What i guess instigated her was cus i recently got charged with a dui. James wasnt with me, wasnt going to pick him up..nothing. penalty is nothing severe.. Does this have any base in court do u think?Jeremy+3 said:Has she filed for sole custody, joint or shared custody? I'm surprised this hasn't been sorted before, it is best to do it so any disagreements in the future are less likely to effect James.
Which ever it is if you are still drinking and using drugs you need to stop both immediately, as your ex knows that you have done these things it is likely that you will be required to take both an alcohol and drugs tests at different periods, otherwise they can't trust that you will be in a fit state to be the sole adult around James. You may also be required to attend AA or NA for a certain amount of time.
Have a look at the alcohol laws where you live as well, here it is an offense to be in charge of a child under 7 while under the influence of alcohol (don't have to be drunk), so if you have something similar make sure you are aware, as ignorance is not a plea.
Are you paying monthly maintenance and can you prove this? Is James' bedroom at your house suitable/is your house child proof, if not sort that out now, that will also benefit Brandon if your home isn't already child proof.
These are the main factors in Canadian custody
When deciding on the best interests of the child, the judge will take into account a number of factors:
-Care arrangements before the separation. (Who looked after the child most of the time? Who took the child to the doctor and dentist? Who arranged extracurricular activities? Who dealt with the child's school and teachers?)
-The parent-child relationship and bonding.
-Parenting abilities.
-The parents' mental, physical and emotional health.
-The parents' and the child's schedules.
-Support systems (for example, help and involvement from grandparents and other close relatives).
-Sibling issues. Generally, brothers and sisters should remain together, but under some circumstances it may be necessary to consider separating them.
-The child's wishes. (There is no magic age at which a child has the right to decide where he or she is going to live. The court gives more weight to the child's wishes as the child matures. An older teenager's wishes will often be decisive.)
thanks mansingledad said:Oh dude, I'm so sorry! But don't just give up. The dad isn't always limited to every second weekend - there are several people on this site who have far better agreements.
You know what you have to do - so do it. Fight for what is right for both you and James. We're all rooting for you.
And keep up updated!
What does this mean Superman? I'm going to say this with as much care as I can, because I do care, about you and your kids. You're posting here because it matters and we're responding because we care, okay?superman said:shes going for full custody. Im looking for a lawyer atm.
thanks for the advice everyone.
but lets be real the woman always gets custody and the dad is limited to once every other weekend.
i dont even wanna talk about what would go down if that happened.
I know it may be different in canada, but here something like getting involved with AA or something similar would strengthen your case rather than damage it. You've already got the dui, so the judge knows you drink. Getting help, and volunteering for random tests would show that you are committed to change. The best way to prove that you are clean, is to let yourself be tested, anywhere, any time. But then, of course, you have to actually BE clean, not just have intentions of getting clean.IADad said:Maybe it's time to get some help. Will seeking help damage your case ffor custody? maybe, but as you've pointed out, you may not have much of a case right now.
No. It wasnt rubbish. I heard you... entered myself into a program, starts on sept 5. Better my chances.IADad said:What does this mean Superman? I'm going to say this with as much care as I can, because I do care, about you and your kids. You're posting here because it matters and we're responding because we care, okay?
So, on the one hand you're resigned to the 'fact" that she's going to get custody and you're getting visitation, and then talking about something dire happening IF it comes out that way? I can't get in your head, so I don't know what you're thinking of doing. I can only implore you to think about whatever you do affecting James and his whole future, okay? Keep him your focus.
Now, put yourself in her shoes for a moment, she's raising a kid who has a father who kind of comes and goes as he pleases, can be a good guy but has some really bad times with substance abuse (I'm not pointing fingers at you, just referring to the times you've shared when you're not in control of your drinking.) So, she must be pretty concerned about what he's seeing, what kind of role model he has in you. I'd be happy to look at it from your point of view regarding her too, but I don't recall that you've shared any concerns about her ability to parent.
So, do you think a DUI should count against you? You you think it was bad judgement for you to drink and then drive? Do you think a judge might look at that judgement and question your ability to make other judgements regarding caring and mantaining safety for a child?
I don't have answers for you, but if you can look at this above, and say to yourself, "yes, I can see how my record of behavior isn't being responsible and that a large part of it is when I'm drinking," then maybe it's time for you to look at wanting to make change happen in your life. Nobody can make you change, you have to want to do it. Is james' future worth you making some real change in your life? Maybe it's time to get some help. Will seeking help damage your case ffor custody? maybe, but as you've pointed out, you may not have much of a case right now. I guess I'd focus on the future, what are the postive steps you can take today to get yourself in a better place to be a better carer and a better role model to James.
Now, if you read this and consider it all rubbish, fine, I hope I haven't presued too much or offended you, that's not my intent. I care about a little boy who deserves a father and hope you can become the best father you can be.
A friend of my son's just lost his father yesterday to a heart attack, so I'm taking some hard looks at myself today, there are things I have to get real about and stop kidding myself. No kid should have to be without one of their parents if it can at all be avoided.
Take Care.
Im sorry for ur friend, and I didnt mean to hit a nerve.mom2many said:Superman.........PULL YOUR SHIT together! That is what I would tell my boys and so is this......
You want James in your life...prove it. You want to continue to be his father, then be his role model. If you want to be his dad and not just his father then you are going to have to grow up and get your shit together, if that means no more drinking cause you can't handle it then for goodness sake's DO IT! It doesn't matter that your son wasn't with you when you got the DUI, it shows your lack of respect for yourself and others around you. I have no respect for that, I almost lost a really good friend last summer cause of a guy driving drunk, the sad news is the drunk was fine but his best friend was killed on impact and my good friend spent months in the hospital, almost lost her leg and still suffers from pain.
Get yourself some help, it's out there is you really want it.
That's excellent news, superman.superman said:No. It wasnt rubbish. I heard you... entered myself into a program, starts on sept 5. Better my chances.