Gunny]

This is a topic I feel very strongly about. I'll probably catch flak but here goes.

I am strongly against gay adoption. I have no problem with gay people at all (although I am against gay marraige) but do not feel that is an enviroment that is healthy to raising children.

To grow up to be well-balanced adults, children need role models of both sexes. Boys without fathers under-achieve.

Studies I've read see children raised by gay parents only see a single partnership and are more likely to be gay themselves.

Dr. Cameron, Chairman of the Family Research Institute, a Colorado Springs think-tank, noted that the review documented that gays' children were also:

1) more apt to report sexual confusion;

2) more apt to be socially disturbed;

3) more apt to abuse substances;

4) less apt to get married;

5) more apt to have difficulty in attachment and loving relationships;

6) more apt to have emotional difficulties.

Then there's the touchy subject of molestation. According to the same study, 23% of its members admit to sex with boys or had 19% say they felt 'positive' about sex with them.

In my humble opinion gays raising kids is just wrong. I understand it's not the PC stance but then again I've never been the PC sort.

 

[AmyBelle]

This topic is over 30 days old, so if you want to debate it, you should start a new topic.

That said, because as a general rule I cant help myself, especially on this topic, im going to be a fellow rule breaker

Dr. Cameron, Chairman of the Family Research Institute, a Colorado Springs think-tank, noted that the review documented that gays' children were also:

1) more apt to report sexual confusion;

2) more apt to be socially disturbed;

3) more apt to abuse substances;

4) less apt to get married;

5) more apt to have difficulty in attachment and loving relationships;

6) more apt to have emotional difficulties.

I was raised my entire life by two dads. I am heterosexual, im pretty sure im not 'socially disturbed' have never abused substances, unless you count coffee as a substance, am married to a male, love him deeply aswell as loving my family deeply and I dont have any 'emotional difficulties'

Infact, the only problems I have EVER encountered is the naivity and predjudice of other people, and that has nothing to do with my dads.

 

[Gunny]

I was raised my entire life by two dads. I am heterosexual, im pretty sure im not 'socially disturbed' have never abused substances, unless you count coffee as a substance, am married to a male, love him deeply aswell as loving my family deeply and I dont have any 'emotional difficulties'

There are always exceptions. There are no absolutes.

And had no idea you weren't allowed to respond to threads over 30 days old. Never read the rules.

 

[singledad]

This is a topic I feel very strongly about. I'll probably catch flak but here goes.

I am strongly against gay adoption. I have no problem with gay people at all (although I am against gay marraige) but do not feel that is an enviroment that is healthy to raising children.

To grow up to be well-balanced adults, children need role models of both sexes. Boys without fathers under-achieve.

I'm sorry, but I strongly disagree with this.

Firstly - yes, I agree about the need for role models of both sexes. Bringing up a child with two dads or two moms isn't ideal, but then, neither is divorced parents, or families where one of the partners are absent for whatever reason. For that matter, me bringing up my daughter alone isn't what I wanted either, but unfortunately life is rarely ideal. Should I be giving my daughter up for adoption so that she can have both a mom and a dad?

The point you are missing is that for many adopted and foster children, the only other alternatives are either being left in an extremely disfunctional environment, or being brought up in a children's home. Yes, they could also be adopted by nice, sterio-typical families, but the fact is there aren't enough of those around, and also - if a family consists of a mom and a dad, that does not necessarily make it a stable, happy family.

My brother and I were removed from my father's care when we were 13. We spent just under a month in a children's home and trust me, it wasn't fun. After that we were placed with the classic mom and dad and daughter family, where we were horendously abused.

Jordy's daughters have been through hell in their short little lives, but now they are in a happy, stable home, where they are loved and cared for. Jordy and his partner seem to have many female friends, so they will probably have more femaly role-models than my daughter. They will not grow up in isolation. To say they only see a single-sex partnership is just stupid - they will have friends and an extended family consisting of mostly heterosexual people. Statistically most of their friends will have heterosexual moms and dads in various stages of marraige and divorce.

If I could go back and choose to rather be adopted by a stable, loving gay couple, I would do so without thinking twice. Its a hell of a lot better than the alternatives.

 

[Jeremy+3]

I would like to read that study Gunny, could you send me a link or the full name of the study, including where it was published.

 

[Jordy]

this is extremely close minded.....

to suggest being gay increases the likely hood of us molestation to children is stupid.. i find that repulsive that you even mention it, children are innocent and i don't understand how ANYONE could even look at them in any kind of sexual way.

to clump a group of people together based on something like sexual orientation is disrespectful, offensive and uneducated. do you know any gay people?? i could do the same thing about black people or religious people and i bet if i wanted to i could find a study to back me up.. i could also find a study to back up why gay people make good parents...

What makes you think gay parents make a child gay? to be gay or not gay is in your genes it is not something you choose or is influenced by your parent's or friends... i attempted suicide as a teenager. if i had "chosen" to be gay do you think that would have happened?

my girls mother was a severe drug addict and when they were born they both had to be weened off heroine addiction because to just stop getting it would have killed them. it was a painful and traumatic thing for babies to have to go through. they were then abused physically, mentally and sexually until they were taken from there parents and put into foster care where they were physically and verbally abused they went through 5 families in 6 months... but no, your right i should have let this keep happening. I'm gay so clearly i am not capable of providing a loving and caring home for these girls.. obviously being gay means i want to abuse them right?? the fact that we own our home outright and truly wanted these girls and tried so hard to get them and can be there for them and love them and give them everything they want and need... your right though should not be allowed.

 

[Hartz75]

Wow, so many opinions, this is a good topic and one I have discussed many times over with friends. I have a big amount of friends that are surrogates and they have done surrogacies for gay's and lesbians in Canada and in Italy. All of the ones I have met are absolutly wonderful people, the children have male and female roll models.

I don't think there is any one sterio type for abuse, wether it is gays, lesbians, colors, whites. All races, all genders, and all religions have our bad apples.

I think what children need is to be raised in a loving caring family, who cares how that family is made up of. Too many children are in homes or unloves because of the harsh restrictions. Children will be teased no matter what, children will find excuses to tease others, with the right love they will overcome it and be stronger, for it, I did.

My old day care provider was also a foster home, she was called one night to take a little colored girl in who was addicted to cocaine, they nursed her and cared for her and helped ween her of the addiction over almost 2 years (the familyis white) the little girl knew nothing but this family as she was too young to remember her biological family. She was deemed a ward of the Province and the Province decided to adopt her out. My care provider tryied forever to adopt her but the Province told her she could not adopt a different color. So the Province ended up moving her from home to home for the next 2 years until she was adopted by a family of the same race. When that little girls was first taken out of the only home she new she was tramatized, and 10 years later, my care provider is still heart broken. How was this better for this child??

IMO to much emphasis is placed on race, religion and sexual orientation and the important things are forgotten, Love, nurturing, caring and the joy of having children.

 

[Jeremy+3]

I asked Gunny to supply me with his evidence, he did, which led me to a small piece of journalism, however there were three sources.

The first source I was unable to find, I used scholar, web of science and voyager. The second is a study commonly used in the UK as an example of an improper report, the third is not a report, it is a piece of journalism which is unable to provide any information as to where any figures came from. Basically, it was about as reliable as a gossip magazine, it was also from a biased source, I had a look around and found multiple 'scientific' articles with similar flaws.

There is also an article stating that if gay people are allowed to donate blood everyone will die of aids because donated blood isn't tested. I would like the author to try to explain why the largest group with HIV in the USA are black people, who are allowed to donate blood, yet we haven't all died!

I will provide you with some peer reviewed articles which are far more reliable, you can simply copy and paste into google scholar.

CJ Patterson - Child Development, 1992
B Fitzgerald - Marriage & Family Review, 1999

If anyone has subscriptions to any science bodies you will be able to find far more studies, for those who aren't it can be quite difficult to find studies which are free to read, which is why at the moment I have only left two studies, which are properly peer reviewed.

 

[Jordy]

exactly... this world is far too bias and close minded... i know i am not a perfect parent but i do not blame by sexual orientation for this... and i also know i am not the worst parent, all parent's have things they have to struggle with and people talk of how progressive the world is and yet we still don't have equality for all of man kind?? I'm human too, a fellow homosapien so why do i have less rights than a straight white male??

we have fought for equal right's for woman and won... now if i told you that woman shouldn't be allowed to vote there would be an uprising and i would be publicly ridiculed for sexism..

we have fought for equal rights for blacks, we have won but still have a long way to go before we reach the level of acceptance we should have... but if i suggested we return to a world of segregation and slavery i would get the same result...

but to suggest you should not be able to show love through marriage or give needy children a stable loving home just because the person i have fallen in love with is a man is not right. i have the ability to create children.. I'm sure there would be a woman i could impregnate and have a child that way but then the child would have a biological mother with the capacity to be in her life and my girls would probably still be being thrown around the system from one home to another being abused and unsatisfactorily cared for... i feel i have done the right thing and yet i am still not getting the support of the public...

 

[Xero]

The ONLY thing that makes me somewhat uneasy about kids being raised by gay couples is the potential for teasing or torment at school or by peers. I would of course hope that everyone these kids every meet can understand the way they should, but obviously that's probably not going to happen. There will always be someone with something nasty to say, there will always be somebody that hates it. Its sad, but the children of gay couples will almost definitely be criticized or picked on at some point in their lives. And that's my ONLY concern. I don't like to think about kids being picked on or have a difficult social life due to their family situation, or at all really. But its not so bad as long as you raise them to know what to say, and how to cope with it. It could be worse.

The only person I ever knew that was raised by a gay couple was like the exact description of gunny's post. Socially challenged, emotionally messed up, anger issues, problems in school, substance abuser, and bisexual. lol! I know that's not so funny, in the mood of this thread. But I have something to add. I know 10 times as many people exactly like that who were raised by a mom and a dad.

Firstly - yes, I agree about the need for role models of both sexes. Bringing up a child with two dads or two moms isn't ideal, but then, neither is divorced parents, or families where one of the partners are absent for whatever reason. For that matter, me bringing up my daughter alone isn't what I wanted either, but unfortunately life is rarely ideal. Should I be giving my daughter up for adoption so that she can have both a mom and a dad?

The point you are missing is that for many adopted and foster children, the only other alternatives are either being left in an extremely disfunctional environment, or being brought up in a children's home. Yes, they could also be adopted by nice, sterio-typical families, but the fact is there aren't enough of those around, and also - if a family consists of a mom and a dad, that does not necessarily make it a stable, happy family.

This is what I agree with. Ideally, there would be a mom and a dad, married and happy and functional and full of money, to adopt all the little kids in the world that need a good family to love them. But the world isn't perfect, and I think if the worst thing about your life is that you have two dads that love the heck out of you, then you don't have it so bad.

 

[singledad]

I'm sure there would be a woman i could impregnate and have a child that way but then the child would have a biological mother with the capacity to be in her life and my girls would probably still be being thrown around the system from one home to another being abused and unsatisfactorily cared for... i feel i have done the right thing and yet i am still not getting the support of the public...

For what its worth (and unfortunately I know that isn't much) you have my support. I am really, truly happy for those two girls who were lucky enough to get adopted into a loving, safe home. I am sure that when they are older able to understand what happened, they would also be grateful.

You did do the right thing, and I wish more people would think like you.

 

[Jordy]

haha thank you..

but my generation isn't the important generation.. already stuck in our ways, we need to teach respect and acceptance to the children so they learn not to judge based on Faith,Colour or sexual orientation.. (or anything else for that matter)

 

[Hartz75]

haha thank you..

but my generation isn't the important generation.. already stuck in our ways, we need to teach respect and acceptance to the children so they learn not to judge based on Faith,Colour or sexual orientation.. (or anything else for that matter)

I agree with you whole heartedly!!

children will get teased in school for the sexual orientation of there parents but if they were adopted by "straight" parents they would probably get teased for being adopted. Kids can be cruel and they will find any reason at all to tease. We need to teach our kids to NOT tease that it is NOT right at all in any circumstances.

 

[Dadu2004]

So, everyone is lighting up Gunny here on this topic. I don't agree with absolutely everything he said, but the overwhelming thing that I do agree with is that children are better raised in a home with a mom and a dad. For me, it really boils down to a moral issue.

I don't believe that children will be more prone to sexual abuse, becoming gay themselves, growing a 2nd head, or turning bright green by having gay parents. However, I do believe that they will be better served growing up in a home with a "normal" family structure....obviously in this day and age of divorce and such, "normal" is becoming blurred.

So, to the gay parents that are on this board, I will never light you up for what you are doing by trying to raise your kids....you're doing exactly what I'm doing, which is trying your best every day to raise your children in the best possible manner. I respect you and treat you no differently than any other parent on this board...I just personally don't agree with the situation.

 

[Hartz75]

In a perfect world we would not have gays, lesbians, divorce, rape, abuse and other things. If we could have a perfect world I would love it, but we don't.

I don't think they are "great" because they are gay and adopted some children. I think anyone who can adopt a child or have a child and give them unconditional love and support is great. I think everyone on this board falls under this catagory for me. We all want the best for our children and that is what makes us all great, the love for the child.

 

[IADad]

In a perfect world we would not have gays, lesbians, divorce, rape, abuse and other things. If we could have a perfect world I would love it, but we don't.

um, I don't think this was meant to be hurtful, but I can certainly see how I I (by virtue of my sexual orientation) were included in a list of socially unacceptable things I might take offense at it. Try replacing some words and see if you get what I mean...

"In a perfect world we would not have Americans, Canadians, Women, rape, abuse and other things..."

I'm hoping Harts meant that in a perfect world we wouldn't have controversial topics to deal with, maybe?

 

[Xero]

In a perfect world we would not have gays, lesbians...

-facepalm-

 

[AmyBelle]

Oh lord...

 

[Jordy]

hmmm... i have no comment