I think we agree actually.EHB said:I'm not disagreeing with you Brent, only to say that things are a little different when your children have to meet goals in order to succeed in school. Your approach, while admirable, may be a tad idealistic. I say this even as a parent who celebrates an "unbirthday" that corresponds with each child's birthday as it occurs in the month as a time of one-on-one time with them, yes even the adult children. There is no question having this time is valuable to a child. There is also no greater frustration for a parent than when a capable and functioning child is not meeting his/her school assignment goals.
I still don't see what is manipulative about saying "I have this additional time I would love to spend with you, it's up to you how we spend it, though." I see it as empowering the child to make good choices. I would agree with you IF this was the child's ONLY option for Dad time. (I did not get that impression from the poster, but I stand to be corrected if I am wrong. He sounds involved and concerned to me.) I'm suggesting the adding of ADDITIONAL Dad time here.
If I were wearing my Devils Advocate hat I'd raise an eyebrow at the suggestion that idealistic things are sometimes not admirable, but I think I know what you mean. I'd also try to think up something that's more frustrating than a case of grades slipping - 13 yr old pregnancy comes to mind - but I see your point.
I guess I have the luxury of idealism because my kids are still so young, but I'm wary of the hangup about grades at school having anything to do with future success in life. It seems to me that good grades ought to be the minimum operating side-effect of healthy self-esteem and an active life rather than the other way around.
Anyway, we agree.