In-laws (long)...
- Thread starter jrrsmom
- Start date
He won't. I know he won't. I have myself ready. It may sound crappy of me or like I've given up but you know what. I have. I can't do this anymore. I don't know if we got married too young or what it is but what we have is not working. I love him as a person but as a husband it doesn't work.
I feel so cold-hearted and the worst person in the world. I'm not trying to make everything his fault or make him feel as if it is. I'm trying to be honest with him but the more honest I am the more I hurt him.
I feel so cold-hearted and the worst person in the world. I'm not trying to make everything his fault or make him feel as if it is. I'm trying to be honest with him but the more honest I am the more I hurt him.
No-one can blame you for giving up sweetie. You aren't cold or awful. You've tried and tried again.
If your deal is that he needs to make the call and doesn't make the effort to do so then I would have to agree that although "breaking up is hard to do" that it may be the best thing for you and your child. Although I personally feel that children need both parents they need both parents that work together more than anything. If it's going to be combative and not supportive of them in their growing up then you are running out of options. He has to take the initiative and get things moving forward or you really have no choice.jrrsmom said:
From a guys point of view, JohnHey jrrsmom...it seems like you are stuck in a hard place...
Now don't feel guilty about wanting to leave...you won't be any help to raising your daughter if you can't think straight with all this drama in your life. Also, reguardless of how old ANYONE is, they FEEL tension and if mommy is tense and angry or sad all the time, they pick that up in a heartbeat. Mind you, your daughter probably can't vocalize what she feels like a 5, 10, 15, 25 year old, but she can still sense it. If your husband hasn't done anything, then no offense, you're supposed to be his wife, not his mother. If he can't pick himself up and get help, then again, no offense, that's his decision not yours. Assuming he is a functioning adult that doesn't need to have his diapers changed or be force feed, then he should have the balls to do something. People like that are used to other people picking up their shit, and that's a priviledge for the very young and very old...As for you leaving?...boot him out!!! Either that, or set him up in the basement or something...treat him like a roomate...that is if you don't want to leave yet because of your daughter's bday and all...
He's got to get some serious help because if he wants to have an active role in your daughter's life, you don't want to give her the example of her "main male influence" as some lazy, using, procastinating man...
Show him you mean business and be firm with him...he probably puts it off for "tomorrow, next week, next year" because most likely his parents and now you has never reinforced that so for him obviously he sees it as idle threats that will never materialize...
I send big hugs and I'll have a stiff drink for ya!
Now don't feel guilty about wanting to leave...you won't be any help to raising your daughter if you can't think straight with all this drama in your life. Also, reguardless of how old ANYONE is, they FEEL tension and if mommy is tense and angry or sad all the time, they pick that up in a heartbeat. Mind you, your daughter probably can't vocalize what she feels like a 5, 10, 15, 25 year old, but she can still sense it. If your husband hasn't done anything, then no offense, you're supposed to be his wife, not his mother. If he can't pick himself up and get help, then again, no offense, that's his decision not yours. Assuming he is a functioning adult that doesn't need to have his diapers changed or be force feed, then he should have the balls to do something. People like that are used to other people picking up their shit, and that's a priviledge for the very young and very old...As for you leaving?...boot him out!!! Either that, or set him up in the basement or something...treat him like a roomate...that is if you don't want to leave yet because of your daughter's bday and all...
He's got to get some serious help because if he wants to have an active role in your daughter's life, you don't want to give her the example of her "main male influence" as some lazy, using, procastinating man...
Show him you mean business and be firm with him...he probably puts it off for "tomorrow, next week, next year" because most likely his parents and now you has never reinforced that so for him obviously he sees it as idle threats that will never materialize...
I send big hugs and I'll have a stiff drink for ya!
Priority is YOU and the Kids, him and then family, friends, and the like. Your family (Mom, Dad and Kids) should always win no matter what.
He's acting now like nothing is wrong. He's all chipper and trying to play nicey nice. I don't want him kissing my ass all the time. I want him to get his shit together and make an effort. Acting like nothing is wrong isn't going to make it go away or make it better. It's just going to piss me off even more.
We do act like room mates as it is. I know you probably didn't need to know this but as far as anything sexual goes we haven't in about ohhh...3 months. I can count on one hand since I was pregnant how many times we have had sex. I don't want it with him. I have told him apparently (which I don't remember) that he repulses me.
Lots of disappointment and lots of confusion.
Share that stiff drink, will ya?
P.S. Sorry for the cursing. I'm a little t'd off today.
We do act like room mates as it is. I know you probably didn't need to know this but as far as anything sexual goes we haven't in about ohhh...3 months. I can count on one hand since I was pregnant how many times we have had sex. I don't want it with him. I have told him apparently (which I don't remember) that he repulses me.
Lots of disappointment and lots of confusion.
Share that stiff drink, will ya?
P.S. Sorry for the cursing. I'm a little t'd off today.
hes just trying to get over it and be happy again. i think you shouldnt hang on the the sad things in life like death you should just move on.jrrsmom said:
I have the same problem. My fiancee's father is a pathological liar who somehow gets everyone on his side, even though they all say they hate him and that he lies and that he manipulates people. They live in wisconsin and minnesota; we recently moved to pennsylvania to be far away from them and closer to better doctors for his medical issue, plus my parents are in pa so we can live for free. His family actually tracked down my parents number and called my mother so they could tell her how my fiancee lies about everything and uses people, which is a complete lie. They keep saying how I am this horrible person and I took their son away etc. It has actually gotten to the point where we had to leave wi because they would come to door and pound and scream because we didn't answer the phone when they called. The police have been called and suits have been filed, but it's still a mess.
Lucky for me though - and I so wish it would be the same for you - my fiancee hates what they are doing and what they have done to him and to me, so now neither of us speak to any of them. We have his siblings, who somehow have gotten out of this fight. Everyone else seems to want to be involved and create all this drama, but his siblings - thankfully - don't want to loose their brother. He has told the family over and over that if they keep this up, they will loose him, and now they have.
I suppose my question is: how do you explain this to your child? I mean, what do you tell her when she asks about them? We have cut them out completely and I must say we are both happier and healthier for it, but I worry about what this will do a child. We do not yet have one, but we do believe we are expecting - nothing confirmed yet though - and we are so confussed as to how we explain them to our child. We want nothing to do with his family (siblings excluded, they're cool) and we most certainly do not want our child exposed to them.
What do we do?
Lucky for me though - and I so wish it would be the same for you - my fiancee hates what they are doing and what they have done to him and to me, so now neither of us speak to any of them. We have his siblings, who somehow have gotten out of this fight. Everyone else seems to want to be involved and create all this drama, but his siblings - thankfully - don't want to loose their brother. He has told the family over and over that if they keep this up, they will loose him, and now they have.
I suppose my question is: how do you explain this to your child? I mean, what do you tell her when she asks about them? We have cut them out completely and I must say we are both happier and healthier for it, but I worry about what this will do a child. We do not yet have one, but we do believe we are expecting - nothing confirmed yet though - and we are so confussed as to how we explain them to our child. We want nothing to do with his family (siblings excluded, they're cool) and we most certainly do not want our child exposed to them.
What do we do?
Also, I wanted to add ... none of this is your fault. If he can't be there for you and stand up for you, then you need to find a man who will be. his family isnt worth all this heartache .. I finally told my fiancee that. If his family was going to continue like this he would have to choose because I can't handle it. I was lucky that he had already made the decision to cut them out. And that is what you need to do.
Plus, with the way they treat you and the way he doesnt support you, you can get sole custody and take that child far away from that awful family of his. Maybe then he'll start to care.
Hope it works out for you
Plus, with the way they treat you and the way he doesnt support you, you can get sole custody and take that child far away from that awful family of his. Maybe then he'll start to care.
Hope it works out for you
Although i truly believe in working things out, Why dont you just tell him to be a man.. Tell him you already got a ----- you dont need 2 of em... Im a little cold about things like this when it comes to guys... You know, sometimes you have to leave and move on with your life so he can see what he is missing.. If you keep giving all these chances, you will end up staying anyways.. No matter how much you "talk" about leaving it will just be talk.. Make him do the shrink, or else you and your child is out.. And stick to it. Dont plea,beg, or anything else. I know its easyer said then done, but i had to do it to my wife before for her to wake up.. And it worked.. Just make sure you stay gone untill he sees the shrink and stays seeing them untill your happy with the results.. Your child does come first, but if your not happy in your marriage that will rub off on your child, and they will learn all the wrong reasons of a relationship... Just my thoughts.
mmmmm.
2 ------'s.
I wonder what you'd use the second one for? Would you alternate? Where would it go?
2 ------'s.
I wonder what you'd use the second one for? Would you alternate? Where would it go?
big deal! my MIL hates me toojrrsmom said:
.and I hate her back for mutilating my husband and for throwing away all the things he did as a child. so we are in harmony here