james' mom filed for custody...
- Thread starter superman
- Start date
Do you have an attorney? You should be able to get some decent visitation. Any chance that you two are able to work together to come up with a decent joint-parenting schedule?
I know it's tough bud...been there and done that. Hang in there.
I know it's tough bud...been there and done that. Hang in there.
Has she filed for sole custody, joint or shared custody? I'm surprised this hasn't been sorted before, it is best to do it so any disagreements in the future are less likely to effect James.
Which ever it is if you are still drinking and using drugs you need to stop both immediately, as your ex knows that you have done these things it is likely that you will be required to take both an alcohol and drugs tests at different periods, otherwise they can't trust that you will be in a fit state to be the sole adult around James. You may also be required to attend AA or NA for a certain amount of time.
Have a look at the alcohol laws where you live as well, here it is an offense to be in charge of a child under 7 while under the influence of alcohol (don't have to be drunk), so if you have something similar make sure you are aware, as ignorance is not a plea.
Are you paying monthly maintenance and can you prove this? Is James' bedroom at your house suitable/is your house child proof, if not sort that out now, that will also benefit Brandon if your home isn't already child proof.
These are the main factors in Canadian custody
When deciding on the best interests of the child, the judge will take into account a number of factors:
-Care arrangements before the separation. (Who looked after the child most of the time? Who took the child to the doctor and dentist? Who arranged extracurricular activities? Who dealt with the child's school and teachers?)
-The parent-child relationship and bonding.
-Parenting abilities.
-The parents' mental, physical and emotional health.
-The parents' and the child's schedules.
-Support systems (for example, help and involvement from grandparents and other close relatives).
-Sibling issues. Generally, brothers and sisters should remain together, but under some circumstances it may be necessary to consider separating them.
-The child's wishes. (There is no magic age at which a child has the right to decide where he or she is going to live. The court gives more weight to the child's wishes as the child matures. An older teenager's wishes will often be decisive.)
Which ever it is if you are still drinking and using drugs you need to stop both immediately, as your ex knows that you have done these things it is likely that you will be required to take both an alcohol and drugs tests at different periods, otherwise they can't trust that you will be in a fit state to be the sole adult around James. You may also be required to attend AA or NA for a certain amount of time.
Have a look at the alcohol laws where you live as well, here it is an offense to be in charge of a child under 7 while under the influence of alcohol (don't have to be drunk), so if you have something similar make sure you are aware, as ignorance is not a plea.
Are you paying monthly maintenance and can you prove this? Is James' bedroom at your house suitable/is your house child proof, if not sort that out now, that will also benefit Brandon if your home isn't already child proof.
These are the main factors in Canadian custody
When deciding on the best interests of the child, the judge will take into account a number of factors:
-Care arrangements before the separation. (Who looked after the child most of the time? Who took the child to the doctor and dentist? Who arranged extracurricular activities? Who dealt with the child's school and teachers?)
-The parent-child relationship and bonding.
-Parenting abilities.
-The parents' mental, physical and emotional health.
-The parents' and the child's schedules.
-Support systems (for example, help and involvement from grandparents and other close relatives).
-Sibling issues. Generally, brothers and sisters should remain together, but under some circumstances it may be necessary to consider separating them.
-The child's wishes. (There is no magic age at which a child has the right to decide where he or she is going to live. The court gives more weight to the child's wishes as the child matures. An older teenager's wishes will often be decisive.)
doesn't have to be the end. as the others have said, know your rights and take care of your behavior (for lack of a better word, not meant judgemental, just saying take care of business, what's important to you) and you can be sure you get some custody.
Take care. I'm pulling for you.
Take care. I'm pulling for you.
I'm sorry hun, I know this has to be hard. 
I agree with what everyone else has said. Did she apply for full custody? Hopefully you should be able to get at least visitation rights, just get all your ducks in a row, stay clean and do the best you can to look like you deserve it (not saying you don't, just saying you have to prove it), know what I mean? Hang in there, don't let her take him away from you all together. Its not fair to either of you. We're here for you, keep us updated.
I agree with what everyone else has said. Did she apply for full custody? Hopefully you should be able to get at least visitation rights, just get all your ducks in a row, stay clean and do the best you can to look like you deserve it (not saying you don't, just saying you have to prove it), know what I mean? Hang in there, don't let her take him away from you all together. Its not fair to either of you. We're here for you, keep us updated.oh superman, i feel for you like everyone said, just try and stay clean and cover your ass. maybe look into seeing a lwayer. in my town we have an office people can go to who are going thru custody issues where they give u some free legal advice (legal aide center is what its called) its usually in the courthouse. I hope she didnt file for sole custody, thats not fair to you or james. everyone makes mistakes in life, and from what ive read, your life has been rough, but ur son doesnt deserve to lose his father. thinking of you <3
like everyone said, just try and stay clean and cover your ass. maybe look into seeing a lwayer. in my town we have an office people can go to who are going thru custody issues where they give u some free legal advice (legal aide center is what its called) its usually in the courthouse. I hope she didnt file for sole custody, thats not fair to you or james. everyone makes mistakes in life, and from what ive read, your life has been rough, but ur son doesnt deserve to lose his father. thinking of you <3shes going for full custody. Im looking for a lawyer atm.
thanks for the advice everyone.
but lets be real the woman always gets custody and the dad is limited to once every other weekend.
i dont even wanna talk about what would go down if that happened.
thanks for the advice everyone.
but lets be real the woman always gets custody and the dad is limited to once every other weekend.
i dont even wanna talk about what would go down if that happened.
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Oh dude, I'm so sorry! But don't just give up. The dad isn't always limited to every second weekend - there are several people on this site who have far better agreements.
You know what you have to do - so do it. Fight for what is right for both you and James. We're all rooting for you.
And keep up updated!
You know what you have to do - so do it. Fight for what is right for both you and James. We're all rooting for you.
And keep up updated!
A DUI would definitely be taken into consideration in court here, I know if a parent has any charge for drinking driving they are not allowed to drive their child anywhere unless the other parent witnesses them taking a breathaliser test to prove that they haven't drank anything.
What does this mean Superman? I'm going to say this with as much care as I can, because I do care, about you and your kids. You're posting here because it matters and we're responding because we care, okay?superman said:
So, on the one hand you're resigned to the 'fact" that she's going to get custody and you're getting visitation, and then talking about something dire happening IF it comes out that way? I can't get in your head, so I don't know what you're thinking of doing. I can only implore you to think about whatever you do affecting James and his whole future, okay? Keep him your focus.
Now, put yourself in her shoes for a moment, she's raising a kid who has a father who kind of comes and goes as he pleases, can be a good guy but has some really bad times with substance abuse (I'm not pointing fingers at you, just referring to the times you've shared when you're not in control of your drinking.) So, she must be pretty concerned about what he's seeing, what kind of role model he has in you. I'd be happy to look at it from your point of view regarding her too, but I don't recall that you've shared any concerns about her ability to parent.
So, do you think a DUI should count against you? You you think it was bad judgement for you to drink and then drive? Do you think a judge might look at that judgement and question your ability to make other judgements regarding caring and mantaining safety for a child?
I don't have answers for you, but if you can look at this above, and say to yourself, "yes, I can see how my record of behavior isn't being responsible and that a large part of it is when I'm drinking," then maybe it's time for you to look at wanting to make change happen in your life. Nobody can make you change, you have to want to do it. Is james' future worth you making some real change in your life? Maybe it's time to get some help. Will seeking help damage your case ffor custody? maybe, but as you've pointed out, you may not have much of a case right now. I guess I'd focus on the future, what are the postive steps you can take today to get yourself in a better place to be a better carer and a better role model to James.
Now, if you read this and consider it all rubbish, fine, I hope I haven't presued too much or offended you, that's not my intent. I care about a little boy who deserves a father and hope you can become the best father you can be.
A friend of my son's just lost his father yesterday to a heart attack, so I'm taking some hard looks at myself today, there are things I have to get real about and stop kidding myself. No kid should have to be without one of their parents if it can at all be avoided.
Take Care.
I know it may be different in canada, but here something like getting involved with AA or something similar would strengthen your case rather than damage it. You've already got the dui, so the judge knows you drink. Getting help, and volunteering for random tests would show that you are committed to change. The best way to prove that you are clean, is to let yourself be tested, anywhere, any time. But then, of course, you have to actually BE clean, not just have intentions of getting clean.IADad said:
Ps: I truly hope that I am right in my assumption that if you have to choose between never using pot/booze again, or loosing James, that you'd choose James over pot/booze...
Superman.........PULL YOUR SHIT together! That is what I would tell my boys and so is this......
You want James in your life...prove it. You want to continue to be his father, then be his role model. If you want to be his dad and not just his father then you are going to have to grow up and get your shit together, if that means no more drinking cause you can't handle it then for goodness sake's DO IT! It doesn't matter that your son wasn't with you when you got the DUI, it shows your lack of respect for yourself and others around you. I have no respect for that, I almost lost a really good friend last summer cause of a guy driving drunk, the sad news is the drunk was fine but his best friend was killed on impact and my good friend spent months in the hospital, almost lost her leg and still suffers from pain.
Get yourself some help, it's out there is you really want it.
You want James in your life...prove it. You want to continue to be his father, then be his role model. If you want to be his dad and not just his father then you are going to have to grow up and get your shit together, if that means no more drinking cause you can't handle it then for goodness sake's DO IT! It doesn't matter that your son wasn't with you when you got the DUI, it shows your lack of respect for yourself and others around you. I have no respect for that, I almost lost a really good friend last summer cause of a guy driving drunk, the sad news is the drunk was fine but his best friend was killed on impact and my good friend spent months in the hospital, almost lost her leg and still suffers from pain.
Get yourself some help, it's out there is you really want it.
Im sorry for ur friend, and I didnt mean to hit a nerve.mom2many said:
Its fucking hard man, ive tried taking it easy before and it didnt work out. its fuckin weird thinking about never drinking or doing anything again, its going to be a whole 360.
That's excellent news, superman.superman said:
It won't be easy, but its worth it, trust me.
Btw - in my experience, not drinking at all is actually easier than cutting down. The first drink is the easiest to say no to - from the second one it gets harder and harder.
(and by that I don't mean that it will always be easy - just that it won't get any easier after the first one.)